Sept. 24, 2024

Pay off the national debt with Dogecoin?

Show Notes
Transcript

We kick things off with Donald Trump's brilliant plan to solve the national debt with magic internet money. Then, watch as he plays Santa Claus at a grocery store, handing out Benjamins faster than he hands out indictments.But wait, there's more! Joe Biden gets "trapped" into a speech and professes his love for Hillary Clinton, leaving Bill to awkwardly pat her shoulder and Jill to clap politely.Next up, Trump attempts to resurrect Johnny Carson for better late-night TV, apparently forgetting that even ghosts have standards. Then he performs an impressive gymnastics routine, flip-flopping on early voting faster than you can say "rigged election."Janet Jackson joins the party, offering her expert opinion on Kamala Harris's racial identity, followed by a game of "Who's My Manager?" that'll leave you dizzy.Finally, we preview Biden's upcoming UN speech, where he'll showcase his superpower of staying awake through international snooze-fests.Tune in for a night of political comedy that'll make you grateful for term limits and puzzle over the state of democracy. Remember, folks: in politics, truth is stranger than fiction, and usually less coherent!

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Calarogu Shark Media from New York, where it's going to

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be amazing when Joe Biden wakes up and finds himself

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in the middle of the speech to the United Nations.

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This is ballot that's right, and Trump wants to pay

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off the national debt with dogecoin.

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What could go wrong? Let's hit this.

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It looks like Donald Trump is trying to make Late

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Night great again by summoning the ghost of Johnny Carson.

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I guess when you're facing ninety one felony charges, you

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start to get a little nostalgic for simpler times. Trump's

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out here complaining that Jimmy Kimmel and Cole Bear's jokes

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aren't funny.

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Their hatred.

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This coming from the guy who turned political rallies into

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roast battles. Pot Meet Kettle, Kettle Meat Orange. But here's

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the kicker. Trump's asking, where's Johnny Carson? Uh? Donald, hate

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to break it to you, but Johnny's been in the

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Great Green Room in the sky for almost two decades.

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I know you're not big on fact checking, but this

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one's a dude's and let's not forget even if we

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could bring Johnny back, he thought, Trump was about as

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appealing as a hair piece in a hurricane. Carson had

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a better chance of booking Bigfoot than giving Trump a

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friendly interview. But what if we did bring back Johnny Carson?

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What would he even joke about? It's not like Trump

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is a ridiculous character who says stupid things every day.

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Don't worry about Jennifer Fiber. She got a new job.

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She got fired. You know, she was a receptress and

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an unemployment agency.

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She got canned, But she got a new job today

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as a Donald Trump backup mistress. Well, folks, it looks

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like Donald Trump has a brilliant plan to solve our

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national debt crisis. He says crypto has a great future

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and suggests we might use it to pay off the

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thirty five trillion dollars we owe because nothing says financial

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stability like magic internet money.

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Am I right?

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I guess when you've declared bankruptcy as many times as Trump,

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dosee coin starts to look like a solid economic policy.

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Maybe he's hoping to trade some rare peppe for a

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get out of indictment free card. At this rate, I

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wouldn't be surprised if his twenty twenty four campaign slogan

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is make America hoddle again. Buckle up for another wild

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ride on the Trump train, now with extra contradictions. Our

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favorite former president just gave a masterclass in mixed messaging.

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At his Pennsylvania rally, Trump kicked things off by urging

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his supporters to vote early, saying, go out, make a

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plan to vote early, vote absentee, or vote in person

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on election day. Sounds reasonable, right, Well, hold on to

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your maga hats, because here comes the twist.

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In the very same breath, Trump.

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Decided to body slam the concept of early voting. Now

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we have this stupid stuff where you can vote forty

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five days early, he complained. I wonder what the hell

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happens during those forty five days. I don't know, Donald,

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maybe people are busy reading the Constitution or something crazy

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like that.

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But wait, there's more.

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Trump couldn't resist dipping his toe in the murky waters

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of election fraud claims. What happened the last time was disgraceful,

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including right here, he said, alluding to his baseless claims

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about the twenty twenty election. Because nothing says stable genius

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like still crying over spilled votes three years later. Am

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I right, and in a moment of startling clarity, Trump admitted,

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if we win Pennsylvania, we win the whole thing.

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It's very simple. Wow. Who knew?

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It's almost like Pennsylvania's some kind of what's the word

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battleground state. In a dazzling display of economic prowess, the

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former president grace a Pennsylvania's supermarket with his presence, armed

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with a crisp Benjamin and a promise to make groceries

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great again.

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That's right, Trump handed a cool hundred bucks to a mom.

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Of three at the checkout, instantly solving inflation faster than

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you can say trump Coin. Picture this, Trump, surrounded by

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more cameras than a Kardashian selfie session, slips a bill

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to the unsuspecting shopper.

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Here.

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It's gonna go down a little, he says, clearly confusing

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grocery prices with his poll numbers.

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It just went down one hundred bucks. Wow, who knew?

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Solving America's economic woes was as easy as handing out

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Benjamin's at Sprinkle's neighborhood market. But wait, there's more. Trump Ever,

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the master of deals sweetens the pot. We'll do that

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for you from the White House, all right, because nothing

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says presidential like promising to personally venmo every American their

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grocery money. As Trump left with a bag of popcorn

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bigger than his hands, one thing became clear. In the

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Trump economy, every day is extreme couponing day at the

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White House. Just remember, folks, when life gives you lemons,

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Trump will buy them for you. As long as the

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cameras are rolling, Grab some of that popcorn. Because we've

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got a real life soap opera playing out in the

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world of pop and politics, let's dive into as The

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Jackson turns Our story begins with Janet Jackson apparently auditioning

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for a role in Who Wants to Be a Conspiracy Theorist.

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In an interview with The Guardian, Janet decided to challenge

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Vice President Kamala Harris's racial identity faster than you can

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say Rhythm Nation. When told the US could have its

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first black female president, Janet hit back with, well, you

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know what they supposedly said, she's not black. But wait,

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there's more. Janet then dropped this gem, her father's white.

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That's what I was told. I guess fact checking isn't

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part of Janet's control album. Then, in a plot twist

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worthy of a daytime Emmy, A man claiming to be

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Janet's manager, Moel Masri, swooped in with an apology faster

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than you can say wardrobe malfunction. He said janet statements

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were based on misinformation. You don't say, but hold onto

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your seats because Janet's actual team then came out swinging,

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saying Moe isn't her manager and isn't authorized to speak

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for her. It's like a game of Who's the Boss,

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but with more confusion and less Tony Danza. Meanwhile, Donald

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Trump sitting in the corner, probably thinking amateur hour. I've

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been questioning people's racial identities for years. Joe Biden, remember him,

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Don't worry, he doesn't either. Joe Biden, the master of spontaneity,

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gets trapped into giving a speech. I mean, who hasn't

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accidentally stumbled onto a stage and accepted a Global Citizen award.

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It happens to the best of us, right, But wait,

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it gets better.

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Biden, in a moment of pure unscripted magic, professes his

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love for Hillary Clinton. And there's Bill Clinton standing right

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there with his arm around Hillary, probably thinking been there,

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done that got the impeachment. But the real hero of

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this story Jill Biden, clapping lightly like she's at a

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golf tournament. Now, that's what I call standing by your man,

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even when he's publicly crushing on another woman. And just

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when you thought it couldn't get any more cringe worthy,

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Biden praises Bill's decency because nothing says decency like well,

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you know what, Let's not go there.

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This is a family show, after all.

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Biden is set to take the stage today for his

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grand finale at the UN. It's his fourth and final

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address as president, or, as his staff calls it, please God,

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let this be the last one.

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The White House says.

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Biden will be making the case for his vision of

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a world where countries come together to solve big problems,

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because nothing says solving big problems like a room full

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of diplomats falling asleep to PowerPoint presentations. Apparently this vision

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has produced real achievements for the American people in the world.

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I'm assuming they mean things like record high gas prices

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and turning international summits into impromptu nap time. But let's

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be real, folks, Biden's real achievement is managing to stay

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awake through three of these speeches already. That's more endurance

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than most of us show binging Netflix on a Sunday.

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This is mac Davies reminding you that in the world

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of international diplomacy, the most important skill is looking interesting

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did while daydreaming about lunch. Portions of today's program were

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made with the help of AI