Aug. 21, 2025

Black Walls, Gold Offices, and Fake Windows: America, You’re Doing Great

Show Notes
Transcript

Trump wants to paint the border wall black because it gets hot—just like science says—and Jack White has thoughts about the new Oval Office, which now resembles a pro wrestler’s dressing room designed by Liberace. Meanwhile, Delta and United are being sued for selling “window seats” that don’t come with actual windows. It’s a big week for style over substance, beige walls over actual views, and gold over good taste.

From Washington, where even the planes are lying to you, this is Ballot.

WEBVTT

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Calarogus shark media from Washington, DC, where Trump sees a

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big wall and wants it painted black. This ballant black

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as night, black as coal. Let's hit this. I'm Patrick Gutfield,

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and the Trump administration has decided to paint the entire

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US Mexico border wall black, and I mean black black.

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We're talking rolling stones painted black. Levels of commitment here,

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except instead of wanting to paint doors and everything else

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black because of heartbreak, Trump wants to paint the wall

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black because well, science, see a red door and you

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want it painted black. Tri seeing a beige border wall

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and wanting it painted black so it gets too hot

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to touch. Mick Jagger was processing grief through color. Trump

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is processing immigration policy through basic thermodynamics, and Mick has

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a better chance of getting Mexico to pay for the paint.

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Homeland Security Secretary Christy Gnome explained that this wasn't some

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committee decision, much like shooting a puppy, isn't. This came

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straight from the President, who apparently looked at that wall

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and thought, you know what would make this better slavery?

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Oh No, that was yesterday's distraction from not releasing the

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Epstein files today. It's color. The administration allocated forty six

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million dollars for new wall construction, which is weird because

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Mexico is paying for it, so why not go for

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an even fifty. They're building that they is us, not Mexico.

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Mexico just pays for it. They are building about half

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a mile per day along the nearly two thousand mile

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border at this rate. By the time they finish painting

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everything black, the Rolling Stones will have released their fiftieth

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anniversary tour of their seventieth anniversary tour. But here's the

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best part. Border patrol officials say the black paint will

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also prevent rusting. So not only will this wall be

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too hot to climb, it'll look fantastic while doing it.

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This thing is going to be the most stylish to

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turn since velvet ropes at nightclubs. Jack White took one

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look at Trump's newly redecorated Oval office and basically had

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the musical equivalent of a breakdown. The former White Stripes

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front man posted on Instagram calling it a vulgar, gold

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leaved and gaudy professional wrestler's dressing room, which is honestly

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unfair to professional wrestlers At least the undertaker had some

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restraint with his interior design choices. White described the office

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as an embarrassment hald to American history, and suggested Trump's

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taste is so bad you wouldn't even buy a used

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car from him, let alone give him the nuclear codes.

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I mean, the man has a point when your decorating

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philosophy can be summed up as what if King Midas

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had a home Depot credit card? Maybe we should be concerned.

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The White House fired back through communications director Stephen Cheung,

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who called White a washed up has been loser with

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a stalled career. Now calling a twelve time Grammy winner

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washed up is bold. That's like calling Mozart a one

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hit wonder or saying Shakespeare never really nailed the whole

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writing thing. Cheong added that White fails to appreciate the

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splendor and significance of the Oval Office, the way those

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gold cherubs really tie the room together. Nothing says leader

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of the Free World like decorating your office to look

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like what would happen if Liberachi designed a casino. Trump

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apparently picked everything himself and said he's very proud of it.

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The man turned the most powerful office in America into

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what looks like a Russian oligarch's yacht had a baby

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with a Vegas hotel lobby. He's got gold frames, gold

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cherubs shipped in from mar A Lago, gilded mirrors, and

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gold applicats on the fireplace. At this point, I'm surprised

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he hasn't installed a rotating bed and a champagne fountain.

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White's post got almost one hundred and twenty thousand likes,

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proving that even in our divided times, we can all

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come together to agree that gold toilet aesthetics maybe don't

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belong in the people's house. Delta and United Airlines are

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being sued for selling window seats that don't actually have windows,

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just blank walls, which is like ordering a cheeseburger and

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getting a bun with a picture of cheese taped to it.

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More than one million passengers at each airline are part

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of these class action lawsuits, claiming they paid extra money,

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sometimes tens or hundreds of dollars, to sit next to

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what they thought would be a window, only to discover

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they'd essentially purchased premium wall staring privileges. The problem happens

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on certain Boeing seven thirty sevens Boeing seven fifty sevens

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and Airbus A three twenty one's where air conditioning ducts

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or electrical equipment got installed right where a window should be.

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So instead of watching clouds and tiny houses below, passengers

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get an intimate view of industrial ventilation systems. Now, other

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airlines like Alaska an American actually tell you when a

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window seat doesn't have a window. Revolutionary concept, right. Apparently,

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Delta and United figure, why spoil the surprise, let them

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discover our creative interpretation of window seat at thirty thousand feet.

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The lawsuits point out that people buy window seats for

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very specific reasons fear of flying, motion, sickness, keeping kids occupied,

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or just wanting to watch the world go by. Instead,

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these passengers got to watch a blank wall go by,

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which is significantly less entertaining unless you're really into beige

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paint and rivets. One plaintiff, avivakopa Can said United refunded

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her fees for windowless seats on two flights, but not

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a third. So apparently United's customer service policy is fool

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me once, shame on us, fool me twice, shame on

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us again, fool me three times. That'll be two hundred

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dollars please. The airline's defense strategy seems to be that

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passengers could have used websites like seat Guru to check

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if their seats actually had windows, which is basically arguing, sure,

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we misrepresented our product, but you should have done detective

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work to figure out we were lying. Carter Greenbaum, the

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lawyer filing these suits, put it perfectly. A company can't

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misrepresent the nature of the products it sells and then

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rely on third party reviews to say a customer should

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have known that it was lying. This is peak airline logic.

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Charge you extra for a window seat, give you a wall,

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then act surprised when you're not thrilled about your premium

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view of absolutely nothing. Portions of today's show were made

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with the help of AI. Release the Epstein files you

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cowered