Nov. 19, 2024

RFK - Make Cavities Great Again

Show Notes
Transcript

Dental stocks are up. Thanks RFK!

Harris might run for Governor of California

John Fetterman says CTFO

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Calarogu Shark Media from Washington, DC, where four out of

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five dentist surveyed think RFK is crazy. This is ballot.

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That's right, make Cavity's great again. Look, I know that's

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a lazy joke, but the whole make insert crazy thing

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in the news great again thing works every time. Let's

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hit this, folks. Big news from Wall Street Today, dental

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supply company Henry Shine stock is soaring after Trump picked

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RFK junior for Health secretary. Turns out investors are betting

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big on Kennedy's plan to remove fluoride from water, which

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is basically like giving cavity season a red bull and wings.

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I guess nothing says make America great again like making

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America's teeth worse again. If we wanted bad teeth, why

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didn't we just stay a British colony? Who needs science

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When you can have conspiracy theories and root canals? You

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know things are weird. When the stock market is literally

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betting on American it's getting more cavities. That's like investing

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in umbrella companies because someone promised to steal the ozone layer, which,

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come to think of it, is probably not the worst

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idea given how Trump handles anything involving the environment. It's

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the first time dentists have been this excited since someone

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invented the phrase you should floss more. Kennedy posted on

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x that a Trump white House will advise all US

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water systems to remove fluoride. Trump's pick for Deputy Health Secretary,

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Chuck Norris, just announced his first major public health initiative,

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mandatory pixie sticks at every meal. Norris claims his research

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shows that eating nothing but flavored sugar through a straw

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is exactly what the founding fathers would have wanted. His

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new slogan, make America's blood sugar grade Again. At this point,

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you might be wondering, Mac, did you slip in a

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fake news story there for cheap jokes? Let me ask

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you this. Are you asking me about the Chuck Norris

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one or the RFK one? Because they are both unbelievable

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and yet believable. It's like Schrodinger's cabinet. Well, folks. A

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new poll shows Kamala Harris might run for California governor

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in twenty twenty six, because apparently losing one election just

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isn't enough fun for one year. It's like applying for

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your old job after getting fired from your dream job,

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except your old job is running the state with more

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TikTok influencers than common sense. The poll shows seventy two

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percent of Democrats would support her, while she would only

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get eight percent support from Republicans. That's like finding out

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vegans aren't excited about the new McRib but hey, at

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least she's got name recognition, which in California politics is

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usually reserved for actors and people who've appeared on the

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Real Housewives. She's polling better than a bunch of candidates

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who are actually running, including someone named Steve Hilton, who

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I'm pretty sure is just three kids in a trench coat.

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The current field is so unknown that fifty two percent

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of voters have no opinion, which in California terms means

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they're all less famous than a guy who went viral

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for skateboarding while drinking cranberry juice. And get this, Latino

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voters are now more in play than in past elections,

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which is political speak for we have no idea what's

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happening anymore. They're supporting both Democrats and Republicans, proving that

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the only thing that truly unites Californians is complaining about

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housing prices, and you should either book or don't book

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Tony Hinchcliffe for your next rally. So picture this Biden's

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campaign headquarters in Wilmington, Delaware, a location so exciting that

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staffers were treating it like a witness protection program assignment.

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Turns out, running a presidential campaign from the excitement capital

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of wherever Wilmington is wasn't exactly drawing the A team.

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And then there was Kamala Harris inheriting what sources are

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calling a sinking ship, though let's be honest, calling it

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a sinking ship is generous. This was more like the

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Titanic after it hit the iceberg, except instead of an

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orchestra playing, it was bon Jovi singing Living on a

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prayer for the millionth time. The campaign chair, Jen O'Malley

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Dylan apparently ran things tighter than a drum major with

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a Napoleon complex. Sources say she was all about that

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analytics life, because nothing says connecting with voters quite like

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spreadsheets and power points. Get this, they didn't even have

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their yard signs ready until October. That's like showing up

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to a Super Bowl party when the game's in the

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fourth quarter and saying, hey, I brought chips and John

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bon Jovi and oh the volunteer situation. While Trump had

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Elon Musk running his ground game like it was SpaceX

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launching voters to the polls, Harris's team was trying to

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organize ninety thousand volunteers with all the efficiency of a

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kindergarten fire drill. The cherry on top that Kamala is for.

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They them commercial that their data team ignored faster than

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your aunt pretends not to see your political post on Facebook. Now,

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the finger pointing is so intense it looks like a

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choreographed dance number. Biden's team and Harris's squad are playing

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the Blas game like it's an Olympic sport, and folks,

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everyone's taking home the gold and passing the buck. Well, folks.

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John Fetterman just became the first Democrat to say what

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we're all thinking, maybe it's time to stop treating every

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Trump tweet like it's a season finale of the White House.

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Extreme addition, Fetterman, who's basically the hoodie wearing voice of

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reason in the Senate, went on Joe Rogan's podcast, which

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for most Democrats is like walking into a lion's den

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wearing a meat suit. But hey, at least he didn't

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have to wear a suit. He says, Democrats need to

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stop clutching their pearls harder and scolding louder every time

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Trump does something outrageous. It's like telling your cat to

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stop chasing the laser pointer, except the laser pointer is

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Trump and the cat is well everyone on Twitter. Speaking

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of Twitter, Fetterman pointed out that Elon Musk actually moved

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the needle in the election, though to be fair, that

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needle was probably attached to a cyber truck that hasn't

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been delivered yet. He compared Trump's cabinet picks to god

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tear trolling, particularly Matt Gets as Attorney General, which is

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like making a fox the head of Penhouse Security, though

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in this case the fox has significantly worse hair. The

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best part Betterman compared the whole situation to a slot

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machine hitting seven seven seven, except in this case the

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house always wins, and by house I mean the House

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of Representatives. Oh and when asked about running for president

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in twenty twenty eight, he said, never get high on

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your own supply, which is probably the most Pennsylvania way

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possible of saying nah. Portions of today's show were made

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with the help of AI and a whole lot of parody.