July 26, 2024

Melania Trump to wite a "tell-all"

Show Notes
Transcript

Melania is writing a book. I wouldn't hold my breath on it being a tell ALL.

Megyn Kelly has some dumb opinions, and so do we!

Jennifer Aniston even makes an appearance today.

And for the love of God, can we not break news this weekend?

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WEBVTT

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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, d C. Where, for the

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love of God, can we not have breaking news this weekend?

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This is ballot.

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That's right, get a guest host up in the bullpen,

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because if news breaks, this bad boy is going to

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be three sheets to the wind like they are giving

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away wolf Spritzers for free.

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Let's hit this.

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I was just about to put the show to bed

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when this came across the wire and immediately became the lead.

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Milania Trump is about to spill the tea.

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The former first Lady who's been playing hide and seek

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with the public since her husband started his twenty twenty

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four campaign, is suddenly ready to carve her own path.

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I guess that path leads straight to the bestseller list.

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Skyhorse Publishing, apparently the go to publisher for anyone who's

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ever been within shouting distance of Donald Trump, is handling

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this literary masterpiece. They've published everyone from Rudy Giuliani to

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Michael Cohen. It's like they're collecting Trumpet Jason authors like

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pokemon cards. The book promises personal stories and family photos

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she is never before shared with the public. I'm betting

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there's at least one chapter titled I really don't care,

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do you. Now here's the kicker. This memoir comes in

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two flavors. There's the one hundred and fifty dollars collector's

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edition for those who want their Millania with a side

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of luxury, and the forty dollars memoir Edition for the

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budget conscious Trump enthusiast. Because nothing says woman of the

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people like a one hundred and fifty dollars book. And

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get this, you can only pre order it from Malania's website.

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It's like she's turned into the Beyonce of political memoirs,

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dropping her book like it's lemonade. So there you have it, folks.

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Milania Trump is ready to tell all, or at least

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tell some Like there's zero chance it's a tell, all right,

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don has to have her pretty well pre nupted and

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non disclosure agreement, right. We can all hope he messed

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up and she's free to write whatever she wants, all right, folks,

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buck we've got more plot twists than a season finale

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of twenty four.

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Here.

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FBI director Christopher Ray, apparently auditioning for a role in

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CSI Washington, has decided to play bullet or shrapnel with

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Trump's ear It's like a high stakes version of Pin

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the tail on the donkey, except the donkey is an

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elephant and the tale is well, you get the idea.

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Ray said, I think with respect to former President Trump,

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there's some question about whether or not it's a bullet

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or shrapnel that you know, hit his ear. Wait what,

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House speaker Mike Johnson, not to be outdone in the

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drama department, basically said nuh uh to raise testimony. Apparently

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Johnson's been moonlighting as a forensic expert. Who knew c

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SPAN could be so educational. Johnson also said Ray was

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not forthcoming. In political speak, that's like saying your dog

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ate your homework. But the dog is the FBI and the.

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Homework is national security.

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Trump's campaign spokesman Stephen Chung decided to spice things up

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by essentially calling anyone who believes Ray mentally deficient. Meanwhile,

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the FBI is sticking to its guns pun absolutely intended,

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insisting they've been consistent and clear. So I guess someone

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is accusing Trump of something what I'm not sure. According

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to our former tweeter in chief himself, this wasn't just

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any old assassination attempt.

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Oh No, this was a quarter inch from death.

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Bullet whizzing, ear piercing, blood gushing action movie. Trump claims

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he dodged the bullet with a last second head movement.

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Apparently he's not just the chosen one, he's also neo

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from the matrix. In his social media post, Trump described

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the bullet ripping through the skin. I guess grazed doesn't

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have quite the same ring to it when you're trying

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to drum up sympathy. But wait, there's more in a

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private call with RFK Junior, because who else would you

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call after an assassination attempt?

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Too soon?

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I didn't call him, Trump did. Trump compared the bullet

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to the world's largest mosquito. I don't know about you,

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but I take a mosquito over a bullet any day.

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Eric Trump, ever, the supportive sun chimed in to say

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his dad has the greatest earache he's ever had. I

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guess when you're a Trump, even your injuries are the greatest.

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So there you have it, folks. Trump's turning this assassination

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attempt into his own personal action movie.

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Stay tuned for the sequel, die Hard with an Earache.

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Trump strikes back, all right, folks, buckle up, We're diving

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into the deep end of the political pool, and it's

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murkier than a swamp on a foggy day. So JD Vance,

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the guy who's one heartbeat away from being a heartbeat

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away from the presidency, decided to channel his inner mean

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girl and go after women without children because nothing says

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future leader like judging people's life choices?

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Am I right?

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Jennifer Aniston, our favorite friend who's been dealing with pregnancy

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speculation longer than some senators have been in office, decided

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to clap back. She basically told Vance, how you doing?

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And by that, I mean how dare you? Aniston, who's

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been through the ivf Ringer, reminded Advance that his own

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daughter might need those options one day. Talk about a

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plot twist worthy of a soap opera. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris

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is probably wondering when being a stepmom became the political

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equivalent of having an overdue library book. But the real kicker,

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Vance thinks people without kids don't have a direct stake

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in the country's future because apparently, caring about the planet,

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the economy, and oh, I don't know, everyone else's kids

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doesn't count. Megan Kelly apparently auditioning for a role in

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Mean Girl's Capitol, Hill has decided to revive the age

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old Slept her Way to the Top narrative about Kamala Harris.

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I guess Megan, maybe, perhaps possibly believes a woman can't

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be successful in a career without sleeping her way to

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the top with senior TV executives or something. Who knows,

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you'd have to ask her what she means. I mean

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satellite radio hosts sleep with their bosses to get podcasts,

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or is sleeping your way to the top just a

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thing that happens in politics.

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You'll have to ask her, and please do. Who knows?

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You'd have to ask her what she means.

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She's calling Harris the Megan Markle of the administration. I

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didn't realize we were playing political figure or royal family member.

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Bingo.

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Kelly's throwing around words like bully and nightmare. It's like

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she's describing a high school mean girl, not a vice

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president turned presidential nominee. Stay tuned for our next segment,

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Political Tinder Swipe Right for Power. Vice President Kamala Harris,

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fresh from her promotion to person most likely to be President,

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has thrown down the gauntlet. She's ready to debate Trump

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faster than he can say fake news. It's like she's

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channeling her inner Rocky Balboa minus the raw eggs in

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the Philadelphia accent.

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Harris declared, let's go, which is political speak for bring

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it on, Orange Man.

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She's agreed to a September tenth debate, probably hoping Trump

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will show up, thinking it's still twenty twenty and Biden's

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the opponent. Meanwhile, Trump is playing hard to get. He

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doesn't like the idea of an ABC hosted debate. Apparently

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he prefers his debates like he prefers his steaks well

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done and served with ketchup on Trump branded China. Did

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you see we have new cover art. That's another thing

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Joe messed up for us. Thanks Joe, by the way,

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and I know this sounds like I'm kidding. I host

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another podcast. It's called The Weekly Mac and it's all

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about fast food. No, really, the Weekly Mac. Wherever you

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get your podcasts. What's nice about covering fast food is

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nobody tries to kill the Burger King on Saturday evening,

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and the Grimace doesn't quit it one forty six on

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a summer Sunday. And now I'd like to directly address Trump,

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Harris and Biden. Guys, we need a weekend off. No

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news this weekend.

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Okay.

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I know you've gotten used to this thing coming out

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six or seven days a week, but the idea here

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is five. So fingers crossed and I'll be back on Monday.

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I mean, it's not like something crazy will happen, like

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Trump deciding he doesn't want to run. That won't happen,

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right right, see you Monday or in three hours with

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a bonus episode.

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Sheesh,