Correspondents Dinner Roasts, Puppy-gate, and a Courthouse Birthday Wish for Melania

WEBVTT

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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, home of the White House Correspondents Dinner

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where Matt friend bombed, but at
least he didn't kill a puppy. This

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is Balid today. We've got quite
the lineup for you. First up,

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we'll dive into the jokes and jabs
from the White House Correspondence Dinner and the

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former president couldn't resist firing back on
truth social Colin Jost hosted the White House

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Correspondence Dinner last night, which meant
not only did I have to work Saturday

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because Biden went on Howard Stern,
I have to work today too. Sheesh.

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We did edit this clip for pacing. I didn't know you were going

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to show up with me from high
school. Yeah, it's not really fair.

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You can't do it for President Biden
because the technology wasn't invented when he

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was in high school. It's not
really fair. Good evening, everyone,

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I'm Colin Jost and I'll be delivering
the Republican response. I'll be honest with

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you. I don't have a lot
of time. I need to get back

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to New York because i'm jur number
five on a big trial. Trump's lawyer

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took one look at me, and
he's like, he's got to be on

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our side. Thank you Kelly for
that very kind introduction. Mister President,

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doctor Biden, Vice President Harris Doug
Doug. As you can tell from all

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the comments about my wife, I'm
also used to being the second gentleman,

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and I am honored to be here
hosting what is, according to swing state

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polls, the final White House correspondence
dinner. I hope that tonight will be

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a night to remember for most of
us. I was excited to be up

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here on stage with President Biden to
night, mostly to see if I could

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figure out where Obama was pulling the
strings from. I have to admit it's

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not easy following President Biden. I
mean, it's not always easy following what

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he's saying. Like Jost also mocked
the age of both candidates. I'm not

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saying both candidates are old, but
you know, Jimmy Carter is out there

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thinking I could maybe win this thing. Can we just acknowledge how refreshing it

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is to see a president of the
United States at an event that doesn't begin

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with a bailiff saying all rise.
Trump reacted around one am, posting on

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truth Social the White House correspondence,
dinner was really bad, and Crooked Joe

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was an absolute disaster. Doesn't get
much worse than this. Biden had jokes

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of his own. Of course,
the twenty twenty four elections in full sweat,

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and yes, age is an issue. I'm a grown man running against

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a six year old. Biden also
joked Trump's so desperate he started reading those

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bibles he's selling. Then he got
to the first commandment, you shall have

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no other gods before me. That's
when he put it down and said,

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this book's not for me. Jose
took several swipes at Trump, saying I

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love that. Trump's two attacks on
Biden are that he's a senile old man

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and a criminal mastermind. I think
you've got to pick one personally. I

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don't know any criminal masterminds who bike
to get ice cream. Comedian Matt Friend

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kind of bombed. Sure, it
was a tough room, but his material

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was tough too. Here's a clip
which we've edited for pacing. I will

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tell you it is really a tremendous
opportunity to be at the most failed dinner

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anybody's ever seen. Great to see
you losers. A lot of people say

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that Hello everybody. Why is it
so quiet? What's happening? It's quieter

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than sleepy Joe? Hello Joe,
how are you great? To see you?

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We're gonna debate, right, that's
what they're saying. There's a lot

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of stars here. There's a lot
of great people. There's Scarlet Johannesburg.

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Scarlett is here from Black Widow.
I love the blacks, I really love

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the blacks. It's true. You
have a lot of people that could potentially

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be a vice president. You have
Lara Trump, who's a lot better than

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Rona McDonald, who doesn't love Rona
McDonald. Right, I'm loving it.

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You like a happy meal, right, you like that? But I will

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tell you this dinner is so tight. It's so uptight, right, This

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dinner is sadder than Taylor Swift's new
album, The Tortured President's Department. Right,

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you look at him, the white
tuxedo. It doesn't like me too

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much. Right, But I will
tell you the Chinese apps are being banned.

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It's horrible. We have to post
on David Pecker's on Snapchat. Now,

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that's what they're saying. Let's face
it, folks, I'm on fire

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right now, Like the guy outside
the courthouse right, not soon enough,

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not soon enough. But I will
tell you I am killing this dinner harder

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than Christinome kills the puppies. Moving
on place. Even a criminal trial can't

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stop Donald Trump from being a loving
husband. In a touching display of marital

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devotion, the former president took a
moment outside the New York City courthouse to

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wish his wife Milania a happy birthday. Because nothing says I love you like

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a press conference in front of a
swarm of reporters and cameras at your trial

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which involves a porn star. That's
right. Malania turned fifty four on Friday,

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and Trump made sure to let everyone
know that he'd rather be celebrating with

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her than sitting through what he calls
a rigged trial. I mean, can

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you blame the guy who wouldn't prefer
a fancy birthday dinner over listening to hours

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of testimony about alleged hush money payments
to a porn star. Trump didn't just

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wish Milania a happy birthday once,
he did it twice. Of course,

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Trump couldn't resist taking a few jabs
at the trial. While he was at

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it. He called it terrible,
unconstitutional and rigged. Because apparently that's just

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how he describes anything he doesn't like. I'm surprised he didn't throw in a

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fake news or witch hunt for good
measure. And let's not forget the fact

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that Milania is nowhere to be seen
at the courthouse. She's apparently in Florida,

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probably enjoying a much more relaxing birthday
than her husband. I guess when

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you're married to Donald Trump, you
learn to take your celebrations where you can

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get them. So happy birthday,
Milania. Your husband may be facing thirty

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four felony counts and a potential prison
sentence, but at least he took a

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moment to acknowledge your special day in
front of the entire world. It looks

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like South Dakota Governor Christy Nome has
found herself in the doghouse with a group

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of Democratic governors. And no,
it's not because she forgot to pick up

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after her pooch during a walk in
the park. Nope, it's because of

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a story in her upcoming book about
killing her family dog yikes. According to

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the passage, which was first reported
by the Guardian, Gnome got frustrated with

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her nearly fourteen month old, wire
haired pointer cricket during a hunting trip.

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So what did she do? She
took the dog to a gravel pit on

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her property and shot it, and
then, in a move that's sure to

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win her the Dog Owner of the
Year award, she wrote that it was

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not a pleasant job but had to
be done. Yeah, because that's totally

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normal behavior for a pet owner.
Now I know what you're thinking. Wow,

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she sounds like the perfect fit for
the Trump ticket. After all,

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nothing says make America great again like
a little casual animal cruelty right now.

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To be fair, Trump hasn't actually
picked nome as his running mate yet,

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but given his track record of surrounding
himself with questionable characters, it's not entirely

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out of the realm of possibility.
I mean, this is a guy who

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on hired a communications director who threatened
to gut a reporter like a fish,

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so a little puppy murder might not
be a deal breaker for him. But

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hey, maybe Trump will surprise us
all and pick a running mate who actually

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likes animals, someone who I don't
know doesn't have a history of shooting defenseless

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creatures for fun. Then again,
this is Donald Trump. We're talking about

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the only animals he seems to care
about are the ones he can slap his

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name on and turn into tacky hotel
decorations. A group of Democratic governors decided

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to start a social media trend.
Minnesota Governor Tim Waltz kicked things off by

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posting a photo of himself feeding his
dog and encouraging others to post a picture

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with your dog that doesn't involve shooting
them and throwing them in a gravel pit.

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Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and New Jersey
Governor Phil Murphy quickly joined in posting

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photos of themselves hugging and cuddling with
their furry friends. But the Democratic National

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Committee took things to a whole new
level. In a statement, they refer

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to themselves as the Dogmocratic Party and
went after know Him for her truly disturbing

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and horrifying book passage. I guess
when you're the party of dog lovers,

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you have to take a stand against
animal cruelty, even if it means making

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terrible puns in the process. Now, I know what you're thinking. But

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wait, isn't Christy Gnomes seen as
a possible running mate for former President Trump?

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Surely he wouldn't stand for this kind
of behavior. Well, let's be

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real. This is the same guy
who once said he could shoot someone on

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Fifth Avenue and not lose any voters, So I'm pretty sure a little dog

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murder isn't going to phase him.
But hey, at least we can all

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take comfort in the fact that there
are still some politicians out there who know

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how to treat their pets with love
and respect. And if you're ever in

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doubt about how to handle a misbehaving
pooch, just remember hugs not slugs.

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It's a simple message, but one
that apparently needs to be repeated for some

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people. So there you have it, folks. The twenty twenty four presidential

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race is shaping up to be a
real dogfight. And if Trump does end

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up picking Christy Gnome as his running
mate, well, let's just say the

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phrase dogg eat dog World will take
on a whole new meaning. If you'd

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like these episodes ad free, do
whatever it is. The promo is telling

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Portions of this show may have been created

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by AI Happy Birthday Milania