Sept. 25, 2024

JD Vance's Incredibly Expensive Eggs

Show Notes
Transcript

How much are eggs again?

Cheryl Hines, I'm here for you.

Haitians shoot back at Trump.

Biden speaks at the UN.

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Calarogu Shark Media from Washington, DC, where hopefully someone will

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remember to hit publish on the podcast today. This is ballad. Yeah,

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what time did this thing actually go out? Yesterday? Four

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in the afternoon.

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Jesus guys, no wonder crooked media overpays everyone.

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Okay, let's hit this.

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Some days, your producers hand you the script and realize

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it's not wacky enough, and you say to them, hey,

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did any of you idiots google JD.

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Vance.

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After they stare at you for a minute, they give

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you some better material. Grab your shopping carts and your calculators,

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because jd Vance just took us on a wild ride

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through the dairy aisle. Our esteemed vice presidential candidate decided

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to show off his math skills at a Pennsylvania supermarket,

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and let's just say he might want to stick to politics. Vance,

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clearly auditioning for the role of confused dad at grocery store,

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boldly declared that eggs now cost a whopping four dollars

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a dozen, even though the sign was screaming two ninety

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nine louder than a rooster at dawn. I guess when

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you're a politician, reality is just a suggestion, right, but wait,

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it gets better. Vance's own son, probably embarrassed enough to

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consider emancipation, tried to save Dad from this egregious egg error,

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but our hero pressed on, undeterred by trivial things like facts.

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Vance then treated us to a touching story about his

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son's consuming fourteen eggs every morning.

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I don't know about you, but I'm picturing the.

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Vance household as some sort of protein powered frat house.

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Maybe that's where all his budget went.

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Forget inflation, it's the incredible edible egg draining the Vance

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bank account. Of course, Vance couldn't resist blaming it all

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on Kamala Harris, because nothing says vice presidential material like

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not knowing the price of everyday items and then blaming

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your opponent for it. It's like a game of pin

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the tail on the donkey, but the donkey is the

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Democratic Party and the tale is well, you get the idea. Meanwhile,

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social media had a field day. One user suggested Vance

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remove price tags before lying on camera next time, solid advice. Really,

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it's political screw ups one hundred and one. But let's

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not forget Vance's other culinary capers. There was the donut

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shop debacle, where he made a worker more uncomfortable than

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a long tailed cat in a room full.

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Of rocking chairs.

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And who could forget his Philly cheese steak, faux pas,

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Asking about Swiss cheese at Pat's King of Steaks is

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like asking for ketchup on a Chicago hot dog.

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It's just not done, folks. So what have we learned? Well?

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Jd Vance might not be the best person to send

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on your grocery runs, but hey, at least he's consistent,

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consistently awkward around food. That is, maybe next time he

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should stick to topics he knows well, Like, well, I'm

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sure there's something right. It looks like the former president

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is sidekick jd Vance have found themselves in a bit

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of a pickle, And by pickle, I mean they're being

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charged with more crimes than a season of law and orb,

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not that jd Vance would know how much to charge

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for a pickle. Remember how Trump and Vance thought it'd

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be a great idea to spread some juicy rumors about

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Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio. You know the usual, they're

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eating our pets, bigotry. Now, the Haitian Bridge Alliance is

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fighting back using a little known Ohio law that lets

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private citizens file charges. It's like a reverse UNO card,

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but for legal shenanigans. The local prosecutor was too busy,

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I don't know, probably hiding under his desk, so the

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Alliance decided to take matters into their own hands. The charges, oh,

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just a light sprinkling of disrupting public services, making false alarms,

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telecommunications harassment, aggravated menacing, and complicity. You know your typical

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Tuesday for Team Trump man. I hope Trump doesn't go

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to trial and be found guilty of all sorts of

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things and then escape scott free. So will Trump and

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Vance face the music? Will Springfield's pets finally be safe?

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Will anyone ever look at their chihuahua the same way?

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Again?

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Stay tuned, folks, This is one story that's sure to

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keep on giving, kind of like those political robo calls

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we all love so much. The New York Post reports

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some people in both the Trump and RFK junior camps

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are secretly doing a happy dance. Why because they're hoping

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this little indiscretion might be the final straw for Cheryl Hines,

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apparently the most hated woman in conservative circles since Hillary

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Clinton forgot to delete her emails. Poor Cheryl, She's stuck

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between a rock and a maga hat. On one hand,

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she's got her husband cozying up to Trump like he's

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auditioning for the Apprentice White House edition. On the other,

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she's got Trump's team treating her like she's the Yoko

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Ono of the political world. And let's not forget Trump himself.

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He's probably sitting in mar A Lago right now, scrolling

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through truth, social thinking. Finally a scandal that's not about me. Meanwhile,

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Cheryl's been spotted without her wedding ring in Milan no less,

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because nothing says I'm done with this circus like ditching

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your ring in the fashion capital of the world.

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I feel bad for Cheryl. It's a lonely world out there,

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you know, Cheryl.

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If you need someone to talk to or maybe grab

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a bite to eat with, I'm here for you. The

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Kennedy family has apparently written Robert off. I guess even

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America's royal family has its limits. Who knew it would

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be sexting that finally made them say, you know what,

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maybe we should have stuck with sailing and touch football.

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So what's next in this political soap opera? Will Cheryl stay?

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Will she go.

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Will RFK Junior end up with a cabinet position or

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a reality TV show? Will she date a younger guy

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with his own podcast? And most importantly, will anyone ever

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trust a political journalist with their nudes? Again? Stay tuned, folks,

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this is one story that's sure to keep on giving.

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Kind of like those embarrassing photos you thought you deleted

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but somehow end up on the cloud. Politics, it's just

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like high school, but with bigger budgets and better lawyers.

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Joe Biden remember him? Don't worry, he doesn't either. It

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looks like Grandpa Joe decided to take his final bow

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at the United Nations, and boy did he make it.

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A doozy our fearless leader who woke up mid debate

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to discover that he's too old to run for office,

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decided to impart some sage advice to his fellow world leaders.

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Some things are more important than staying in power, like

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going to bed before nine, he said, presumably while desperately trying.

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To remember where he left his reading glasses.

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Biden took us on a thrilling journey through his political career,

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from his days as a bright.

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Eyed twenty nine year old senator to his current role

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as well.

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Let's just say he's lived long enough to see himself

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become the villain in some people's eyes. The President spent

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a good chunk of time patting himself on the back

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for his Ukraine strategy. Apparently he thinks he's single handedly

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saved democracy from the big bad Russians. I guess nobody

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told him about the ongoing war and humanitarian crisis. But

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don't worry, folks, Biden's got at all under control. He's

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throwing money at problems left and right. Five hundred million

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dollars here, a million vaccines there. It's like watching Oprah,

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but instead of cars, everyone gets a slice of the

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American taxpayer pie.

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And let's not forget the star studded guest list.

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Biden also touched on the Middle East crisis, AI and

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his long political career. It was like a Greatest Hits album,

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but with more mumbling and confused pauses. Wait until Joe

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finds out portions of today's podcast were made with the

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help of AI, especially the part that made fun of him.

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As he wrapped up his speech, Biden reminded us that

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things can get better. Well, Joe, after listening to that address,

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I sure, hope you're right. Let's hope the world doesn't

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fall apart before January, or we might need to wheel

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him back in for an encore.

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He's still eligible for a second term, you know,