March 1, 2025

OVAL OFFICE EXPLOSION: Trump DESTROYS Zelensky While Totally-Not-a-Russian-Spy Watches EVERYTHING!

You won't BELIEVE what happened when Ukraine's president dared to challenge Trump! The shouting match that has world leaders FREAKING OUT and Putin CELEBRATING! Secret Russian reporter INFILTRATES White House during diplomatic MELTDOWN! Is World War...

Show Notes
Transcript

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Kalaroka Shark Media.

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From Washington, DC, where you're either going to make a

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deal or we're out.

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This is Bala boy.

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I took one Friday off and so much hell broke

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loose that we had to bring the team in on Saturday.

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Let's hit this, Hi, I'm Patrick Gutfield. What was supposed

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to be a triumphant Oval office meeting between Ukrainian President

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Zelenski and our very own President Trump turned into what

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marriage counselors call a communication breakdown. And by breakdown, I

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mean Trump telling Zelenski you don't have the cards, and

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Zelensky responding I'm not playing cards. Great, so they've established

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they're not at a casino. Progress, although I bet if

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Zelensky lets Trump open a casino in Kiev, things might

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go a little easier. You know how awkward it is

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when you show up to a dinner party underdressed. Well,

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Zelensky showed up in his military style clothing, which he

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wears to show solid are ready with his soldiers, and

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Trump greeted him by announcing to reporters, he's all dressed

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up today. Then some reporter from One American News asked

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if Zelensky owned a suit because apparently the dignity of

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the Oval Office depends entirely on woolblend fabrics. The guy

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is trying to save his country, not host the late

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show on CBS. Zelensky, remembering his comedic acting days, fired back,

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asking if he should get a suit like the reporters

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or maybe something better. That's what we call in show

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business reading the room, except the room was already on fire.

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Although it is some pretty solid crowd work, maybe the

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Ukrainians should hire Matt Rife to run things. The meeting

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was supposed to include signing this big mineral rights deal,

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but instead Trump and JD. Vance decided to call Zelenski

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disrespectful for suggesting Russia might threaten countries beyond Ukraine. I mean,

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why would anyone think a country currently invading its neighbor

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might have further ambitions.

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That's just crazy talk.

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Trump, displaying his renowned diplomatic tact, falsely claimed Ukraine started

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the war, to which Zelensky replied Trump was living in

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a bubble of disinformation. It's almost as if showing up

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with actual war crime photos doesn't have the same impact

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as a gold embossed dinner invitation. The whole meeting ended

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with Trump saying enforcement of a ceasefire is just two

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percent of ending the war.

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Two percent.

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That's the same percentage of people who think pineapple belongs

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on pizza or believe their cat understands English. So to recap,

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no mineral deal signed, no guarantees of support, and Zelensky

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left with the distinct impression that Trump trusts putin more

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than him. All in all, a great day for the

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American diplomacy and the best part. When asked later if

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he should apologize, Zelenski said, I'm not sure that we

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did something bad. After the Zelensky Trump Oval Office SmackDown,

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world leaders rushed to their phones faster than teenagers spotting

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a celebrity at the mall. British Prime Minister kir Starmer,

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who visited Trump just a day earlier with his fancy

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royal dinner invitation, called both Trump and Zelensky. Afterward, his

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office released a statement saying Starmer retains his unwavering support

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for Ukraine, which in diplomatic speak translates to yikes, that

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was awkward. Starmer's hosting a European summit this Sunday, where

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Zelensky is expected to attend, talk about a change of scenery,

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going from Trump yelling at you to a room full

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of Europeans desperate to show they still matter in world politics.

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It's like leaving a Gordon Ramsey kitchen critique to attend

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a group therapy session. European leaders were absolutely stunned by

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America's sudden one to eighty on Ukraine support. They're standing

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around scratching their heads like someone just explained cryptocurrency to

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their grandparents. German Chancellor Olaf Schultz wrote on x that

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nobody wants peace more than the Ukrainians do, which might

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be the first time in history Germans have acknowledged someone

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else might want peace more than they do progress. The

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European Union's foreign policy chief Kaya Kalus said, it's clear

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that the free world needs a new leader. Hmm, I

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wonder who she could possibly be referring to. It's like

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one of those murder mysteries where everyone knows who did

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it except the detective. My favorite response came from Lithuania's

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President Gitanas Nauzada, who went full soccer fan with Ukraine,

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You'll never walk alone. Meanwhile, Estonian foreign Minister Marcus Sakna

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brought the doom and gloom warning that if Ukraine stops fighting,

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there will be no Ukraine, which is kind of like

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saying if I take the commercial break right now, there

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will be a commercial break. Embark on an extraordinary journey

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White Smoke, wherever you get your shows. When the Oval

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Office transformed into an Ultimate Fighting Championship arena on Friday, Trump,

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displaying his renowned tact and subtlety, told Zelenski without us

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you don't have any cards, and accused him of gambling

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with World War three, which I think was the title

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of a cool Billie Idol song in nineteen eighty four.

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Vice President Vance, jumping into his role as Trump's backup vocalist,

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accused Zelensky.

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Of being disrespectful.

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He even demanded Zelensky say thank you for US aid,

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which is interesting because the first words Zelensky has said

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worth thank and you. The clash was so bad they

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canceled the scheduled news conference faster than a network acts

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as a low rated sitcom. The minerals rights deal that

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was supposed to be signed dead on arrival, just like

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the mood in the room. Cable news anchors were left speechless.

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A true miracle in American television. One CNN photo showed

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the Ukrainian ambassador to the US with her head in

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her hands, which is the universal diplomatic signal for wealth.

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We're doomed.

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Democrats and Trump critics immediately accused Trump and Vance of

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doing Putin's dirty work. Senator Elizabeth Warren called it shameful

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and dangerous, while Liz Cheney said history will remember this day.

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Republicans meanwhile, praise Trump for standing up for American interests

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and labeled Zelensky an ingrate. Senator Lindsey Graham, ever, the

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measured voice of reason, declared he's never been more proud

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of Trump and questioned if we can ever do business

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with Zelensky again. That's right, the ultimate punishment unfriending Ukraine.

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But the real winners Russia.

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They're celebrating harder than a hockey team with the Stanley Cup.

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Putin allied Dmitri Medvedev gleefully posted that the insolent pig

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finally got a proper slap down. Russian lawmaker Andrey Clesius

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called it a brilliant result, saying Zelenski was thrown out

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for bad behavior. I'm sure it's purely coincidental that Moscow

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is this happy. So what's next for Ukraine, nobody knows.

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In a plot twist that would make John Lecarre reach

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for his typewriter, a Russian state media reporter somehow made

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it into the Oval Office during the Trump Zelenski shouting match.

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That's right, while American outlets like AP and Reuters were

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told yet to attending, Task got front row seats to

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the diplomatic demolition derby. The White House is frantically claiming

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this was all an accident. Sure jan Task was not

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on the approved list, a White House official insisted, adding

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that once discovered, the reporter was escorted out by the

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Press Secretary. AP and Reuters, two of the world's largest

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news agencies, were banned from the meeting entirely. AP has

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been exiled from the Oval Office and Air Force One

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indefinitely for the grave sin of continuing to use Golf

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of Mexico instead of Golf of America. Reuters got the

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boot from Trump's first cabinet meeting just this Wednesday, But

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somehow a reporter from Russia's state owned propaganda machine slipped

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right in.

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What are the odds?

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So just to recap American news agencies banned Russian state media,

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come on in the only thing missing was a welcome

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Matt saying, debro Pajalow comrades.

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That's it for today.

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I'd like to thank President Trump and Vice President Vance

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for allowing me to have this podcast and allowing me

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to contribute to the economy by working Saturday.

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Also, we used some AI to make this