March 25, 2025

Oops, I Just Compromised National Security

Show Notes
Transcript

Join Patrick Gutfield as he skewers the Trump administration's epic Signal chat mishap where National Security Advisor Michael Waltz accidentally added Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg to classified Yemen bombing plans. Laugh along as he mocks Usha Vance's bizarre Greenland diplomatic trip amid Trump's ongoing attempts to purchase the unwilling territory. Cringe at 23andMe's bankruptcy drama where fifteen million Americans' DNA data hangs in the balance. Plus, the petty crime spotlight: a fifty-two dollar dine-and-dash at Cabo Clear Lake that's turning into a full criminal investigation. Politics, privacy invasions, and petty theft.

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Caalaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where we were texted

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war plans and are about to share them on this

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very podcast. This is ballot. That's right. Every day you

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think the news can't get stupider, but somehow it has.

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So let's hit this. Hi, I'm Patrick Guttfield with the

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secret war plans. Government officials accidentally added a journalist to

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their war plans group chat. The Trump administration must have

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been like, let's add Jeff from Accounting to our super

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secret bombing conversation. Oh wait, that's Jeff Goldberg from the Atlantic.

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The Atlantic's editor in chief, Jeffrey Goldberg revealed he got

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added to a signal group chat called HOOTHYPC small group

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where eighteen Trump officials, including Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and

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Vice President JD. Vance, were casually discussing plans to bomb Yemen.

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That's right, they were planning military strikes using the same

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app you aunt uses to send conspiracy theories. Goldberg actually

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knew about the Yemen air strikes two days before they happened.

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Can you imagine being a journalist and getting that notification

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you've been added to top secret war planning. I'd assume

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it was a prank until I saw CNN reporting on

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the exact bombing's discust. When asked about the report, President

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Trump said he doesn't know anything about it, which is

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probably the first time in history someone said that, and

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it might actually be true. The White House National Security

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Council called this an inadvertent number being added and praised

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the deep and thoughtful policy coordination between senior officials. Nothing

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says thoughtful coordination like accidentally inviting journalists to your classified

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war meeting. Democrats in Congress are understandably freaking out. Representative

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Chris Deluzio said this is an outrageous national security breach

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and head should roll. Meanwhile, Nebraska Republican Don Bacon acknowledged

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he's accidentally sent the wrong person a text, but called

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sharing classified info on non secure networks unconscionable. In the

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latest episode of Oops, I just compromised national security. Goldberg

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just sat there watching them discuss classified war plans like

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it was a reality show. He didn't announce himself and

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nobody noticed. JG wasn't supposed to be there. It's like

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when you accidentally joined the wrong zoom meeting. But instead

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of budget reports, they're discussing bombing another country, and the

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tea was piping hot. The messages revealed Dvance questioning the mission,

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telling the group, I think we are making a mistake

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and I just hate bailing Europe out again. Nothing says

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team unity like the Vice President expressing doubts about a

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military strike in the group chat. Remember when the biggest

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security concern was Hillary's emails. Well, now we've got cabinet

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officials casually dropping strike coordinates in a signal chat that

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included a reporter from The Atlantic. I guess in twenty

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twenty five, we've replaced loose lip sinc chips with clumsy

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thumbs leak bombs. I guess the good news is this

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distracted everyone from talking about Greenland. Trump officials trip to

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Greenland is giving major stalker who doesn't understand rejection vibes.

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Second Lady Usha Vance is headed to the Icy Island

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this Thursday, supposedly to watch a dog sled race with

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her son and celebrate the long history of mutual respect

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between our nations. How sweet, except there's one tiny problem.

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Her father in law keeps telling everyone he wants to

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buy their country. This diplomatic charm offensive comes right when

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Greenland is in the middle of forming a new government

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after recent elections talk about bad timing Outgoing Prime Minister

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muta Agaide called Vance's visit highly aggressive and definitely not

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a harmless visit from a politician's wife. When even the

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locals are calling you out, maybe reconsider your vacation plans.

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The best part. President Trump claimed Greenland officials invited the

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American delegation, but Greenland's government immediately fired back on Facebook.

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Just for the record Nalaker suicide. The government of Greenland

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has not extended any invitations for any visits. Nothing says

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international diplomacy like being publicly factchecked on social media. Energy

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Secretary Chris Wright and National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, Yes,

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the same guy who accidentally added a journalist to his

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military planning signal chat, will also be visiting. They're touring

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America's northernmost military base while Vance attends the dog sled races.

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It's like they're playing good cop, Bad cop, except everyone

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knows they're all bad cops. Trump has called acquiring Greenland

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an absolute necessity and refuses to rule out using military

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force or economic pressure. Meanwhile, Greenlanders are in the streets

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with signs reading we are not for sale and make

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America go away. Nothing says successful diplomacy like inspiring protest signs.

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Usha Vance is no dummy. She's highly accomplished and sophisticated.

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She knows exactly what message her trip sends. But hey,

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maybe she really does love dog sled racing, or maybe

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she's just doing her part in what appears to be

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the world's most awkward real estate viewing. Great Location Spectacular

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Views comes with three hundred and forty thousand residents who

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absolutely don't want you here. Twenty three and meters declared

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bankruptcy this weekend, which is a fancy way of saying

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they're broke and selling all their stuff. The company that

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convinced fifteen million people to spit in a tube for

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science is now spitting out Chapter eleven bankruptcy filings. You

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know what's hilarious about this whole situation. The California Attorney

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General had to issue a special consumer alert telling people

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to delete their DNA data from the company. When the

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government is telling you to erase yourself from a database,

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that's usually something you hear in spy movies, not weak

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and errands. So I got an email that said your

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DNA might be for sale, and I thought that's strange

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because I never put it on eBay. But apparently when

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twenty three and me goes under, all those genetic secrets

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you paid one hundred dollars to discover could end up

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in someone else's corporate hands. The CEO and Wo CHICKI

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resign but is still on the board, which is like

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quitting your job at a restaurant but still showing up

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every day to eat the fries. She wants to buy

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back the company, probably at a discount. Smart move by high,

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then buy lower. That's just good business. The Connecticut Attorney

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General said consumers should delete their data given the sensitivity

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of this data, the previous breach, and the precarious finances

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of the company. That's government speak for run. They've got

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your genetic code and they're going broke. So if you're

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one of the fifteen million people who sent your spit

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to Silicon Valley, you might want to hit that delete

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button before your DNA ends up being sold alongside the

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office furniture and the company Kurig machine. And remember, unlike

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your Netflix password or phone number, your genetic code is

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something you're stuck with for life. It's the one thing

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you can't change about yourself. Well, that and you're embarrassing

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high school yearbook photos. We've got a restaurant in Seabrook

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where a couple decided let's add dine and dash to

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their date night activities. That's right, the general manager of

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Cabo clear Lake is trying to press charges against a

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couple who bounced on a fifty two dollars tab. These

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criminal masterminds ordered a couple of beers, some food, and

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enjoyed a live band before performing their vanishing act. The

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moment the bartender turned their back, poof gone. The woman

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later called the restaurant and tried the classic you didn't

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bring me the bill. Outside defense, the manager, Kara Draken,

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filed a police report with Seabrook Police because nothing says

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high priority crime like pursuing two people over fifty two dollars.

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I'm sure they'll put their top detectives on the case

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right away. Ma'am. We're the suspects eating chicken wings or nachos.

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This could be the break we need. Server Olivia Richardson

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pointed out that when customers don't pay, it's the staff

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who really gets hurt. You work eight hours, make two

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hundred dollars, and the tab was two hundred dollars, So

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you just worked eight hours for free. That's basically an

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internship at a major news network, except you actually do work.

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The restaurant manager said she doesn't make her staff pay

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for walked out tabs, which is nice of her since

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that would be you know, illegal, But she still took

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to Facebook to shame the couple because nothing solves problems

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like public humiliation on social media. So the next time

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you're thinking about skipping out on your bill at Cabo

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clear Lake, just remember Karen will hunt you down, call

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you on the phone, post about you on Facebook, and

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then tell Patrick Gutfield, who will make fun of you

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on a top rated podcast. Is that worth saving fifty

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two dollars? Actually? In this economy? Maybe portions of today's

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show were made with the help of being added to

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a text chain AI and another round of bud Lights.