Dec. 3, 2024

PARDON MY FRENCH! (And Son) PLUS Trump to Annex Canada?

Show Notes
Transcript

From our studios in the 51st State of Canada, Mac Davies fights off bronchitis to tackls another wild day in American politics. What links Trump's Canada comments, Notre Dame visit, and Biden's surprise Hunter pardon? Only our signature snark can make sense of this circus!

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Calarogu shark media from the Great State of Canada. This

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is ballance. That's right, we're annexing Canada.

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I guess one way to eliminate illegal border crossings is

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to get rid of the border.

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You're on the clock, Mexico, let's hit this.

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You know things are getting weird when Trump's hosting diplomatic

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dinners at mar A Lago. That sound like a rejected

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plot from South Park. Last Friday, Justin Trudeau made an

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emergency trip to Florida after Trump threatened Canada with tariffs.

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It's like showing up at your angry neighbor's house after

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they threatened to tow your car, except this neighbor has

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nuclear codes. According to sources, when Trudeau said Trump's proposed

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twenty five percent tariff would kill Canada's economy, Trump suggested

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Canada should become the.

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Fifty first state. That's right.

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Trump's solution to international trade disputes is basically, if you

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can't beat him, annex him. He even offered to let

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Trudeau be governor instead of prime minister. How generous. Nothing

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says art of the deal quite like trying to acquire

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an entire country over seafood. Someone at the dinner, apparently

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pointed out that Canada would be a very liberal state,

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to which Trump suggested splitting it into two states, one liberal,

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one conservative, because if there's one thing American needs right now,

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it's two more states disagreeing about everything. The whole thing

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ended with nervous laughter, probably the same kind of laugh

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you give when your drunk uncle suggests solving the national

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debt by printing more money. Trudeau's team called the dinner

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very friendly and very positive, which in diplomatic speak probably

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means please send help. After annexing Canada, Trump is marching

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into Paris this weekend for Notre Dame's grand reopening. It's

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like having Guy Fieri judge a Michelin star restaurant. Trump

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praised Mican for doing a wonderful job restoring Notre Dame

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to its full level of glory, and even more so,

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more so, what do they add a golf course? This

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will be Trump's first foreign trip since winning the election,

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because apparently nothing says I'm presidential again quite like showing

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up at a Catholic cathedral ceremony right after suggesting we

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annex Canada. I guess make America great again doesn't extend

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to French architecture. Maybe he can take a photo with

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the Eiffel Tower like that other guy did. Well, Folks,

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it turns out no means yes. Isn't just a terrible

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dating philosophy, it's also the Biden administration's stance on presidential pardons.

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After months of saying absolutely not, no way, never gonna happen,

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President Biden pardoned his son Hunter faster than you can

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say family discount on justice. The White House staff are

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now playing a game called pretend we're surprised, even though

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former staffers say they saw this coming from further away

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then Hunter Biden saw his tax obligations. One former aid said,

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anyone who was even close to the top knew that

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he was probably going to do this. Wow, who would

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have thought people working in politics.

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Might occasionally not tell the truth.

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Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre, who previously insisted a pardon

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wasn't being considered, admitted Trump's election victory was a factor.

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So basically Biden waited until he lost the election to

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do the thing he said he had never do. The

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pardon comes after Hunter was convicted of illegal gun possession

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and pleaded guilty to nine tax charges including spending lavishly

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on and I'm quoting here, escorts, strippers, cars, and drugs.

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You know your life choices are questionable when your expenses sound.

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Like the chorus of a catchy song.

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Man, I can't wait for RFK to take over healthcare

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so I can get rid of this stupid bronchitis.

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It's probably the flooride getting me sick.

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The Pods Save America guys somehow managed to put out

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an episode despite their concession to their union, the producers

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can only work forty five minutes a day, with three

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hour nap breaks midshift. Their guests were Kamala Harris's campaign team,

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who explained why they lost the election, and it turns

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out everybody's to blame except them. It's like watching your

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friend explain why they crashed your car. The sun was

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in my eyes, the road was curvy, and honestly, that

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tree came out of nowhere. Plus the tree was smart

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enough to go on Joe Rogan. The Harris campaign spent

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a billion dollars. That's billion with a bee, which is

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even more money than John John and Tommy pay their

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producers now, but not much more.

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But according to.

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Them, it's because hot ones wouldn't have Harris on their show. Next,

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they'll blame their loss on TikTok's dance trends not being

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presidential enough, the campaign's favorite excuse. They only had one

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hundred and seven days after Biden dropped out, because apparently,

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running as the sitting vice president of the United States

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is like cramming for a test.

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You just can't do it without at least a semester

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to prepare the best part. Campaign chair Jen O'Malley.

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Dillon, who spent two years telling everyone Biden was totally fine,

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is now shocked, shocked that voters might have had some concerns.

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It's like being the captain of the Titanic and then

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complaining about all these unexpected icebergs in your way. And

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get this, they're bragging that they lost swing states by

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less than they lost other states. That's like the Jets saying, hey,

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we might be three and nine, but we only lost

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to the.

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Seahawks by nine.

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Anyway, I'd like to tell you more about the interview,

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but the Podsave America Producers Union gets paid overtime if

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you talk about them for more than two minutes, So

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let's move on.

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ESPN. Stephen A. Smith took a break from critiquing the

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NIXT to critique Biden.

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Smith basically said Biden was full of it, which might

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be the first time he's ever understated anything in his career.

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He's particularly heated.

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About Biden pulling the classic political move of saying I'll

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never do the thing right up until the moment he

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does the thing.

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It's like promising your kids.

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You'll never stop for ice cream and then hitting dairy

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queen the second they fall asleep. Smith said he actually

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supports the part in itself. He just wishes Biden had

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gone with the yeah, that's my kid, deal with it

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approach instead of the whole Actually, my son is the

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victim here routine. It's like when your mom defends you

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after you clearly started the fight. We all know what's

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really going on, mom. Smith did make one prediction that

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didn't require his famous sources. He said Trump would have

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done the same thing for his kids, as if someone

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in the Trump family would be involved in crimes.

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Come on, Stephen, don't be silly.

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John Stuart had some thoughts about Biden's Hunter pardon timing,

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and they're spicier than those hot ones.

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Kamala didn't get to eat.

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According to Stuart, Biden really botched the timing on this one. Normally,

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you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy

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porn at a gas station, in a flurry of other

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distracting purchases, and hey, he's not wrong. Nothing says please

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don't notice this, quite like dropping major news right after

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everyone's in a Turkey coma.

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But here's where Stuart gets real. He's an eighty two

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year old man.

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He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life

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visiting his son in prison.

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And honestly, that's probably the.

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Most straightforward explanation it anyone's given for this whole thing.

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Portions of today's program were made with AI, the Jets,

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and the Great State of Canada.

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See you tomorrow.

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Unless this bronchitis kills me, maybe I should strap a

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dead whale to the top of my car.

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Help me out here, RFK