Sept. 26, 2024

Celebrity Showdown: Harris's Hollywood vs Trump's TV Land in the Battle for the White House

Show Notes
Transcript

Get ready for a hilarious journey through the world of political celebrity endorsements! In this episode, we dive into the star-studded battle between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump. From Harris's A-list Hollywood backers to Trump's, well, interesting choices, we cover it all. We'll also explore JD Vance's international faux pas, upcoming town halls that promise to be more entertaining than most sitcoms, and the unexpected comedy gold of political debates. Plus, we'll dissect the latest zingers from late-night hosts and ponder the true power of a Taylor Swift endorsement. It's politics meets pop culture in the most amusing way possible!

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WEBVTT

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Calarogu Shark media from Haiti, which is a country most

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people have heard of. This is ballad.

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That's right, Haiti not too hard to pronounce, now, is it.

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We're totally doing the show from Haiti and not my

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home studio. We spend money like Crooked Media when the

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Union makes Puppy Dog euys. We flew the entire staff

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to Haiti to do a seven minute podcast. Mac are

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you setting up a bit here?

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You bet?

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I am?

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Let's hit this well?

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Well, well, folks, looks like John Oliver just served up

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a spicy plate of roast Vance with a side of

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nineties nostalgia. Vance, not content with just spreading baseless rumors,

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decided to one up himself by mispronouncing Haiti. I mean,

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come on, JD, It's not like it's obscure country or anything.

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It's right there in the Caribbean, probably wondering what it

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did to deserve this kind of attention. Enter John Oliver,

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armed with wit sharper than a cat's claws, the ones

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not being eaten. Apparently, he brilliantly compared Vance's gaff to

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share his iconic Haitians line from Clueless. But here's the

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kicker Alicia Silverstone was a teenager when she made that mistake. Vance, well,

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let's just say he's old enough to know better, and

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don't forget. If we get the combination of Trump winning

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and Trump going to jail, this guy would be the

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leader of the free for now world. In the grand

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tradition of American politics, we've gone from give me your tired,

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you're poor, to give me your dogs, your cats. I

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don't know about you, but I'm starting to think that maybe,

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just maybe, some of our politicians could use a refresher

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course in well everything. Vance, the would be leader of

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the free for now world, might need help building an

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international coalition. Vance, in his infinite wisdom, decided to play

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armchair general and came up with a plan for Ukraine

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that's about as solid as a chocolate teapot. Let's just

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give Russia some of Ukraine and call it a day,

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he says, because that worked out so well with Hitler, right. Zelensky,

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not one to pull punches, basically told Vance to go

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back to school. He suggested Vance brush up on his

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World War II history, which is a polite way of

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saying did you sleep through every history class?

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Ever?

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Hey, if Zelensky were smart, he'd claim that the Russians

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are eating the dogs, and eating the cats and eating

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the pets of the people who live there. In Ukraine, Vance,

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who once declared he doesn't care one way or another

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about Ukraine, now fancies himself an expert on Ukrainian politics.

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Zelensky probably wondering if he's stuck in some bizarre political

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sitcom called Vance's ideas awful and just sloganeering, which in

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diplomatic speak translates to are you kidding me with this nonsense? Well, folks,

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it's time to break out the popcorn and your favorite

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debate drinking game, because the VP showdown is about to

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get wild.

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We've got JD.

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Vance, the Yale law guy who can't read a price tag,

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squaring off against Tim Walls, the public school teacher who

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probably knows how much eggs actually cost. In one corner,

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we have Vance, who's been practicing for the debate, with

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Tom Emmer playing the role of Walls. I guess they

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figured if Vance can handle a guy from Minnesota, he

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can handle anything except maybe a trip to the grocery store.

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And in the other corner, we've got Walls, who's been

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sparring with none other than Pete Slayer.

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Pete Buddha Judge.

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That's right, the same guy who made mincemeat out of

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cable news hosts is now helping Walls sharpen his debate claus.

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I'd say Vance should be worried, but he's probably still

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trying to figure out how much a gallon of milk costs.

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Walls.

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Ever, the humble public school teacher is playing the underdog card.

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He's all, oh, Vance is a Yale law guy, and

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I'm just a simple teacher.

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Yeah right.

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That's like saying, oh, I'm just a simple fisherman, right

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before you reel in a great white shark. Meanwhile, Vance

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is probably hoping this debate doesn't involve any food related

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questions after his adventures in egonomics in the Great Philly

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Cheese stake debacle. He might break out in a cold

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sweat if someone mentions groceries. But let's not forget the

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real winners here, CBS News anchors Nora O'Donnell and Margaret Brennan.

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They get front row seats to this political circus.

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I just hope they've practiced their poker faces, because keeping

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a straight face through this debate might be the real

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challenge of the night, So mark your calendars for October first, folks,

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it's going to be a showdown of Yale law versus

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public school, egg prices versus reality, and hopefully some actual

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policy discussions. But let's be real, we're all tuning in

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for the gaffs, right. May the best man win and

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may someone please teach these candidates how to grocery shop.

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On The Daily Show, Desi Lyddick joked that according to

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Pole's Trump is deeply unpopular with women. Maybe it's because

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of his legally adjudicated record of sexual assault. Maybe he

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forgot their birthdays. It's hard to say. All Right, folks,

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buckle up for another wild ride through the political circus.

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Looks like we've got a spicy salce.

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Of town halls coming our way. Courtesy of tel Avisa Univision.

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That's right, Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are set to

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face off against wait for it, actual voters.

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I know, shocking, right.

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Trump's town hall, aptly titled lost Latinos proguntan Donald Trump

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Responde or in English, Latino's ask Donald Trump, frantically googles translate.

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This fiesta of.

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Fumbling will take place in Miami on October eighth. I

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hear they're renaming South Beach to mar A Lago Light

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for the occasion. Not to be outdone, Kamala Harris will

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have her own moment in the spotlight on October tenth

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in Las Vegas. The title Los Latinos proguantan Kamala Harris

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Responde or Latinos ask Kamala Harris practices her nervous laugh.

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Let's hope what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas

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this time. Both events will be moderated by Enrique at Sevedo,

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who I assume drew the short straw at the office

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Christmas party. These town halls might be the closest thing

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we get to seeing these candidates unscripted before the election.

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It's like political hunger Games, but with less archery and

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more word salad.

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So mark your calendars, folks.

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October eighth and tenth the nights when Yo no hablo

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Espanol meets Yo know hablo truth.

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May the best BS artist win.

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We've got ourselves a celebrity SmackDown of presidential proportions. In

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one corner, we have Kamala Harris backed by Hollywood's A

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list and in the other Donald Trump supported by well,

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let's just say his star power is more like a

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flickering light bulb. Harris has Scarlet Johanson in her corner. Trump,

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He's got Scarlett Johnson. No, not that Scarlett Johnson, the

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other one. You know, the chair of Ozaki County Moms

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for Liberty. Yeah, me, neither. It's like Harris is hosting

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the Oscars while Trump is stuck with a local community

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theater awards night. But hey, at least he's got Hulk Hogan.

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Nothing says presidential like a guy in a bandana ripping

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his shirt off. Am. I right, Harris has Oprah, j

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Lo and Meryl Streep. Trump has Kanye West. But don't worry.

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Trump's not taking this line down. He's firing back with

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some truly eloquent responses. I hate Taylor Swift, he declared, Wow, Donald,

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did you stay up all night working on that zinger? Meanwhile,

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Harris is trying to play it cool, saying they're not

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going to be a celebrity driven campaign, right, because having

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Taylor Swift on your side is totally not a big deal.

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It's not like she has millions of rabid fans who'd

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crawl over broken glass to vote for whoever she tells

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them to. Oh wait, Trump Ever, the master of subtlety,

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is calling Harris's team a radical left dream team filled

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with Hollywood hacks, because nothing says I'm not threatened like

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using all caps and multiple exclamation points. But let's not

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forget Trump himself is a celebrity. He's like the reality

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TV star who showed up to the wrong awards show

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and somehow ended up running the country. Portions of today's

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program were written with the help of AI and man

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did we need it after all that travel to Haiti

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to knock out ten minutes of j d vance jokes