Aug. 28, 2024

Does Trump want Jesus to Count The Vote?

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump thinks he can win California, but it is going to take Divine Intervention

Kamala is going to do a TV interview tomorrow

What's going on with Kick Kennedy and Ben Affleck?

Shouldn't Cheryl Hines date a younger guy with his own podcast?

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WEBVTT

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Calaruga shark media from Washington, DC, where one does not

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do photo ops over the graves of soldiers.

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This is ballot, that's right, And Kamala is finally going

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to do an interview, but it's pre taped and Tim

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Walls is writing shotguns, so everyone is mad.

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Let's hit this well.

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Well, well, looks like Jesse Waters is back in the

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hot seat, folks, and this time it's not for his

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charming personality or stunning intellect. No, it's for suggesting that

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generals would have their way with VP Kamala Harris in

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the situation room. But don't worry, everyone, Waters wants us

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to know he didn't mean it in a sexual way.

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Oh No, he was just.

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Talking about her leadership style, because when I think of

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critiquing someone's leadership, my go to phrases always have their

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way with But wait, there's more. He once claimed female

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journalists sleep with sources all the time. I guess in

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Waters world, Woodward and Bernstein were less all the president's

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men and more.

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Fifty shades of Washington.

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Vice President Kamala Harris and her new sidekick, Minnesota Governor

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Tim Walls are set to grace CNN with their presence

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this Thursday. It's their first joint interview since Walls joined

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the campaign, probably because they needed time to coordinate their

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outfits and practice their synchronized nodding. This is Harris's first

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in depth chat since President Biden, remember him, don't worry,

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he doesn't either decided to gracefully bow out of the

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twenty twenty four race, and by gracefully bow out, I

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mean trip over his own shoelaces and stumble off the

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political stage. The Dynamic Duo will be cruising through South

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Georgia on a bus tour, because nothing says I'm in

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touch with the common folk like a luxury bus rolling

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through Peach Country. CNN's Dana Bash will be conducting the interview,

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presumably because she drew the short straw at the office.

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Speaking of short straws, remember that president debate Bash moderated

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back in June, the one where Biden's performance was so

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stellar it convinced the entire Democratic Party to hit the

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panic button.

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Yeah, good times.

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Meanwhile, we've got a real Republican rebellion on our hands.

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More than two hundred GOP alumni from the Bush, McCain

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and Romney camps have decided to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris.

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It's like watching the cast of Republican high school musical

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break into a song and dance number for the Democratic

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prom queen. These GOP veterans are warning that a second

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Trump presidency will hurt real, everyday people and weaken our

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sacred institutions. Will knock me over with a feather. Who

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would have thought that the guy who treats the Constitution

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like a takeout menu might not be great for democracy?

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Now?

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These Republicans admit they have plenty of honest, ideological disagreements

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with Harris and her running mate, Minnesota Governor Tim Walls,

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but apparently they'd rather have those disagreements than watch Trump

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play pin the tail on the democracy for another four years.

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The letter criticizes Trump and his acolyte jd. Vance for

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cowtowing to dictators like Vladimir Putin. It's like they're auditioning

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for dancing with the autocrats, and Putin's the judge. In response,

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Trump's campaign spokesman basically said these Republicans would rather see

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the country burn than see Trump back in the White House. Well, folks,

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that's what I call a warm welcome for political dissent. Meanwhile,

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at the Democratic National Convention, we had more Republican defectors

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than a Soviet era spy novel. Stephanie Grisham, Trump's former

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press secretary, spilled the beans faster.

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Than May Aunt Edna.

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At a family reunion, she claims Trump called his supporters

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basement dwellers. I guess in Trump's world, that's a step

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up from deplorables. Trump's been taking a ride on the

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Imagination Express, and boy, is it a wild journey. Trump

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was interviewed by doctor Phil first stop California, where apparently

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Trump's popularity is so mens only the Son of God

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himself could accurately count the votes. Because nothing says I'm

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winning quite like needing divine intervention to prove it. Trump said,

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if Jesus Christ came down and was the vote counter,

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I would win California, Okay. In other words, if we

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had an honest vote counter, a really honest vote counter.

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I do great with Hispanics great, I mean at a

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level no Republican has ever done. But if we had

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an honest vote counter, I would win California.

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I see it.

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I go around California. They have Trump signs all over

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the place. It's a very dishonest state. Everything is mail in.

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They send out thirty eight million ballots. I think it

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is anytime you have a mail in ballot, you're going

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to have massive fraud. I guess walking on water wasn't

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impressive enough. Now we need walking on ballots. Next up

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Trump's grand theory that Christians and NRA members don't vote much.

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Who knew.

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Maybe they're too busy turning the other cheek and exercising

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their right to bear arms simultaneously. And let's not forget

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Trump's clarification about his you won't have to vote again comment.

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Apparently it was just a friendly reminder to vote this time,

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not a hint at eternal presidency.

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Phew.

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For a moment there, I thought we were headed for

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president for life Trump the reality show.

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But wait, there's more.

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Trump also defended his dictator for a day comment, It

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was just a joke, folks, because nothing says stable democracy

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quite like casual dictator humor. I'm sure George Washington is

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laughing in his grave. It looks like Donald Trump's visit

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to Arlington National Cemetery turned into a real life game

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of Capture the Flag, except instead of flags, it was photographers,

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and instead of fun, it was a pr nightmare. Apparently,

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Team Trump thought it would be a great idea to

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bring their own paparazzi to a section of the cemetery

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reserved for fallen soldiers, because nothing says solemn respect quite

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like a campaign photo op. Right, the cemetery officials, clearly

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not fans of impromptu photoshoots, decided to play human shield.

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Trump's team claims the official was having a mental health episode. Sure,

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because trying to enforce federal law is totally crazy these days.

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Trump's campaign spokesman Stephen Chung threatened to release footage of

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the incident. I'm sure it'll be right up there with

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the Zuppruder film in terms of historical significance. Maybe they

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can sell it as an NFT to fund the campaign. Meanwhile,

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Chris la Savita, another Trump advisor, called the cemetery official

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a disgrace. Because enforcing rules at a national cemetery is

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apparently more disgraceful than turning a tribute to fallen soldiers

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into a campaign event makes perfect sense. The cemetery probably

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wishing they could just have one day without drama, basically said, yeah,

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something happened. We wrote it down, moving on vote vets

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clearly not impressed with Trump's cemetery Shenanigans suggest test did

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he fire the team members involved, because nothing says supporting

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the troops like canning your staff for trying to exploit

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the troops. And let's not forget the cherry on top

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of this tasteless Sunday Governor Cox's social media post featuring

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Trump and others giving a thumbs up around a soldier's

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grave because nothing says we remember your sacrifice quite like

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posing for Instagram at a gravesite. In the end, it

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seems Trump's team confused paying respects with getting clicks. Maybe

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next time they'll remember that some places are sacred, even

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in an election year. But let's be real, this is

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politics in twenty twenty four. The only thing sacred is

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the almighty poll number. Oh boy, grab your popcorn, folks,

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because the Ben Affleck romance rumor mill is spinning faster

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than a Kardashian's Instagram feed. So Ben Affleck and Kick

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Kennedy huh sounds like the setup for a bad joke.

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A Hollywood heart throb and a Kennedy walk into a bar.

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But wait, Afflex spokesperson is here to save the day,

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insisting they might not even know each other. Sure, and

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I might not know where my remote control is. Oh wait,

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it's been in my hand this whole time. But hold

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on to your tabloids, because an anonymous source is spilling

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tea hotter than Boston Harbor.

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Apparently Affleck and Kennedy have been pals for years. Who knew?

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Certainly not Afflex spokesperson, it seems.

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Now, let's talk about timing this rumor pops up right

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after j Lo files for divorce.

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Coincidence in Hollywood?

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Please, that's about as likely as finding a paparazzi free

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beach in Malibu. And get this, Apparently Affleck's been harboring

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a secret desire to join the Kennedy clan because nothing

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says I've made it quite like being part of America's

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most cursed political dynasty, right, I mean, who wouldn't trade

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a billion dollar lifestyle with j Lo for wait, what

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exactly the chance to summer in Hyannasport. But here's the

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real kicker, pun absolutely intended kick. Kennedy was supposedly Ben's

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celeb crush. I don't know about you, but when I

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think celeb crush, I usually picture you know, actual celebrities,

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not saying Kick isn't great. But let's be real, if

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you saw her on the street, you'd probably think, is

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that the girl from my yoga class? Or maybe I

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better stepmom Cheryl wouldn't mind dating a younger guy with

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a podcast. So there you have it, Folks, did the

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AI just make up the rumor just like it help

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make portions of this podcast? Will Ben and Kick be

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the next benefit or is this just another Hollywood fairy

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tale