Aug. 21, 2024

Did Obama come on yet? I was just resting my eyes

Show Notes
Transcript

The Democrats seem to be run by the people who told baseball it was a good idea to play teh World Series when the east coast is falling asleep.

Barack Obama probbaly said somethign be we were out of it.

What happened to James Taylor?

Why does AOC have a new accent?

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WEBVTT

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Calaruga Shark Media.

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Live from the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, where I

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guess Obama said something, but honestly, we went the hell

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to bed.

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This is ballot, that's right.

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Obama came on too late, James Taylor went missing, and

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AOC has a new accent.

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Let's hit this last night.

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Michelle Obama took to the stage with her trademark blend

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of grace and urgency, declaring we need to overwhelm any

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effort to suppress us. She's clearly throwing shade at those

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pesky voting laws in Republican led states and maybe giving

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a side eye to Trump's twenty twenty election antics and

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his potential twenty twenty four Encore. Our fate is in

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our hands, she continued, rallying the crowd like only she can.

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But honestly, we'd have loved to give Barack some coverage too,

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if only the Dems would stop scheduling everything close to

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midnight on the East Coast. Trump, ever, the showman, knew

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what he was doing when he had Hulk Hogan on

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at nine point thirty, timing, folks, it's everything. I mean, sheesh,

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stop going past midnight, guys, now, I understand why those

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coddled babies at crooked Media get twelve hours off between shifts.

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We asked the AI what Obama probably said. According to

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the AI, it was probably something like, I've been out

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of office for a while, but judging by the headlines,

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it seems like some folks out there still miss me.

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He then turned serious, urging voters to choose hope over fear,

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facts over conspiracies, and for the love of democracy, maybe

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think twice before electing anyone who still thinks bleach is

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a cure all. Anyway, the big story here on the

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convention floor was what happened to James Taylor. Poor James Taylor.

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He showed up to the Democratic National Convention ready to

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melt hearts with You've Got a Friend, but instead he

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got the cold shoulder. The legendary singer songwriter was all

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set to serenade the crowd on Monday night, but in

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a twist that no one saw coming, his performance was

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mysterious cut from the lineup in a statement that feels

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like a polite way of saying oops are bad. DNC

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officials told the Hollywood Reporter that the program got a

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little too rowdy with all the raucous applause for the speakers.

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The crowd was so amped up that they had to

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skip parts of the schedule just to make sure President

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Biden could get on stage before everyone's bedtime. So somewhere

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between Jill Biden's heartfelt speech and Ashley Biden's introduction of

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her dad, Taylor's moment in the spotlight got axed. According

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to a video on x, the artist formerly known as

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Twitter because Elon Musk insists on being an idiot, The

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seven time Grammy winner had planned to perform his classic

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hit You've Got a Friend, which is fitting considering he

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was probably counting on the DNC to be his friend too.

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At least we know that President Biden is a fan.

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The man has had Taylor sing for him at both

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a fundraiser and a White House event, so it's safe

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to say that when it comes to Biden's playlist, Taylor

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still got a spot, even if Joe doesn't remember him.

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In the end, it seems the night just wasn't big

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enough for both James Taylor and Joe Biden.

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But don't worry, James.

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Next time, they'll make sure to leave a little more

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room for your mellow vibes. Staying musical, because apparently this

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is one big concert. The Democratic National Convention decided to

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mix things up during the roll call with a soundtrack

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that could double as a Spotify playlist titled Pandemic road

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Trip Red, White, and Blue. Addition, DJ Cassidy, clearly aiming

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for a greatest hits of American cliches, spun tracks that

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were about as subtle as a bald eagle and an

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Uncle Sam had. Alabama naturally got Lynyrd Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama,

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because if there's one thing we need during a roll call,

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it's a reminder of where Alabama is located. And nobody

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bring up Lynyrd Skynerd's use of the Confederate flag. Stop

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asking questions and just go along with the party. Florida

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got Tom Petty's I Won't Back Down, which seems less

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like a nod to the Sunshine State and more like

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a reminder that Tom Petty actually survived living there. Also,

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nobody bring up Tom Petty's use of the Confederate flag

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on the Southern Accents Tour.

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Okay, stop asking questions.

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California, of course, was blessed with Doctor dres the next episode,

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because nothing says official political event like West Coast rap

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Classics featuring Snoop Dogg.

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But the highlight of the night Georgia.

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The state was treated to Lil John's Get Low and

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turned down for What, ensuring that if anyone was still

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snoozing through the convention, they were promptly shaken awake by

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the sound of crunk. Somewhere a confused delegate probably spilled

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their drink trying to get Low in their living room.

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As if the musical medley wasn't enough, the DNC trotted

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out a cast of actors who apparently drew straws to

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see who got to rep their home state. Wendell Pierce,

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forever tied to New Orleans, brought the votes for Louisiana.

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Sean Aston, still riding that rooty wave, presented for Indiana

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because when you think of Hoosi your pride, you think

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of a hobbit playing football, and Eva Longoria, ever, the

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Texas native, stood in for the lone Star state because

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apparently Corpus Christi isn't enough of a claim to fame

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on its own. Spike Lee also popped up standing alongside

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New York Governor Kathy Hokul to make sure no one

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forgot Brooklyn is still a thing.

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All in all, it.

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Was a night of patriotic pandering, with just enough star

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power and song choices to keep the remote from being

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thrown at the TV. On the second night of the

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Democratic National Convention, CNN commentator Anna Navarro decided to make

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her case for Vice President Kamala Harris in the most

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compelling way possible by appealing to America's love of furry friends.

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Dogs are good judges of character, so are cats.

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We cannot elect a president who does not like dogs

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or hangs around with people who shoot them, Navarro declared,

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taking what might be the most thinly veiled shot at

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South Dad Coda Governor Christy. Noam yet, because apparently the

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key to leading the free world is a solid relationship

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with man's.

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Best friend who knew.

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Navarro then turned sirious, sharing her story of fleeing communism

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in Nicaragua as a child. She urged Democrats to love

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our country more before delivering the ultimate patriotic mic drop.

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In this election, putting country first means one thing, and

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one thing only, voting for Kamala Harris. So there you

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have it, folks. If you love America, apple pie and

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not shooting dogs. Your choice is clear, because nothing says

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commander in chief material like a.

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Love of labradors.

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Alexandria Ocazio Cortes never won to shy away from a

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microphone or an accent. Apparently, the New York congress woman

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found herself in the spotlight again, but this time it

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wasn't just for her fiery speech at the Democratic National

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Convention in Chicago. No, AOC's latest feet of political theater

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has Twitter warriors up in arms with accusations that she

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borrowed a brand new accent for the occasion. The thirty

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four year old Progressive rep went all in during her speech,

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taking potshots at former President Donald Trump and rallying the

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delegates like it was a revival meeting in the Deep South,

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and that's exactly where the critics pounced. Social Media quickly

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lit up with people asking what accent is AOC using here?

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Apparently her impassioned delivery had more twang than a country

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music concert. One particularly biting comment on x formerly known

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as Twitter, because even Elon Musk consists on being an idiot,

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summed up the vibe AOC speech was cringe. The fake

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accent was way too much for me, back snapped, I

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called it DNC as cringe as all get out. Another

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user snarked Preacher AOC debuting her new accent as if

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she was getting ready to pass around the collection plate.

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But of course, this isn't AOC's first rodeo with the

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accent police. She's been dragged before for allegedly slipping into

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a Southern drawl, most notably back in twenty nineteen at

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Al Sharpton's National Action Network convention. At the time, she

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clapped back, saying, folks talking about my voice can step

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right off and explain that anyone who's had to navigate

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different linguistic cultures would get it. Still, for every critic,

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there was a fan in the audience chanting AOC like

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she was a rock star, proving that whether she's speaking Bronx, Southern,

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or something in between, she knows how to work a crowd.

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So love her or hate her, AOC's got people talking

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about her policies, her speech, and apparently her ever evolving accent.

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Well, it looks like Robert F.

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Kennedy Junior might be getting ready to pull off a

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political plot twist worthy of a primetime drama. The Independent

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Presidential candidate is reportedly considering dropping out of the twenty

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twenty four race to join forces with none other than

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former President Donald Trump. That's a shame, because making up

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RFK stories on slow news days is a great way

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to kill time.

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Unfortunately, this story is real.

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The bombs came courtesy of Kennedy's running mate, Nicole Shanahan,

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who spilled the tea on the impact theory with Tom

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bill yu podcast on What You Asked?

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Who Knows? I've never heard of it either.

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I wonder if Tom's producers get nine weeks vacation like

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the spoiled bunch at Crooked Media. According to Shanahan, the

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Kennedy camp is mulling over two options, stick it out

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as an independent and risk handing the election to Kamala

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Harris and Tim Waltz, or bow out and buddy up

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with Trump. Shanahan didn't mince words when she said she'd

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be more comfortable with Trump and his VP pick Senator

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j d Vance running the show than with Harris and Waltz.

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And it seems Trump isn't exactly opposed to the idea.

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In a brief chat with CNN, Trump gushed about Kennedy,

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calling him a brilliant guy, and saying he'd be certainly

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open to giving him a spot in his administration because

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who wouldn't want to add to Kennedy to the team?

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Right, But before you get too.

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Excited about this political odd couple, keep in mind that

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there's a lot of speculation here. While Kennedy's poll numbers

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have dipped, with his support dropping to six percent from

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a high of fifteen percent last year, his campaign is

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still weighing its options. Shanahan mentioned that if Kennedy stays

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in the race and manages to snag more than five

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percent of the vote, it could open doors for future

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independent candidates, giving them automatic ballot access and public campaign financing.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of AI,

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especially the Obama speech I told you was made up

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with the help of AI. Oh wait, don't leave yet.

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I babbled long enough that Barack finally came on. This

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part is real. Let's just hope the zany music bed lasts.

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At the DNC, Obama laid it out with his usual

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mix of passion and precision. In this new economy, we

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need a president who actually gives a damn about the

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millions of people all across this country, who wake up

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every day to do the essential, often thankless work like

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caring for our sick, cleaning our streets, and delivering our packages,

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And who will stand up for their right to bargain

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for better wages and working conditions, he declared, earning a

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standing ovation that probably could have used a bit more confetti.

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He didn't stop there, adding with a grin, Kamala will

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be that president. And with that the crowd was off

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to the races, chanting yes she can, as if they

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were trying to make up for all the missed chants

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at previous conventions. Why the Dems think chanting the catchphrase

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from Hillary's Loser campaign is a good idea is kind

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of crazy, like my ex girlfriend Norma. Obama then turned

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his gaze outward, saying, by the way, this doesn't just

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matter to people here, the rest of the world.

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Is watching to see if we can actually pull this off.

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Then Obama went off on a five minute rant about

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how the wacky music bed wasn't long enough and you'd

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think one of this show's three producers could have extended

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it to bed me here, but no, maybe that's why

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crooked media had to give away the store to get

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good producers. He wrapped up with a reminder that we

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shouldn't be the world's policeman and we can't eradicate every

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cruelty and injustice, but America can be must be a

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force for good, discouraging conflict, fighting disease, promoting human rights,

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protecting the planet from climate change, and defending freedom. So basically,

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Obama's saying, it's not all bad news as long as

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Kamala's in charge and we don't end up as a

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global reality show. The most important part, the bosses won't

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bitch me out for leaving before Obama came on.