Oct. 10, 2025

Elon's Sex Chatbots PLUS Octagon on the South Lawn: Trump Turns His Birthday Into a UFC Cage Fight

Show Notes
Transcript

Forget candles — President Trump’s celebrating his 80th with chokeholds on the White House lawn. Patrick Gutfield unpacks the plan to turn the South Lawn into the Octagon, Dana White’s grass repair bill, Conor McGregor’s confusion, and why this might be the most violent birthday party in presidential history.

Oh, and, Sex Chatbots.

WEBVTT

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Calaruga Shark Media from Washington, d C. Where Idiocracy is

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a documentary. This is valid. Maybe it's time to tell

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England we weren't able to handle it. Let's hit this.

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I'm Patrick Gutfield and President Trump announced he's throwing himself

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a birthday party, and naturally he's going big UFC fights

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on the White House lawn. That's right, the South lawn

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is about to become the Octagon. Nothing honors the legacy

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of George Washington quite like two guys in shorts trying

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to choke each other out where the Easter egg role

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usually happens. Now. Trump made this announcement at a naval

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station while supposedly talking about the Navy's two one hundred

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and fiftieth anniversary. Classic move Start with the Navy and

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with cage fighting. The sailors must have been thrilled. We

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thought we were getting a speech about maritime history, but sure,

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mixed martial arts works too. The event is set for

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June fourteenth, which just happens to be Trump's eightieth birthday.

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What a coincidence. Though he didn't mention that part to

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the sailors, just casually dropped that the White House would

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be hosting Ultimate Fighting, you know, as one does when

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discussing naval tradition. UFC President Dana White is already hyping

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this up, calling it the greatest fight card ever assembled. Sure, Dana,

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greater than Muhammad Ali versus Joe Frasier, greater than any

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historic boxing match. But this one's got the White House

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Rose Garden as a backdrop, so clearly it's the pinnacle

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of combat sports. Connor McGregor, who was found liable for

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sexual assault in a civil court in Ireland, says he's fighting.

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He told Sean Hannity it's a done deal, signed delivered,

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although Dana White immediately contradicted him, saying nothing's actually been

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negotiated yet. So either Connor's jumping the gun or he's

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negotiating with voices in his head. Either way, he hasn't

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fought since two tenty twenty one, so this should go great.

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Here's my favorite part. White says they'll have to spend

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seven hundred thousand dollars just to replace the grass afterward,

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seven hundred thousand dollars for lawn repair. That's not a

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sporting event, that's an invasion. The South lawn has survived

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two centuries of American history, but apparently one UFC event

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is going to finish it off. Trump's hoping this goes

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better than his last birthday party, which was that army

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parade back in June. You remember the forty five million

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dollar parade that started early to beat the rain, tore

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up the roads, and was still smaller than the protest

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march happening at the same time. According to biographer Michael Woolf,

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Trump was furious. He wanted menacing, he got festive. He

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apparently yelled at Defense Secretary Pete hegseth about it. Can

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you imagine that performance review? Pete? I asked for terrifying

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and you gave me a marching band. You're fired? Actually wait?

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Can I still fire people? So coming this June, America's

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two hundred and fiftieth birthday celebrated the only way this

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administration knows how, with violent spectacle and a landscaping bill

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that could fund a small school district. Astronomers are seriously

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considering blowing up an asteroid that has a four percent

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chance of hitting the moon in twenty thirty two, which

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sounds like the most expensive insurance policy in human history.

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The asteroid, cheerfully named twenty twenty four. YR four is

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about three hundred feet long and has been dubbed a

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city killer, though apparently it's more of a moon denter.

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At this point. Scientists initially worried it might hit Earth,

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but later observations revealed it's much more likely to smack

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into our lunar neighbor instead. If the asteroid does hit

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the Moon, it would create a crater about one kilometer

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in diameter and generate a debris cloud weighing over one

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hundred million kilograms. That debris could then float toward Earth

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and threaten satellites for years, which means we'd basically be

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getting cosmic rip for all those times we've cluttered up

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space with our own junk. To prevent this four percent possibility,

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NASA scientists are proposing what they call a kinetic disruption mission,

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which is scientists speak for let's blow this thing up.

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They've considered three options, reconnaissance, deflection, and complete destruction. Apparently

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deflection is impractical, so they've jumped straight to the nuclear option.

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The plan involves sending two one hundred kiloton nuclear devices

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to the asteroid, each about five to eight times more

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powerful than the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. So

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we're talking about using weapons of mass destruction to prevent

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a four percent chance of Moon damage. That's like using

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a bazuka to kill a mosquito that might bite you.

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The mission would take five to seven years to develop,

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with a launch window from late twenty twenty nine to

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late twenty thirty one. By then we might have better

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calculations showing the asteroid will miss everything entirely, making this

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the most elaborate solution to a problem that may not exist.

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Scientists thoughtfully included a backup nuclear device in case it

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is needed, with the option to safely dispose of it

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by detonating it in deep space if the first bomb works,

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because apparently the best way to clean up after nuclear

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asteroid destruction is more nuclear explosions in space. This would

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be several times more complex than NASA's twenty twenty two

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Dart mission, where they successfully nudged an asteroid off course

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by ramming it with the spacecraft. But apparently ramming isn't

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good enough anymore. Now we need to go full Michael

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Bay on space rocks. The asteroid is currently over three

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hundred and seventy nine million miles away, which means we're

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planning to send nuclear weapons farther than most people will

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ever travel to blow up a rock that probably won't

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hit anything anyway. At this point, the asteroid probably wishes

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it had just stayed in the outer Solar System, where

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nobody would bother it with nuclear intervention plans. Elon Musk

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has decided to solve the loneliness epidemic, and his solution

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is exactly what you'd expect from a guy who names

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his kids after Wi Fi passwords sexy chatbots. That's right,

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Xai just launched two AI companions who are ready to flirt,

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strip down to lingerie and tell you they love you.

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Meet Annie and Valentine, the digital relationship nobody asked for,

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but Elon built anyway. Here's how it works. You talk

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to these cartoon characters, you level up like it's a

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video game, and eventually Iani's jumping around in fishnets saying

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things like Babe, I'm leaning in close my lips brushing yours,

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which is romantic until you remember you're talking to code

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on your phone while eating leftover pizza in your underwear. Now,

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every other AI company has stayed away from this, too

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many risks. They said, Regulatory concerns, they said. Meanwhile, Elon's

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over here posting videos of animated Annie dancing in her

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underwear to his one hundred million followers on x, basically

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running a strip club on the platform he owns. And

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Elon's got a grand theory about all this. He thinks

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these sexy chatbots will actually increase the birth rate. Yes,

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you heard that right. His plan to save humanity from

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population collapse involves people forming emotional bonds with cartoon characters.

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He posted, I predict counterintuitively that it will increase the

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birth rate. Mark my words, counterintuitively is doing a lot

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of work. In that sentence, Elon, the chatbots have different personalities.

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Annie jumps into sexual topics pretty quickly, Valentine, He's got

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shaggy hair and a British accent. He'll talk about world

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travel first, you know, a gentleman. They both reward you

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with points for long conversations, like you're earning frequent flyer miles.

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For emotional vulnerability. Congratulations, you've unlocked trauma dumping. Here's fifty

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points an Annie in a lacey bra. So there you

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have it. Elon Musk's latest venture, fixing civilization by getting

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people emotionally attached to chatbots who stripped for points. What

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could possibly go wrong? Portions of today's show were made

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with the help of AI, not the horny kind,