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Caalaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where we're working, and
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the guy who crashed the markets is golfing. This is ballot. Yep.
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We're all losing our retirement funds and get to work
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seven days a week to cover this madness. Let's hit this.
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Trump reacted to starting the Greatest Depression by playing golf
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this week. He didn't even wait until Saturday, instead helping
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himself to a three day weekend to hang out with
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the Saudis. His itinerary included skipping the dignified transfer of
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four US Army soldiers who died during a training mission
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in Lithuania. Instead, he flew to Florida to watch a
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Saudi funded live golf tournament at his own course and
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attend a dinner reception there. Nothing says Commander in Chief
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quite like prioritizing your golf handicap over honoring fallen soldiers.
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The White House announced that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth would
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represent the administration at the dignified transfer. They figured, Hey,
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we're sending someone, what more do you want? It's like
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sending your assistant to your kids graduation while your courtside
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at the Lakers game. What makes this particularly rich is
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that Trump once attacked Biden for checking his watch during
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a dignified transfer ceremony. Trump told Fox Business when he
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kept looking at his watch yesterday at Dover with the
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parents and spouses of people that were killed, I mean,
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how many times did he look at his watch? Trump
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was outraged that Biden might have been slightly distracted while
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physically present at a ceremony. But Trump couldn't even be
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bothered to show up at all. That's not looking at
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your watch, that's not even wearing one. The White House
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says they're working on communicating with the families. I imagine
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that communication is something like, sorry for your loss. The
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President would be there, but there's a really important golf
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tournament happening. Have you tried golf very therapeutic? Then again,
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what do I know. I'm just someone who thinks duty, honor,
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country means more than dry put burn. Trump just gave
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TikTok another extension to sell its US operations or face
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a ban. This is now the second time he's done this.
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It's like when you tell your teenager to clean their
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room or else, and then keep extending the deadline because
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you know you're not actually going to follow through with
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the or else part. Trump announced this on Truth Social,
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his own social media platform, which is absolutely hilarious when
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you think about it. That's like announcing you're considering banning
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McDonald's while posting it on a McDonald's napkin. He said
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the TikTok deal requires more work to ensure all necessary
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approvals are signed. Translation, we haven't figured out how to
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make this look like a win for us yet. The
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extension gives TikTok seventy five more days, pushing the deadline
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to mid June. Seventy five days. That's enough time for
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teenagers to create approximately twelve million more dance videos. The
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best part is when Trump says, we hope to continue
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working in good faith with China, who I understand are
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not very happy about our reciprocal tariffs. Gee, you think
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China's not happy about tariffs. Next he'll tell us water
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is wet and golf is relaxing. He even capitalized good
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faith and reciprocal tariffs like they're the titles of upcoming
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action movies coming this summer. Dwayne the Rock Johnson stars
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and reciprocal tariffs the reckoning, and then he adds that
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the tariffs are necessary for fair and balanced trade between
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China and the USA with an exclamation point, just to
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make sure we know he's super serious about this. When
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Trump released his new tariff list, wouldn't you know it,
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Russia somehow didn't make the cut. What a shocking twist
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that absolutely nobody saw coming. Critics immediately started suggesting Trump
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was giving Putin special treatment, which is crazy because it's
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not like Trump has ever praised Putin or called him
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a genius, or said he trusted him more than our
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own intelligence agencies. Oh Wait, Press Secretary Caroline Levitt explained
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that Russia wasn't included because economic sanctions from their twenty
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twenty two invasion of Ukraine already preclude any meaningful trade.
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Our annual trade with Russia is down to just three
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point five billion dollars per year. Three point five billion.
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That's practically nothing in international trade terms. That's like saying
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I didn't invite Bob to the intervention because he only
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drinks eight beers a day instead of twelve. Cuba, North Korea,
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and Belarus were also left off the list for the
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same reason, So basically, Trump is saying, I only punish
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countries I can actually hurt economically. It's a strange flex,
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but okay. Meanwhile, Russia is busy defending their buddy Iran
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after Trump threatened military strikes against them. Trump said he'd
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bomb I run if they don't agree to a nuclear deal,
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which is a totally normal and reasonable negotiation tactic. Hey
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agree to these terms, or I'll blow you up. Is
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exactly how I negotiate my cable bill every month. Russia's
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Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova said bombing Iran's nuclear infrastructure
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would lead to an irreversible global catastrophe. You know things
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are serious when Russia is the voice of reason. The
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world's ten richest people just lost seventy four billion dollars
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after Trump's tariffs. Seventy four billion. That's what I call
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a bad day at the office. Most of us worry
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about overdraft fees. These guys are watching billions disappear faster
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than my self respect at an all you can eat buffet.
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Trump announced as tariffs, and the market responded by having
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what therapists call a complete emotional breakdown. The S and
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P dropped nearly five percent, the Dow lost one six
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hundred and seventy nine points, and the Nasdaq plunged six percent.
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It was the worst single day loss in five years.
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The last time Wall Street saw numbers drop this fast
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was when Netflix released The Irishman runtime. Let's check in
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on our favorite billionaires, shall we Elon Musk lost eleven
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billion dollars, which for him is just two point five
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percent of his wealth. That's the billionaire equivalent of finding
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out your favorite coffee shop raised prices by a nickel.
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Oh no, anyway, that Musk is still worth three hundred
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and twenty two billion dollars, making him the world's richest person.
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Though with all his companies Tesla, ex, Twitter, Neuralink, The
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Boring Company, and SpaceX, he might also be the world's
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busiest person. His calendar probably just says disrupt something every day.
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From nine to five, Jeff Bezos lost nearly sixteen billion dollars,
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which is six point seven percent of his fortune. Bezos
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is down to his last two hundred one billion dollars.
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I'm sure he's cutting back. Maybe Prime delivery will now
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take two days instead of one. Sorry, we're experiencing financial difficulties.
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Mark Zuckerberg took the biggest hit, losing nearly eighteen billion dollars,
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or eight point six percent of his net worth. He's
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now worth a met easily one hundred and eighty nine billion.
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Zuckerberg has been facing criticism for rolling back fact checking
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on meta platforms and replacing it with community notes, because
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nothing says reliable information like letting your uncle who thinks
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the moon landing was faked way in on complex geopolitical issues.
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Warren Buffett lost two point five to seven billion dollars,
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but that's only one point eight percent of his wealth
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at ninety four years old. Buffett probably didn't even notice.
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When you're worth one hundred and sixty five billion and
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you've been alive since the Great Depression, Losing a couple
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of billion is like finding a penny in the couch
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cushions in reverse. The funniest part about all this For
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these guys, it's just numbers on a screen. I lose
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twenty dollars, and I'm doing mental calculations about my lunch
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budget for the next week. These billionaires lose billions, and
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they're like, hmm, interesting market fluctuation today, anyway, Should I
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buy another yacht or another private eye? And decisions? Decision?
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Speaking of money, have you seen these egg prices lately?
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Americans are getting so desperate this Easter they're dyeing potatoes
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instead of eggs. That's right, the easter bunnies out here
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delivering spuds. This family farm in Ohio, Young's Jersey Dairy
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usually buys ten thousand eggs for their Easter hunt, ten thousand.
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They bake them all in standing ovens because apparently boiling
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that many would require the Pacific Ocean as your pot
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But this year they're using plastic eggs with carousel ride
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coupons inside. Talk about inflation. Kids expecting chocolate are getting
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amusement park tickets. Next year, they'll just hide io us
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in the grass. And people are getting creative with their
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egg alternatives. One food bloggers started making fake eggs out
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of peanut butter, almond flour, and maple syrup dipped in
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blue tinted white chocolate. Her video got sixty four million views,
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sixty four million people watching someone make fake eggs. Meanwhile,
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I can't even get my neighbor to watch my cat
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for the weekend. Some egg dye companies surveyed nine thousand people,
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and ninety percent said they're dying eggs no matter what
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the cost. Fifty four percent said they'll never stop. These
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people are more committed to egg dyeing than I am
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to avoiding my taxes. You know who's really suffering here,
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the easter bunny. That poor rabbit spent all winter planning
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his big day, and now he's scrambling pun absolutely intended
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to find egg alternatives. I heard he's considering hiding avocados
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this year, but millennials would just use them for toast.
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So the s Easter, when your kids are hunting for
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colorful potatoes in the backyard, just remember nothing says American
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ingenuity like pretending a root betvegetable is an egg because
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chicken products cost too much. Happy Easter, everyone will be
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back tomorrow, even though it's a Sunday. Portions of today's
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show were made with the help of Easter Potatoes AI
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and a loss of a couple of trillion dollars.