Joe Biden has gas

WEBVTT

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Calaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where Biden's numbers are even lower than

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the number of downloads to this podcast. This is ballot. That's right.

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Uncle Joe's numbers are in the tank. But at least he has gas.

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No, not that kind. I
mean, give me a second here,

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will you. Let's hit this.
It seems like truth Social might be losing

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money, Jimmy Kimmel joked. Many
analysts on Wall Street say they haven't seen

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losses like this since every other time
Trump has run a business. Truth Social

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has now lost so much money they
may have to change their name to Red

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Lobster. Well, folks, the
latest approval numbers for President Biden are out,

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and let's just say they're about as
welcome as a foot massage from Rudy

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Giuliani. His rating has taken a
nose dive back down to thirty six percent,

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tying the lowest of his entire presidency, last seen in summer twenty twenty

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two. For a guy gearing up
to go toe to toe with Donald the

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rematch Trump in twenty twenty four.
Those are approval numbers that'll make you think

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twice before fluffing up the charter school
pillow portfolio. While the drop is within

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the dreaded margin of error, ether
it still can't feel good for Team Biden.

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The poll lays out Joe's weak spots
pretty clearly. The economy is issued

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number one for voters, which is
probably why forty percent of respondents say Trump

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had better economic policies ouch tougher than
a yeasy da Maga pivot. Immigration is

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also understandably top of mind, with
nearly half saying the former cheetoh in chief

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did that better too. In fact, the only areas where Biden seems to

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have any edge or political extremism by
a modest four points over the guy who

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inspired an insurrection and foreign conflicts,
where a wopping twenty nine percent prefer the

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president's approach high praise. Indeed,
to be fair, Biden does have some

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factors in his favor, like relatively
low unemployment and slowing inflation, but with

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questions swirling about his age and half
the Democrats disapproving of his Israel stance,

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the plate is getting mighty full for
Old Joe. Meanwhile, Trump is out

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here on the campaign trail doing his
best misdoubtfire impersonation, narrowly avoiding perjury charges.

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Just this week in that pesky hush
money case, and he's still got

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not one, not two, but
four upcoming criminal trials over his little election

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fraud hobbies. Lighten up, Donnie, It was just an attempt to overturn

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democracy, no biggie, So in
this ultimate showdown of septuagenarian chaos agents,

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it's really anyone's dumpster fire to win. Will moderates hold their noses and grudgingly

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back Biden? Will Maga maniacs show
up in force for Trump's corn dog for

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every American platform? Or will all
of us just accept the cold reality that

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the next president is Marjorie Taylor Green
by default. Hey, that lady knows

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how to rock a Britney wig like
nobody's business. The only certainty is that

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the twenty twenty four election cycle is
going to be a Category five shit show

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hurricane that'll make us long for the
civility and nuance of it. Idiocracy's President

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Dwayne Elizondo Mountain dew Herbert Camacho.
But no matter who wins, we can

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all sleep easy knowing President Gritty is
right around the corner. In twenty twenty

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eight, God bless America in a
move that has Americans everywhere saying, wait,

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we had a gasoline reserve this whole
time. The Biden administration is tapping

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into the Northeast's strategic gas dash to
help drivers save a few bucks at the

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pump this summer. That's right,
folks. It turns out there was a

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million barrel gasoline piggybank squirreled away in
the Northeast after twenty twelve Superstorm Sandy,

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presumably to help us all drown our
climate anxiety in cheap road trips. And

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now, with July fourth visions of
eight dollars liter colas dancing in our heads,

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Team Biden is cracking it open like
a dusty y two k ration kit.

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According to the Energy Department, they'll
be auctioning off the roughly forty two

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million gallons in one hundred thousand barrel
increments through a circumflex competitive bidding process to

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ensure the precious dinosaur juice lows into
local retailers at competitive prices. So start

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stretching those eBay sniping muscles. I
guess the fire sale is all part of

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a congressional mandate to shut down the
ten year old reserve because obviously maintaining an

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emergency petroleum safety net makes too much
damn sense I can only assume they've got

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big plans to turn the empty tanks
into the world's largest vape lounge. Now,

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releasing a whopping forty two million gallons
may seem like a drop in the

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ocean compared to America's anglonic thirst,
but Biden officials reassure US folk it's laser

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focused on lowering prices at the pump
by strategically timing this liquid windfall for when

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hard working Americans need it. Most. Of course, this comes after Biden

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turned the strategic petroleum reserves spigot to
guzzle last year, draining America's big boy

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oil bath to levels not seen since
the eighties. Sure it helped stabilize prices

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during Putin's zany Ukrainian warfare arc,
but Republicans clutched all the pearls over playing

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pigskin with a national security asset.
So to recap, the Biden team is

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cracking open a regional gas nest egg
that many didn't realize existed. Then almost

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definitely won't make a meaningful dent in
overall prices. On the bright side,

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at least, the White House beat
Congress to announcing the release. Well,

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well, well, look who's throwing
a tantrum over in the south of France.

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The Canned Film Festival World premiere of
The Apprentice, a charming little biopic

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about our former president's humble origins as
an ambitious slumlord, has already drawn the

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ire of the Donald himself, jumping
into the fray with all the subtlety of

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a maga hat at Ramadan. Team
Trump is branding the Sebastian stand starring film

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malicious defamation and threatening to sue the
pretend filmmakers over their pure fiction that sensationalizes

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lies. So much for the free
speech absolutists. According to reports, the

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Apprentice pulls zero punches in depicting Donald's
roy from wee real estate warthog to eccentric

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billionaire human personage. We're talking scenes
of the future leader of the free world

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getting liposuction and a hair plugs to
conceal his ample insecurities. But the real

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controversy seems to stem from a sequence
alleging Trump sexually assaulted his first wife,

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Evanna, after she mocked his looks. Not exactly the meet cute making America

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great again now, to be fair, Ivanna did later walk back her shocking

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divorce deposition describing the alleged rape.
But who are we to question the creative

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liberties in portraying a notorious paragon of
dignity and respect towards women. Of course,

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Trump and co ord are already readying
the lawsuit canons over the movies blatantly

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false assertions, because nothing says rehabilitation
of your public image quite like aggressive litigation

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against an international arts festival. That
said, the film's director seemed utterly unbothered

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by Donnie's threats at the Cans presser. Equally, put it, everybody talks

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about him suing a lot of people. They don't talk about his success rate,

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though. Someone get the burn unit
on speed dial. While it remains

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to be seen if The Apprentice ever
lands distribution amid the legal fracas, one

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thing's for certain. This is a
masterclass in promotion from the former reality TV

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mogul, an edgy biopic designed to
rile up your base with transgressive content.

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Why, it's just like that classic
novel protocol the Art of the Deal make

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so, hats off to Trump for
living up to the all publicity is good

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publicity ethos that got him this far
in the first place. Sure, the

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canny crowd may think they're sticking it
to the establishment by green lighting and explicit

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takedown. Honestly, at this point, I'm starting to think Trump could release

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a gritty arthouse flick where he just
glowers at the camera unblinking for ninety five

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minutes, and his fans would still
line up in droves. Some heroes really

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do have no shame. Look who's
embracing the decentralized future, our old pal,

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Donald Trump. That's right. The
MAGA camp just announced they'll be accepting

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cryptocurrency donations for the twenty twenty four
campaign, because when you think bleeding edge

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fintech innovation, you definitely think of
a seventy seven year old guy who still

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uses a flip phone. According to
Team Trump, this bold pivot into digital

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currency land is a brave stand against
Biden's sinister regime of socialistic government control over

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the financial markets. Forget about deregulating
mustard agriculture or privatizing the postal service.

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Crippling the Fiat system as we know
it is the real Maga agenda. They're

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even framing it as the Maga crypto
army rising up to battle Biden's enforcer,

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Senator Elizabeth J. Peg Morgan Warren, you know, the one who dared

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suggest increased oversight for crypto presumably stands
between hard working Americans and their god given

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right to ape into ethereum X.
Thanks for that dizzying straw man campaign.

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Of course, the obvious subtext is
this gives Trump an easy new money spigot

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beyond those rascally campaigned finance laws will
dutifully report the DIGITALAHA coins to the FBC,

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but you know the staffers are just
gonna yolo it all into dollar MAGA

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token and a pollution credits DL.
It's also a transparent pander to the cryptodemographic,

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overwhelmingly younger guys, who no doubt
loved the idea of the president giving

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financial self sovereignty lectures between campaign stops
at Missus Fields. We're talking an untapped

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reservoir of potential donors who think burning
an eighth of the global energy supply to

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mint a commemorative ho DL token is
sustainable economics. Just picture it a Trump

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administration where the Treasury mints a CBDC
pegged to electromagnetic enmity with windmills. Crypto

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sect chief Elon musk oversees a regime
of freedom, staking incentives for election truthers,

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and every cabinet meeting kicks off with
a solemn mass decrypting of the latest

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four Chan breadcrumb trail. But who
am I kidding? Even as a joke

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premise President Trump embracing crypto after his
illustrious business career feels two on the nose,

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like, of course, the guy
who slapped his name on a pay

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toilet MLM would flock to the sphere
of air dropped Ponzi pets and Mimi corpepsin

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cycle startups. So congratulations to the
MAGACMP for this forward thinking integration of blockchain

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YadA YadA into their campaign money rikers, though, whether it bulks up their

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war chest or just becomes another excuse
to fleece the MAGA faithful, one thing's

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for sure, this pivot is going
to be more sec than DeFi. Let's

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get ready to romble. Portions of
today's program were written with the help of

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AI, which is like Bitcoin but
different, or maybe it's not. Who

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even understands bitcoin anyway,