Oct. 24, 2024

Biden wants to lock Trump up, Obama raps Eminem, Springsteen to tick off his own fans

Show Notes
Transcript

Look we told you we'd make fun of the Harris campaign if there was material, and today there is. Enjoy this Trump free episode!

Biden wants to "Lock Him Up"

Springsteen hits the campaign trial and forgets his fans are New Jersey Republicans.

Eminem opened for Obama, who rapped a little.

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WEBVTT

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Callaroga Shark media.

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From New Hampshire, where old Joe Biden wants to lock

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Donald Trump up. This is ballid man.

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Joe backpedaled that misspeak in a hurry, and today we

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have Obama rapping an eminem song audio and all. So

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let's hit this well, folks. It looks like President Biden

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is taking a page from Trump's Greatest Hits album, and

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I mean that literally. At a campaign stop in New Hampshire,

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Biden dropped his own version of lock him Up, which

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is basically the Maga crowd's free bird. But don't worry,

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Biden quickly clarified he meant politically lock him up, which

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is like telling someone I'm going to kill you with kindness.

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Nice save there, mister president real smooth. Trump's campaign immediately

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clutched their pearls harder than a country club during happy hour.

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Their spokesperson, Caroline Levitt called it disgraceful, which is rich

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coming from the team that basically turned lock her Up

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into America's unofficial second national anthem. And speaking of Hillary Clinton,

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remember when Trump supporters chanted lock her Up so much

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it became their CrossFit. Now they're shocked, shocked that someone

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would suggest the same thing about their guy. That's like

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getting mad at someone for copying your homework after you've

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been selling copies in the parking lot. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris

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is handling these chants like a seasoned prosecutor. The courts

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will take care of that. We'll take care of November,

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which is prosecutor speak for don't worry, I've got receipts.

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And Trump he's out there calling his opponents the enemy within,

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which sounds less like a campaign slogan and more like

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a rejected title for an m Night Shyamalan movie. But hey,

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at least Biden remembered to add politically to his lock

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up comment. That's the kind of quick thinking you want

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from a president, or at least from his ear piece.

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Breaking news, folks, Vice President Harris wants you to know

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she's definitely not eating gummies during this stressful campaign season.

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I guess that's what happens when you go from being

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a prosecutor to being prosecuted about your stress management techniques.

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When Maria Shriver brought up how people are dealing with

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election anxiety through meditation, yoga, and eating gummies, Harris laughed

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it off faster than Trump serves you fries and let's

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be honest in politics, that's the kind of denial that

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usually comes with a calendar invite to a future apology

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press conference. But don't worry. Harris has other stress management

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techniques like waking up in the middle of the night, which,

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let's face it, is probably less about stress and more

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about checking if Trump has posted anything spicy At three am. Meanwhile,

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Liz Cheney showed up to remind everyone that their vote

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is secret. You know, things are weird when a Cheney

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is out there basically saying, don't worry your Republican friends

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won't know you voted Democrat. M None of us were

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wondering if our votes were secret. What are you even

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hinting at? Liz Kamala Harris just did an NBC interview,

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and let me tell you, it was more carefully choreographed

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than a TikTok dance trend. When asked about Biden's debate performance,

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Harris basically gave the political equivalent of it's not you,

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it's me, And how about that moment? When she was

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asked about pardoning Trump, she dodged that question faster than

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Trump dodges tax audits. Her response was basically, let's talk

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about that. Never. The interviewer kept pushing Harris about being

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the first woman president, and Harris was like, yes, I

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am clearly a woman, which is the kind of groundbreaking

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observation you usually only get from your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.

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But here's the real kicker. When asked if America is

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ready for a woman of color as president, Harris said absolutely,

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faster than Trump can spell Arnold Palmer, though to be fair,

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that's not saying much. They also discussed what would happen

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if Trump declares victory early on election night. Harris said,

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they're prepared, which probably means they've got a whole team

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of lawyers who've been doing CrossFit to prepare for the

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paperwork marathon, and let's talk about that. When Harris had

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to defend Biden's debate performance, she called it a bad debate,

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which is like calling the Titanic a bad cruise. Bruce

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Springsteen is joining Kamala Harris and Barack Obama for some

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pre election rallies. Finally someone who can explain what it's

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like being born in the USA without having to show

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their birth certificate. The boss who's still rocking at seventy

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five will be performing in Atlanta and Philadelphia, because nothing

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says get out and vote quite like a guy who

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wrote an entire song about how much New Jersey sucks.

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The Harris campaign is planning concerts in all seven battleground states,

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so let's be honest. After watching some recent political rallies,

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we already know who's dancing in the dark. Unless New

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Jersey is one of the seven, nobody cares. Springsteen's been

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doing this since he criticized Reagan's reelection campaign. That's right.

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He's been fighting Republican presidents longer than some members of

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Congress have been alive. He's been doing this since Joe

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Biden was in his late fifties. Talk about a glory

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Day's throwback. And remember when Biden used we take care

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of our own for his victory speech. There's like five

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hundred Springsteen songs, and Joe picked the lamest one. Trump

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probably thinks that song is about executive privilege. The Boss

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has been hitting the campaign trail harder than a politician

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hits the Iowa State Fair. He supported Kerry Obama, Hillary

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and now Harris, who might want to note Bruce's won

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for three batting average and how most of Bruce's fans

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are actually New Jersey Republicans who get mad every time

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Bruce does this stuff. At this point, it's like Bruce

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has done more democratic rallies than actual concerts, though to

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be fair, both involve a lot of people wearing dated

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T shirts and yelling Bruce, which makes Joe Biden confused

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about his own first name. Portions of today's program were

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made with the help of AI, But after this next thing,

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you're going to wish the entire show was Obama tried

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spinning some Eminem versus. So let's be honest. When Obama

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says his palms are sweaty, it's probably because he just

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finished signing another book deal. And get this Eminem himself

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opened for Obama. That's like having Gordon Ramsay warm up

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the crowd at your backyard. BBQ. Slim Shady telling people

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to vote is like me telling people to eat their vegetables.

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Surprisingly responsible anyway, Barack, why don't you take us home? So?

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I don't usually get nervous, but I was feeling some

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kind of white following Eminem. Now, I notice my palm's

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a sweater these week arms a heaven bahmahdahm a sweater. Rudder,

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Mom's forget it. I'm nervous, but I'm a surface on

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a calm and Rudder forgot bombs, but I keep bomb

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forget it. Da da da damdand tanda up. I thought

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Emanne was gonna be performed. I was gonna jump out

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Mhm