July 17, 2025

Plague, Baby Bonds, and Kissing Scandals

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield covers Arizona's first plague death in twenty years (yes, actual medieval plague), Trump's new baby investment accounts that financial experts are calling mediocre at best, and a French Olympic fencer who beat doping charges by claiming she kissed her boyfriend too much. From medieval diseases to government-issued portfolios for newborns to steroid contamination through saliva - it's been quite a week.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:10.400
Calaroga Shark Media from Arizona, where we have the mnemonic plague.

2
00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:13.119
This is ballot yeah, but at least it's not the

3
00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:14.240
bubonic plague.

4
00:00:14.279 --> 00:00:16.519
Not yet anyway, Let's hit this.

5
00:00:18.920 --> 00:00:23.120
I'm Patrick Gutfield, and President Trump unveiled his latest policy initiative,

6
00:00:23.559 --> 00:00:28.239
giving every newborn American their own investment account. They're calling

7
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:31.760
them Trump Accounts, which sounds less like a financial instrument

8
00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:34.759
and more like something you'd find on a social media platform.

9
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:38.679
Banned in several countries, the plan gives each baby born

10
00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:42.000
between twenty twenty five and twenty twenty eight a CRISP

11
00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:45.799
one thousand dollars to start investing, which is nice, except

12
00:00:45.880 --> 00:00:46.560
babies are.

13
00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:48.600
Notoriously bad at portfolio management.

14
00:00:49.320 --> 00:00:51.399
Most of them can't even hold their own heads up,

15
00:00:51.679 --> 00:00:55.560
let alone analyze market trends. Under this program, parents can

16
00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.799
contribute up to five thousand dollars per year to these accounts,

17
00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:01.399
and the money has to be invested in broad stock

18
00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:04.439
index funds. The kids can access some of the money

19
00:01:04.439 --> 00:01:06.879
at eighteen, and the rest at twenty five would put

20
00:01:06.920 --> 00:01:10.519
only for qualified purposes like college, starting a business, or

21
00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:14.400
buying a first home. Full access comes at thirty, when

22
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:17.879
they can apparently blow it all on whatever they want. Now,

23
00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:21.000
financial advisors are looking at this plan and saying it's

24
00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:24.480
about as attractive as a root canal. The problem is,

25
00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:28.079
we already have better options. Five twenty nine accounts for

26
00:01:28.120 --> 00:01:32.239
college savings and roth iras for retirement. Both let you

27
00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:36.959
withdraw money completely tax free. The Trump accounts they tax

28
00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:39.200
your withdrawals as capital gains if you use them for

29
00:01:39.239 --> 00:01:43.159
approved purposes, and as regular income if you don't. That's

30
00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:46.599
like getting a gift card that charges you a processing fee.

31
00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:50.280
Ted Cruz, who originally pitched this idea between vacations, says

32
00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:54.040
it will give Americans a stake in the free enterprise system.

33
00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:58.040
The whole thing costs about seventeen billion dollars over ten years,

34
00:01:58.319 --> 00:02:01.799
which in Washington terms is basically ouchcushion money. But even

35
00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:04.959
at that price, economists are calling it the sixth or

36
00:02:05.079 --> 00:02:09.280
seventh best tax free savings account option. That's like being

37
00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:12.800
the sixth or seventh best pizza place in town. Technically food,

38
00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:16.520
but why would you choose it? The real kicker kids

39
00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:19.639
born before twenty twenty five don't get the free thousand dollars,

40
00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:23.360
So congratulations to all the babies born in December twenty

41
00:02:23.400 --> 00:02:26.560
twenty four, You missed out on your government issued investment

42
00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:28.159
portfolio by a few weeks.

43
00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:30.039
Talk about bad timing.

44
00:02:32.039 --> 00:02:35.280
So someone in Arizona just died of mnemonic plague, which

45
00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:37.639
is the first plague death in that area in nearly

46
00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:41.719
twenty years. Yes, plague, the same disease that wiped out

47
00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:43.719
half of Europe in the fourteen hundreds. Apparently it never

48
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:46.199
got the memo that we're living in the twenty first century.

49
00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:50.560
The victim lived in Cocanino County, which includes Flagstaff. Now,

50
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:53.680
when most people think of Arizona health concerns, they worry

51
00:02:53.680 --> 00:02:56.840
about heatstroke or maybe getting bitten by a rattlesnake. Plague

52
00:02:56.919 --> 00:03:00.719
probably wasn't on anyone's bingo card. This is new monic plague,

53
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:03.120
which affects the lungs and is the deadliest form of

54
00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:06.520
the disease. The good news is that, unlike the Black Death,

55
00:03:06.840 --> 00:03:10.800
this is now easily treatable with antibiotics. The bad news

56
00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:12.840
is you have to catch it early, and most people

57
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:15.479
don't wake up thinking hmm, I wonder if I have

58
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:19.080
the plague. Today, only about seven people are diagnosed with

59
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:22.280
plague in the United States each year, mostly in Western States,

60
00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:25.319
so this is rareer than getting struck by lightning, but

61
00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:29.360
somehow more medieval. The disease is typically transmitted through flea

62
00:03:29.400 --> 00:03:32.560
bites from wild rodents, which means somewhere in Arizona there's

63
00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:34.719
a flea that's been carrying around a disease from the

64
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:38.840
Middle Ages. The disease can even spread person to person

65
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:42.560
through the air, which sounds terrifying until you remember that

66
00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:46.199
we just lived through a global pandemic and somehow survived.

67
00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:50.080
But then you remember RFK is in charge now, and

68
00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:54.080
you go back to being terrified. At this point, Americans

69
00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:57.319
are probably thinking plague. Sure, add it to the list.

70
00:03:57.800 --> 00:04:03.879
We've got murder, hornets, microplastics, and now medieval diseases. What's next, dragons?

71
00:04:10.039 --> 00:04:13.080
A French Olympic fencer just got cleared of doping charges

72
00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.360
after arguing that she tested positive for steroids.

73
00:04:15.919 --> 00:04:19.319
Because she kissed her boyfriend too much. Yes, this is

74
00:04:19.319 --> 00:04:20.079
a real story.

75
00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:23.480
Yesa thebas was facing a four year band until a

76
00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:26.319
court ruled that all those makeout sessions with her partner

77
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:31.120
contaminated her with osterine. Now, I've heard of having chemistry

78
00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:33.439
with someone, but this is taking it to a whole

79
00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:36.759
new level. The court actually said there was enough of

80
00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:40.360
the substance in her partner's saliva to contaminate someone through kissing,

81
00:04:41.319 --> 00:04:44.040
which means either this guy was really committed to his

82
00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:48.800
workout routine or French people kiss way more enthusiastically.

83
00:04:48.079 --> 00:04:49.720
Than the rest of us.

84
00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:52.560
The best part this isn't even the first time this

85
00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:56.519
defense has worked. Back in two thousand and nine, tennis

86
00:04:56.519 --> 00:05:00.560
player Richard Gasquai got off cocaine charges using the same excuse.

87
00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:03.720
He said he shared a drink and kissed a woman

88
00:05:03.720 --> 00:05:07.040
who used cocaine. At this point, I'm starting to think

89
00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:10.079
athletes need to start asking for drug test results before

90
00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:14.040
first dates. Anti doping experts are now suggesting athletes be

91
00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:16.839
more careful about who they have intimate relations with, which

92
00:05:16.839 --> 00:05:19.360
has got to be the most awkward dating advice ever given.

93
00:05:20.279 --> 00:05:22.279
Hey, I really like you, but I'm.

94
00:05:22.120 --> 00:05:23.959
Gonna need to see your recent blood work before we

95
00:05:23.959 --> 00:05:28.000
can hold hands. Meanwhile, the Food and Drug Administration is

96
00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:31.399
warning people not to use these substances, saying they're targeting

97
00:05:31.399 --> 00:05:34.720
teens on social media with promises of easy muscle gains.

98
00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:39.360
So now we've got teenagers potentially ruining their Olympic dreams.

99
00:05:40.040 --> 00:05:43.160
Just by following the wrong TikTok influencer and then going

100
00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:46.519
to prom The whole thing makes you wonder what other

101
00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:50.360
creative excuses we're going to hear next, your honor. I

102
00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:53.920
tested positive for marijuana because I was standing downwind of

103
00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:58.160
a Grateful Dead concert. I'm not doping. I just live

104
00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:00.399
next to a really enthusiastic.

105
00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:00.720
Crap fit Jim.

106
00:06:01.399 --> 00:06:04.279
But honestly, if kissing your partner can get you banned

107
00:06:04.319 --> 00:06:07.319
from the Olympics, maybe we need to rethink our approach

108
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:10.399
to romance in sports. Portions of today's show were made

109
00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:11.480
with the help of Ai