Biden Press Conference Recap - Vice President Trump? President Putin?

WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:10.640
Kalaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where you know it's important if we

2
00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:14.720
did a bonus episode. This is
Pod Save America, I mean ballot anyway.

3
00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:17.920
That's right, Joe has a new
VP and his name is Trump.

4
00:00:18.199 --> 00:00:22.960
Let's hit this. We'll get to
the press conference in a moment. But

5
00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:27.719
first Joe was live on TV.
But as the appetizer. Oh boy,

6
00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:32.079
folks, get ready for this one. So President Joe Biden, in a

7
00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:36.920
classic case of did he really just
say that, managed to call Ukrainian President

8
00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:42.000
Voladimir Zelenski Putin not once, but
twice during a speech. That's right,

9
00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:46.200
the guy leading the charge against Russia
got a surprise name swap. It's like

10
00:00:46.240 --> 00:00:51.079
calling Batman Joker at a Gotham City
fundraiser. This whole thing went down just

11
00:00:51.119 --> 00:00:56.280
an hour before a crucial press conference
that Democrats are practically praying will save Biden's

12
00:00:56.280 --> 00:01:03.920
campaign. Picture this Dems donors and
celebrity endorsers all sweating bullets, whispering He's

13
00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:07.840
got this right, and then bam, President Putin enters the chat twice.

14
00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:12.040
The scene was set at the Ukraine
Compact celebration, which sounds like a fancy

15
00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:18.120
neighborhood block party, but with more
international tension. Biden clearly on a roll

16
00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:22.719
praise Zelensky's bravery and determination. He
was building up to this grand moment when

17
00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:26.519
he'd introduced Zelensky to the world.
Que the drum roll please, and now

18
00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:30.159
I want to hand it over to
the President of Ukraine, who has as

19
00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:34.879
much courage as he does determination.
President Putin, Biden said, que the

20
00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:40.680
applause, and then a collective did
he just as Biden doubled down President Putin.

21
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:42.959
Oh, but it didn't end there. He added, He's going to

22
00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:48.200
beat President Putin. I mean,
come on, that's like introducing your girlfriend

23
00:01:48.200 --> 00:01:52.920
to your ex twice. You just
know somewhere in Russia, Vladimir Putin is

24
00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:57.640
cracking open a bottle of vodka and
laughing his oligarch pants off. One insider

25
00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:00.760
said it would be like Churchill introducing
someone as Hitler. Anyway, that was

26
00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:06.040
just the opener. Biden held a
press conference today and it was wilder than

27
00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:09.240
a roller coaster ride through a retirement
home. Our commander in chief kicked things

28
00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:14.680
off with a bang, accidentally referring
to Vice President Trump. That's right,

29
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:19.240
folks, in Biden's world, Trump
isn't just living rent free in his head,

30
00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:23.520
he's subletting the VP's office. I
haven't seen a mix up. This

31
00:02:23.639 --> 00:02:28.240
confusing since I tried to assemble a
Kia furniture after a few beers. But

32
00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:32.319
don't worry. Biden quickly recovered by
giving us a foreign policy lecture that was

33
00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:38.560
longer than the line at the DMV. He covered everything from China to Russia

34
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:44.400
to Israel, and I'm pretty sure
he accidentally solved three global conflicts and started

35
00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:49.240
two new ones. It's like watching
a game of geopolitical Jenga, but with

36
00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:53.560
more mumbling. When asked about his
ability to negotiate with world leaders in the

37
00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:58.039
future, Biden assured us he's ready
to deal with them now and three years

38
00:02:58.039 --> 00:03:01.560
from now. Apparently he planning to
negotiate using the power of time travel.

39
00:03:01.960 --> 00:03:07.400
Take that putin. Nothing says I'm
with it, like casually mentioning your Dolorean

40
00:03:07.400 --> 00:03:12.039
diplomacy skills. But the real highlight
was when Biden claimed his poll numbers are

41
00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:15.319
better in Israel than in the US. Well, I guess that settles it.

42
00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:20.879
He's running for Prime Minister of Israel
in twenty twenty four. Make Hummus

43
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:25.400
great again. Am I right now, Let's talk about Biden's stamina. He

44
00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:30.280
managed to take questions for nearly an
hour without falling asleep, wandering off stage,

45
00:03:30.520 --> 00:03:35.879
or turning into a pumpkin at midnight. In the Biden administration, that's

46
00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:39.560
what we call exceeding expectations. It's
like when your dog doesn't eat your homework.

47
00:03:39.879 --> 00:03:45.680
You're just happy nothing got destroyed.
But wait, there's more. Biden

48
00:03:45.719 --> 00:03:49.960
also treated us to his famous loud
whisper technique. It's like he's trying to

49
00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:53.960
tell us a secret, but the
secret is that he forgot his indoor voice.

50
00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:57.919
I haven't heard a stage whisper that
dramatic since my high school production of

51
00:03:57.960 --> 00:04:02.039
Hamlet. And let's not forget the
moment when Biden said control guns, not

52
00:04:02.199 --> 00:04:06.120
girls. I'm pretty sure that's going
to end up on a T shirt faster

53
00:04:06.199 --> 00:04:11.840
than you can say malarkey. It's
catchy, it's provocative, it's wait,

54
00:04:12.439 --> 00:04:15.639
what does it actually mean? I
guess we'll find out in the next press

55
00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:18.680
conference, scheduled for some time between
now and the heat death of the Universe.

56
00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:24.720
In conclusion, folks, Biden's press
conference was a wild ride. He

57
00:04:24.759 --> 00:04:29.000
proved he can still string together sentences
occasionally in the right order, and that

58
00:04:29.079 --> 00:04:32.639
he knows more about foreign policy than
your average TikTok influencer. So let's all

59
00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:35.800
give him a round of applause,
just not too loud. We don't want

60
00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:43.319
to startle him. In other news, Jimmy Fallon kept up his biding commentary.

61
00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:47.240
JAF said, I'm not saying things
are chaotic, but right now Biden's

62
00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:53.399
campaign office seems like the kitchen on
the bear whoa dial it down? Jimbo

63
00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:58.519
Jordan Klepper said, keep in mind
Biden has said about fifty times that he's

64
00:04:58.519 --> 00:05:02.120
staying in the Race's it's like I'm
not going anywhere. The Lord Almighty couldn't

65
00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:06.720
get me out of this race,
and Pelosi's going yep, great. Just

66
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:12.360
let us know when you decide.
If you missed Donald Trump's rally yesterday,

67
00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:15.560
he had very important things to say, like Biden sucks at golf, Chris

68
00:05:15.639 --> 00:05:20.920
Christie is fat, and once I
saw a hot waitress Desi Lyddick for the

69
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:25.680
win. Yeah, you know you're
in trouble when even Danny Ocean is saying

70
00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:30.199
we can't pull this one off.
Last month, he helped raise thirty million

71
00:05:30.199 --> 00:05:34.199
dollars for Joe Biden. Wait,
while we were all distracted by this op

72
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:39.560
ed? Who was watching the money
seth Myers joked about Project twenty twenty five,

73
00:05:39.639 --> 00:05:43.079
saying, so moving forward, if
you want to see a porn star

74
00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:46.839
naked, you'll have to do it
the way God intended by having sex with

75
00:05:46.920 --> 00:05:51.040
one during your third marriage. Trump
lashed out at George Clooney on Wednesday night

76
00:05:51.079 --> 00:05:55.920
after the actor dared to pen and
op ed, suggesting that President Biden should

77
00:05:55.959 --> 00:06:00.439
gracefully exit the twenty twenty four race. Yes, folks, the guy from

78
00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:04.920
otions eleven is now the oracle of
American politics. Trump took the truth social

79
00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:10.639
because why bother with real social media
and fumed, so now fake movie actor

80
00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:14.360
George Clooney, who never came close
to making a great movie, is getting

81
00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:16.800
into the act. He's turned on
Crooked Joe like the rats they both are.

82
00:06:17.519 --> 00:06:21.480
What does Clooney know about anything?
Clooney should get out of politics and

83
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:27.199
go back to television, Trump added, clearly forgetting Clooney's TV career was more

84
00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:31.680
successful than his own movies never really
worked for him. So what exactly did

85
00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:35.560
Clooney write to get under Trump's orange
tinted skin? In a new York Times

86
00:06:35.560 --> 00:06:40.959
op ed Clooney, who's been a
diehard Democrat and a top Biden fundraiser,

87
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:45.319
wrote, I love Joe Biden as
a senator, as a vice president and

88
00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:48.399
as president. I consider him a
friend and I believe in him, believe

89
00:06:48.439 --> 00:06:53.439
in his character, believe in his
morals. But the one battle he cannot

90
00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:58.720
win is the fight against time.
None of us can cue the dramatic music

91
00:06:58.759 --> 00:07:02.439
and slow zoom in. Clooney continued, It's devastating to say it, but

92
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:05.399
the Joe Biden I was with three
weeks ago at the fundraiser was not the

93
00:07:05.480 --> 00:07:10.319
Joe big effing deal Biden of twenty
ten. He wasn't even the Joe Biden

94
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:14.800
of twenty twenty. And Trump never
wanted to miss an opportunity to stir the

95
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:19.319
pot shot back. He uses the
Democrat talking point that Biden, the worst

96
00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:24.959
president in the history of the United
States, has saved our democracy. No,

97
00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:29.360
crooked Joe was the one who weaponized
law enforcement against his political opponent,

98
00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:33.600
who created the most devastating inflation in
the history of our country, who embarrassed

99
00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:39.399
our nation in Afghanistan, and whose
crazy open border policy has allowed millions of

100
00:07:39.399 --> 00:07:44.319
people to illegally pour into our country, many from prisons and mental institutions.

101
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:48.079
In short, Trump saying Joe didn't
save democracy, he brought it to its

102
00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:54.480
knees. Clooney isn't alone in the
Biden time to Retire club. Following Clooney's

103
00:07:54.480 --> 00:07:59.319
footsteps, actor Michael Douglas chimed in, appearing on the View and echoing Clooney's

104
00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:05.199
sentiments. Joe Biden is a wonderful
guy, Douglas said, possibly while polishing

105
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:07.720
his latest award, but Clooney's push
for him to step aside is valid.

106
00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:13.839
Meanwhile, the White House remains in
full on denial mode, insisting Biden is

107
00:08:13.879 --> 00:08:16.439
staying in the race. No word
yet on whether they planned to stage an

108
00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:22.920
intervention or just keep hoping Clooney gets
distracted by another cause. That's it for

109
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:26.279
today. Tomorrow, I hope to
tell you who supposedly ate the dog.

110
00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:31.160
Hey, Don and Joe, you
think maybe we can keep the crazy down

111
00:08:31.160 --> 00:08:35.879
on a Friday afternoon so I can
pre tape Saturday. Thanks In advance portions

112
00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.519
of tonight's program were made with the
help of AI and a double gulp of

113
00:08:39.559 --> 00:08:41.080
doctor Pepper. I'll be back mid
morning with more