Jan. 7, 2025

Drones, Clones, and Student Loans: When Star Wars Meets Real Wars

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick tackles Pennsylvania Senator Doug Mastriano's creative interpretation of Star Wars vehicles as government surveillance, proving that some politicians can't tell their TIE fighters from their spy drones. Plus, we celebrate America's victory over murder hornets (yes, that was still a thing), and explore how universities are playing beat-the-clock with international students before Trump's inauguration. From dental floss tracking devices to Ivy League escape plans, it's an episode that shows sometimes reality is stranger than science fiction - even when politicians can't tell the difference between the two.

Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get all our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed! You also get 20+ other shows on the network ad-free!

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:10.640
Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, d C. Where it's USA one,

2
00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:14.560
murder Hornets zero. This is ballot. That's right.

3
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:18.359
We've got murder hornets, tie fighters, and frightened exchange students

4
00:00:18.359 --> 00:00:23.600
to talk about, So let's hit this. Pennsylvania State Senator

5
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:27.800
Doug Mastriano made headlines after mistaking a tie Fighter from Star.

6
00:00:27.640 --> 00:00:30.160
Wars for a mysterious drone.

7
00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:33.840
You know things are getting weird when politicians start confusing

8
00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:37.640
the Death Star's fleet with surveillance equipment. There have been

9
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.679
these unexplained drone sightings over New Jersey lately, which naturally

10
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:44.960
led Trump to accuse Biden of hiding alien technology or whatever.

11
00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:48.600
This coming from the guy who spent his weekend creating

12
00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:52.359
AI images of drones delivering Big Max to Chris Christie,

13
00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:56.719
because apparently, in Trump's world, even the robots are on

14
00:00:56.759 --> 00:01:02.240
a fast food run. But the real comedy Masteriano shared

15
00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:04.480
what he claimed was a photo of a recovered drone

16
00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:07.439
from Orange Beach, Alabama, which is about as close to

17
00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:10.920
New Jersey as Tatooine is to Earth. The photo was

18
00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:14.640
actually of a tie Fighter, you know, those iconic Imperial

19
00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:18.400
ships that made that distinctive screaming sound while failing to

20
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:22.640
hit literally anything in the original trilogy. When called out,

21
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:25.920
Masteriano tried to play it cool, claiming he posted it

22
00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:28.959
as a meme and mocking the Philadelphia in Choir for

23
00:01:29.079 --> 00:01:32.879
fact checking him. Right, because when I'm trying to expose

24
00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:36.840
government conspiracies, I always use props from seventy seven year

25
00:01:36.840 --> 00:01:41.200
old science fiction movies. Look, I'm not saying our politicians

26
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:44.120
need to be Star Wars experts, but maybe if you're

27
00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:47.439
going to accuse the administration of hiding secret technology, make

28
00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:49.560
sure it's not something you can buy at Disney World.

29
00:01:50.040 --> 00:01:55.040
Speaking of flying things, great news everyone, We've officially eradicated

30
00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:59.519
the murder hornets from America. Yes, the two inch flying

31
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:02.120
nightmare that sound like they were created by Stephen King's

32
00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:06.920
entomologist Evil Twin are finally gone. These weren't your average

33
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:11.599
backyard buzzing nuisances. These were hornets that could sting through

34
00:02:11.639 --> 00:02:14.400
a beekeeper suit like it was made of tissue paper,

35
00:02:15.080 --> 00:02:17.759
and had enough venom to make seven honey bees say.

36
00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:19.759
Wow, that's a lot of venom.

37
00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:23.520
They could also destroy an entire bee colony faster than

38
00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:26.599
you can say. Why did we name them murder hornets?

39
00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:27.520
Oh?

40
00:02:27.639 --> 00:02:30.560
That's why the way they caught them was straight out

41
00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:34.879
of a tiny spy movie. Scientists actually caught one, tied

42
00:02:34.919 --> 00:02:38.120
a miniature radio tracker to it with dental floss, because

43
00:02:38.120 --> 00:02:41.240
apparently that's a thing we do now, and followed at

44
00:02:41.240 --> 00:02:44.479
home like the world's most dangerous game of Marco Polo.

45
00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:50.080
Washington State's headbug expert Sven Spishecker was practically giddy announcing

46
00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:53.599
this victory, saying it's a rare day when humans actually

47
00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:56.639
get to win one against the insects, which really puts

48
00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:59.879
into perspective how many battles were apparently losing to bug.

49
00:03:00.759 --> 00:03:03.080
And get this, they think these hornets might have snuck

50
00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:07.039
into North America through shipping containers. That's right, even murder

51
00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:10.960
hornets are using Amazon Prime these days. But don't celebrate

52
00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:14.360
too hard. Georgia and South Carolina are now dealing with

53
00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:19.159
yellow legged hornets because apparently regular hornets weren't fancy enough.

54
00:03:19.599 --> 00:03:23.639
These ones needed coordinated outfits, and Spain just found giant

55
00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:27.479
hornets too, proving that terrible ideas really do spread faster

56
00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:32.439
than good ones. So congratulations, America, We've won the battle

57
00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:36.360
against murder hornets. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need

58
00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:44.560
to go reinforce my b suit just in case. Colleges

59
00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:48.840
are now telling international students better hurry back before inauguration,

60
00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:54.080
which is basically the academic version of Cinderella, except instead

61
00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:56.879
of turning into a pumpkin at midnight, you might not

62
00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:02.199
be able to finish your thesis promising ideological screening for

63
00:04:02.280 --> 00:04:06.680
immigrants because apparently he thinks border control should work like

64
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:10.560
a really intense job interview. So tell me where do

65
00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:13.560
you see yourself in five years? And also, are you

66
00:04:13.639 --> 00:04:18.879
a dangerous lunatic? Remember his first travel ban that went

67
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:22.720
about as smoothly as a cafeteria food fight. People were

68
00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:26.879
stuck at airports like Tom Hanks and the Terminal, except

69
00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:31.319
less charming and more chaos. More than forty thousand people

70
00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:36.040
were refused visas. That's like filling a stadium with rejected paperwork.

71
00:04:36.839 --> 00:04:40.439
Cornell University is warning students from thirteen countries that a

72
00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:43.680
travel ban is coming faster than a freshman's first tuition bill.

73
00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:48.040
They're especially concerned about students from China and India, who

74
00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:51.920
make up more than half of all international students. That's

75
00:04:52.040 --> 00:04:55.360
one point one million students total, by the way, or

76
00:04:55.399 --> 00:04:58.240
As University administrators call it a lot of out of

77
00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:04.279
state tuition. Harvard, Brown, Mit, they're all telling students to

78
00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:04.720
get back.

79
00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:05.920
Before January twentieth.

80
00:05:06.680 --> 00:05:09.040
It's the first time these schools have agreed on anything

81
00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:14.279
since they all decided charging astronomical tuition was cool. At Berkeley,

82
00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:16.879
student Jackie Lee is heading home to China, but coming

83
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:20.720
back early. He's asking Trump to be a champion of

84
00:05:20.759 --> 00:05:24.000
academic freedom, which might be like asking a bull to

85
00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:26.519
be a champion of China shops, but hey, worth a shot.

86
00:05:27.439 --> 00:05:31.199
So now we've got universities basically telling students, remember when

87
00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:35.040
we said education has no borders, Well, maybe pack lte

88
00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:38.639
and hurry back. Anyway, it's turning the spring semester into

89
00:05:38.680 --> 00:05:42.160
the academic equivalent of musical chairs. When the music stops

90
00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:44.879
on January twentieth, you better have a seat in class.

91
00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:47.959
Portions of today's show were made without the help of

92
00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:51.439
murder hornets, but with the help of AI and drones.