June 15, 2025

No Kings : Anti-Trump Protests Sweep U.S. as Trump Throws Himself a Military Parade

Show Notes
Transcript

On Trump's 79th birthday, thousands protested across all 50 states under the banner "No Kings"—while Trump marked the day with tanks, robot dogs, and a full-blown military parade. Patrick Gutfield breaks down the tear gas, the fireworks, the Vanilla Ice references, and the presidential ego trip that had all of Washington shaking.

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Callaroga shark media from Washington, DC. Where where is everyone?

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This is valid? They were all off protesting. Let's hit

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this Hi. I'm Patrick Gutfield and anti Trump protests swept

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the nation on Saturday, with demonstrators gathering in cities from

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coast to coast under the banner No Kings, two thousand

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events across all fifty states. The protests were sparked by

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Trump's immigration crackdown, federal spending cuts, and his military parade

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in Washington that coincided with his seventy ninth birthday. Trump

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celebrated turning seventy nine with a military parade, which is

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either the most dictator thing ever or the most dad

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thing ever. Honey, for my birthday, I want tanks and

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fighter jets. Donald, we talked about this. In Los Angeles,

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things got spicy when police declared an unlawful assembly near

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federal buildings. IPD accused protesters of throwing concrete rocks, bottles,

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and fireworks at officers. Fireworks at a protest? What is

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this a gender reveal party for democracy? Police responded with

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tear gas and mounted officers. There's something deeply American about

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protesting authoritarianism only to get charged by cops on horseback.

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We've come full circle to the Revolutionary War, except now

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the British or US. Meanwhile, in Austin, Texas, police detained

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a counter protester who was yelling ice Ice baby at demonstrators.

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Imagine being the guy whose contribution to political discourse is

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turning a vanilla ice song into immigration policy. That's like

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protesting climate change by singing under the Sea from the

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Little Mermaid. In Portland, and of course Portland was involved,

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police declared the area around the Icy facility a riot

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zone after protesters smashed windows Portland protesters breaking windows at

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a federal building is like saying what is wet? Or

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that airline food is disappointing. It's just what they do.

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The Seattle Police Department reported that tens of thousands showed

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up for their protest, spanning more than one and a

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half miles of roadway, with not a single report of

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property damage. Seattle managed to have a completely peaceful, massive protest,

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which must have been deeply confusing for everyone involved. Wait,

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we're supposed to just walk around and chant, that's it.

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Some protesters shared their motivations and interviews. Vinnie Walsh eighty

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two from Auburn, Massachusetts cited the loss of decency, courtesy, compassion, democracy,

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basically everything except good parking spots and reasonably priced movie

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theater snacks. Doctor Laurie Carpinetti from Atlanta said she was

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motivated by Trump appointing Robert F. Kennedy Junior as his

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top health official. Having RFK Junior in charge of health

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policy is like hiring a flat earther to run NASA.

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The protests were organized by over two two one hundred groups,

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including the ACLU and something called five oh five oh one.

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I don't know what that is, but it sounds like

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either a progressive advocacy group or my credit score after

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I bought that timeshare. Downtown Los Angeles fell under an

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eight pm curfew, which the city attorney reminded everyone would

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be strictly enforced. Nothing says Land of the Free like

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everyone having to be home by eight o'clock like they're

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in middle school. And in a plot twist that reads

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like a rejected Netflix thriller, Texas authorities arrested someone in

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lag Range for making a credible threat against state lawmakers

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attending the Austin protest. Log Range, Texas, where apparently people

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go to plan their political intimidation strategies. It's halfway between

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Austin and Houston, which makes it the perfect location for

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absolutely nothing important. So there you have it. Two thousand protests,

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countless arrests, tear gas mounted police, and one very confused

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counter protester who thought vanilla ice lyrics were a peak

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political commentary. Just another Saturday in America, where exercising your

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constitutional rights might get you a face full of pepper

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spray and a curfew violation. Well, President Trump celebrated his

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seventy ninth birthday on Saturday by throwing himself the world's

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most expensive military parade. And yes, I said himself, because

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while this was officially for the Army's two hundred and

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fiftieth anniversary, let's be honest. This had all the subtlety

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of a child's birthday party where the birthday boy insists

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on being the center of attention. The parade featured tanks, helicopters,

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robot dogs, and six thou seven hundred soldiers marching down

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Constitution Avenue robot dogs. Because nothing says happy birthday to

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the Army like having mechanical pets that can dispose of explosives.

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These things walk at two miles per hour, which is

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actually faster that most parade attendees were leaving. By the end,

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Trump sat in his reviewing stand for over three hours,

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watching armored vehicles and World War two bombers shake downtown Washington.

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The city was locked down with eighteen miles of anti

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scale fencing, because apparently when you're celebrating American freedom, you

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need to make sure nobody can actually move around freely.

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Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth was there watching alongside Trump, probably

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thinking this is what I left Fox News for. Meanwhile,

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Vice President JD. Vance showed up with his family, because

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nothing says quality family time like watching tanks roll by

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on a Saturday. The whole thing was produced by Event Strategies, Inc.

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The same company that handled Trump's campaign rallies, so basically,

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they took the spectacle of professional wrestling and added actual weapons. Brilliant.

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Fox News treated it like Christmas Morning, with Lawrence Jones

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gushing about the energy and everyone chanting USA. CNN carried

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it live, and MSNBC stuck with their regular programming, which

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was basically their way of saying, we're not falling for

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this again. The funniest part this was supposed to be

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one of Trump's shortest speeches ever. Apparently even he got

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bored watching himself celebrate himself. He did manage to work

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in his new catchphrase about America being the hottest country

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in the world right now, which sounds less like foreign

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policy and more like he's trying to get us a

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modeling contract. Lee Greenwood showed up to sing God Bless

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the USA and threw in a happy birthday, mister President

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between verses, because why have dignity when you can have

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a sing along? And now I'm starting a Marilyn Monroe

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type rumor. The weather forecast called for an eighty percent

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chance of rain, which was actually lower than the chance

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this whole thing was really about Trump's ego, and protesters

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gathered around the city with signs reading Trump must go

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now and no Kings, because apparently some people think military

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parades are better suited for dictatorships than democracies. Portions of

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today's show were made with the help of AI, which

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the robot dogs probably would like