Nov. 26, 2024

Hulk Hogan to join Trump's cabinet? Lauren Boebert joins Cameo

Show Notes
Transcript

At this point is the idea of Hulk Hogan being on the cabinet really that unbelievable?

Lauren Boebert wants to Cameo with you. Just don't say Beetlejuice three times.

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Calarogu Shark media from Washington, d C. Where wrestling is

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fake but the politics are real. This is ballot, that's right.

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Today's stories include Hulk Hogan, Lauren Bobert, and two turkeys,

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which sounds like a setup for a great joke. But

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I don't want to get gawkered out of existence, so

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let's just hit this. I'm pretty sure I said this

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as a joke. But wait long enough and everything will

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happen in Trump's America. Hulk Hogan's eyeing a spot in

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Trump's potential administration. I guess when Trump said he'd drained

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the swamp, he meant to fill it with baby oil

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and spandex. The Hulkster claims Trump might want him to

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run the President's Council on Physical Fitness, because nothing says

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healthy living like a guy who got famous pretending to

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body slam other guys in Neon tights. Brother, perhaps he

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can go over his plans with Ambassador Hinchcliffe. During their

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chat at Madison Square Garden, Hogan apparently went full conspira

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theorist about American food being banned in other countries, which

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makes sense. Have you seen those hot dogs at wrestling events?

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This all kind of makes sense Trump's MSG rally, which,

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when you think about it, was basically WrestleMania but with

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worse acting. Hogan got some of the biggest cheers of

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the night, probably because he was the only person there

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who could actually pull off that shade of orange. Naturally.

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Lauren Bobert just joined Cameo, where for just two hundred

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and fifty dollars, you can get a personalized message from

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your favorite gun toting restaurant, failing theater, groping representative that's right.

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For the price of a decent dinner that doesn't end

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in a public scandal. Bobert will give you an America

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first pep talk, which I assume means she'll tell you

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how to properly aim your finger guns during a production

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of Beetlejuice. But wait, there's more. She's joining an elite

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club of gop Cameo stars. Matt Gates is charging five

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hundred dollars per video because apparently that's what it costs

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these days to hear Florida Man explains politics, and George

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Santos is still charging two hundred and fifty dollars, though

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for that price he'll pretend to be any congressman you

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want passed present or completely made up. At this rate,

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we're just a few scandals away from a Republican OnlyFans,

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which will probably involve Bobert at the movies. Google it.

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Oh yeah, I should probably mention that Jack Smith is

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dropping his cases against Trump faster than mar A Lago

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drops health code violations. Turns out, lock him up has

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a statute of limitations called winning the election. Smith filed

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his dismissal papers with all the enthusiasm of a teenager

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doing their homework during detention. Trump's basically turned you can't

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prosecute a sitting president into you can't prosecute a president

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elect either, suckers. Joe Biden gave his final Turkey pardon,

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which means he's about to join the ranks of retired

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presidents who spend their days watching the prices right and

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yelling at clouds. Biden drew a massive crowd of two

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thousand and five hundred people for the Turkey pardoning ceremony.

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You know Trump was watching at mar A Lago, furiously

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measuring the crowd size with his tiny hands and insisting

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his Turkey pardons were the biggest, most beautiful pardons. Ever,

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the turkeys from Minnesota, home of Governor Walls and his

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famous you Betcha Energy policy, were named Peach and Blossom. Now,

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they could have gone with Nancy and Barack, you know,

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after the folks who basically told Biden time to hit

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the Early Bird Special permanently. But I guess that would

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have been two on the nose or should I say

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two on the beak. Biden rocking his top gun cosplay sunglasses,

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couldn't help but brag about Delaware's peach pie being the

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state dessert. The President shared that Peach weighs forty one

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pounds and loves tater tots and blossom. She's apparently into

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cheese curds and boxing, which sounds like someone you would

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date if she weren't a turkey. Who do you think,

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I am Matt Gates, but someone who likes boxing. Yeah,

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you might date someone like that until the cheese curds

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got weird. Portions of today's program were made with the

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help of Ai Wwe and an HJ at the AMC