March 20, 2025

FOOD CRISIS ALERT!! The SINISTER Force Behind Skyrocketing Potato Chip Prices + 39 HORRIFYING Items Washed Up on YOUR Beach

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick Gutfield BLOWS THE LID OFF two SHOCKING stories the mainstream media won't tell you about! First, the TERRIFYING truth about why potato chips now cost 50% MORE - and it's NOT just inflation! Then, prepare to be STUNNED by the 39 most DISTURBING items washing up on beaches worldwide - including unexploded WWII bombs, prehistoric shark teeth, and literally THOUSANDS of creepy Garfield phones! Number 17 will make you NEVER want to swim again! The elites DON'T WANT YOU to know what's really happening at our shorelines! This MIND-BLOWING exposé was made with the help of AI but the TRUTH is 100% REAL!
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Caloroga Shark Media.

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From Washington, DC, where the bosses sometimes let us pre

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tape Friday.

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This is ballad. Yeah, baby, long weekend for me. Let's

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hit this. Hi.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield. Have you seen the price of potato

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chips lately? A bag of chips now costs nearly fifty

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percent more than ten years ago. Ten years ago, a

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sixteen ounce bag cost four dollars and twenty seven cents.

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Now it's six dollars and thirty two cents. That's like

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paying for a bag of air with a few potato

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slices thrown in as a courtesy. So I was looking

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into why this is happening, and you know what. The

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culprit is not just inflation. It's climate change. Yes, our

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overheating planet is coming after your snack cabinet. First they

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came for the avocado toast, and I said nothing because

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I'm not a millennial. Now they're coming for my ruffles.

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Idaho and Washington are our biggest potato producing states. Last year,

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Idaho had its third warmest year on record, Washington had

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its fifteenth warmest. You know things are bad when potatoes

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are getting sun burned. And Pennsylvania, which has more potato

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chip factories than any other state just had its warmest

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year on record. The amount of land used for growing

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chipping potatoes in Pennsylvania has been shrinking faster than my

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patients with people who put ketchup on steak.

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This.

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Cornell professor Walter Deyong said, if the climate is changing

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and changing kind of rapidly, we have to develop potatoes

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that are adapted to the new climate. Ah. Yes, heat

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resistant super potatoes. I'm imagining potatoes with tiny sunglasses and

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SPF one hundred. De Jong also questioned whether Western states

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have enough of water to keep growing all those potatoes.

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Do they have the water to sustainably use to grow

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all those potatoes indefinitely out west?

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I think the answer to that is no water shortages

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in the West.

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Who could have possibly predicted this, besides every climate scientist

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for the past thirty years. New Mexico farmers are dealing

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with droughts and wildfires. Oklahoma was a top producer of

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cotton and wheat, but suffered huge losses due to extreme weather.

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As rare as a potato chip in Pennsylvania will be

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the new as rare as hen's teeth. The article suggests

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we should reduce heat trapping gases, educate ourselves about climate issues,

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talk to our friends and family, and support pro climate

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political candidates.

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And I'm just spitballing here.

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We could develop chips made from a more resilient vegetable.

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So next time you're at the grocery store staring at

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that eight dollars bag of lays, just remember it's not

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just inflation, it's not just corporate greed. It's that the

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earth is getting so hot that even potatoes are saying,

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I can't work it under these conditions. And that's why

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I've started hoarding chips in my basement. I'm sitting on

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potato gold.

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People.

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In twenty years, I'll be trading cool ranch doritos for

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a new car.

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So a new report.

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Came out about the thirty nine strangest Things found on beaches,

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thirty nine, not forty. Someone at the research department got

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tired and said, you know what, thirty nine weird things

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is enough. I'm going home now. Let me set the

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stage here. We all expect to find certain things at

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the beach, seashells, seaweed, that one weird guy wearing socks

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with sandals, But apparently people have found everything from jeeps

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into unexploded bombs washing up on shore. In Lancashire, England,

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they found an entire jeep Cherokee just sitting on the beach.

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Some people think it's been there since the eighties, which

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makes sense because that's also when most jeep owners' personalities

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stopped developing. In New Zealand, thousands of milk powder bags

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washed ashore after.

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A cargo ship disaster.

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New Zealand officials called it an environmental catastrophe. The cows

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called it a trade secret leak. Here's a good one.

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In Germany, thousands of plastic eggs with toys inside floated

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onto a beach. German children were thrilled until they realized

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the toys were made in France.

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Now get this.

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In Sydney last month they closed nine beaches because mysterious

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white and gray balls washed ashore. Tests found they contained soap, scum, cosmetics,

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and traces of pharmaceuticals. So basically it was just the

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collective bathroom cabinet of the Kardashian family washing up on shore.

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They've found wooly mammoth teeth on beaches worldwide, which really

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puts things in perspective. You're complaining about forgetting your sun's screen. Meanwhile,

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some poor mammoth is walking around without his teeth. In Australia,

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they found what they thought was some creepy alien creature,

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but it turned out to be a sea tulip.

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Very disappointing.

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If aliens ever do visit Earth, I hope they land

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somewhere more dignified than Australia, like Nebraska. In two thousand

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and seven, a cargo ship spilled shipping containers off the

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coast of England, washing BMW motorcycles and wine barrels onto

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the beach.

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Locals rushed to grab what they could, which is.

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A very polite British way of saying looters descended like

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vultures on a carcass.

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My favorite has to be the Garfield phones.

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For thirty years, plastic phones shaped like Garfield kept washing

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up on beaches in France. Turns out a shipping container

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full of them crashed into a sea cave in the eighties.

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For three decades, the ocean has been slowly giving us

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back our terrible taste in consumer electronics. Oh and in Florida,

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because of course it's Florida, a grand piano mysteriously appeared

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on a sandbar in twenty eleven. It was eventually revealed

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to be an art project by some student, because nothing

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says I'm an artist like abandoning a perfectly good musical instrument.

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In the ocean.

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Speaking of Florida, in the seventies, someone had the brilliant

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idea to dump two million tires into the ocean to

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create an artificial reef.

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Well, they're still washing up on beaches today.

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It's like the ocean is saying, nice, try humans, here's

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your garbage. Back in Croatia, they found a megalodon tooth,

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which belonged to a prehistoric shark, believed to be up

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to fifty nine feet long. I've seen smaller studio apartments

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in New York City. World War two relics keep washing up, too,

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aircraft bunkers, unexploded minds. The Greatest Generation is still delivering packages,

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even from beyond the pandemic even left its mark on

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beaches with face masks washing up everywhere from Hong Kong

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to California. Future archaeologists will think we had a very

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specific way of protecting our chins. And let's not forget

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the twenty nine thousand rubber ducks lost at sea in

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nineteen ninety two that are still washing up on beaches today.

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They've traveled farther than most people's retirement plans. So next

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time you're at the beach complaining about a little seaweed

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touching your foot, just remember it could be a creepy hairball,

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a World War two mine, or a grand piano instead.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield.

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We made the show with the help of AI and

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that's the weird, weird world of beaches.