Dec. 11, 2024

Mystery Drones Hit Jersey, and Trump Hits on a Prince!

Show Notes
Transcript

The alleged assassin of a healthcare CEO gets caught at McDonald's with a silencer and enough cash for 2,000 Big Macs; New Jersey's got UFOs playing hide and seek while the governor holds secret meetings; Trump gushes over Prince William like a royal fanboy; and Kim Kardashian's fans think she should defend an alleged murderer because what this case really needs is more media attention.

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Calaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where we're gonna ignore

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the way we switched hosts, the way Joe Biden ignored

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Kamala Harris at the Kennedy Center. This is ballot, that's right.

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Look at me. I'm the captain now and they finally

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got me a staff announcer who can read Today on

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the program America Loves Luigi and New Jersey's being invaded

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by drones. Let's hit this. Let's start with America's favorite

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alleged assassin. So we've got a McDonald's employee who apparently

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can identify murder suspects even when they're wearing masks. That's

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some next level. Would you like fries with that training?

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Right there? This guy, Luigi Mangione was caught with what

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sounds like the world's worst version of monopoly, eight thousand

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dollars in cash, a fake ID, and oh yeah, a

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gun with a silencer. Because nothing says I'm just for

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the mcflurry quite like carrying around a silenced weapon and

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foreign currency. Meanwhile, his lawyer, Thomas Dickey is out there

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doing the defense attorney equivalent of I haven't seen one

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spec one drop of evidence. He said it so many

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times you'd think he was auditioning for an infomercial about

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evidence removing cleaning products. And let's talk about that arrest location,

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McDonald's in Altoona, Pennsylvania. I guess when you're allegedly on

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the run for murder, nothing hits the spot like a

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big Mac in Blair County. Though, I'm betting that's not

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the kind of happy meal ending he was hoping for.

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The judge denied bail, which probably means Mangione won't be

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getting any more McDonald's drive through visits anytime soon. What

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this alleged assassination case really needs is a Kardashian plot twist.

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Some of Kim Kay's fans apparently think the solution to

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Mangione's legal troubles is trading in his current lawyer for

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someone who learned law from Legally Blonde and Instagram, because

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when you're facing murder charges, you definitely want your defense

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strategy coming from someone who built their empire on selfies

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and shapewear. These fans are out here begging Kim to

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free Mangione like she's got a magic wand made of

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contour powder. Newsflash, this isn't a wrongful conviction case. The

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guy was caught at McDonald's with a gun, a silencer,

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and what sounds like a getaway kit that would make

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James Bond jealous. And my favorite part, someone's demanding Kim

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get him a pardon, you know, for the crime he

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hasn't even been convicted of yet. That's like asking for

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a divorce before the first date. Meanwhile, Mangione is spending

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his time yelling at photographers outside the courthouse. I guess

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when you're accused of assassinating a healthcare CEO, proper courthouse

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etiquette isn't high on your priority list. Look, I know

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Kim's done some good work with criminal justice reform, but

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maybe let's wait until she actually passes the bar before

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we ask her to handle alleged assassination cases. Though I've

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got to admit keeping up with the criminal defense would

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make one heck of a spinoff show. Well, folks, New

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Jersey's got a case of the disappearing drones. Governor Murphy's

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trying to play a cool while dealing with what sounds

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like the world's most elaborate games of peekaboo. There were

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forty nine drone sightings in just one day, all sophisticated

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enough to pull a Houdini act the moment anyone spots them.

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Murphy's out there basically saying nothing to see here, which

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is technically true since well, these things keep vanishing. The

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FEDS are on the case, FBI, Homeland Security, probably everyone

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except the Ghostbusters. But these drones are playing hard to get.

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They're popping up over homes, neighborhoods, and even military installations

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like they're doing some kind of aerial pub crawl across

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the Garden State. They're having a secret meeting about these

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not so secret drones today. Meanwhile, in Bergen County, residents

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are out there counting five or six drones at a time,

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describing them as too quiet. Though in New Jersey that

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might just be the first time anyone's complained about something

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being too quiet. It looks like the Greek ambassador position

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just got more complicated than a Kardashian family tree. Trump

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has nominated Kimberly Gilfoyle as ambassador to Greece, which is

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interesting timing considering she's apparently been blindsided by Don Junior's

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very public romance with Palm Beach socialite Bettina Anderson talk

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about awkward diplomatic relations. Don Junior has been spotted around

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Palm Beach with Anderson, spending her birthday weekend watching her

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sip one three hundred dollars champagne and sport a diamond

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necklace with more carrots than a rabbit's lunch. Meanwhile, his

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fiance or is it ex fiance, is about to represent

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America in the birthplace of democracy. The timing is, let's say,

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spicier than a Greek SOUBLACKI here's Gilfoyle potentially heading to

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act while Don Junior is cruising around Florida in his

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pickup truck opening car doors for the woman Palm Beach

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Society calls their it girl, and by it they apparently

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mean the person who gets to wear a fifteen thousand

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dollars rolex. But hey, what says qualified diplomat? Quite like

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being the possibly former future daughter in law of the

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President elect. Though I've got to wonder will those awkward

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family holiday gatherings now take place at the Acropolis. I

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guess we'll have to wait and see if this nomination

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goes through faster than Don Junior can say iykyk on

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his new girlfriend's Instagram posts. At least the Greeks are

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used to drama. They invented tragedy after all. Move over, Bridgerton.

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We've got a new royal romance brewing between Trump and

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the British monarchy. Seems our President elect is living out

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his own personal Disney princess fantasy, totally starstruck by the royals.

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He's gushing about Prince William like a teenager with a crush.

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He looked really very handsome last night. I mean, who

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talks about foreign dignitaries like their contestants on The Bachelor?

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And get this, Trump couldn't help but spill the Royalty

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about King Charles and Catherine's health conditions faster than a

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butler with butterfingers. The Palace's response the royal equivalent of

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no comment, which in British terms probably means they're clutching

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their pearls in horror. Remember when Trump hosted then Prince

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Charles at mar A Lago back in eighty eight. Apparently

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they bonded over polo, because nothing says just two regular

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guys hanging out like watching people hit balls while sitting

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on horses worth more than most homes who knew the

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special relationship between the US and UK would end up

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hinging on Trump's Royal Family fan club membership, though I've

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got to say watching him trying to discuss climate change

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with King Charles would be more entertaining than an entire

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season of The Crown And For more about the British

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Royal family, be sure to check out the podcast Palace Intrigue,

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which covers the Royals the way we cover politics, seven

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days a week Pallas Intrigue wherever you get your shows.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of

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AI parity laws and our cool new drone technology.