May 26, 2025

King Charles Goes to Canada, and the Government Builds a Super Clock

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield opens with a solemn tribute to the real meaning of Memorial Day—then gets back to business roasting world leaders and scientific overkill. King Charles makes a rare speech in Canada just as Trump jokes about annexing it, scientists unveil a $10 million atomic clock that’s somehow more punctual than the IRS, and archaeologists open a 2,000-year-old sarcophagus because clearly no one’s seen a mummy movie. Plus: was that ancient Roman buried with… a toiletry bag?

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:10.039
Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where you can throw

2
00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:13.679
another hot dog on for me. This is ballot, that's right,

3
00:00:13.759 --> 00:00:19.160
and I'm on my seventh pier, so let's hit this. Hi.

4
00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:22.079
I'm Patrick Gutfield, And to be serious for a moment.

5
00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:25.719
Memorial Day isn't about barbecues or mattress sales. It's about

6
00:00:25.719 --> 00:00:29.559
remembering those who never came home. Twenty four notes of

7
00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:33.840
taps playing over a silent cemetery, Folded flags handed to parents,

8
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:37.719
spouses and children, empty chairs at dinner tables across America.

9
00:00:38.520 --> 00:00:40.679
These men and women signed a check payable to the

10
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:43.359
United States of America for an amount up to and

11
00:00:43.439 --> 00:00:47.079
including their lives, and for too many that check was cashed.

12
00:00:47.880 --> 00:00:51.200
So between the cookouts and the beach trips, take a moment,

13
00:00:51.320 --> 00:00:54.200
just one moment, to remember why you have the luxury

14
00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:57.960
of arguing about politics on a long weekend, because thousands

15
00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:02.240
of Americans gave everything you could have that freedom. And

16
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:06.760
now let's make fun of things. King Charles is heading

17
00:01:06.799 --> 00:01:10.519
to Canada for a two day royal visit. That's right,

18
00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:13.200
the King of England is going to Canada. Right after

19
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:16.640
new Prime Minister Mark Carney squeaked out a minority win.

20
00:01:17.599 --> 00:01:23.159
Talk about awkward timing. Nowhing says, congratulations on barely winning,

21
00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:25.640
like having your boss's boss show up to watch you

22
00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:28.959
stumble through your first week. Charles will be delivering the

23
00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:31.959
Speech from the Throne to open Parliament, only the third

24
00:01:31.959 --> 00:01:34.359
time a monarch has done so in Canadian history and

25
00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:38.040
the first time by a king. The last time this happened,

26
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:41.599
dinosaurs roamed Parliament Hill and Justin Trudeau was only on

27
00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:45.959
his second term. This visit carries enormous symbolic weight, especially

28
00:01:45.959 --> 00:01:48.799
with President Trump down south making jokes about Canada becoming

29
00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:52.599
the fifty first state. Yeah, Trump's over there, like, hey,

30
00:01:52.760 --> 00:01:55.400
nice country you got. There would be a shame if

31
00:01:55.439 --> 00:02:00.200
someone annexed it. Meanwhile, Charles shows up with his crown, going,

32
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:04.239
I believe you're forgetting who's in charge here, Donald. Royal

33
00:02:04.359 --> 00:02:08.000
historian Justin Book says, this moment is unprecedented for Canada,

34
00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:13.360
unprecedented for Charles personally, unprecedented for the crown, and unprecedented

35
00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:18.240
for North America. That's a lot of unprecedented. I haven't

36
00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:21.479
heard something called unprecedented this many times since my attempt

37
00:02:21.479 --> 00:02:24.400
at making the vegan bacon, and this visit has to

38
00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:29.879
go perfectly because everyone's watching. Washington's watching, the Commonwealth is watching.

39
00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:32.240
It's like when you're eating a loan at a restaurant

40
00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:35.199
and suddenly realize the entire weight staff is staring at

41
00:02:35.240 --> 00:02:37.400
you because you've been cutting your steak with a spoon.

42
00:02:38.080 --> 00:02:41.879
Retired political science professor David Johnson predicts the speech will

43
00:02:41.919 --> 00:02:45.560
make big international news and send ceremonial but very real

44
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:49.520
messages to the United States. Oh yeah, nothing says back

45
00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:52.120
off like a seventy something year old man and a

46
00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:56.599
crown reading a script someone else wrote for him. The

47
00:02:56.680 --> 00:03:01.000
government just unveiled their latest taxpayer funded toy, a fancy

48
00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:05.319
new atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. That's right, the National

49
00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:08.560
Institute of Standards and Technology spent years developing what they're

50
00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:12.199
calling nisty f four. You know what this clock does.

51
00:03:12.639 --> 00:03:16.240
It measures caesium atoms that oscillate nine billion times per second.

52
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:20.120
Nine billion times. I can't even get through nine push

53
00:03:20.159 --> 00:03:22.879
ups without needing a nap, but these atoms are showing

54
00:03:22.919 --> 00:03:26.840
off like their training for the quantum Olympics. The scientists

55
00:03:26.840 --> 00:03:30.280
cool these atoms to almost absolute zero, then shoot them

56
00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:32.879
up in the air like a fountain. Hence the name

57
00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:36.879
fountain style clock. I mean, when I throw things in

58
00:03:36.919 --> 00:03:40.159
the air, I usually get arrested, But when scientists do it,

59
00:03:40.360 --> 00:03:44.240
they get government funding. According to researchers, this clock is

60
00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:46.840
so accurate that if it started running one hundred million

61
00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:48.960
years ago, it would be off by less than a

62
00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:51.960
second today. You know who else claims to be that

63
00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:55.520
reliable My ex girlfriend when she said she'd be ready

64
00:03:55.560 --> 00:04:00.159
in five minutes. Spoiler alert, I missed an entire baseball

65
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:04.039
season waiting. After months of testing, this clock is now

66
00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:07.680
part of the official United States timekeeping system. It's a

67
00:04:07.719 --> 00:04:10.960
waiting certification from the International Bureau of Weights and Measures,

68
00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:14.240
which I'm pretty sure is just four guys in Switzerland

69
00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:18.160
arguing about whether a kilogram feels heavy today. Let's be honest,

70
00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:22.199
the government spending years developing a super precise clock is

71
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:24.920
the ultimate irony when you consider how long it takes

72
00:04:24.920 --> 00:04:28.399
them to process your tax return. We can measure nine

73
00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:33.319
billion oscillations per second. But that form you submitted in February, Yeah,

74
00:04:33.480 --> 00:04:36.000
we'll get to that sometime before the heat death of

75
00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:42.560
the universe. Archaeologists in Naples just opened a two thousand

76
00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:45.439
year old sarcophagus which is either the start of a

77
00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:49.639
fascinating scientific discovery or the opening scene of every Mummy

78
00:04:49.639 --> 00:04:53.040
movie ever made. Let's hope they at least watched The

79
00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:56.959
Mummy as part of their research preparation. The team led

80
00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:00.879
by Simona Formola, was investigating the tomb of Server in Jubiliano,

81
00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:04.759
which is in northwest Naples. First, they peeked inside with

82
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:07.079
a micro camera like they were checking for monsters under

83
00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:10.920
the bed. Apparently they liked what they saw enough to

84
00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:13.920
break the seal that had remained intact for two millennia.

85
00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:17.000
That's right, they looked at something that had been sealed

86
00:05:17.000 --> 00:05:20.319
for two thousand years and thought, yeah, let's crack this

87
00:05:20.360 --> 00:05:23.879
baby open. Once inside, they were shocked to find a

88
00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:27.800
body in an excellent state of preservation. I'm not sure

89
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:30.959
what else they expected to find in a sarcophagus, Pizza

90
00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:34.800
Jimmy Hoffa, the Lost City of Atlantis. The deceased was

91
00:05:34.839 --> 00:05:37.920
found lying face up, covered by a shroud, surrounded by

92
00:05:37.959 --> 00:05:41.680
ointment jars and body cleaning tools. Essentially, it was the

93
00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.040
ancient Roman equivalent of being buried with your toiletry bag.

94
00:05:45.560 --> 00:05:48.519
The special treatment and fancy burial goods suggest this person

95
00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:51.439
was the VIP family member for whom the mausoleum was

96
00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:54.680
originally built. You know you're important when your family builds

97
00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:58.560
an entire tomb just for you. Today, we're lucky if

98
00:05:58.600 --> 00:06:02.120
our relatives remember our birthday. It turns out the mummy

99
00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:06.600
coincidentally had been college roommates with Joe Biden. Portions of

100
00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:09.480
today's show were made with the help of mummies. More

101
00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:10.360
mummies in Ai