Aug. 22, 2024

Behind the scenes of Obama's Manhood Joke (Live from the DNC)

Show Notes
Transcript

Did someone spread maggots?

Did Obama make a joke about Trump's, um, size?

Did Mac Davies have way too much to drink last night?

The answers all seem to be yes.

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WEBVTT

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Calarogu Shark Media live from the Democratic National Convention in Chicago,

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where we don't have to brag about our audience size.

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This is ballad. That's right. We're pretty confident in ourselves.

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Our audience size is pretty big. Maybe not as big

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as Obama's, but we do okay, And like Obama, I

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look good in a tan suit. Anyway, let's hit this well.

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It looks like breakfast at the DNC in Chicago got

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a little too organic for comfort. Federal law enforcement has

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launched an investigation after maggots, yes, maggots, were reportedly sprinkled

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onto the morning spread for delegates at the Fairmont Chicago

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because apparently someone thought the best way to send a

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political message was to add a little extra protein to

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the eggs. The Fairmont, which probably didn't have dealing with

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maggot wielding activists on its event checklist, confirmed that some

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individuals decided to crash the breakfast buffet with their unsanitary surprise.

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Both the FBI and Chicago police are now on the case,

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because when you mess with democracy and breakfast, you're bound

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to get a serious response. The maggots were smuggled in

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by activists with a message and while the DNC's information

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center was a bit vague saying some unknown female offenders

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placed unknown objects on the tables, the rest of us

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can safely assume those unknown objects were not extra crutons.

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One unfortunate soul was treated and released on scene. No

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word on whether they actually got a taste of the

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maggotty mess, but here's hoping they stick to room service

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from now on. The Fairmont is hosting delegates from a

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mix of states, including Indiana, Minnesota, Ohio, Missouri, and South Dakota,

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so let's hope the only drama left is at the

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actual convention, not at the breakfast buffet. Governor Tim Coach

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Walls of Minnesota took the stage lifelast night to accept

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the Democratic nomination for vice president, delivering a speech that

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was equal parts folksy charm and Midwestern passive aggressive digs.

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Walls kicked things off by labeling Trump as weird and dangerous, which,

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let's be honest, is like saying water is wet and

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the sky is blue. But hey, credit to Walls for

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not mincing words. He's a Midwesterner, after all. They've perfected

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the art of saying bless your heart while plotting your demise.

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Walls leaned hard on his Midwestern roots, which apparently means

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that if you can't imagine him grilling brats at a tailgate,

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he's not your guy. I'm ready to turn the page

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on these guys, Wall said, aiming squarely at Trump and

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jd Vance, who, let's face it, are about as relatable

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as a yacht tax credit. He blasted their agenda as

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something that only serves the richest and most extreme people

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in the country, because nothing screams for the people like

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tax cuts for billionaires healthcare plan scribbled on the back

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of a cocktail napkin. In true coach fashion, Walls brought

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out all the sports metaphors, because why give a political

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speech when you can pretend you're hyping up the local

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high school football team. It's the fourth quarter, we're down

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a field goal, but we're on offense, Walls proclaimed, which

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is adorable because it assumes anyone in Washington knows how

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to play offense. He urged everyone to get in the

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trenches and do the blocking and tackling, because apparently nothing

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says victory like grinding it out in the political mud

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inch by inch, yard by yard. If this campaign doesn't

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work out, Walls has a bright future narrating highlight reels

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for ESPN. He wrapped things up with a pep talk

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that would make even the most apathetic voter consider taking

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a lap around the block. When we fight, we win,

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he chanted, and the crowd pumped up like they just

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downed a gallon of gatorade. Chanted right back. Meanwhile, Neil

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Young's Rocking in the World blared over the speakers, because

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nothing says freedom like the sweet, sweet sound of campaign

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tested rebellion. Let's be real, Following the Obamas and Oprah

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is like doing stand up after a headliner. But Walls

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managed to keep the energy high, even if he's the

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political equivalent of the guy who still wears his letterman

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jacket twenty years after graduation. But hey, coach, Walls made

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it clear, this is a game, and he's got his

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playbook ready now. If only politics were as simple, who

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is running the ball down the field, we might actually

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get somewhere. I don't know about you, but I'm severely

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hungover the Haughties for Harris sure know how to party.

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The crowd at the United Center was politely nodding along

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as Bill Clinton took the stage even though his grip

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on the party isn't quite what it used to be.

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But hey, when you've been around as long as he has,

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people still lend an ear even if they're mentally scrolling

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through their phones. Clinton wasted no time laying int Trump

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that's the bread and butter of any good DNC speech.

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He did manage to squeeze in a heartwarming story about

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Kamala Harris's humble beginnings at McDonald's, where apparently she flashed

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a one thousand watts smile at every customer while asking,

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how can I help you? Nice touch Bill, But we're

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all here for the Trump roasting. He highlighted Harris's prosecutorial

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record and her big plans to tackle the cost of

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housing and healthcare, give small businesses a boost, and make

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sure America isn't ghosted by its allies. But every time

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the speech threatened to get a little too earnest, he

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swerved back to the main course. Clinton couldn't resist mentioning

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how Trump nearly had him croaking during the first debate

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when he claimed, with the sincerity of an Oscar winning actor,

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that nobody respected America anymore like they did when he

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was president. Clinton barely holding back the sarcasm. Gave Trump

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credit for one thing. He's a good actor. The kicker.

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Clinton couldn't help but wonder allowed about Trump's endless tributes

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to the late great Hannibal Lecter, Because when you're comparing

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your respectability to a fictional cannibal, you know things have

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taken a weird turn. Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy

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Junior is gearing up to address the nation this Friday

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from Phoenix, presumably to explain why his presidential campaign has

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more twists and turns than a soap opera. His press secretary,

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Stephanie Spear, took to social media to hype up what

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she called the present historic moment and his path forward,

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a phrase that's as vague as it is ambitious. This

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announcement comes hot on the heels of Kennedy's running mate,

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Nicole Shanahan, who decided to throw a curveball into the

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race on Tuesday. Shanahan blasted the Democrats and declared her

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full support for Kennedy playing a role in a future

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Trump administration. That's right, the campaign that started out as

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an alternative to the usual suspects might just end with

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a warm embrace of the former president. Shanahan even dropped

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some not so subtle hints that their campaign could wrap

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up early and throw its weight behind Trump, because why

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not keep everyone guessing. What feels like a cosmic joke,

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Trump will be holding a rally in Arizona on the

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very same Friday, just twenty minutes away in Glendale, because

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if there's one thing this election season needed, it's more drama.

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My crazy ex girlfriend, Norma often texts me as you

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may have heard me mention. I texted her back and

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asked what she thought of RFK. She said he makes

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a lot of sense and I'd vote for him. Maybe

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she has brainworms. That would explain a lot, like the

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time I wore my tan suit and she started making

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fun of me. Well, I have news for someone. That

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tan suit was pretty darn popular at Hotti's for Harris. Also,

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stop texting me, you're crazy. President Biden remember him? Don't

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worry he doesn't either. That's it. There's no Biden's story.

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I just felt like we haven't had enough jokes today.

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Did I mention I'm hungover? I'm hungover. Former President Barack Obama,

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the King of Cool and Shade, apparently went a little

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rogue during his DNC speech when he decided to throw

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in a suggestive hand gesture while talking about Donald Trump's

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obsession with crowd size. According to his former speech writers,

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who took a break from their Podsave America podcast to

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help him out, it wasn't exactly in the script. Yep. Obama,

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who's usually as smooth as buttered silk, decided to add

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lib what many saw as a not so subtle reference

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to Trump's let's just say manhood. Jon Favreau, one of

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Obama's former speech writers, podcast co host and possibly the

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worst labor negotiator of our time, giving his producers nine

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weeks vacation and twelve hour nap breaks, spilled the beans

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on this after the speech, joking that his co host

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Dan Pfeiffer was the mastermind behind the manhood joke. But

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hold up, Favreau clarified that the hand gesture wasn't pre planned.

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Just so you all know, that was just in the moment,

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he said, probably while imagining all the conservative pundits losing

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their minds. And then John Lovett, another former Obama joke

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writer and also apparently a terrible labor negotiator, giving his

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producers nine weeks vacation and twelve hour nap breaks. Chimed

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in suggesting that maybe, just maybe Obama knew exactly what

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he was doing with that little hand dance, but only

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he was in on the joke. Classic Obama always one

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step ahead, leaving the rest of us to catch up.

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On a slightly more serious note, the Podsave America crew

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did admit that they found Obama's speech to be one

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of the most persuasive of the DNC so far, and

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why because it wasn't just about preaching to the choir.

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As Feiffer put it, Obama's speech didn't assume that the

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only thing keeping people from voting Democrat is ignorance. No,

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it was about understanding that everyone's got their reasons, even

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if those reasons are, let's be honest, sometimes a little questionable.

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Favreau also gave props to both Barack and Michelle for

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treating Trump like the clown they believe him to be.

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The way to go after an autocrat or a strong man,

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Favreau explained, is to just make them seem foolish. And

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if there's one thing Trump can't stand, it's being laughed at. Well,

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mission accomplished, mister President Obama then asked for a ten

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thousand dollars race, eleven weeks vacation, and fifteen hour nap breaks,

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to which Lovett and Favreau immediately said sure portions of

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today's program were made with eight beers, a few too

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many shots, four hour sleep, and the help of AI