March 24, 2025

"Political Mischief: Miami's Dead Spring Break, Trump's Security Clearance Purge, and Eagle Heartbreak

Show Notes
Transcript

Join Patrick Gutfield as he delivers the political news with sharp wit and biting commentary. From Miami Beach's surprisingly tame spring break and Barcelona's tourist backlash to Trump's revenge-fueled security clearance revocations, NASA hair conspiracies, and a touching tribute to America's favorite rock-sitting eagle. It's political comedy that cuts through the noise with the perfect blend of snark and substance.

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Callaroga Shark Media from Miami Beach, where spring Break is

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now just middle aged white guys recording podcasts. This is

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ballot and as a middle aged white guy, let me

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tell you getting paid to cover this story is a

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dream come true. Let's hit this ola from Kalaiocho. I'm

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Patrick Gutfield, and the party's over in Miami Beach, where

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it seems spring Break has gone from wild ragers to well,

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just regular beach days. What was supposed to be the

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second peak weekend of Miami Beach's spring Break looked more

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like a random Tuesday in October. The once packed beaches

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had just a smattering of sun bathers and sand castle builders,

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hardly the chaos that used to define this annual college pilgrimage.

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Many are pointing to Miami Beach's aggressive party prevention tactics.

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For the second year running, the city deployed heavy police presence,

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closed parking lots, raised towing, and blocked roads to keep

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the crowds away, and it worked almost too well. Jack Brust,

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a University of Miami student, expressed what many college kids

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are thinking. For a few weekends, it would be nice

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to see more parties. Poor guy has only known Miami

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Beach spring Break under these strict regulations, like someone who's

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only seen tigers in zoos and wonders why everyone used

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to be so afraid of them. For locals and families,

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though the relative calm is a welcome change from the

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sometimes violent atmosphere of spring breaks past, Miami Beach police

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are certainly pleased, reporting a fourteen percent reduction in spring

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break related arrest compared to last year. The most colorful

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site on the beach wasn't partying students, but Ukrainian refugee

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Natalia Christenko dancing in a sparkling golden outfit to promote

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a hotel. When asked about spring break, she barely gave

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it a thought, focusing instead on her new life. I

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learned how to live life again here under new laws

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and rules. It seems Miami Beach has successfully transformed spring

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Break from girls gone wild to families going mild. The

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question now is whether this is the new permanent reality

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or just a temporary pause in the partying. Speaking of

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vanishing spring break crowds, Barcelona wishes it had Miami Beach's

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tourism problem, while Miami Beach officials are celebrating their successful

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efforts to tame spring break crowds, Barcelona locals are grabbing

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water pistols and taking matters into their own hands. Last summer,

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frustrated Barcelona residents made global headlines when they squirted tourists

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in outdoor cafes with toy water guns. It wasn't exactly

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a drive by shooting, more like a drive by moistening,

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but the message was clear. Tourists are no longer welcome

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to drown the city. Barcelona's transformation from charming Mediterranean city

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to tourism nightmare began with the nineteen ninety two Summer Olympics.

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We feel quite invaded, admitted Joan albert Rieu Fortuni, a

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lifelong Barcelona resident. Meanwhile, Jordie Valls, Barcelona's deputy mayor, acknowledged

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everyone is welcome, but there's a limit. Unfortunately he didn't

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specify what that limit is, probably because they blew past

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it years ago. The city is now scrambling for solutions.

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They've installed censors on La Ramble to measure foot traffic,

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doubled the tourist tax to more than sixteen dollars per night,

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and planned to revoke permits for ten thousand licensed tourist

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apartments by twenty twenty eight. In political News, Trump just

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handed out pink slips for security clearances like their party favors.

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President Trump made good on his February promise to revoke

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former President Biden's security clearance, dropping a late Friday night

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memo that reads like a political revenge tour guest list.

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The memo declares it's no longer in the national interest

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for certain individuals to hold any active security clearance or

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unescorted access to government facilities. This isn't just about Biden.

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The President made sure to include any other memoro of

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Joseph R. Biden Junior's family on the list, because nothing

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says national security like blocking Hunter Biden from accessing classified documents.

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Vice President Kamala Harris also made the cut, along with

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Trump's twenty sixteen opponent, Hillary Clinton. The roster reads like

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a who's who of Trump's perceived enemies. New York Attorney

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General Letitia James and Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, who prosecuted him,

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Former Representatives Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger who investigated January sixth,

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and various officials from his first impeachment, including Alexander Vindman.

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Vindman responded with the diplomatic equivalent of a shoulder shrug,

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noting he doesn't care about a security clearance that hasn't

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been active for five years. Meanwhile, whistleblower lawyer Mark Zaid

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went full Shakespeare, comparing Trump's actions to the Dick the

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Butcher character who famously wanted to kill all the lawyers

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in Henry the sixth and why famous. I mean, I've

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never heard of the character, but apparently my writers have.

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Former presidents typically maintain access to classified information and as

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a courtesy after leaving office. Though Biden did revoke Trump's

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clearance in twenty twenty one, citing erratic behavior around January sixth,

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this appears to be Trump's your fired moment. In response,

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Trump got the Santa Claus treatment when he visited Philadelphia

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over the weekend. Attending the Wrestling Championships at the Wells

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Fargo Center on Saturday, he was greeted with a mixed reception.

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Some fans chanted USA, USA, while others audibly booed as

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he took his seat alongside Elon Musk and Pennsylvania Senator

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Dave McCormick. Not everyone was there for the wrestling, though,

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about three hundred protesters gathered on Pattison Avenue for what

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they called an anti fascist tailgate. Our research team looked

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into what what an anti fascist tailgate might look like.

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They're the only tailgate where the hot dogs are vegan

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and the beer is collectively brewed. The parking spots aren't assigned,

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they're distributed according to need. They've got the only grill

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where you have to achieve consensus before flipping a burger.

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It's the only tailgate where there's a forty five minute

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discussion about whether frisbee is problematic because of its corporate origins.

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They don't play cornhole, They play consensus building exercise with beanbags.

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The only drinking game is taking a shot whenever someone

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says dialectic. And it's the only tailgate where the coolers

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are labeled mutual aid distribution centers. Nothing says conspiracy theory

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quite like confusing before and after photos of an astronaut's hair. Recently,

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social media has been buzzing with bizarre claims about NASA

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astronauts Sunita Suni Williams in her hair color after returning

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from a nine month stay on the International Space Station.

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Users on X and TikTok posted side by side images

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claiming to show Williams with gray hair and space, but

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somehow returning to Earth with perfectly dyed dark brown hair.

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One post dramatically called it pure space alchemy, while suggesting

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Williams hadn't actually been in space at all, but hiding

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at Studio NASA. There's just one tiny problem with this

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hair raising conspiracy theory. Those dark haired photos were taken

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before her mission, not after. The images showing Williams with

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dark hair were captured in June twenty twenty four, before

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she boarded the Boeing Starliner spacecraft. Getty Images and AFP

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both confirmed these photos were taken pre launch. Meanwhile, the

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gray haired photos were indeed taken while Williams was aboard

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the ISS. Her hair naturally grew out during her nine

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months stay, which was extended after her capsule experienced technical issues,

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and contrary to the conspiracy claims, photos of Williams after

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splashdown clearly show she still had gray hair when she

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returned to Earth on March eighteenth. This whole situation is

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a perfect example of how easy it is to miscaption

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photos and create false narratives, although in this case it's

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less fake news and more fake roots. And finally, today,

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let's pour one out for Murphy, America's favorite rock sitting eagle,

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has flown to the great nest in the sky. Murphy,

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the beloved bald eagle who captured hearts when he spent

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his golden years incubating a rock in twenty twenty three,

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has died at age thirty three. Officials at the World

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Bird Sanctuary in Valley Park, Missouri, believe the violent storms

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that tore through the state last weekend may have contributed

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to his death. A nekruptcy revealed the eagle suffered head trauma.

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Sanctuary officials can't determine whether Murphy was spooped and hit

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his head jumping off a perch, or if the wind

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and rain played a direct role in his injury. Three

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other birds sharing his shelter survived the storms. Thirty three

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is impressive for a bald eagle, considering their average lifespan

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is twenty five years. But Murphy wasn't just notable for

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his longevity. He became famous for his parental instincts after

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devotedly incubating a rock, proving sometimes empty nesters will take

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what they can get. Murphy was rewarded by being allowed

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to foster an injured eaglet, whom he successfully nurtured back

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to health. The rehabilitation went so well that Murphy was

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entrusted with a second eaglet, who is expected to be

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released into the wild this summer. Talk about a late

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career pivot from rock setter to foster dad extraordinaire. In

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honor of Murphy's legacy, the sanctuary plans to name their

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eagle fostering aviary Murphy's manner, ensuring this patriotic bird will

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be remembered for generations to come. So here's to Murphy

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proof that it's never too late to find your calling,

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even if you have to start by sitting on a rock.

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We take eagles very seriously here at Ballot. You can

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check our cover art if you don't believe us. Portions

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of today's program were made with the help of AI,

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A downer story about an eagle and super soakers.