Puppy-gate, Salad-gate, and the Hush Money Hullabaloo

WEBVTT

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Calaruga shark media. From the dog
days of South Dakota politics to the salad

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days of the Biden presidency. This
is ballad. Today we'll take a look

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at the ongoing saga of Donald Trump's
hush money trial and the Miami Grand prixt

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swift shutdown of a planned Trump fundraiser, and of course, we can't forget

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about the conservative media's latest obsession President
Biden's salad eating skills. As expected,

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Late Night went all in on Christy
Nome killing her puppy. Stephen Colbert said

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in her new book, noahm admitted
to killing her dog. Now, I

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know that sounds terrible, but it's
much worse. She thought telling that story

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would make her look cool. What's
going on? Does she think cats can

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vote when you're trying to win over
voters? I'm not sure being the bad

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guy in a John Wick movie is
the best way to go. Governor,

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Noam, if you don't like untrainable
animals that wolf down chicken, I've got

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bad news for you about your party's
nominee. So then she shot the goat

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in the pit. And I don't
want to get into semantics here, but

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if there's two dead animals, in
there. It's no longer a gravel pit.

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It's a dead animal pit featuring gravel. By the way, the actual

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title of Nome's book where she tells
this story is no going back, better

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than her first drafts old Yeller two, he had it coming, and all

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dogs go to gravel pit. Jimmy
Fallon added, but who among us hasn't

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seen a dog running through the fields? Not a care in the world,

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and thought you deserve to die.
Jimmy Kimmel made fun of Nome's defense.

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Just to recap for those who are
horrified that she shot a puppy and a

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goat, she would like you to
know she also shoots horses. Not.

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One of Nome's staff raised their hand
and said, uh, Governor, you

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think maybe not a great idea to
share that story about shooting a whole petting

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zoo at your house. Meanwhile,
there's that business with the ex president and

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the porn star. Jimmy falls Ellen
explained former President Trump has been complaining during

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his hush money trial that the courtroom
is too cold and Stormy. Daniels was

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like, your honor, I've heard
that excuse before. Seth Meyer said,

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the guy's broken nine out of the
Ten Commandments, and he came pretty close

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to getting Mike Pence killed on January
sixth. That would have been ten out

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of ten. The Miami Grand Prix
organizers have put the brakes on a planned

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fundraiser for former President Donald Trump.
And by put the brakes on, I

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mean they sent a cease and desist
letter faster than a Formula one car on

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a straightaway. Apparently, Trump supporter
and real estate developer Stephen Whitcoff had planned

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to host a little fundraising soiree in
his fancy schmancy Paddock Club rooftop suite during

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the race. The only problem the
suite license agreement strictly prohibits using the space

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for political purposes. Oops. The
organizers weren't messing around either. He made

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it crystal clear in their letter that
if Witkoff went ahead with his two hundred

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and fifty thousand dollars per ticket Trump
bash, they'd revoke his suitet license,

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kick him out of the race,
and refund his money faster than you can

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say make America great again. But
here's the real question. If Trump does

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show up at the Miami Grand Prix, will he try to take credit for

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Max Verstappin's winning streak. I can
almost hear him now. I've always been

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a big fan of Max. Great
driver, great guy. And you know

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what, I think he learned a
thing or two from watching me winning.

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It's what we do. It looks
like President Biden's eating habits have become the

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latest hot button issue in the world
of conservative media, and leading the charge

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is none other than Newsmax host Eric
Bowling, who seems to have a real

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bone to pick with the president's salad
consuming skills. Forget about the economy,

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foreign policy, or healthcare. The
real issue facing America today is whether or

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not our commander in chief can properly
navigate a bowl of lettuce. I mean,

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how can we trust a man to
stand up to Russia, China and

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North Korea if he can't even master
the art of the fork. Bowling went

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on to criticize Biden's clearly scripted digs
at Trump during the White House Correspondent's Dinner,

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as if the President isn't allowed to
read from a teleprompter like every other

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politician in the history of ever.
So there you have it, folks,

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We've gone from debating the merits of
different policy proposals to analyzing the president's lettuce

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wrangling abilities. But hey, at
least we can all take comfort in the

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fact that if World War III ever
breaks out, we'll have Eric Bowling on

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the front lines, ready to critique
the enemy's table manners. Portions of this

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podcast may have been created with the
help of AI, and if it was,

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it didn't use a teleprompter. It
is the teleprompter. In all seriousness,

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though, this kind of petty,
mean spirited commentary is exactly what's wrong

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with our political culture today. Instead
of focusing on the real issues that affect

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people's lives, we've got pundits like
Bowling picking every little thing the president does,

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from the way he eats his salad
to the way he tells a joke.

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It's time for us to demand better
from our media and our leaders,

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to focus on substance over style,
and to remember that at the end of

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the day, we're all just human
beings trying to do our best in a

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complicated world.