Aug. 16, 2024

Communist Tic Tac Trump Dump

Show Notes
Transcript

Healtchare for everyone? Bigger Tic Tacs? Man, it's gonna be hard to pick a side in this election.

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Calaroga Shark media from New Jersey, where Trump made communism

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sound appealing. This is ballad. That's right, We've got more

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weird JD. Vance stuff fruit loops and I'm not even

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going to do the hotties for hairs story. Let's hit this. JD. Vance,

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the Ohio senator who's made a career out of railing

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against woke culture and gender neutral bathrooms, is now facing

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some bathroom humor of his own, straight out of his

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high school yearbook. The Daily Mail dug up a photo

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from two thousand and three showing an eighteen year old JD. Vance,

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then known as mc Hammer I mean JD. Hammill, posing

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in a bathroom with three female classmates in front of

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a row of urinals. Because nothing says school spirit like

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awkward teenage bathroom picks right. The yearbook gem features Vance

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with his fellow student government officers, three girls who were

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apparently making a statement about female authority by facing the

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urinals with Vance looking on. According to one of the

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women in the photo, the image was meant to be

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a tongue in cheek nod to the unusually balanced gender

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split in their student government. We thought it would be funny,

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she told the Daily Mail, adding that it was all

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in good fun, ah, the joys of high school humor.

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When asked about the photo, Vance's spokesperson seemed less amused,

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blasting the media for focusing on a goofy high school

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yearbook from over twenty years ago instead of you know,

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important stuff like inflation and fentanyl, because clearly it's the

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urinal pick that's ruining America, not any of that other stuff.

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Vance and Minnesota Governor Tim Walls have agreed to face

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off in an October first debate hosted by CBS News.

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It's going to be the battle of the vice presidential hopefuls,

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and I hope someone tells Walls that it's Walls in

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these debates, just so we can keep the fun going.

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Waltz accepted the invitation first during a Boston fundraiser, saying

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he was excited to compare his vision for America with Vance,

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which is a diplomatic way of saying, let's see who

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can outshine who on national TV. Not to be outdone,

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Vance jumped on Twitter because only losers call it X

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to confirm he's not only in for the October first debate,

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but also threw down the gauntlet for another one on

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September eighteenth, hosted by CNN. It's like he's going for

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a best of three series and I'm half expecting him

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to demand a cage match for the third round. At

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a news conference, Donald Trump went full tic Tac tactician,

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holding up two containers of the mints, one regular sized

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and the other a tiny, shrunken version. He claimed that

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the difference in size was the direct result of Joe

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Biden and Kamala Harris's policies. Apparently inflation has even hit

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the mint aisle. If Biden's not careful, we'll be carrying

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tic TACs and eye dropper bottles by the time the

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election rolls around. Trump appeared outside his Bedminster golf club

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on Thursday afternoon and said he could take his time

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because of the weather. The rain is not imminent based

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on the fact there are no cloud outs. Oh, I

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should mention he was standing with two tables loaded with

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coffee and fruit loops. The fruit loops joke almost writes itself.

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We also saw a tweet mentioning Trump suggesting Harris has

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some plan for communism where we will all get healthcare.

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And you know, comrade Harris, if that's true, I'm listening

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great Now, I'm gonna get texts from people who think

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my crack about communism is real and texts from my

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crazy ex girlfriend Norma. No, I'm not a communist, and

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yes she's crazy. In his latest legal maneuver, Trump's lawyers

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are asking the judge in his hush money trial to

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delay his sentencing until after the twenty twenty four election.

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Why because apparently nothing says justice like waiting until after

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you might be president again. Trump's team argues that pushing

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back the sentencing date will help avoid any conflicts and

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appearances of impropriety, especially since there's an ongoing congressional inquiry

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into the case. But let's be real, they're probably probably

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just hoping to run out the clock until after the election,

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because you know, priorities. Judge Jan Merchant, who's already scheduled

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the sentencing for September eighteenth, isn't exactly new to Trump's antics.

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He's got to decide on Trump's claim that he's immune

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from prosecution following a Supreme Court ruling in June before

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making a call on the delay, And of course, Trump's

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legal team is throwing in some side eye at the

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judge's daughter's business ties just for good measure. In a

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move straight out of a political action thriller, the Secret

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Service has given former President Donald Trump the green light

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to use bulletproof glass at his outdoor rallies. That's right, folks,

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Trump is getting the kind of protection usually reserved for

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the actual commander in chief, not a guy who's just

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angling for a rematch. This high tech glass, provided by

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none other than the Department of Defense, will be carted

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around on trucks and vans like it's the latest must

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have festival gear. Now, with this new security measure, Trump's

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campaign can get back to business as usual, well as

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usual as things can be when you're standing behind military

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grade glass. It's not every day you see a former

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president campaigning in what amounts to a high security popemobile.

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But then again, Trump isn't your everyday former president. Whether

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this move sets a new precedent for ex presidents or

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just adds another chapter to the Trump saga, one thing's

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for sure. His rallies just got a lot more transparent.

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Joe Biden remember him, Don't worry, he doesn't either. And yeah,

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I've used that joke multiple times, but you think Joe

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remembers it No, it's new to him every time. Well,

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it seems President Biden is getting a bit creative with

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his nicknames, introducing us all to Donald Dump during his

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latest appearance with Vice President Kamala Harris. Donald Dump, Joe.

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That's why we use AI to help make the show

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and write some jokes. Hey, AI, come up with some

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nicknames for Trump. Ready, One the Orange Mirage because his

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promises tend to disappear as quickly as they're made. Two Magatron, Hey,

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that one is pretty good. The grifffather, always making offers

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you can't refuse until you read the fine print. Crazy Psycho.

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Oh wait, that's my nickname for my ex girlfriend Norma. Anyway,

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Joe Biden remember him? Don't worry, he doesn't either. Biden

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and Harris made their first public outing since Harris took

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the lead on the Democratic ticket, walking out together to

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Bruce Springsteen's We Take Care of Our Own. You can

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almost hear Biden going, what's his name again, Donald dump whatever.

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You can almost hear the rest of us saying that's

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like the fourth Lameus Springsteen song. Biden was all in

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on praising Harris, calling her one hell of a president, which, well, wait,

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until Joe finds out what his title is. So Elon

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Musk thought it'd be a good idea to let the

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Internet play with his new AI image generator Grock two,

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and surprise, the trolls immediately pay bounced. Within minutes, x

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users were turning the tool into their personal playground, creating

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everything from images of Musk being walked like a dog

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by Trump to well much darker and more disturbing content.

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You'd think Musk would have seen this coming, but apparently

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Grock's guardrails are about as sturdy as wet tissue paper.

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The results images of Musk and compromising positions holding signs

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with some very unflattering messages. It's like Musk handed out

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matches at a fireworks factory and then acted surprised when

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everything blew up. But hey, he's calling it the most

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fun AI in the world, which I guess is true

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if your idea of fun is watching a dumpster fire.

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Portions of today's program were made with the help of AI,

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but the good kind, not the one where you can

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create images of Musk being walked like a dog by

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Trump to well much darker and more disturbing content.