Nov. 12, 2024

Operation Cruise Control for those of you escaping America

Show Notes
Transcript

For those who said they would leave the country, a 4 year cruise gives you the option.

The Democrats are mad at the Harris campaign on wasting money. Maybe they should just be upset the Democrats wasted money ON a Harris Campaign.

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This podcast supports Podcasting 2.0 if you’d like to support the show via value for value and stream some sats! It's also parody made with the help of AI, so its a computer you;re gettng upset at.

WEBVTT

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Calaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, which is where we're

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pretending to be from today, because we couldn't think of

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a good opening joke. This is ballot. That's right.

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Democrats are still upset about how much money they wasted

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on this campaign. I haven't seen that much money wasted

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since the Podsave America guys agreed to give their producers

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a cell phone stipend, commuting reimbursement and working late in

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office slash on location meal and taxi reimbursement. And that's

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not a joke written with the help of AI. You

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can look that one up anyway. I digress.

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Let's hit this.

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Here's something else the Harris campaign can waste money on.

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If you thought moving to Canada was the classic election

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escape plan. And by the way, you can still get

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this podcast in Canada, please be sure to send me

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your new address.

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Get ready for Operation Cruise Control.

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Villa VI Residents is just launched their Skip Forward package,

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perfect for anyone who wants to avoid Trump's second term

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by literally sailing away from it. That's right, for just

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one hundred and fifty nine, nine hundred and ninety nine dollars,

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or the cost of approximately one Trump.

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Tower bathroom fixture.

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You can spend the next four years pretending the election

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never happened. They've even got a two year mid term

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selection package. Because nothing says I'm avoiding politics like naming

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your cruise packages after the very thing you're trying to escape.

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The best part, they've got different versions like escape from

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Reality and everywhere but Home, though honestly, after this election,

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they could have just called them all escape from Reality

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and nobody would have questioned it. The company CEO, Mikael

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Peterson says this is perfect for Americans seeking to escape,

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while carefully noting they have conservative customers too. It's like saying, hey,

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our boats float equally well for both parties, though I'm

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pretty sure maga hats aren't included in the all inclusive package.

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For two hundred fifty five nine and ninety nine dollars dollars,

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good thing they didn't go full two sixty, you can

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get a single cabin, which is perfect for those who

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want to process their political grief alone while staring dramatically

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at the ocean. It's basically like booking a floating monastery,

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except instead of taking a vow of silence, you're taking

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a vow of not checking Twitter for four years.

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For those of you.

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Not moving back to Canada after moving there in twenty

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sixteen like you said you would, it looks like the

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Democrats billion dollar campaign just turned into history's most expensive

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participation trophy. DNC Finance Committee member Lindy Lee is out

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here dropping more f bombs than a sailor who just

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stubbed his toe, calling the Harris campaign a one billion

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dollars disaster. That's right, billion with a B as in boy,

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that's a lot of money to lose, b as in

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plan B as in did Nancy Pelosi and the pod

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Save America guys force Biden out?

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And we got stuck with plan B.

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Lee, who apparently raised millions for this campaign herself, is

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now in the awkward position of explaining to her donors

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why their money disappeared faster than Biden after that debate performance.

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It's like trying to explain to your parents why you

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maxed out their credit card buying magic beans, except the

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beans cost one point six billion and didn't even sprout.

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Lee claims Biden's quick endorsement of Harris was basically a

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giant fu to the party. It's like when you're breaking

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up with someone and they say, fine, date my weird

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cousin instead, except in this case, the weird cousin ended

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up twenty million in debt and lost to Donald Trump. Meanwhile,

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Bernie Sanders is out here saying that Democrats abandoned the

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working class, which is kind of like complaining that the

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Titanic abandoned swimming lessons, and Senator Chris Murphy thinks the

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party's tent is too small. Yeah, maybe because they spend

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all the tent money on Oprah town halls and Bon

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Jovie concerts.

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But here's the kicker.

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Campaign chair Jen O'Malley Dylan sent out a memo basically saying, hey,

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we lost, but at least we lost less badly in

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some places, which is like saying, sure the house burned down,

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but look how nice the mailbox still looks. It looks

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like Trump's victory lap is about as graceful as a

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giraffe on roller skates. He's out here doing his usual

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winners dance by suggesting we point nine barrels at Liz Cheney.

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Because nothing says presidential quite like threatening your opponents with

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an arsenal that doesn't exist. The President elect took to

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truth social which is basically Twitter for people who got

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kicked off Twitter to blast the Democrats for bringing in

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the Cheney's He called it a big mistake, and you

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know it's serious because he used all caps. It's like

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when your dad texts you in all capitals because he.

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Just discovered the shift key.

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Trump's particularly steamed about Dick Cheney, calling him the king

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of endless nonsensical wars while declaring himself the Peace President,

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which is just one letter off from the Pence President,

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which we almost had for two weeks that one time.

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But let's not go there.

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Ballot is here to bring people together. And get this,

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he actually misspelled Cheney with an A in his host

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because nothing says I'm not mad like misspelling the name

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of the.

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People you're ranting about.

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It's the political equivalent of saying I don't even care

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about them while writing their name wrong in your burn book.

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John Oliver just gave us a preview of Trump's new cabinet,

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and it's shaping up to be less dream Team and

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more Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue. According to Oliver, Trump's potential

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cabinet picks look like a Choose your Fighter screen where

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everyone's fighting against common sense. We've got Rfk Junior, who

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Oliver calls enemy to all animals friend to all measles,

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potentially in charge of medicine because apparently what our healthcare

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system really needs is someone who thinks vaccines cause werewolfism.

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Then there's Elon Musk, potentially in charge of cutting government spending.

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That's right, the guy who spent forty four billion on

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Twitter to turn it into X marks the spot where

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democracy used to be is going to teach us about

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fiscal responsibility. It's like putting a pyromaniac in charge of

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the fire department. And let's not forget Ken Paxton for

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Attorney General, a guy who had to take ethics training

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this year. That's like having to take a driving test

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after you've already crashed the car.

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Oliver points out that being horny.

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For another insurrection probably shouldn't be on the AG job requirements.

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But here we are the cherry on top Cash Pattel

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for CIA director, a guy who wrote children's books about

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King Donald fighting Hillary Quinton. Because nothing says I'm ready

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to run America's intelligence operations.

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Quite like writing fairy tales about your boss.

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Next up, the little Maga that could a reminder that

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this entire show is parody, so stop getting so upset

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at the jokes, a lot of which were written with

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the help of AI.

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You're mad at a computer.

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You sound crazier than someone who thought Bruce Springsteen was

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going to bring in voters.