Sept. 30, 2024

Political Sandwich: Gaffes, Grub, and Groveling

In this episode, we serve up a smorgasbord of political mishaps and mayhem:
- Joe Biden's memorable appearance on The View, featuring forgotten ages and imaginary handshakes
- Donald Trump's football game fiasco, complete with luxury box antics and...

Show Notes
Transcript

In this episode, we serve up a smorgasbord of political mishaps and mayhem:

Joe Biden's memorable appearance on The View, featuring forgotten ages and imaginary handshakes
Donald Trump's football game fiasco, complete with luxury box antics and Truth Social tirades
The saga of JD Vance's flip-flopping loyalty to Trump, a political rom-com for the ages
Vance's "wing it" approach to VP debate prep, because who needs practice anyway?
The Great Primanti Brothers Sandwich Snub, where even a VP candidate can't catch a break

Join us for a feast of faux pas, with a side of satire and a healthy dollop of political absurdity. Warning: May contain traces of AI-generated content and well-done steaks with ketchup.

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WEBVTT

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Calarogu Shark Media from Pittsburgh, where I'm enjoying the hell

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out of this sandwich. This is ballad.

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That's right, thanks to Primanti Brothers for welcoming us. You'd

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have to be a real loser to be turned away

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from this place. Let's hit this. Joe Biden, remember him?

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Don't worry he doesn't either. Well, folks, it looks like

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Grandpa Joe decided to take a break from his usual

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gig of shaking hands with thin air to grace the

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ladies of the view with his presence, and boy did

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he bring the entertainment. First off, let's talk about Biden's

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relationship with Nancy Pelosi. When asked about it, he gave

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a response so short you'd think he was trying to

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conserve his remaining brain cells. My relationship is fine, he said. Well,

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that's about as convincing as Trump's hairline. But the real kicker,

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Biden admitted he can't even say his own age without

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having an existential crisis. It's like, holy God, that can't

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be right. He said, join the club, Joe. We've been

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saying that since you started running. And let's not forget

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the moment when Whoopy Goldberg called Biden her ride or die.

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I guess in this case, it's more like ride until

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you can't remember how to drive anymore.

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But don't worry, folks.

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Biden assures us he could have beaten Trump if he'd

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stayed in the race, because nothing says strong leadership like

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a guy who needs a teleprompter to remember his own name.

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And speaking of Trump, Biden called him the most unusual president.

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That's like calling a dumpster fire a unique heating solution.

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He went on to say Trump doesn't believe in democracy, well, Joe,

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at least Trump believes in finishing his sentences. In the end,

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Biden praised Kamala Harris, saying there wasn't a single thing

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he did that she couldn't do. Let's hope that includes

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remembering where the White House is located. The trumpster fire

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decided to grace a college football game with his presence

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because nothing says I'm a man of the people like

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watching from a luxury box while tossing popcorn at your

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adoring fans through a steel gate. It's like feeding time

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at the Magazoo. And get this kid, Rock was there too,

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because apparently the event was lacking in both taste and talent.

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The Harris campaign had hired a plane to trail a

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banner that said Trump is punting on the second debate hilarious,

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But the plane was not cleared to fly because of

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the weather. I guess the Harris campaign isn't taking off

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the way they hoped. Trump's busy schedule included a quick

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stop in Wisconsin to call Kamala Harris mentally impaired pot

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Meet Kettle, Kettle, this is pot. Then our fearless leader

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jetted off to Alabama faster than he dodges subpoenas. He

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even took time to post on truth Social about it.

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In the end, Alabama won the game forty one thirty four.

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But the real winner anyone who managed to watch football

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instead of this political sideshow. Now, if you look, excuse me,

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I need to go wash the butter off my make

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America great again cheese greater. Speaking of food, it looks

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like the Donald is still sore about Colbert's cookbook. Can

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you imagine Trump in the kitchen. The only thing he

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knows how to cook up is controversy and well done stakes.

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With ketchup, Trump took the truth Social You know that

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bastion of free speech where he can rant without anyone

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fact checking him to call Colbert a complete and total loser,

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talk about the pot, calling the kettle orange.

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He claims Colbert is boring.

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Coming from the guy who can make around a golf

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feel like a root canal, that's rich. Trump's idea of

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excitement is probably watching paint dry on his border wall.

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But wait, there's more.

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Trump thinks he could find someone off the street to

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do a better job than Colbert. Yeah, because random pedestrians

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are known for their killer monologues and witty political commentary,

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you might as well have an AI write the show.

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Oh wait, maybe he's planning to recruit from his rallies.

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I hear they're full of real intellectual heavyweight And get this,

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Trump offered to recommend someone who do.

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The job for free. Gee. I wonder who he had

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in mind.

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Probably the same guy who thought injecting bleach was a

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good idea for curing COVID. But don't worry, Jimmy Fallon

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and Jimmy Kimmel. Trump didn't forget about you. He called

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you both dopes. Coming from a guy who thinks windmills

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cause cancer, that's practically a compliment. Well, Folks, it looks

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Vance is taking the wing it approach to the VP debate.

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He's so confident he probably thinks he can win this

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thing with one hand tied behind his back and the

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other scrolling through Twitter. Vance claims he doesn't need to

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prepare that much because he has well developed views on

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public policy. That's like saying you don't need to practice

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for the Olympics because you once ran a five k.

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But Vance isn't impressed by all this preparation nonsense. He's

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planning to make a concise and direct appeal to the

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American people, because when is being unprepared ever backfired in politics? Right,

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our man jd is focusing on the real issues, like

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unadorable groceries. I'm not sure what that means, but I

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assume he's talking about those sad wilted lettuce leaves at

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the bottom of the bag. Now that's a platform I

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can get behind. All right, folks, buckle up for another

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wild ride through the headline.

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JD.

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Vance's love hate love relationship with Trump a Shakespearean tragedy

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in three acts, Act one. The courtship picture this. It's

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twenty sixteen, and JD. Vance is playing hard to get

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he's calling Trump reprehensible and America's hitler.

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Act two, the honeymoon phase.

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Fast forward to twenty twenty, and suddenly Vance is sliding

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into Trump's DMS like a teenager with a crush. But wait,

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plot twist, he's actually trash talking Trump behind his back.

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In February twenty twenty, Vance writes Trump has just so

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thoroughly failed to deliver on his economic populism. Ouch, that's

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like saying I love you, honey, but your cooking tastes

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like burnt rubber. Act three, the grand Finale. It's twenty

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twenty four and Vance is now Trump's running mate, praising

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him as the best president of my lifetime.

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Talk about a glow up.

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I haven't seen a transformation this dramatic since Bruce Banner

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became the Hulk.

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But here's the kicker, folks.

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Vance claims he had an epiphany about Trump's greatness sometime

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between twenty sixteen and twenty twenty, Yet in June twenty twenty,

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he's predicting Trump will lose the election. Either Vance has

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a time machine or his conversion is about as genuine.

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As a three dollars bill. Oh and let's not forget

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the cherry.

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On top of this political Sunday, Vance apparently turned down

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a job from Emperor Trump in twenty twenty. I guess

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being the court jester wasn't appealing enough. Now Vance's spokesman

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is spinning faster than a politician on a Merry go round,

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trying to explain away these messages. They're blaming establishment Republicans

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for Trump's failures because nothing says taking response. It's ability

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like pointing fingers at everyone else in the room.

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JD. Vance, the man.

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Who went from calling Trump America's hitler to being his

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trusty sidekick, was the goal to be America's Himmler. It's

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like watching a rom com, but instead of falling in love,

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they're falling into power. Stay tuned for the sequel, flip

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flops and the furious the JD.

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Vance story. Well, folks, it looks like JD.

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Vance just got a taste of what it's like to

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be the average Joe trying to get a table on

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a Saturday night. Turns out, even being a VP candidate

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doesn't guarantee you VIP treatment at Promonti Brothers, who knew

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the sandwich shop, initially gave Vance the cold shoulder faster

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than you can say, hold the coleslaw. Apparently they weren't

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prepared for a side of politics with their sandwiches. I

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guess Vance forgot to make a reservation for his entire campaign.

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But don't worry.

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Vance didn't let a little thing like being turned away

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stop him. He just took his speech to the parking lot,

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because nothing says future vice president like addressing your supporters

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between parked cars and discarded cigarette butts. And get this,

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Vance actually paid for everyone's food and left a tip

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even after being shown the door. Talk about turning the

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other cheek, or maybe he just really wanted one of

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those famous sandwiches. Meanwhile, Primante Brothers is backpedaling faster than

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a politician caught in a scandal.

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They're all our doors are open to everyone now.

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I guess they realized that alienating half your customer base

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isn't great for business.

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Who would have thought.

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But let's not forget the real victims here, the poor

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confused Primante Brother's staff. One minute they're slinging sandwiches, the

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next they're caught in a political pickle. Talk about earning

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your minimum wage. And of course we can't ignore the

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stark contrast to Kamala Harris and Tim Wall's visit back

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in August. Apparently they got the red carpet treatment while

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Vance got the welcome Matt pulled out from under him.

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I guess in the sandwich world, it's not what you know,

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it's who you know. In the end, Vance did get

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his meet and greet inside the restaurant. I just hope

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he didn't order the humble Pie sandwich. It's not on

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the menu, but it seems like he got served a

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big slice anyway.