Sept. 18, 2024

JD Vance forgets you never admit to fake news

Show Notes
Transcript

Vance defended his tall tale on Sunday talk shows, saying, "If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what I'm going to do." Oh, sure, JD. Because nothing says "I care about American suffering" like inventing wild stories that cause actual suffering to real Americans. Bravo!

Jimmy Fallon said “Trump was like, ‘Everyone knows the first rule of fake news is not admitting to fake news. Yup, Vance admitted that he made the whole thing up, but besides being overtly racist and making Trump look like a total fool at the debate, no harm done, right?'”

Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get all our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:10.080
Calarogu Shark Media from Washington, DC, where Kamala Harris is

2
00:00:10.119 --> 00:00:11.960
so boring it's hard to even make fun of her.

3
00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:13.560
This is ballot, that's right.

4
00:00:13.759 --> 00:00:15.880
We have Taylor Swift and a horse in a kitchen

5
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:17.920
to play with, and you expect me to make fun

6
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.160
of a boring Harris interview. Even Al Gore is like, Kamala,

7
00:00:22.280 --> 00:00:27.000
be a little more exciting. Anyway, let's hit this. Kamala

8
00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:30.120
Harris gave another interview. She's trying to walk a tightrope

9
00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:32.759
so thin it makes dental floss look like a highway.

10
00:00:33.399 --> 00:00:36.359
She's out here playing political twister, trying to touch all

11
00:00:36.359 --> 00:00:39.719
the bases without actually committing to anything. It's like watching

12
00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:41.840
a magician try to pull a rabbit out of a hat,

13
00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:45.960
but the hat's on fire and the rabbits unionized. On

14
00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:49.880
the Israel Palestine situation, Harris is pulling the old I

15
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.000
support everyone and no one move. It's the political equivalent

16
00:00:54.039 --> 00:00:56.600
of saying I love all my children equally.

17
00:00:57.200 --> 00:00:59.840
We all know you have a favorite. Kamala. Just spit

18
00:00:59.880 --> 00:01:04.280
it out and let's talk about her stance on Roe v. Wade.

19
00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:07.120
She wants to put the protections back in place, but

20
00:01:07.159 --> 00:01:11.280
won't commit to the restrictions. As for reparations, Harris is

21
00:01:11.319 --> 00:01:14.719
passing that hot potato straight to Congress because nothing says

22
00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:18.400
I care about this issue, quite like saying not my job.

23
00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:21.959
Ask those guys over there. But hey, at least she's

24
00:01:21.959 --> 00:01:25.439
consistent in her inconsistency. She's not Biden, but she won't

25
00:01:25.480 --> 00:01:29.280
disagree with him. She's for abortion rights, but won't specify

26
00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:33.239
which ones. She cares about reparations, but not enough to

27
00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:36.959
actually do anything about it. Folks, if fence sitting were

28
00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:40.040
an Olympic sport, Kamala Harris would be taking home the gold.

29
00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:43.599
Let's just hope she doesn't get splinters in any uncomfortable places.

30
00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:47.480
Stay tuned for more exciting episodes of political gymnastics with

31
00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:52.159
Kamala Harris. Well, folks, it looks like JD. Vance is

32
00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:55.120
taking a page out of the Alternative Facts cookbook and

33
00:01:55.159 --> 00:01:59.120
whipping up a spicy dish of complete nonsense. Apparently he's

34
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:02.120
claiming migrants in Ohio are treating Fluffy and Fido like

35
00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:05.319
in All you Can Eat Buffet Talk about a Dog

36
00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:09.000
Eat Dog World. Vance defended his tall tale on Sunday

37
00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:12.120
talk shows, saying, if I have to create stories so

38
00:02:12.199 --> 00:02:15.159
that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering

39
00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:16.240
of the American people.

40
00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:19.479
Then that's what I'm gonna do. Oh sure, JD.

41
00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:23.919
Because nothing says I care about American suffering like inventing

42
00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:27.280
wild stories that cause actual suffering to real Americans.

43
00:02:27.639 --> 00:02:28.120
Bravo.

44
00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:32.000
Jimmy Fallon said Trump was like everyone knows the first

45
00:02:32.039 --> 00:02:34.520
rule of fake news is not admitting to fake news.

46
00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:37.360
Yep. Vance admitted that he made the whole thing up.

47
00:02:37.639 --> 00:02:40.439
But besides being overtly racist and making Trump look like

48
00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:42.960
a total fool at the debate, no harm done right,

49
00:02:43.960 --> 00:02:45.240
Vance wasn't done with food.

50
00:02:46.039 --> 00:02:46.280
JD.

51
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:48.840
Decided to spice up his political rhetoric by tossing some

52
00:02:48.919 --> 00:02:52.120
curry and fried chicken into the mix. Because nothing says

53
00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:55.360
I'm totally not racist like invoking food stereotypes.

54
00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:56.039
Am I right?

55
00:02:56.599 --> 00:02:58.919
It's like he's trying to win a game of offensive bingo.

56
00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:02.039
On NBA we see News Meet the Press, Vance tells

57
00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:05.280
Kristen Welker, whether you're eating curry at your dinner table

58
00:03:05.319 --> 00:03:08.120
or fried chicken, things have gotten more expensive thanks to

59
00:03:08.159 --> 00:03:12.759
her policies. And get this, Vance's spokesperson is now claiming

60
00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:16.560
it's all a big misunderstanding. Apparently the senator was just

61
00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:20.680
sharing his family's Michelin star worthy dinner preferences, because that's

62
00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:23.879
totally what voters care about in these trying times. The

63
00:03:23.960 --> 00:03:27.000
Vance households meal plan, you know, for a guy who

64
00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:30.319
wrote Hillbilly Elegy, Vance seems to have missed the chapter

65
00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:35.240
on how not to put your foot in your mouth. Well, well, well, folks,

66
00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:38.520
it looks like the Battle of the Blondes has officially begun,

67
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:42.439
and Donald Trump is swinging his Twitter I mean truth

68
00:03:42.560 --> 00:03:44.719
social hammer with all the grace of a bull in

69
00:03:44.759 --> 00:03:45.560
a china shop.

70
00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:49.240
Our former president never won to mince words.

71
00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:52.319
Or you know, think before he speaks, declared in all caps,

72
00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:53.840
I hate Taylor Swift.

73
00:03:54.280 --> 00:03:56.639
Woe there, Donald, tell us how you really feel.

74
00:03:57.159 --> 00:03:59.240
I haven't seen this much raw emotion since you tried

75
00:03:59.240 --> 00:04:03.280
to hug an American flag on stage. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift,

76
00:04:03.479 --> 00:04:06.759
fresh from her endorsement of VP Kamala Harris, is probably

77
00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:09.759
shaking it off faster than Trump shakes off facts. She

78
00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:13.560
called herself a childless cat lady in her endorsement post,

79
00:04:13.960 --> 00:04:16.439
which means she better not play a concert in Springfield.

80
00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:21.000
Governor Tim Walls praised Swift, saying, here's my life hack

81
00:04:21.079 --> 00:04:23.639
for all the guys out there. Surround yourself with smart

82
00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.519
women and listen to them, and you'll do just fine. Trump,

83
00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.399
not to be outdone in the pettiness department, took a

84
00:04:30.439 --> 00:04:34.360
swipe at Swift's boyfriend Travis Kelcey by praising Patrick Mahomes's

85
00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:39.759
wife instead. Ronnie Chang said oof, Donald Trump, tweeting, I

86
00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:40.800
hate Taylor Swift.

87
00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:42.720
That's dangerous.

88
00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:45.120
I mean I would rather buy one of those Hesbla

89
00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:46.920
pagers than tweet I hate Taylor Swift.

90
00:04:47.480 --> 00:04:50.720
I think Trump needs to stick to racism. It's less divisive.

91
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:03.879
So picture this, Donald Trump, our former tweeter in chief,

92
00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:07.120
is out there swinging his golf clubs when suddenly it's

93
00:05:07.160 --> 00:05:10.480
like a scene out of Caddyshack meets Diehard, shots ring

94
00:05:10.519 --> 00:05:12.839
out at his West Palm Beach golf course, turning his

95
00:05:12.920 --> 00:05:16.879
typical Sunday drive into a real life action movie. Fast

96
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:19.720
forward to Flint, Michigan, where Trump's holding court with his

97
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:24.279
former Press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. He's there to remind

98
00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:26.759
everyone that being president is no walk in the park,

99
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.720
or should I say, no leisurely game of golf. It's

100
00:05:30.759 --> 00:05:34.240
a dangerous business being President Trump declared to a crowd

101
00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:35.920
that was eating it up faster than a mar A

102
00:05:36.000 --> 00:05:37.120
Lago chocolate cake.

103
00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:40.839
And boy did he have a story to tell. Trump

104
00:05:40.839 --> 00:05:41.360
praised his.

105
00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.079
Secret Service, saying, I have to say Secret Service did

106
00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:45.920
a hell of a job. One of the agents was

107
00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:47.879
walking a couple of holes in front and he saw

108
00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:50.600
a rifle. I guess those guys earn their hazard pay

109
00:05:50.600 --> 00:05:52.920
even on the back nine. Huh. But here's where it

110
00:05:52.920 --> 00:05:56.839
gets interesting, folks, Trump, known for his shall we say

111
00:05:57.639 --> 00:06:01.160
spirited rhetoric, suddenly starts sound like he's auditioning for a

112
00:06:01.160 --> 00:06:04.519
Hallmark movie. He's gushing about how nice Biden and Harris

113
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:05.199
were on the phone.

114
00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:09.439
President Biden was so nice. Trump coud, I do feel

115
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:13.040
he's so so nice. And about Harris. I got a

116
00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:15.839
very nice call from Kamala. It was very nice. It

117
00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:16.600
was very nice.

118
00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:19.879
It's like he discovered the word nice for the first

119
00:06:19.879 --> 00:06:21.600
time and couldn't stop using it.

120
00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:22.560
Now.

121
00:06:22.600 --> 00:06:25.240
Some folks in the crowd weren't buying this newfound love fest.

122
00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:28.720
When Trump mentioned Harris, there were shouts of she's a liar.

123
00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:32.240
But Trump, in a move that probably made his PR

124
00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:35.439
team faint with joy, actually shook his head at the hecklers.

125
00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:38.439
Who is this pod person? And what has he done

126
00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:39.319
with Donald Trump?

127
00:06:40.199 --> 00:06:43.399
Jimmy Kimmel commented on the golf course assassin, saying he

128
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:45.160
appears to be a troubled individual.

129
00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:47.319
His political views are all over the place.

130
00:06:47.759 --> 00:06:50.199
He tweeted earlier this year that his dream ticket would

131
00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:53.560
be Nicky Haley and Vivick Ramaswami, which is how you

132
00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:58.639
know he's nuts. Stephen Colbert said, yes, how could he

133
00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:01.439
have possibly guessed that Trump would be golfing? That's as

134
00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:03.879
unforseeable as pitbull up in the club with some big

135
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:08.120
booty mommies. Ronnie Chang added, this guy managed to walk

136
00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:12.199
into Trump's golf course and stay there undetected for twelve hours. Okay,

137
00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:14.199
and I don't know if you've thought about this, Trump,

138
00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:17.639
but maybe you should consider building, you know, like a wall.

139
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:20.439
By the way, have you noticed that the news reports

140
00:07:20.439 --> 00:07:23.920
are all like a harrowing near tragedy, sending chill through

141
00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:27.160
the nation. And meanwhile everyone you actually know is like,

142
00:07:27.560 --> 00:07:30.399
oh oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that. It looks like

143
00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:32.680
we've got ourselves a real life action movie villain here

144
00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:36.199
in North Carolina. Meet Ryan Ruth, the man who apparently

145
00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:40.160
thought make America great again meant make assassination attempts great again.

146
00:07:40.839 --> 00:07:43.600
The real kicker here is the neighbor's description of Ruth.

147
00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:48.120
Apparently this guy had a horse in his house. That's right, folks.

148
00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:51.000
While most of us are struggling to house train our dogs,

149
00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:53.279
Routh was out here turning his living room into the

150
00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:56.439
Kentucky Derby. I guess when you're planning to take down

151
00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:59.360
a president, you need a quick getaway vehicle. And what's

152
00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:01.800
quicker than a horse that knows its way around your kitchen.

153
00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:04.720
Portions of today's program were made with the help of

154
00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:06.480
AI and a horse in the kitchen.