Dec. 6, 2024

Ballot Dec 6 AM-auphonic

Show Notes
Transcript

Mac Davies had too mych floouride or something and is out sick so Patrick gets to host the show!

We dive into the digital drama as TikTok faces a potential breakup with America that's messier than your ex's Instagram feed.

And in our "Healthcare Hijinks" segment, Anthem Blue Cross tried to put surgeries on a timer like they're baking cookies, only to backtrack when everyone from doctors to senators pointed out that human bodies aren't exactly known for following insurance company schedules.

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Callaroga Shark Media from Washington, DC, where Mac Davies can't

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get healthy, so Patrick gets to host the show today.

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This is ballot, that's right, and I hope Mac knows

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who Wally Pip was because I'm not giving the big

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chair back.

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Let's hit this. Oh you're gonna love this one, folks.

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The Bahamas just gave Trump's team the diplomatic equivalent of

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new phone who dis Apparently the former president's transition squad

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thought they could turn the Bahamas into their personal return

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to sender service for deportees. Because nothing says making America

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great again like trying to outsource your immigration policy to

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a country whose main export is paradise. Prime Minister Philip

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Davis basically said thanks, but no thanks and or, as

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they say in the Bahamas, we're a vacation destination, not

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your backup plan. His office released a statement that might

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as well have been Rich on a postcard saying wish

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you weren't here. And get this, they didn't just reject it,

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they firmly rejected it.

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That's political speak for are you kidding me? Right now?

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The Bahamas was like, sorry, we're a bit busy managing

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our beautiful beaches and crystal clear waters to become your

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plan B. You know things are bad when even a

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country known for its hospitality is like, yeah, we're gonna

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have to pass on this one. I guess Trump's team

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will have to find another tropical paradise to turn into

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their deportation dream destination. Maybe they can check if Atlantis

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is taking applications. Well, folks, TikTok's fate is hanging in

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the balance like a teenager's phone over a toilet. The

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DC Circuit Court is about to decide if America's favorite

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dance video platform gets to keep grooving or get shown

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the door. Talk about the world's most dramatic app update.

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Remember when TikTok was just that thing where people did

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weird dances during lockdown. Now it's apparently a national security

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threat that's got Congress more worked up than a cat

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video compilation. They passed a law faster than you can

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say trending hashtag, giving byte dance until January nineteenth to

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either sell or bye bye bye. But here's where it

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gets more twisted than a conspiracy theory. Trump the guy

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who tried to ban it faster than you could say

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executive order. Back in twenty twenty is now saying he

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wants to save it. I guess he finally figured out

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how to use the app. He's got fourteen point six

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million followers. Now that's a lot of people watching him.

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Not dance.

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Folks gather around for a taiale that'll put you to

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sleep faster than well.

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Anesthesia.

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Anthem Blue Cross just pulled the most dramatic reversal since

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my high school girlfriend dumped me and then asked me

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to prompt Get this. They tried to slip in a

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policy that would basically put your anesthesia on a stopwatch. Sorry, doc,

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According to our spreadsheet, removing an appendix takes exactly forty

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seven minutes.

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Anything after that you're on your own.

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The American Society of Anesthesiologists was about as happy with

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this as a cat in a bathtub. They basically said, hey, Anthem,

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you know surgeries aren't like microwave dinner instructions, right, but

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don't worry. After everyone lost their minds faster than a

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patient counting backward from one hundred, Anthem did what any

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good corporate giant does. They blamed it all on widespread misinformation. Yeah,

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because we all misunderstood their perfectly reasonable policy of checksnotes

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timing surgeries, like their parallel parking tests. In the end,

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Anthem flip flopped faster than John Kerry on a paddleboard.

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They're now saying it was never their policy to deny

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medically necessary anesthesia.

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Sure, jan well, folks.

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In today's episode of Celebrities saying things that make perfect

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sense but will still somehow anger your uncle on Facebook,

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Sean Penn has decided to weigh in on Hunter Biden's pardon.

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He's viewing paintings at a gallery opening, which, funny enough,

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he actually is. Turns out Hunter's artwork is hanging in

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Pen's house, right next to what I assume is a

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vision board of world peace in Nicholas Cage's career Trajectory.

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Penn declared that any father who wouldn't pardon their son

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must hate puppies and sunshine. He called the charges against

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Hunter one of the horrible hit jobs of all time

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and existentially insane, which coincidentally is also how most people

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describe watching.

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I Am Sam. But wait, there's more.

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Pen revealed he's part of an elite carpentry club with

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Harrison Ford and Nick Offerman.

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Yes, you heard that right, Hollywood's.

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Most serious actors are out there making birdhouses together. Ford

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apparently can build a house from the ground up, which

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explains why he's still doing his own stunts at eighty one.

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He's just really committed to home improvement. The actor hopes

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Joe Biden will pardon.

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More people before leaving office.

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Saying it ain't January yet, which is with a statement

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about presidential powers and coincidentally what I whisper to myself

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every morning looking at my New Year's resolutions, and in

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true Hollywood fashion, Pen wrapped up by saying he wants

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to be remembered as a squared away individual, which is

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probably the most humble aspiration I've ever heard from someone

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who has two oscars and a secret woodworking club with

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con solo. Portions of today's program were made with the

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help of AI, the Calaroga Shark Media Benefits program, and

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the best damn Phil and host you've heard.

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Get Well Soon, Mac, or don't