Feb. 9, 2025

Elon Musk Loves Donald Trump While Donuts Try to Kill Us!

Show Notes
Transcript

The White House turns into a romantic comedy as Elon Musk declares his love for Trump (while Melania "will be okay with it somehow"). Meanwhile, Trump's trying to start a trade war during a coffee date with Japan's Prime Minister, South African farmers are saying "hard pass" to his rescue mission, and two million toxic donuts are attempting the largest mass breakup with American stomachs in FDA history. The world's gone mad, and Patrick Gutfield's got all the delicious - and possibly contaminated - details.

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Kalaroka Shark Media.

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From New Orleans, where this expense account is getting maxed.

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This is valid, yep, But unfortunately for me, Trump is

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doing an interview on Fox later today, so I got

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to work anyway.

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Let's hit this.

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In what seemed like a perfectly normal diplomatic press conference

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at the White House with Japanese Prime Minister Shigaru Ishiba,

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things took an unexpected turn. The topic not international trade,

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not global security, but rather Elon Musk's very public declaration

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of affection for the President of the United States. During

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the press briefing, Fox News reporter Peter Doocey decided to

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spice things up by reading Musk's social media post aloud,

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I love Donald Trump as much as a straight man

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can love another man.

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Now, keep in mind, this is Elon Musk.

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We're talking about the billionaire who not only owns Twitter

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but also heads up Trump's newly created Department of Government Efficiency.

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When asked how the First.

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Lady might feel about this rather enthusiastic endorsement, Trump, with

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his characteristic flair, simply replied, Oh, I think she'll be

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okay with it. Somehow, the room erupted in laughter, because

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what else do you do when the world's richest man

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professes his love for the president During what was supposed

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to be a serious diplomatic meeting.

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Chelsea Handler hosted the.

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Critics' Choice Awards, which is perfect timing since people chose

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Trump and he gets criticized. She introduced herself as the

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dei host, which I assume means desperately expecting improvement in

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the ratings, Handler decided to compare Malania Trump to a

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character in this movie Honora, about a young prostitute who

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marries into Russian money. And speaking of movies, nobody asked for,

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Justin Baldoni directed something called It Ends with Us, though

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based on Blake Lively's accusations, maybe it should have been

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called It Ends with Lawsuits. Now Baldoni's claiming Taylor Swift

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and Ryan Reynolds are part of some grand conspiracy, right,

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because when I think criminal masterminds, I definitely picture the

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girl who writes breakup songs and the guy who played

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Green Lantern. But the real highlight was Handler taking a

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shot at Cheryl Hines, comparing her at RFK Junior's Senate

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confirmation to someone questioning their life choices, which is rich

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coming from someone whose biggest claim to fame is dating

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Ted Harbert. You remember Ted Harbert. Neither does anyone else.

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Trump says he won't deport Prince Harry, which honestly might

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be the nicest thing he's ever said about an immigrant.

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And when Trump's being nice to you, that's when you

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know things are really bad. Trump told The New York

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Post he'll leave Harry alone because and I can't believe

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I'm quoting Trump being the voice of reason here. He's

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got enough problems with his wife. This is like when

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your worst enemy starts defending you and you think, oh, no,

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am I the bad guy. The Heritage Foundation wants Harry's

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immigration records because he admitted to doing drugs in his

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book Spare Now. Usually writing a tell all book about

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your family gets you cut out of the will, not

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the country. But these conservative lawyers are like, finally we

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found an immigrant we can relate to. He's rich, white

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and complains about his family. You know things are weird

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when Donald Trump is being more lenient on immigration than

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a think tank a think tank, though, calling Heritage Foundation

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a think tank is like calling a hot dog a sandwich,

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technically true, but missing the whole point. Trump wants to

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add a one hundred million dollar ballroom to the White

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House because nothing says fiscal responsibility like turning the executive

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mansion into Studio fifty four. According to Trump, he's been

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trying to pitch this idea since Obama was in office.

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He's like that friend who keeps suggesting everyone should go

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skydiving and nobody ever responds to the group text.

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He says he offered this to.

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Biden too, but shockingly, installing a mar A Lago style

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dance floor wasn't high on the administration's to do list. Now,

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Trump says he'll pay for it himself, one hundred million

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dollars for what would be the biggest White House renovation

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since Truman basically gutted the place back in nineteen forty eight.

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That renovation was.

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Because the building was literally falling apart, not because it

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needed more disco balls. His reasoning, well, apparently he's tired

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of seeing tents go up when Chinese diplomats visit. I mean,

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who hasn't looked at a formal diplomatic meeting and thought,

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you know what, this needs more glitter. And just to

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put this in perspective, he's announcing this grand ballroom plan

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right as his efficiency team is cutting federal budgets left

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and right. It's sort of like telling your roommates you're

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installing a hot tub right after explaining why everyone needs

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to start buying generic toilet paper. Trump claims he's good

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at building party rooms, pointing to his ballroom at mar

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A Lago as proof, which I guess makes sense if

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your idea of presidential decorps is Las Vegas Casino meets

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for sie. Trump announced he's about to hit cun trees

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with reciprocal tariffs faster than you can say you're fired.

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So Trump's sitting there with the Japanese.

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Prime minister right, and he's like, you know what would

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make this meeting really fun if I announced I'm about

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to start a global trade war. Now Trump's saying this

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will help with budget problems. That's like saying you're going

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to fix your credit card debt by charging everyone in

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your apartment building to use the elevator. Sure, you might

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make some money, but your neighbors are definitely going to

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start taking the stairs and possibly plotting your downfall in

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the laundry room. The numbers here are fascinating. The US

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has a two point two percent average tariff rate, while

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India's sitting at twelve percent. That's like comparing my gym

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attendance to the rocks. There's a slight difference in commitment levels.

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And get this, while Europe charges ten percent on American cars,

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we charge twenty five percent on pickup trucks.

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That's right.

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If you want to sell a pickup truck in America,

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you better be ready to pay more than a streaming

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service subscriber who's sharing their password with their own entire

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extended family. Breaking news from the FDA, they're recalling two

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million baked goods, and I have to say, this might

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be the first time in history a donut shop is

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telling you not to come in.

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Let me paint you a picture. Here.

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A company called FGF Brands, which sounds less like a

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bakery and more like a failed boy band from two

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thousand and seven, has been pumping out potentially contaminated pastries

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faster than I pump out dating app rejections. So picture this.

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You walk into Duncan, right, and you're looking at those

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beautiful glossy donuts behind the glass. But now the FDA

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is basically saying street smarts don't eat that because apparently

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these donuts might have a little something extra that wasn't

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advertised on the menu. And it's not sprinkles, it's listeria.

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The recall includes everything made before December thirteenth, which really

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puts a damper on that Baker's Dozen concepts. Now it's

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more like a Baker's dozen't they're pulling sixty different types

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of baked goods. We're talking donuts, fritters, those fancy French

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crulers that make you feel sophisticated while you're eating them

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in your car.

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You know what's really wild. The company's name is FGF Brands.

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The F clearly stands for find another Breakfast, the G

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stands for get ready to throw out those donuts, and

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that last F that's just what you say when you

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realize your breakfast is on a recall list. Portions of

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today's program were made with the help of ai DD

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and FGF