Sept. 23, 2024

Donald Trump declines to debate Kamala Harris again

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump says it's "too late" to debate Harris again. Oh.

Harris is blowing off the Al Smith dinner.

Norma is texting Mac again.

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Calaroga Shark media from Washington, DC, where Donald Trump is

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too scared to debate Kamala Harris again, this is ballad,

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that's right, and Kamala is too scared to attend the

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Al Smith dinner. I guess she's afraid Jim Gaffigan will

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make some dated hot pockets joke about her. Let's hit this.

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It looks like Vice President Kamala Harris just went from

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Madam Vice President to madam, don't test me faster than

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you can say Second Amendment. During Oprah's Unite for America rally,

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which sounds more like a superhero team up than a

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political event, Harris dropped a bombshell that had Oprah clutching

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her pearls. Turns out our VP is packing more than

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just policy proposals. If somebody breaks into my house, they're

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getting shot, sorry, Harris said, probably causing her staff to

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collectively face palm. I guess when she said she was

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going to shoot for the stars. This isn't quite what

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they had in mind. Oprah. Ever, the professional tried to

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keep it cool with a yes, yes, I hear that translation,

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Holy guacamole. Did she just say that on my show?

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Harris realizing she might have just turned her campaign slogan

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from for the people too for the people with really

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good aim, quickly added, probably should not have said that,

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but my staff will deal with that later. I can

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just imagine her staff right now frantically googling how to

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unsay something your boss said on National TV. Now, before

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you start picturing Harris patrolling the Naval Observatory grounds with

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a shotgun, remember she's got Secret Service protection and those

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guys have been great this year. Meanwhile, Chris Rock and

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Julia Roberts were also on the call, probably wondering if

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they accidentally tuned into an action movie pitch instead of

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a political rally. Harris is up for another debate, but

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Donald Trump says it's too late. Harris, apparently feeling frisky

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after that first debate, decided to throw down the gauntlet

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for round two. She's like that kid in class who

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reminds the teacher about homework, except the homework is a

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ninety minute verbal sparring match. Trump, meanwhile, is playing hard

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to get. He's saying it's too late for another debate.

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I guess in Trump's world it's never too late for

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a three am tweet storm. But a scheduled debate that's

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pushing it. And then we've got JD. Vance, Trump's running mate,

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who apparently didn't get the it's too late memo. He's

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over in Pennsylvania saying he's open to a second debate

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with Tim Walls. Trump's response to all this, He's busy

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posting edited clips of Harris saying being a bitch on

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truth social because nothing says presidential like cherry picking soundbites

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from fourteen years ago? Am I right? Joe Biden? Remember him?

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Don't worry he doesn't either. Fox News told a story

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which I'm sure is fair and unbiased. Picture this, Biden's

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at a press conference with India's Prime Minister Nearendra Mody.

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Now you'd think introducing a world leader would be a

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slam dunk, right wrong. Biden pulls a classic Biden and

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asks who am I introducing next, followed by aloud, Who's next.

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It's like he thought he was at a deli counter

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rather than a diplomatic event. After a pause so awkward

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it could have been a scene from the office, an

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announcer had to step in and introduce Madi. I guess

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that's what they call executive assistants these days. Just a

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day earlier, Biden let First Lady Jill Biden run a

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cabinet meeting. Now, I'm all for bring your spouse to workday,

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but this is taking it to a whole new level.

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Biden introduced her saying it's all yours, kid, because nothing

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says I'm in charge like calling the person running your

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meeting kid. Jill Biden then spoke for four and a

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half minutes about maternal health initiatives. I guess when your

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husband forgets who he's supposed to introduce, you've got to

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be ready to step up to the plate. The last

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time a First Lady attended a cabinet meeting was Hillary Clinton.

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But let's be honest, we all know Bill probably wanted

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to check in with the interns while he knew where

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Hillary was. It looks like Taylor Swift's political endorsement is

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about as popular in North Carolina as a Yankees cap

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at a Red Sox game. Seems the tar Heel State

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is seeing red over Swift's blue endorsement. I guess you

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could say her reputation isn't looking too fearless right now.

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The poll shows thirty percent of respondents gave Swift a

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big old one inch on the popularity scale. That's lower

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than my high school math grades, folks. Another nine percent

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gave her a two, which, in Taylor's world is probably

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the equivalent of we are never, ever ever getting back together. Meanwhile,

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Elon Musk, the guy who offered to knock up the

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childless cat lady, is somehow more popular than Swift. I

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guess in North Carolina, offering to impregnate pop stars is

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less offensive than endorsing politicians who knew but don't worry Swifties.

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Thirty one percent of respondents still love Taylor. I guess

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they're the ones who'll be shaking it off while the

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hater's gonna hate hate hate. As for the actual political race,

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Trump's leading Harris by four points. Looks like some voters

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are ready to make America insert catchphrase again. Well, folks,

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it looks like Vice President Kamala Harris is pulling a

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Houdini act on the Al Smith dinner. I guess she

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figured why roast Trump when I can just ghost him instead?

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Our VP is breaking a tradition that's older than most

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of the jokes in my monologue. The last time a

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candidate skipped this shindig. Walter Mondale thought he had a

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shot at the presidency. Spoiler alert, he didn't. Harris says

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she'll be busy campaigning in battleground states. I'm no political expert,

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but I'm pretty sure New York is a state, and

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last I checked, there's quite a battle going on there

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for the last slice of pizza. Meanwhile, Trump's agreed to

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show up. I guess he couldn't resist the chance to

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roast someone other than himself for a change. Plus, it's

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probably the only dinner in New York where he's still welcome.

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The archdiocese spokesperson said their disappointed Harris won't be there,

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calling it an evening of unity and putting aside political

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differences because nothing says unity like two politicians trading insults

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over rubber chicken? Am I right? Harris did say she'd

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be willing to attend as president of the United States.

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Talk about putting the cart before the horse, or in

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this case, the Harris before the votes. So there you

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have it, folks, Harris is ghosting, Trump is roasting, and

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somewhere out there, Walter Mondale is thinking, Hey, I started

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a trend. Portions of Today's program were created with the

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help of AI. I bet these texts from my crazy

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ex girlfriend Norma were made with AI. Nobody could be

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this whacked in real life. Hey Mac, still waiting on

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that text from Cheryl Hines. I heard Kate's been bitching

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about you to Mike. Seriously, Mac, how does it feel

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to have neither Kate nor me? You've got no one

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and don't even get me started on Cheryl Hines with

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that loser podcast of yours. You think you've got a shot, newsflash,

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you're not even on a radar. Come on, Mac, you

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think Kate's going to stick around when she's airing all

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your dirty laundry to Mike spoiler alert, She's not. And

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let's be real, Cheryl Hines isn't going to swoop in

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and save your sad little podcast career.