June 19, 2025

Pizza Predicts Airstrikes, Biden Wanders onto Reacher Set, and Trump Mobile Drops the Call

Show Notes
Transcript

Israel launches major strikes on Iran—and somehow, we knew it was coming thanks to a spike in Pentagon-area pizza orders. Patrick Gutfield breaks down the so-called *Pentagon Pizza Report*, the long-standing theory that pizza deliveries reveal military ops. Meanwhile, President Biden accidentally stumbles onto the set of *Reacher*, discusses quantum physics, and apparently beats Jack Reacher in arm wrestling. And Trump Mobile is here—kind of. The Trump family’s new wireless service charges you upfront but doesn’t actually connect you to anything... except hidden fees.

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WEBVTT

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Caalaroga Shark media.

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From Washington, DC, where we'll take a large pepperoni in

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a diet coke. This is valid, that's right, and throw

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in say scarlet knots and let's hit this. So Israel

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launched massive strikes on Iran's nuclear facilities, and apparently we

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could have predicted it by watching pizza delivery apps.

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Yes, you heard that right.

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There's actually something called the Pentagon Pizza Report that tracks

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how busy pizza places get near the Pentagon, and they

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claim it spiked right before the Israeli attack.

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This is real life, people.

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We live in a world where military intelligence might as

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well be replaced by checking if Domino's is having a

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busy night. The Pentagon Pizza Report, which sounds like something

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you'd order after three beers, has over eighty thousand followers

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on social media, all watching pizza joint traffic like it's

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the stock market, and they were right. Thursday night, nearly

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every pizza place near the Pentagon saw huge surges and orders.

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Dominoes District Pizza Palace, we the pizza all suddenly busier

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than a target on Black Friday. Meanwhile, a gay bar

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nearby had abnormally low traffic for a Thursday night, So

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while pizza consumption went through the roof, the night life

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scene went dead quiet. That's how you know something serious

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is happening when even the gay bars are empty on

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a Thursday. This whole pizza intelligence thing dates back to

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nineteen eighty nine during the Panama invasion. Apparently pizza deliveries

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to the Pentagon doubled right before we went in. Same

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thing happened before Operation Desert Storm in nineteen ninety one.

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So for over thirty years, our national security has been

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as transparent as a pizza hut window. You have to

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love that our enemies could theoretically monitor American military operations

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by downloading the Dominoes app. Sir, the pepperoni orders have

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tripled in Arlington ready. The missiles the Pentagon, of course,

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deny the timeline matches up with actual events. A spokesperson

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told Newsweek that there are many pizza options available inside

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the Pentagon, also sushi, sandwiches, doughnuts, coffee, So they're basically

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running a food court that happens to plan military operations.

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On the side. Thirty thousand people work there every day.

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That's like a small city that just happens to have

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the world's most expensive cafeteria. Israel used over two hundred

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fighter jets in these strikes, targeting nuclear facilities and military leaders.

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President Trump says.

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He was briefed beforehand and American forces helped defend against

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Iran's retaliation. But the real story here is that we

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might be living in the most transparent military state in history,

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where you can track classified operations through Google Maps restaurant data.

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So next time you want to note World War three

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is starting, forget the news, just check if your local

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Pentagon adjacent pizza joint is having a rush. Democracy dies

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in darkness, but apparently it order's extra cheese.

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First.

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Joe Biden just had the most random Monday morning ever.

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He accidentally wandered onto the set of Reacher while trying

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to get breakfast in Philadelphia.

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Picture this. You're filming a police chase scene.

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Black SUV's roll up, and instead of more extras, outwalks

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a former president looking for pancakes. The crew thought they

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were getting surprise actors until everyone started applauding and yelling

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we love you, Joe. That's when they realized this wasn't

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in the script. Biden was just trying to get to

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park a bistro on Eighteenth Street with Jill and Hunter

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for what was probably supposed to be a quiet family meal.

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But here's the best part. Alan Richson, who plays Jack Reacher,

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posted about meeting the Bidens on Instagram. He wrote that

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they chatted briefly about simple stuff like string theory and

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quantum entanglement. Then he added then Joe beat me at

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arm wrestling. The man is eighty two years old and

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still arm wrestling action stars. Between breakfast courses, Richson called

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the Biden's kind joyful, gracious, and present, which is nice,

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but I'm stuck on the arm wrestling thing. This is

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a guy who plays a character described as six feet

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five inches of pure muscle, and he's getting taken down

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by someone who probably ordered the senior discount French toast.

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The timing is particularly interesting since Biden recently announced he's

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been diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. He said on social

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media that we are strongest in the broken places, which

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sounds like something Jack Reacher would say right before he

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takes out twelve bad guys with a stapler. So now,

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somewhere there's footage of a former president casually strolling through

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a fake police Chase scene, probably wondering why there are

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so many cameras at what he thought was just a

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really elaborate breakfast spot. So the Trump family has launched

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trump Mobile, a new wireless service that promises to shake

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up the telecom industry, and by shake up, I mean

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charge you more money while the service doesn't actually work.

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A reporter from the Washington Post decided to test drive

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trump Mobile, and the experience went about as smoothly as

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you'd expect. First, they advertised the service at forty seven

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dollars and forty five cents per month, but once she

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entered her credit card informaan, surprise, there's an additional seventeen

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dollars and twenty five cents in planned telecom tax that

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nobody mentioned upfront. Now I've seen hidden fees before, but

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this is impressive. They managed to increase the price by

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over thirty six percent after you've already committed that's not

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a telecom tax, that's a gotcha tax.

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But here's where it gets better.

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After successfully charging her credit card, and they were very

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efficient at that part, the actual phone service just didn't work.

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She couldn't activate it.

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The website kept showing coming soon, which is not what

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you want to see after you've already been built, she

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called customer service, and to their credit, they have actual

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humans in America answering the phones. The representative was helpful

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and kind, probably because they were just as confused as

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everyone else about why the service doesn't function. Trump Mobile

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is also promising a four hundred and ninety nine dollars

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smartphone that's made in America. Industry experts are calling this

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probably impossible, which is corporate speak for absolutely not happening,

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but hey, at least it's an ambitious lie. The whole

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thing operates as what's called an MVNO that's mobile virtual

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network operator, which means they're basically renting space on existing

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networks like Verizon or AT and T, so you're paying

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Trump prices for someone else's towers. Meanwhile, other budget carriers

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like US Mobile and Mint Mobile are getting rave reviews

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from customers who are actually, you know, receiving phone service.

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Consumer reports found that AT and T ranked dead last

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in customer satisfaction, which is quite an achievement when you

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consider they're competing against the service that literally doesn't work.

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Yet. The CEO of US.

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Mobile welcome the competition, saying the more the merrier, although

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I suspect he's not too worried about losing customers to

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a company whose activation page says coming soon indefinitely Trump

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Mobile all the prestige of the Trump brand, with none

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of the actual telecommunications. Portions of today's show were made

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with the help of AI