April 5, 2025

COMMANDER-IN-GOLF: Trump ABANDONS Fallen Heroes While Market CRASHES and Americans Swap EGGS for POTATOES This

Show Notes
Transcript

OUTRAGEOUS! Trump SKIPS honoring fallen troops to play golf with SAUDI BILLIONAIRES while Wall Street CRASHES and BURNS! The world's richest people just lost SEVENTY-FOUR BILLION DOLLARS in ONE DAY and Americans are now FORCED to use POTATOES for Easter because eggs cost TOO MUCH! Patrick Gutfield exposes how the President who once ATTACKED Biden for checking his watch at a military ceremony couldn't even be BOTHERED to show up AT ALL! Meanwhile, Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg are HEMORRHAGING money faster than you can say "ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!" This is the episode they DON'T want you to hear!

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Caalaroga shark media from Washington, DC, where we're working, and

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the guy who crashed the markets is golfing. This is ballot. Yep.

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We're all losing our retirement funds and get to work

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seven days a week to cover this madness. Let's hit this.

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Trump reacted to starting the Greatest Depression by playing golf

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this week. He didn't even wait until Saturday, instead helping

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himself to a three day weekend to hang out with

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the Saudis. His itinerary included skipping the dignified transfer of

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four US Army soldiers who died during a training mission

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in Lithuania. Instead, he flew to Florida to watch a

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Saudi funded live golf tournament at his own course and

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attend a dinner reception there. Nothing says Commander in Chief

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quite like prioritizing your golf handicap over honoring fallen soldiers.

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The White House announced that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth would

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represent the administration at the dignified transfer. They figured, Hey,

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we're sending someone, what more do you want? It's like

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sending your assistant to your kids graduation while your courtside

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at the Lakers game. What makes this particularly rich is

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that Trump once attacked Biden for checking his watch during

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a dignified transfer ceremony. Trump told Fox Business when he

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kept looking at his watch yesterday at Dover with the

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parents and spouses of people that were killed, I mean,

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how many times did he look at his watch? Trump

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was outraged that Biden might have been slightly distracted while

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physically present at a ceremony. But Trump couldn't even be

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bothered to show up at all. That's not looking at

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your watch, that's not even wearing one. The White House

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says they're working on communicating with the families. I imagine

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that communication is something like, sorry for your loss. The

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President would be there, but there's a really important golf

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tournament happening. Have you tried golf very therapeutic? Then again,

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what do I know. I'm just someone who thinks duty, honor,

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country means more than dry put burn. Trump just gave

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TikTok another extension to sell its US operations or face

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a ban. This is now the second time he's done this.

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It's like when you tell your teenager to clean their

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room or else, and then keep extending the deadline because

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you know you're not actually going to follow through with

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the or else part. Trump announced this on Truth Social,

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his own social media platform, which is absolutely hilarious when

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you think about it. That's like announcing you're considering banning

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McDonald's while posting it on a McDonald's napkin. He said

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the TikTok deal requires more work to ensure all necessary

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approvals are signed. Translation, we haven't figured out how to

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make this look like a win for us yet. The

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extension gives TikTok seventy five more days, pushing the deadline

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to mid June. Seventy five days. That's enough time for

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teenagers to create approximately twelve million more dance videos. The

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best part is when Trump says, we hope to continue

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working in good faith with China, who I understand are

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not very happy about our reciprocal tariffs. Gee, you think

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China's not happy about tariffs. Next he'll tell us water

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is wet and golf is relaxing. He even capitalized good

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faith and reciprocal tariffs like they're the titles of upcoming

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action movies coming this summer. Dwayne the Rock Johnson stars

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and reciprocal tariffs the reckoning, and then he adds that

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the tariffs are necessary for fair and balanced trade between

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China and the USA with an exclamation point, just to

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make sure we know he's super serious about this. When

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Trump released his new tariff list, wouldn't you know it,

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Russia somehow didn't make the cut. What a shocking twist

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that absolutely nobody saw coming. Critics immediately started suggesting Trump

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was giving Putin special treatment, which is crazy because it's

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not like Trump has ever praised Putin or called him

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a genius, or said he trusted him more than our

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own intelligence agencies. Oh Wait, Press Secretary Caroline Levitt explained

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that Russia wasn't included because economic sanctions from their twenty

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twenty two invasion of Ukraine already preclude any meaningful trade.

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Our annual trade with Russia is down to just three

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point five billion dollars per year. Three point five billion.

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That's practically nothing in international trade terms. That's like saying

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I didn't invite Bob to the intervention because he only

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drinks eight beers a day instead of twelve. Cuba, North Korea,

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and Belarus were also left off the list for the

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same reason, So basically, Trump is saying, I only punish

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countries I can actually hurt economically. It's a strange flex,

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but okay. Meanwhile, Russia is busy defending their buddy Iran

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after Trump threatened military strikes against them. Trump said he'd

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bomb I run if they don't agree to a nuclear deal,

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which is a totally normal and reasonable negotiation tactic. Hey

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agree to these terms, or I'll blow you up. Is

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exactly how I negotiate my cable bill every month. Russia's

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Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova said bombing Iran's nuclear infrastructure

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would lead to an irreversible global catastrophe. You know things

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are serious when Russia is the voice of reason. The

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world's ten richest people just lost seventy four billion dollars

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after Trump's tariffs. Seventy four billion. That's what I call

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a bad day at the office. Most of us worry

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about overdraft fees. These guys are watching billions disappear faster

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than my self respect at an all you can eat buffet.

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Trump announced as tariffs, and the market responded by having

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what therapists call a complete emotional breakdown. The S and

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P dropped nearly five percent, the Dow lost one six

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hundred and seventy nine points, and the Nasdaq plunged six percent.

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It was the worst single day loss in five years.

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The last time Wall Street saw numbers drop this fast

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was when Netflix released The Irishman runtime. Let's check in

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on our favorite billionaires, shall we Elon Musk lost eleven

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billion dollars, which for him is just two point five

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percent of his wealth. That's the billionaire equivalent of finding

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out your favorite coffee shop raised prices by a nickel.

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Oh no, anyway, that Musk is still worth three hundred

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and twenty two billion dollars, making him the world's richest person.

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Though with all his companies Tesla, ex, Twitter, Neuralink, The

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Boring Company, and SpaceX, he might also be the world's

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busiest person. His calendar probably just says disrupt something every day.

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From nine to five, Jeff Bezos lost nearly sixteen billion dollars,

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which is six point seven percent of his fortune. Bezos

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is down to his last two hundred one billion dollars.

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I'm sure he's cutting back. Maybe Prime delivery will now

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take two days instead of one. Sorry, we're experiencing financial difficulties.

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Mark Zuckerberg took the biggest hit, losing nearly eighteen billion dollars,

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or eight point six percent of his net worth. He's

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now worth a met easily one hundred and eighty nine billion.

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Zuckerberg has been facing criticism for rolling back fact checking

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on meta platforms and replacing it with community notes, because

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nothing says reliable information like letting your uncle who thinks

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the moon landing was faked way in on complex geopolitical issues.

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Warren Buffett lost two point five to seven billion dollars,

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but that's only one point eight percent of his wealth

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at ninety four years old. Buffett probably didn't even notice.

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When you're worth one hundred and sixty five billion and

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you've been alive since the Great Depression, Losing a couple

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of billion is like finding a penny in the couch

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cushions in reverse. The funniest part about all this For

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these guys, it's just numbers on a screen. I lose

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twenty dollars, and I'm doing mental calculations about my lunch

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budget for the next week. These billionaires lose billions, and

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they're like, hmm, interesting market fluctuation today, anyway, Should I

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buy another yacht or another private eye? And decisions? Decision?

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Speaking of money, have you seen these egg prices lately?

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Americans are getting so desperate this Easter they're dyeing potatoes

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instead of eggs. That's right, the easter bunnies out here

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delivering spuds. This family farm in Ohio, Young's Jersey Dairy

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usually buys ten thousand eggs for their Easter hunt, ten thousand.

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They bake them all in standing ovens because apparently boiling

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that many would require the Pacific Ocean as your pot

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But this year they're using plastic eggs with carousel ride

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coupons inside. Talk about inflation. Kids expecting chocolate are getting

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amusement park tickets. Next year, they'll just hide io us

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in the grass. And people are getting creative with their

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egg alternatives. One food bloggers started making fake eggs out

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of peanut butter, almond flour, and maple syrup dipped in

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blue tinted white chocolate. Her video got sixty four million views,

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sixty four million people watching someone make fake eggs. Meanwhile,

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I can't even get my neighbor to watch my cat

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for the weekend. Some egg dye companies surveyed nine thousand people,

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and ninety percent said they're dying eggs no matter what

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the cost. Fifty four percent said they'll never stop. These

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people are more committed to egg dyeing than I am

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to avoiding my taxes. You know who's really suffering here,

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the easter bunny. That poor rabbit spent all winter planning

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his big day, and now he's scrambling pun absolutely intended

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to find egg alternatives. I heard he's considering hiding avocados

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this year, but millennials would just use them for toast.

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So the s Easter, when your kids are hunting for

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colorful potatoes in the backyard, just remember nothing says American

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ingenuity like pretending a root betvegetable is an egg because

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chicken products cost too much. Happy Easter, everyone will be

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back tomorrow, even though it's a Sunday. Portions of today's

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show were made with the help of Easter Potatoes AI

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and a loss of a couple of trillion dollars.