Jan. 6, 2025

CryptoClocks & Burger Shocks: America's War on Time, Money, and Common Sense

Show Notes
Transcript

Patrick dives into America's latest financial fever dream - Fartcoin, because apparently cryptocurrency needed to get even weirder. Then, we explore the eternal battle against Daylight Savings Time, where changing your clock twice a year is somehow more controversial than paying thirty dollars for a fast food burger. Plus, a special look at RFK Jr.'s unique approach to gym fashion, proving that even Kennedy money can't buy common sense when it comes to workout wear. From digital tokens named after bodily functions to sunrises at brunch time, it's an episode that proves America might need a collective reality check - and maybe a better alarm clock.

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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where yes we have

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a calendar and no we aren't going there. This is valid.

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That's right when some idiots think we want sunrise in

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the summer at four am, let's hit this. Welcome to

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twenty twenty five, where Trump's victory has people investing in

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something called part coin. You know we've hit peak capitalism

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when flatulence themed cryptocurrency is worth as much as office depot.

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The whole thing reads like a rejected episode of Black Mirror.

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We've got people throwing money at coins based on dead squirrels,

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viral street interviews, and bodily functions. It's like if Wall

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Street and TikTok had a baby and that baby was

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really into cryptocurrency. Get this, There's a website called pump

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dot fund where you can launch your own coin in

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one click. Because nothing says legitimate financial instrument like being

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able to create current and see faster than you can

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order a pizza. The UK's financial watchdog is basically telling people, hey,

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maybe don't do this, while the website is just sitting

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there with its terms governed by English law, like wearing

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a fake mustache to sneak into an r rated movie,

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and Trump's victory has everyone acting like they're at a

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crypto casino. Bitcoins up one hundred and thirty percent this year,

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fifty percent just since the election. It's like Trump won

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and everyone collectively decided, you know what seems like a

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safe investment. Internet money named after bathroom humor. The best part,

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there are actually people getting rich off this stuff. Someone

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sitting on half a billion dollars from a coin based

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on that dead squirrel story from last month, which really

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makes you question everything you learned in business school. But

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here's the kicker. Experts say this is all happening because

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young people feel priced out of the American dream. They

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can't afford houses or blue chip stocks, so they're gambling

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on digital tokens named after bodily functions. It's like the

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entire millennial generation looked at their student loan debt and said, well,

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might as well bet it all on fart coin. According

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to the New York Post, so you know it's right,

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shake Shack is officially America's most expensive fast food chain.

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They raised their prices by three percent this year, which

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in fast food math means your burger now costs roughly

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the same as a small car payment. Their CFO, Katie Fogerty,

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announced this during an investor call, probably while sitting on

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a throne made of golden French fries. Five guys came

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in second place for being overpriced. At this point, the

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five in their name might actually be referring to the

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number of twenty dollars bills you need for lunch. The

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study also found that celebrity restaurants are getting complaints about

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high prices, especially Gordon Ramsey spots. Turns out, when you're

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paying for food with attitude, it costs extra. Who knew,

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but here's the plot twist. New York City, home of

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the eight dollar coffee and thirty dollars sandwich, was actually

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rated the least overpriced for restaurants. Meanwhile, Oakland topped the

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list as most expensive. That's right, the city where rent

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costs your firstborn child is somehow a bargain for dining out.

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And speaking of McDonald's, they're fighting back against claims their

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prices went up one hundred percent. Their president said the

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Big Mac only increased by twenty one percent. Oh only

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twenty one percent, Thank goodness. I was worried I'd have

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to take out a loan. For my quarter pounder. Chipotle

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customers are also revolting over prices, though, to be fair,

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if you're already willing to pay extra for guacamole, what's

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another few dollars between friends and their burritos. So remember, kids,

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the next time someone says fast food is cheap, just

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remember so was gas in nineteen seventy two. RFK probably

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won't like any of that news. Bobby recently dropped by

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the Equinox gym. You know times are tough when even

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RFK can't figure out proper gym attire. Here's a guy

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worth millions showing up to Equinox like he just finished

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installing drywall. At seventy years old. Kennedy is out here

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doing deadlifts in Levi's. The other gym members were shocked,

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partly because of his outfit, but mostly because they'd never

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seen someone try to do squats while defending vaccine conspiracy theories.

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You have to admire his commitment. Though most people wear

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compression shorts to the gym, RFK Junior shows up looking

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like he's about to help his buddy move a couch,

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and those hiking boots. I guess when you spend that

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much time climbing up that anti vax mountain. Comfortable footwear

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is essential. He posted on Instagram that he's practicing moves

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for his confirmation hearing, which makes sense. Dodging questions about

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your medical theories probably requires some serious agility training. The

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real question is what's next for Bobby. Will he show

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up to presidential debates in a wetsuit, give campaign speeches

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in leader hosen. At this point, nothing would surprise me.

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I just hope none of those Equinox members asked him

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for workout advice. First, make sure your genes are extra tight,

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then drink this special colloidal silver pre workout I found

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on info Wars. Portions of today's show were made with

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the help of Ai bart Coin Shakeshack and what are

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we even doing? So remember, kids, the next time someone

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says fast food is cheap, just remember so was gas

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in nineteen seventy two.