May 19, 2025

Mexican Navy Ship Crashes into Brooklyn Bridge, JD Vance Meets Pope Leo, and Springsteen vs. Trump Heats Up

Show Notes
Transcript

In today’s episode of Ballot, we dive into the surreal: a Mexican Navy training ship slams into the Brooklyn Bridge.Then it's off to the Vatican, where Vice President JD Vance attends the historic inauguration Mass of Pope Leo XIV—the first American pontiff—just four Sundays after Pope Francis called his theology "garbage." Meanwhile, New Jersey is falling apart (literally) with sinkholes, airport staffing chaos, and train strikes. And if that weren’t enough, Bruce Springsteen and Donald Trump are exchanging fire across the Atlantic. From papal politics to infrastructure meltdowns and music legend feuds, this episode has everything but the mizzen mast.

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Caalaroga Shark media from New York. Where is this copy correct?

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A Mexican navy pirate ship crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge.

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This is vallot boy in a year of I can't

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believe I am saying this news story's Mexican navy pirate ship.

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Sure is a new one. Let's hit this. Wait, I mean,

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let's not hit anything. Look out.

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A Mexican naval ship crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge like

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it was parallel parking in a tight spot in Manhattan.

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Two people were killed and nineteen injured when the arm

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Quatemac went full Titanic against one of New York's most

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famous landmarks. The ship's captain lost control after what officials

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are calling a mechanical failure. You know, the kind of

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mechanical failure where a one hundred and fifty foot tall

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sailing vessel somehow drifts directly into a bridge that's been

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there since eighteen eighty three. The mayor, Eric Adams says

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the ship lost power before the crash. I'm no naval expert,

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but I think that's why sailing ships have those giant, white,

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flappy things called sails. They're this revolutionary technology from roughly

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five thousand years ago that lets boats move without engines.

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Maybe someone should have mentioned that to the captain before crashing.

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The Quautamach was apparently quite the spectacle, all lit up

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with string lights and Mexican flags, its masts towering over

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the river.

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People were admiring.

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It right up until it became clear that this wasn't

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going to end well, at which point they fled the walkway.

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Mexican President Claudia Sheenbum called it an unfortunate accident. Meanwhile,

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New York City Council member Lincoln Wrestler had a slightly

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different take, calling it exceptionally reckless and negligent. It's that

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classic diplomatic difference between oopsie.

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Daisy and what the hell were you thinking.

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Miraculously, the Brooklyn Bridge didn't suffer significant damage and reopened

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the same night. The top of the ship's main mast

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and mizzen mast, however, were completely destroyed. The mizzen mast

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is the one at the rear of the vessel. I

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look that up, because I'm not some kind of sailing

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nerd who just knows what a mizzen mast is off

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the top of my head. The Mexican ambassador to the

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United States said the ship is a good will vessel

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that has been on the waters for more than twenty

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years sharing Mexican culture. I'm not sure crashing into American

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infrastructure is the best way to share culture, but it

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certainly made an impression. The ship was apparently on its

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way to Iceland, which means its navigation was off by

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approximately the entire Atlantic Ocean.

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Maybe they should have just called an uber.

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The National Transportation Safety Board is investigating, which means in

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about two years we'll get a three hundred page report explaining.

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That ships shouldn't hit bridges.

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Meanwhile, we'll keep a very close eye on Pope Leo

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today to make sure he can get through the day

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without dying.

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Now that he took of the curse of JD. Vance. JD.

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Vance headed back to the Vatican this weekend. This time

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it's for Pope Leo the fourteenth inauguration Mass. You know what,

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the White House notice said, Pope Leo the fourteenth is

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the first American pope vice president. Vance is the first

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Catholic convert to serve as vice president. That's like the

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world's most boring fun fact. It's what you'd say if

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you were trying to make Catholicism sound like a LinkedIn profile.

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So Vance is showing up to meet the first American Pope,

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just four Sundays after awkwardly shaking hands with the previous Pope,

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who had basically called his theology garbage as he last

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act on Earth, and now Vance is greeting a new

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Pope who apparently used to trash him on social media.

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Nothing says fresh start like meeting someone who deleted their

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tweets about you. This new Pope, though conservative Catholics don't

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really know him personally. It's that classic situation where your

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friend sets you up on a blind date and says

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you'll love them. They also hate immigration, and then you

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show up and they're actually pretty normal. Pope has this

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coat of arms with a message about unity, which is nice.

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He also invited the leader of Opus Day for a meeting.

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If you don't know what Opus Day is, it's basically

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a Catholic group that makes regular Catholics look like they're

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not trying hard enough. Pope Leo and Vance apparently both

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love Saint Augustine. Vance chose Augustine as his patron when

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he converted to Catholicism. He was inspired by Augustine's fifth

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century treatise City of God. I mean, who wasn't I

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remember in college I couldn't put it down. I was like, oh, no,

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just one more chapter about challenging Rome's ruling class and

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then I'll go to sleep. Ladies and gentlemen, New Jersey

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is experiencing biblical levels.

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Of transportation chaos.

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The state that gave us Bruce Springsteen, Chris Christy, and

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those weird jug handles at intersections is now delivering a

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modern day plague worthy.

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Of the Book of Exodus.

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First up, we've got sinkholes on Interstate eighty, not just

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one sink hole, for sink holes on the same stretch

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of highway. It turns out that below Jerseys roads are

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abandoned mine shafts and tunnels, which is perfect because nothing

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says safe infrastructure like building highways over giant underground holes.

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The Department of Transportation says heavy rains have delayed repairs,

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so to recap, they built a major interstate over abandoned mines,

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and now they're surprised that water is making the ground collapse.

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That's like being shocked that your boat sank after you

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drilled holes in it. All lanes won't reopen until late June,

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meaning motorists get to spend more time in what they're

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calling the state's scenic highlands.

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I've been to those highlands.

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The most scenic thing there is the exon sign that

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tells you gas is ten cents cheaper than in New York.

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Then there's Newark Liberty International Airport, which has had one

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of its three runways closed for construction. On Monday, they

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had only three air traffic controllers working, about a dozen

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fewer than needed, so planes couldn't even take off from

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other airports to go to new Think about that, they

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didn't have enough people to safely land the planes, so

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their solution was, let's just keep everyone where they are.

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It's the aviation equivalent of saying, I'm not ready for

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this relationship, so don't even text me. And finally, we

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have New Jersey Transit, where commuters wake up each morning

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and ask themselves, how will the train disappoint me today? Now,

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with locomotive engineers on strike for the first time since

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nineteen eighty three, it's becoming a really ugly spring. But

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as one commuter put it, if you Jersey, you Jersey, this.

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Means not being surprised.

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When the airport announces you might have been exposed to measles,

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it means laughing. When New Jersey Transit proudly announces they

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fixed an elevator at a station where no trains are running,

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that's like telling someone their car's cup folder works great.

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While the engine is on fire.

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Speaking of New Jersey, Bruce Springsteen and Donald Trump are

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locked in a battle of words that makes your average

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Twitter fight look like a tea party at Buckingham Palace.

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Springsteen continued his anti Trump to her commentary in Manchester,

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England on Saturday night, refusing to back down after our

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President called him a dried out prune of a rocker.

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At his Manchester show, Springsteen delivered a three minute speech

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that was about as subtle as his denim collection. Things

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are happening right now that are altering the very nature

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of our country's democracy, the Boss declared, clearly, referring to

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the fact that nobody's forcing Taylor Swift to release another album.

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Springsteen went on to say, in my home, they're persecuting

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people for their right to free speech, which is rich

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coming from a guy who charges nine hundred dollars for

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concert tickets. The only thing being persecuted is my wallet

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when I try to see him live. The New Jersey

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rocker continued, in America, the richest men are taking satisfaction

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in abandoning the world's poorest children. I assume he meant

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everyone who paid for his Broadway show tickets. Springsteen also

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claimed they are removing residents off American streets without due

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process of law and deploying them to foreign attention centers

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as PRIs unlike his concerts, where people voluntarily pay to

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be trapped in a stadium for four hours while he

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plays thunder Road for the twenty seven millionth time. Trump

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never wanted to take criticism lying down or sitting standing,

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or in any position whatsoever, fired back on truth Social

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with his trademark restraint. He called Springsteen highly overrated, dumb

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as a rock, and my personal favorite, a dried out

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prune of a rocker.

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His skin is all after feed.

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I'm pretty sure Trump got his dermatology degree from the

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same place he got his political science degree. Trump added

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that he never liked his music, which is shocking since

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I always assumed Born to Run was about escaping accountability.

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The president also wrote that Springsteen is just a pushy,

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obnoxious jerk, employing his signature random capitalization technique that makes

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his posts look like ransom notes written by a sugar

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crazed third grader. He finished by saying Springsteen should keep

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his mouth shut until he gets back into the country,

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which is exactly how international diplomacy works. You can't criticize

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America while abroad. It's in the Constitution, right next to

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the part about presidents being allowed to tweet at three

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in the morning. Springsteen did end his speech on an

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optimistic note, quoting James Baldwin. In this world, there isn't

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as much humanity as one would like, but there's enough.

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Although after reading Trump's truth social posts, I'm starting to

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think Baldwin was being a bit generous. The Boss is

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currently on his Land of Hopes and Dreams tour across Europe,

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while Trump continues his own tour called Land of Posts

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and Screams. And you know what with that, the AI

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has finally written a good joke.