Donald Trump found guilty of all 34 counts

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Callaroga Shark Media from New York where
Trump is guilty. This is ballid.

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I guess I'm not getting to the
story about Jill Biden going to an Italian

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feast in Wisconsin. Let's hit this
well, well, well, it looks

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like the former president's pants were finally
caught on fire over that sketchy hush money

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payment to a certain adult film star. After weeks of dramatic courtroom theatrics,

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Donald Trump has been convicted on all
thirty four counts of cooking the books to

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cover up that lecherous pre election tryst
with Stormy Daniels. You'd think a billionaire

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could afford some more discreet escapades,
but I guess when you're Donald Trump,

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subtlety was never your strong suit.
Dude practically hired a skyrider to advertise his

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affair with the porn star. And
let's not forget the cavalcade of characters that

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paraded through this trial. We had
Trump's former fixer, Michael Cohen, earning

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his MVP of Liar's badge by throwing
his old boss directly under the bus.

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Stormy herself gave such salacious testimony even
the judge was like Jesus put a filter

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on that woman. Then you had
poor Hope Hicks, Trump's ex spokesperson breaking

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down in tears on the stand.
I can only assume she was emotional about

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having to admit she actually chose to
work for this skeeze operation. At one

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point, Speaking of skeeze, let's
give it up for the defense team's brilliant

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strategy of ultimately calling their own client
an irredeemable sleeze ball, claiming the hush

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money was just Trump being extorted rather
than covering up conduct unbecoming of a president.

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Genius legal minds at work, folks. And how can we forget the

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literal dumpster fire courtesy of that Maga
conspiracy theorist melting his hair outside the courthouse.

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The pungent aroma of burning Tupe really
set the ambiance for this whole circus.

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All I can say is I cannot
wait for the made for TV movie

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version starring the zany talons of Tommy
Wiseo as Trump and whatever Sea lister they

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can find still desperate enough to play
Stormy. But hey, at least Donald's

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got one thing going for him.
Being a felon doesn't disqualify him from running

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for president Thanks to that handy constitutional
loophole a convicted criminal can still take oval

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office no problem. So much for
draining the swamp, more like adding extra

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stagnant muck. In all seriousness,
though guilty verdicts for former presidents definitely aren't

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something to treat lightly. This is
uncharted franchise altering territory for America. Will

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Trump's voters actually care that he was
quite literally found guilty of lying and covering

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stuff up? Or will it only
amplify his martyred populis messaging as he cries

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foul ahead of twenty twenty four.
Buckle up, folks, the takes are

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going to be scalding for the foreseeable
future. It's almost poetic that Trump won't

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be facing sentencing until July eleventh,
just four days before he's set to officially

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become the Republican nominee at their convention. Can you imagine the circus of him

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potentially getting slapped with jail time in
the lead up to becoming the standard bearer?

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Talk about one hell of a pre
convention narrative to overcome, though,

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knowing Trump's flair for repeatedly dodging consequences, He'll probably just use it as more

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grist for his persecuted martyr mill campaign
rally, chance of lock him up coming

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to an arena near you. But
let's be real here. We all know

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damn well he's likely avoiding any actual
prison time on these charges. Dude.

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Maybe a first time felon now,
but breaking laws to cover up tawdry affairs

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doesn't exactly scream hardened criminal status.
He'll get a slap on the wrist at

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most, like some probation or home
confinement that he can easily spin into a

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very unfair witch hunt tale of woe. And that's if this conviction even sticks.

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After the inevitable blitz of appeals Trump's
team has teed up, we could

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be years away from any real legal
closure here. Knowing how stubbornly litigious this

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guy is, imagine Trump still haggling
over the stormy hush money case while sitting

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in the Oval office. Again,
not even writers from VEEP could dream up

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that level of farce. Honestly,
at this point, you've got to wonder

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if these convictions will just become another
empty notch in Trump's bedpost of controversies,

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ultimately forgotten by his base. Sure, being an officially convicted felon ain't exactly

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a great look on its surface,
but does it really disqualify the guy in

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the eyes of his maga faithful?
I have my doubts, especially when Trump

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can just hand wave it all away
by claiming the real verdict will be on

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election day. His supporters seem to
only hear what they want anyway. Everything

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else is dismissed as fake news,
witch hunts, or sour grapes from the

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Libs. So strap in, folks, We've got a potentially reconvicted felon representing

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the Republican Party in the run up
to twenty twenty four's main event. It

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would be historically unprecedented if we didn't
already know how much Trump revels in shattering

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all traditional norms and decorum. All
that's left now is to sit back and

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watch the fallout, both legal and
political. Will voters ultimately care about Trump's

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newly minted criminal status or will it
just be another bizarre footnote in this endless,

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nauseating reality show of an election cycle. Grab your popcorn and get those

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zinger ready, because the jokes practically
right themselves at this point. It may

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be cringe comedy, but hey,
at least we're getting our money's worth in

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sheer civic absurdity. Portions of today's
pod were created with the help of AI.

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I guess I'm working all weekend again