Lydia Matioli on Building a Community Response to Sexual Violence: From Silence to Support:

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,458 Welcome to the A World of Difference 2 00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:06,766 podcast. I'm Lori Adams Brown and this is. 3 00:00:06,766 --> 00:00:08,606 A podcast for those who are different. And 4 00:00:08,606 --> 00:00:12,394 want to make a difference. I am so 5 00:00:12,394 --> 00:00:14,074 excited. If you have not heard of my. 6 00:00:14,074 --> 00:00:15,694 Guest today, you are going to be. Blown 7 00:00:15,694 --> 00:00:17,994 away by this woman. She's just an 8 00:00:17,994 --> 00:00:19,646 outstanding human being and I'm thrilled 9 00:00:19,646 --> 00:00:23,246 to have Lydia Matioli on the show today. 10 00:00:23,246 --> 00:00:25,382 She has a new book that's being released 11 00:00:25,382 --> 00:00:28,262 and Lydia is just incredibly passionate 12 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:31,042 about building platforms for abuse 13 00:00:31,042 --> 00:00:33,654 survivors and advocates to be leaders in 14 00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:36,914 their own communities. She loves creating 15 00:00:36,914 --> 00:00:38,566 sustainable solutions that prevent and 16 00:00:38,566 --> 00:00:41,626 respond to sexual violence and within 17 00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,702 different communities. She was born and 18 00:00:43,702 --> 00:00:45,814 raised in Kibera, which is Africa's 19 00:00:45,814 --> 00:00:49,302 largest slum, and Lydia has herself 20 00:00:49,302 --> 00:00:50,854 firsthand experienced the effects of 21 00:00:50,854 --> 00:00:53,374 sexual violence. Also how the lack of 22 00:00:53,374 --> 00:00:55,534 education and poverty plays into all of 23 00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:58,190 this. She's experienced that firsthand and 24 00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:01,054 so now she works with Freely and Hope as 25 00:01:01,054 --> 00:01:03,006 the programs and Partnerships director and 26 00:01:03,006 --> 00:01:04,926 so she gets to design and implement 27 00:01:04,926 --> 00:01:07,234 programs that really exemplify some of the 28 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,614 best practices for ending the cycle of 29 00:01:09,614 --> 00:01:12,994 sexual violence that we often see. Lydia 30 00:01:12,994 --> 00:01:15,486 is smart. She graduated with Bachelor of 31 00:01:15,486 --> 00:01:17,566 Arts in Gender, Women and Development 32 00:01:17,566 --> 00:01:19,110 Studies and has over eight years 33 00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,994 experience in program design and community 34 00:01:20,994 --> 00:01:23,682 outreach. So she has so much knowledge and 35 00:01:23,682 --> 00:01:26,086 wisdom. But she's the author of a book 36 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,942 that she just released called Pendo's 37 00:01:27,942 --> 00:01:30,454 Power. It's a children's book that's 38 00:01:30,454 --> 00:01:31,894 illustrated and it helps children 39 00:01:31,894 --> 00:01:36,106 recognize and report sexual abuse. So this 40 00:01:36,106 --> 00:01:37,690 book is really resonating with a lot of 41 00:01:37,690 --> 00:01:40,118 people. She recently did a book release 42 00:01:40,118 --> 00:01:44,574 here in the San Francisco Bay area. And 43 00:01:44,574 --> 00:01:48,474 just her voice, her story, her ability to 44 00:01:48,474 --> 00:01:51,934 communicate it, and her desire and work to 45 00:01:51,934 --> 00:01:53,906 help children and parents and caregivers 46 00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,494 and teachers and people in faith 47 00:01:56,494 --> 00:01:58,466 institutions and communities understand 48 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,066 how to have conversations with children 49 00:02:00,066 --> 00:02:03,060 and how to help them see their own power. 50 00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:05,734 To understand consent, understand that 51 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:10,614 they can say no, understand their power to 52 00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:13,510 not be in situations that make them feel 53 00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:16,854 unsafe, and giving power to children again 54 00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:20,086 to understand what boundaries are right. 55 00:02:20,086 --> 00:02:22,246 So this was her book is all about when 56 00:02:22,246 --> 00:02:24,390 she's not working. You can find her 57 00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:26,666 dancing to Afrobeat with her three year 58 00:02:26,666 --> 00:02:29,482 old daughter and trying out new recipes as 59 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,126 well. And so I love that she's bringing 60 00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,902 all of herself into this conversation 61 00:02:33,902 --> 00:02:38,126 today and we're going to go there. So this 62 00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:40,334 is your trigger warning. If this is 63 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,798 something that would be too much for you 64 00:02:42,798 --> 00:02:45,066 today, it is okay to not listen. It is 65 00:02:45,066 --> 00:02:48,754 okay to take it in chunks. It is okay to 66 00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:51,058 just take long breaks and go for a walk 67 00:02:51,058 --> 00:02:53,330 and get some sunshine or take deep 68 00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,526 breaths. If you have experienced abuse of 69 00:02:55,526 --> 00:02:59,110 any kind and particular sexual abuse, 70 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:02,038 yeah, listener discretion is advised. 71 00:03:02,038 --> 00:03:04,722 Also, the sponsor of this podcast is 72 00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:07,426 BetterHelp. So if you are somebody who has 73 00:03:07,426 --> 00:03:10,566 walked through abuse or walked through any 74 00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,586 trauma of any kind or just needs help from 75 00:03:12,586 --> 00:03:14,422 a professional to talk through some 76 00:03:14,422 --> 00:03:17,290 relational difficulties or stress or grief 77 00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:20,174 loss. BetterHelp.com is the sponsor of 78 00:03:20,174 --> 00:03:26,362 this podcast and if you go to. WW dot. 79 00:03:26,362 --> 00:03:28,702 BetterHelp Difference today, you'll get 80 00:03:28,702 --> 00:03:31,946 10% off your first month. I myself have 81 00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:35,146 largely benefited from a therapist through 82 00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:36,306 BetterHelp who's helped me work through a 83 00:03:36,306 --> 00:03:38,942 lot of grounding techniques and somatic 84 00:03:38,942 --> 00:03:41,266 therapy, understanding how to just shake 85 00:03:41,266 --> 00:03:43,682 it off sometimes like we see the animals 86 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,666 do. I've gone and sat near the lake near 87 00:03:45,666 --> 00:03:47,266 my house and watched ducks just kind of 88 00:03:47,266 --> 00:03:49,766 shake water off their back. All things 89 00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,686 that my therapist at BetterHelp has helped 90 00:03:51,686 --> 00:03:55,154 me to do to help my own body process some 91 00:03:55,154 --> 00:03:57,202 traumatic experiences in a workplace 92 00:03:57,202 --> 00:03:59,618 environment where I walk through some 93 00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:02,910 psychological and spiritual abuse and 94 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,906 emotional and verbal abuse there. And so I 95 00:04:04,906 --> 00:04:06,742 know that some of you listening to this 96 00:04:06,742 --> 00:04:08,282 podcast have walked through that type of 97 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,842 thing and if you're one of them, please 98 00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:14,606 check out BetterHelp.com Difference Today 99 00:04:14,606 --> 00:04:17,566 to get 10% off your first month. So happy 100 00:04:17,566 --> 00:04:19,486 to bring to the show today and introduce 101 00:04:19,486 --> 00:04:22,350 to you somebody who is making a huge 102 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,498 difference in the world. So let's give a 103 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:33,570 very warm welcome today to Lydia Matioli. 104 00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:36,454 Hello, Lydia. And a very warm welcome to 105 00:04:36,454 --> 00:04:39,010 the World of Difference podcast today. And 106 00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:42,054 congratulations on your book release. 107 00:04:42,054 --> 00:04:44,134 Thank you. Thank you so much for having 108 00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:46,434 me. Well, it's very exciting. And we were 109 00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:49,146 connected by someone we both know. And I'm 110 00:04:49,146 --> 00:04:51,100 really excited to have this conversation 111 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,214 today because not only are you somebody 112 00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:58,294 who's a survivor of some very difficult 113 00:04:58,294 --> 00:05:00,486 experiences, but you've also allowed those 114 00:05:00,486 --> 00:05:02,446 experiences to shape you into someone who 115 00:05:02,446 --> 00:05:06,014 wants to make an impact and help others in 116 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:10,046 so many different ways. And our listeners 117 00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:12,510 all around the world really are all about 118 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:15,262 that and so excited to sort of hear more 119 00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:16,926 about your background, some of the things 120 00:05:16,926 --> 00:05:20,254 you've walked through and why you ended up 121 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,162 writing this book. But I guess my first 122 00:05:22,162 --> 00:05:24,114 question for you is tell us a little bit 123 00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:27,466 about your background. Who are you, Lydia 124 00:05:27,466 --> 00:05:30,754 Mattioli? And what is it about your 125 00:05:30,754 --> 00:05:32,520 background that makes you who you are 126 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:36,742 today? Awesome. Again, thank you for 127 00:05:36,742 --> 00:05:39,250 having me. I'm super excited to have this 128 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:44,234 conversation with you. So Lydia Matioli is 129 00:05:44,234 --> 00:05:50,362 a 29 year old. I am a mom to a beautiful 130 00:05:50,362 --> 00:05:55,638 three year old girl, and I currently lead 131 00:05:55,638 --> 00:05:59,006 programs at nonprofit called Freely Hope, 132 00:05:59,006 --> 00:06:02,186 which exists to end the cycle of sexual 133 00:06:02,186 --> 00:06:06,226 violence in Kenya and in Zambia. And just 134 00:06:06,226 --> 00:06:07,826 to share a little bit about my background, 135 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:12,046 I was born and raised in Kibera, which is 136 00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:15,578 East Africa's largest slum. I think after 137 00:06:15,578 --> 00:06:17,846 soeto in South Africa, I think Kibera is 138 00:06:17,846 --> 00:06:22,840 next. It inhabits around 1 million plus 139 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,438 people. And so all my life I was inside 140 00:06:26,438 --> 00:06:29,178 there, I was born in there with all these 141 00:06:29,178 --> 00:06:33,254 people. There's a lot of scarcity. The 142 00:06:33,254 --> 00:06:35,946 environment is not that friendly if you 143 00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:40,538 look at the sewer system, the chaos, if 144 00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:43,710 you look at the roads, the infrastructure, 145 00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:46,462 generally, it's just a mess. It's a place 146 00:06:46,462 --> 00:06:50,394 where there's not a lot of access to 147 00:06:50,394 --> 00:06:52,110 resources, a lot of access to 148 00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:57,326 opportunities. And the main thing that I 149 00:06:57,326 --> 00:07:03,554 grew up seeing a lot was violence. So let 150 00:07:03,554 --> 00:07:06,514 me just start by sharing my own story. So 151 00:07:06,514 --> 00:07:10,678 when I was five, we lived at a place where 152 00:07:10,678 --> 00:07:12,646 I don't know if you have an idea of Kibra, 153 00:07:12,646 --> 00:07:14,966 but let me paint the picture for you. So, 154 00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:18,214 like I said, there are so many houses and 155 00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:20,442 so close to each other, it's just like 156 00:07:20,442 --> 00:07:23,866 single rooms, very close to each other, 157 00:07:23,866 --> 00:07:25,754 and we would call them close. So you'd 158 00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:32,346 find like ten houses in 1 m² doors next to 159 00:07:32,346 --> 00:07:34,046 each other and that kind of stuff. And I 160 00:07:34,046 --> 00:07:35,678 feel like that is one of the reasons why 161 00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,838 we had a lot of violence happening. 162 00:07:37,838 --> 00:07:40,190 Because you're so close to each other in 163 00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:43,434 proximity, a lot of things are happening 164 00:07:43,434 --> 00:07:45,666 behind the shadows. So when I was five, 165 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:48,914 there was this guy who was our neighbor. 166 00:07:48,914 --> 00:07:53,010 He was actually man of God. He was a 167 00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:56,610 pastor. This man kids used to love being 168 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,982 around this guy a lot, a lot at that time, 169 00:07:58,982 --> 00:08:02,614 looking back now that I remember, I'm like 170 00:08:02,614 --> 00:08:04,646 so one time he called me into his shop and 171 00:08:04,646 --> 00:08:08,474 he started touching me inappropriately all 172 00:08:08,474 --> 00:08:14,810 over my body. And this almost escalated 173 00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,302 further, but then, thank goodness, my 174 00:08:17,302 --> 00:08:19,306 sister was looking for me to have lunch. 175 00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:21,054 And so my sister was calling out for my 176 00:08:21,054 --> 00:08:24,062 name outside, like, Lydia, Lydia. And then 177 00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:28,026 when the man had my sister, he stopped, 178 00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:31,200 grabbed a lollipop, gave it to me, and was 179 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:36,818 like, I went out, met my sister. She 180 00:08:36,818 --> 00:08:40,722 looked concerned, but she didn't know what 181 00:08:40,722 --> 00:08:42,514 to ask or like, she didn't know what to 182 00:08:42,514 --> 00:08:44,434 tell me. I think I remember the only thing 183 00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:46,562 she asked me was like, what were you doing 184 00:08:46,562 --> 00:08:48,806 then? I was like, oh, uncle called me to 185 00:08:48,806 --> 00:08:51,014 give me a suite because I didn't even know 186 00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:54,870 what abuse was. I could not comprehend it. 187 00:08:54,870 --> 00:08:56,962 So, yeah, that was the end of that 188 00:08:56,962 --> 00:08:59,994 conversation between me and my sister. So 189 00:08:59,994 --> 00:09:04,294 pretty much growing up, I was exposed to 190 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:09,366 sexual abuse in that way. Yeah. So when my 191 00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:12,254 sister found me, we didn't talk much about 192 00:09:12,254 --> 00:09:15,214 the situation, and yeah, we just left it 193 00:09:15,214 --> 00:09:17,854 at that. Moved on with life, like many 194 00:09:17,854 --> 00:09:20,846 other cases happening in Kibra. And then 195 00:09:20,846 --> 00:09:23,666 when I was 16 years old, my best friend 196 00:09:23,666 --> 00:09:26,850 was gang raped. We were in high school, 197 00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,326 and she was gang raped at the very same 198 00:09:29,326 --> 00:09:33,314 alley we used every day to go to school. 199 00:09:33,314 --> 00:09:37,638 Three men grabbed her and pulled her in my 200 00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:40,306 room and raped her. And because of the 201 00:09:40,306 --> 00:09:44,774 culture of silence that existed in Kiba, 202 00:09:44,774 --> 00:09:48,342 she didn't know whom to tell. And she 203 00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:50,890 tried talking to the dad. Like, when that 204 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,514 happened, that same day when she went back 205 00:09:53,514 --> 00:09:55,366 home, she tried telling the dad, but the 206 00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:59,660 dad was just, like, shaming her and being, 207 00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:02,298 like, there with your boyfriend, and here 208 00:10:02,298 --> 00:10:04,030 you're trying to say that you've been 209 00:10:04,030 --> 00:10:06,506 raped. So she shut down. She completely 210 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:10,666 shut down until she started getting side 211 00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:13,570 effects from the abuse. A couple of days 212 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:18,430 later, she started having infections. Her 213 00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:21,330 skin started feeling itchy, like she got 214 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,602 bad infections. And that's when she told 215 00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:25,474 me. And I was in high school. I didn't 216 00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:28,646 even know. What is this? Yes, we would 217 00:10:28,646 --> 00:10:32,166 hear about rape on TV here and there. We 218 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:35,926 would hear stories. A girl was raped here. 219 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,726 A girl was raped in this particular 220 00:10:37,726 --> 00:10:41,482 village. But we didn't know. No one told 221 00:10:41,482 --> 00:10:44,906 us how to respond or what to do. So when 222 00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:48,634 my friend told me that I couldn't think of 223 00:10:48,634 --> 00:10:52,526 I felt helpless, honestly. And so we told 224 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:56,522 a teacher who helped us, who told us which 225 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,346 hospital to go to. She did not even 226 00:10:58,346 --> 00:11:00,334 accompany us. She was just like, Go to 227 00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:03,602 this hospital. They'll help you. So my 228 00:11:03,602 --> 00:11:05,650 friend was treated, but that was it. 229 00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:09,202 Nothing. No counseling, no conversation 230 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:15,730 after that. So that was a common trend 231 00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:19,074 that existed. Living in Kiba. I was 232 00:11:19,074 --> 00:11:22,440 surrounded by so much violence, and no one 233 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,894 was holding anyone accountable. No one was 234 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:30,250 talking about it. No one was asking the 235 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,714 survivors, what's happening with you? How 236 00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:37,050 did you feel? And my friend was never the 237 00:11:37,050 --> 00:11:40,102 same after that experience. She was never, 238 00:11:40,102 --> 00:11:44,442 ever the same. And I think that is what 239 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,650 inspired me to start having these 240 00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:47,966 conversations while I was in school. In 241 00:11:47,966 --> 00:11:52,654 high school, so started a girls club where 242 00:11:52,654 --> 00:11:55,118 all the girls could come and meet every 243 00:11:55,118 --> 00:11:57,682 Tuesday. And we would just vent. Like, 244 00:11:57,682 --> 00:11:59,426 nothing would happen afterwards, but we 245 00:11:59,426 --> 00:12:02,100 would just vent. This is happening to my 246 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:06,066 home, since this is happening with my mom. 247 00:12:06,066 --> 00:12:08,998 She's being bitten every day. So we held 248 00:12:08,998 --> 00:12:13,270 space for a lot of stories within my 249 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,606 school community. And as much as we didn't 250 00:12:15,606 --> 00:12:19,626 do anything about it, we felt relieved. I 251 00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:22,346 think just talking about it helped release 252 00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:25,706 some of the weight that came with holding 253 00:12:25,706 --> 00:12:30,326 all of these. And I like to say that is 254 00:12:30,326 --> 00:12:36,414 where my advocacy work began in high. So 255 00:12:36,414 --> 00:12:38,174 right after I graduated high school, I 256 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,570 knew I wanted to do something along those 257 00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,526 lines. But again, in Kiba, once you're 258 00:12:42,526 --> 00:12:46,222 done with high school, that is it for your 259 00:12:46,222 --> 00:12:48,100 parents. They're like, We've done our 260 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:52,482 best. So you figure out what you want to 261 00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:55,438 do next with your life. Yes, I wanted to 262 00:12:55,438 --> 00:12:58,498 go to college, but I didn't know how. I 263 00:12:58,498 --> 00:13:00,774 didn't have the means. So I had to figure 264 00:13:00,774 --> 00:13:06,680 out what to do at that time to be able to 265 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:13,514 just pursue my dreams and to get by. So, 266 00:13:13,514 --> 00:13:16,250 yeah, I started looking for volunteer 267 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:19,126 opportunities in Kiba. I got a chance to 268 00:13:19,126 --> 00:13:21,770 volunteer with a couple of local 269 00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:25,934 organizations, and this was in 2013, 2014, 270 00:13:25,934 --> 00:13:29,402 because I finished high school in 2012, so 271 00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:34,546 2013, I was volunteering 2014, the same. 272 00:13:34,546 --> 00:13:37,310 And the founder of the particular 273 00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:40,702 organization that I was volunteering in in 274 00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:45,814 2014 knew about my story. She knew about 275 00:13:45,814 --> 00:13:49,234 how passionate I was in matters ending 276 00:13:49,234 --> 00:13:53,106 sexual violence. And so he's the one who 277 00:13:53,106 --> 00:13:55,330 connected me to Freelan Hope, the 278 00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:58,118 organization that I serve with. Because at 279 00:13:58,118 --> 00:14:00,406 that time, Freely in Hope was giving 280 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:07,446 academic scholarships to so, like. And you 281 00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:10,102 growing up in Cabera and having all those 282 00:14:10,102 --> 00:14:12,862 experiences, and now you're at Freely and 283 00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,286 Hope. Yeah. Tell us a little more about 284 00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:15,886 the organization's mission and some of 285 00:14:15,886 --> 00:14:17,406 these key initiatives you're involved in 286 00:14:17,406 --> 00:14:22,238 to combat this sexual. Freely and Hope is 287 00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:24,734 a nonprofit that works to end sexual 288 00:14:24,734 --> 00:14:27,794 violence in Kenya and Zambia. And how we 289 00:14:27,794 --> 00:14:32,046 do that is by providing academic 290 00:14:32,046 --> 00:14:34,130 scholarships to survivors of sexual 291 00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:36,806 violence. And these academic scholarships 292 00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:39,014 are very holistic in the sense that it's 293 00:14:39,014 --> 00:14:43,122 not just paying school fees. There's 294 00:14:43,122 --> 00:14:46,246 counseling happening just to combat all 295 00:14:46,246 --> 00:14:50,838 the mental health issues that come with 296 00:14:50,838 --> 00:14:54,134 trauma. The safe housing involved, where 297 00:14:54,134 --> 00:14:56,646 several occasions we've had to move the 298 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,886 girls from the spaces where they live in, 299 00:14:58,886 --> 00:15:01,514 girls who are being abused by their dads, 300 00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,886 by their uncles, by people who are taking 301 00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:07,034 care of them. So we've had to move them to 302 00:15:07,034 --> 00:15:10,126 safe spaces. Then there's the legal aspect 303 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,154 of it, where some of the survivors that 304 00:15:13,154 --> 00:15:16,610 come into the community have pending legal 305 00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:20,546 cases. And so, yeah, we have to find all 306 00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:23,502 the legal processes. Having the lawyers 307 00:15:23,502 --> 00:15:26,786 involved, following up with court cases, 308 00:15:26,786 --> 00:15:32,390 it's intense. And there's also mentorship 309 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:36,962 involved because we want these girls to 310 00:15:36,962 --> 00:15:38,582 thrive in their calling because most of 311 00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:40,226 them, when they come into the community, 312 00:15:40,226 --> 00:15:42,010 they're like, I want to be a lawyer so 313 00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,834 that whatever happened to me cannot happen 314 00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:48,010 to anyone else. I want to be a doctor to 315 00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:50,262 support other survivors, all of that. And 316 00:15:50,262 --> 00:15:53,694 so in wanting to just nurture this desire 317 00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:56,126 and tap into these desires, there's a lot 318 00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:59,262 of leadership development that goes into 319 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:02,686 this process. Just exposing them to spaces 320 00:16:02,686 --> 00:16:06,278 that will help them grow that desire, 321 00:16:06,278 --> 00:16:08,930 spaces that will give them an idea of what 322 00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:13,282 it means to work in a law firm, what it 323 00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:16,566 means to be an activist or an advocate in 324 00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:19,394 the community, all of that. And most 325 00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:20,918 importantly, I think, just having that 326 00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,014 community of belonging, interacting with 327 00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:27,586 other survivors, hearing their stories, 328 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,474 how they overcame trauma, how they're 329 00:16:30,474 --> 00:16:33,098 doing in their healing journey, that plays 330 00:16:33,098 --> 00:16:38,954 a big role in helping survivors just get 331 00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:41,274 from that point of helplessness and 332 00:16:41,274 --> 00:16:43,326 despair to this place where they're taking 333 00:16:43,326 --> 00:16:49,934 their power back. Yeah, I know that there 334 00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:52,990 are so many things culturally in every 335 00:16:52,990 --> 00:16:57,406 culture around sexual violence that often 336 00:16:57,406 --> 00:17:00,558 ends in silencing of the survivors and 337 00:17:00,558 --> 00:17:03,326 centering, the one who the perpetrators, 338 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,254 mostly because there's so many dynamics 339 00:17:05,254 --> 00:17:08,854 right there's the patriarchy, which often 340 00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:11,014 is in most cultures, we're dealing with 341 00:17:11,014 --> 00:17:14,834 not all of them. And that layer of just 342 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:18,362 censoring a man and his voice and then 343 00:17:18,362 --> 00:17:21,126 either silencing or just diminishing the 344 00:17:21,126 --> 00:17:23,642 voice of a female survivor, especially a 345 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:26,074 young girl, and then the victim blaming. 346 00:17:26,074 --> 00:17:29,562 So, yeah, explain maybe some of your own 347 00:17:29,562 --> 00:17:31,610 personal experience of observing that with 348 00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:33,594 yourself and your friends or how those 349 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,482 dynamics are sort of tricky in the 350 00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,360 environment that people are trying to heal 351 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:41,294 from. Oh, yeah, we've definitely had to 352 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:46,082 deal with a lot of cultural mindsets that 353 00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:49,534 really perpetrate this issue of sexual 354 00:17:49,534 --> 00:17:53,442 abuse. And one of them said, Patrick, if 355 00:17:53,442 --> 00:17:57,602 you go into my communities right now and 356 00:17:57,602 --> 00:17:59,758 talk to the men, most of them feel like 357 00:17:59,758 --> 00:18:01,942 it's married to have sex with a woman 358 00:18:01,942 --> 00:18:04,470 because this is what they've grown up 359 00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,806 hearing. They do not understand the whole 360 00:18:08,806 --> 00:18:11,850 concept of mutual respect, asking for 361 00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:15,974 consent, mutual understanding before 362 00:18:15,974 --> 00:18:20,790 engaging in any sexual act, because their 363 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,610 forefathers did that. Their forefathers 364 00:18:22,610 --> 00:18:25,898 believed they had right over women. 365 00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:28,190 They've seen their dads doing that. And so 366 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,974 they themselves are also stepping into 367 00:18:30,974 --> 00:18:34,946 that generational trend. And so that is 368 00:18:34,946 --> 00:18:41,006 one of the biggest factors as to why 369 00:18:41,006 --> 00:18:43,026 sexual violence is happening. And the sad 370 00:18:43,026 --> 00:18:45,842 thing is that even the women have been 371 00:18:45,842 --> 00:18:49,698 conditioned to start believing in these 372 00:18:49,698 --> 00:18:52,742 retrogressive beliefs. So you'll find even 373 00:18:52,742 --> 00:18:56,678 women themselves feel, no, it's a man, 374 00:18:56,678 --> 00:19:01,962 whatever man says, I'm supposed to. If a 375 00:19:01,962 --> 00:19:06,694 man says that my dressing tempted them to 376 00:19:06,694 --> 00:19:11,742 commit sexual abuse, then it's true. So 377 00:19:11,742 --> 00:19:15,726 this cultural belief has been so deep to 378 00:19:15,726 --> 00:19:17,870 the point where even women themselves 379 00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:22,670 started believing it. And this really 380 00:19:22,670 --> 00:19:26,526 escalated cases of abuse in my communities 381 00:19:26,526 --> 00:19:28,514 personally, where I come from. And so even 382 00:19:28,514 --> 00:19:31,198 with Freely and Hope going into these 383 00:19:31,198 --> 00:19:32,866 communities through our outreach programs, 384 00:19:32,866 --> 00:19:35,826 we had to do a lot of conversations with 385 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:40,070 the men, with the boys, to help shift this 386 00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:43,734 mindset so that they start understanding 387 00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:45,414 that, you know what? You do not have the 388 00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:48,422 right to have sex with a woman. A woman is 389 00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:51,894 a human being just like you, with the same 390 00:19:51,894 --> 00:19:54,186 rights, just like you. And so there's a 391 00:19:54,186 --> 00:19:58,250 lot of respect that needs to be there. You 392 00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:03,182 need to be mindful of what they say. So, 393 00:20:03,182 --> 00:20:05,454 yeah, that is part of the work that we've 394 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:09,006 been doing to really push for that shift 395 00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,470 in mindset because that's where the root 396 00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:15,346 is. Honestly, that is the root cause of 397 00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,410 all of this violence that we're 398 00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:20,798 experiencing in Kiba, in Nairobi, in 399 00:20:20,798 --> 00:20:25,170 Kenya. Really? Yeah, it's so 400 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,846 heartbreaking. And I think everywhere 401 00:20:27,846 --> 00:20:30,822 there are so many stereotypes that people 402 00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:35,346 fall into and some of those are very even 403 00:20:35,346 --> 00:20:37,480 entrenched in certain faith communities. 404 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:42,410 So you mentioned earlier that your abuser 405 00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,922 was a part of a faith community. And so, 406 00:20:44,922 --> 00:20:47,994 yeah, I would be interested to know, do 407 00:20:47,994 --> 00:20:49,770 you still identify as part of a faith 408 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,662 community? And if so, has that journey 409 00:20:51,662 --> 00:20:53,760 been difficult for you in light of all of 410 00:20:53,760 --> 00:21:03,474 this? That's a very good question. Well, 411 00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:07,810 my experiences and I think working with 412 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:11,810 survivors, of course, has really affected 413 00:21:11,810 --> 00:21:14,562 my interaction with the faith communities 414 00:21:14,562 --> 00:21:16,914 because trust me, most of the cases that 415 00:21:16,914 --> 00:21:21,750 I've had, a lot of perpetrators are faith 416 00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:26,840 leaders. And that kind of just affected 417 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,834 how I connect with God through that 418 00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:33,050 community, honestly. So it's been so long 419 00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:39,146 since I went to church because every time 420 00:21:39,146 --> 00:21:43,358 I was in charge, I would battle with the 421 00:21:43,358 --> 00:21:46,586 thought that this man up here could be a 422 00:21:46,586 --> 00:21:51,118 hypocrite, this man up here could be one 423 00:21:51,118 --> 00:21:52,862 of the perpetrators. And I know it's not 424 00:21:52,862 --> 00:21:55,586 fair to have a blanket judgment and to 425 00:21:55,586 --> 00:21:59,166 have that bias over faith leaders, but I 426 00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:01,218 can't help it. It's part of the trauma 427 00:22:01,218 --> 00:22:03,746 that I have from my experience and from 428 00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:05,894 the experiences of people who are very 429 00:22:05,894 --> 00:22:09,574 close to me. So, yeah, my relationship is 430 00:22:09,574 --> 00:22:14,246 not the same. I struggle to be at church, 431 00:22:14,246 --> 00:22:18,550 I struggle to be in community with faith 432 00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:21,402 leaders. But I've also learned to find my 433 00:22:21,402 --> 00:22:25,914 own ways of connecting with God that do 434 00:22:25,914 --> 00:22:30,294 not necessarily involve me not being a 435 00:22:30,294 --> 00:22:33,262 charge. And I know I'll get there someday, 436 00:22:33,262 --> 00:22:35,806 but right now I am not at that point where 437 00:22:35,806 --> 00:22:40,906 I can just comfortably be at charge and 438 00:22:40,906 --> 00:22:42,494 commune with other believers the way I 439 00:22:42,494 --> 00:22:45,394 used to. And I know that it's going to 440 00:22:45,394 --> 00:22:49,666 take time and I'm just being patient with 441 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,626 myself and with the entire process. But 442 00:22:52,626 --> 00:22:54,466 yes, I do believe I'm glad. That you're 443 00:22:54,466 --> 00:22:56,838 being patient with yourself. That's very 444 00:22:56,838 --> 00:22:59,766 good. Yeah, I think that many listening in 445 00:22:59,766 --> 00:23:02,946 this community, and it's not exclusively 446 00:23:02,946 --> 00:23:05,394 Christians that I'm talking about. In all 447 00:23:05,394 --> 00:23:08,306 faith communities, we see people who've 448 00:23:08,306 --> 00:23:11,018 walked through abuse in their faith 449 00:23:11,018 --> 00:23:13,030 community, whether it's in Islam or 450 00:23:13,030 --> 00:23:16,838 Judaism or if they're Buddhist or Hindu or 451 00:23:16,838 --> 00:23:19,210 Christian or even if they have no faith 452 00:23:19,210 --> 00:23:20,486 community. But it's been a community 453 00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,586 that's been spiritual in some way. And 454 00:23:22,586 --> 00:23:26,138 you've seen a leader be abusive and then 455 00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,026 you've seen it covered up by people in the 456 00:23:28,026 --> 00:23:30,894 faith community, it doesn't feel safe. 457 00:23:30,894 --> 00:23:32,574 Right? And there are reasons for that. And 458 00:23:32,574 --> 00:23:35,742 as survivors or even people who might have 459 00:23:35,742 --> 00:23:37,666 secondary trauma, who have friends who've 460 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,954 been abused, it doesn't feel safe. Even 461 00:23:39,954 --> 00:23:41,762 for those friends when they've watched a 462 00:23:41,762 --> 00:23:44,242 cover up happen and watched a perpetrator 463 00:23:44,242 --> 00:23:47,380 be centered and his story be the main 464 00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:51,206 story, those are red flags for people. And 465 00:23:51,206 --> 00:23:53,122 so I think part of caring well for 466 00:23:53,122 --> 00:23:55,014 ourselves and our own well being is to 467 00:23:55,014 --> 00:23:57,622 make decisions like you're making to find 468 00:23:57,622 --> 00:23:59,606 ways to express your faith and experience 469 00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,858 your faith in ways that you're safe and 470 00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,206 you're caring for yourself and you're 471 00:24:03,206 --> 00:24:04,954 protecting yourself. So there's a lot of 472 00:24:04,954 --> 00:24:06,426 people in this community that understand 473 00:24:06,426 --> 00:24:08,266 that and are walking through that. So 474 00:24:08,266 --> 00:24:10,554 thank you for being vulnerable to share 475 00:24:10,554 --> 00:24:12,378 that. But I know that you also really want 476 00:24:12,378 --> 00:24:13,962 to make an impact, especially for 477 00:24:13,962 --> 00:24:15,982 children, because your abuse happened as a 478 00:24:15,982 --> 00:24:17,966 child at five years old. So tell us a 479 00:24:17,966 --> 00:24:19,758 little bit about. Your book Pendo's Power. 480 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,754 I know you're hoping to help children 481 00:24:21,754 --> 00:24:24,358 recognize and report sexual abuse. So what 482 00:24:24,358 --> 00:24:25,874 inspired you to even think about writing 483 00:24:25,874 --> 00:24:27,966 this book? And how are you seeing it 484 00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:29,460 received in the communities where you 485 00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:34,942 work? So Bendosau was inspired by my past 486 00:24:34,942 --> 00:24:36,806 experiences growing up as a child in Kiba. 487 00:24:36,806 --> 00:24:39,622 And I've shared a little bit about that. 488 00:24:39,622 --> 00:24:43,382 Also my current experiences as a mother. I 489 00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:46,454 have a three year old daughter, and when I 490 00:24:46,454 --> 00:24:49,318 had her, I was so scared. When I gave 491 00:24:49,318 --> 00:24:52,060 birth to my daughter, being a first time 492 00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:57,020 mom, being a single mom, I was so scared 493 00:24:57,020 --> 00:25:00,778 of what she's going to be exposed to. And 494 00:25:00,778 --> 00:25:03,370 I think when I had Amir, that's when the 495 00:25:03,370 --> 00:25:06,106 realization of my own abuse started 496 00:25:06,106 --> 00:25:10,286 dawning on me. I had not processed it. And 497 00:25:10,286 --> 00:25:12,794 so when she came, it was just like, oh my 498 00:25:12,794 --> 00:25:15,360 goodness, what have I done? What have I 499 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:19,362 done? And I had Amira around the same time 500 00:25:19,362 --> 00:25:21,906 when COVID was happening because she came 501 00:25:21,906 --> 00:25:27,702 in 2019. And then COVID happened 2020 502 00:25:27,702 --> 00:25:30,486 because she was born in December. So we 503 00:25:30,486 --> 00:25:32,326 were at home, we were listening to all of 504 00:25:32,326 --> 00:25:34,642 these things that were happening. Cases of 505 00:25:34,642 --> 00:25:37,706 abuse escalating. Children being abused in 506 00:25:37,706 --> 00:25:40,026 their homes, women being abused by people 507 00:25:40,026 --> 00:25:43,722 they are living with. And oh my goodness, 508 00:25:43,722 --> 00:25:48,314 I struggled sleeping. I battled with the 509 00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:53,162 thought that Amir could be exposed to a 510 00:25:53,162 --> 00:25:56,830 perpetrator anytime because it was not 511 00:25:56,830 --> 00:25:59,038 like strange people. It was people that 512 00:25:59,038 --> 00:26:02,750 were super close to her that are 513 00:26:02,750 --> 00:26:06,466 potentially the abusers. And so I wanted 514 00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:08,994 to do something about it. I wanted to 515 00:26:08,994 --> 00:26:11,346 create a resource that would help children 516 00:26:11,346 --> 00:26:14,718 like Amir, children living in different 517 00:26:14,718 --> 00:26:16,406 parts of Kenya, children living in 518 00:26:16,406 --> 00:26:18,566 different parts of the world, to be able 519 00:26:18,566 --> 00:26:22,806 to learn about these key concepts early so 520 00:26:22,806 --> 00:26:25,414 that they know when their body boundaries 521 00:26:25,414 --> 00:26:28,386 are being crossed. Because for me, I 522 00:26:28,386 --> 00:26:31,450 didn't know. No one told me about body 523 00:26:31,450 --> 00:26:34,474 boundaries. And the many women, the many, 524 00:26:34,474 --> 00:26:37,274 many girls that have spoken to me about 525 00:26:37,274 --> 00:26:38,906 being survivors of child sexual abuse, 526 00:26:38,906 --> 00:26:41,674 they didn't know. So I wanted to give my 527 00:26:41,674 --> 00:26:45,230 own child and other children that gift of 528 00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:48,190 knowing. And I know it's crazy because 529 00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:50,254 children are supposed to live in a bubble 530 00:26:50,254 --> 00:26:51,818 like they are kids, for heaven's sake. 531 00:26:51,818 --> 00:26:53,342 They're not supposed to be thinking about 532 00:26:53,342 --> 00:26:57,266 these things. But we also cannot be blind 533 00:26:57,266 --> 00:26:59,186 to the fact that bad things are happening 534 00:26:59,186 --> 00:27:02,130 in the world and the fact that we will not 535 00:27:02,130 --> 00:27:05,406 always be with them. So it's better for 536 00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:09,270 them to learn and know that they can 537 00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:12,662 actually use their voice to express when 538 00:27:12,662 --> 00:27:14,246 something is happening to them. And so 539 00:27:14,246 --> 00:27:16,834 that is what inspired the creation of 540 00:27:16,834 --> 00:27:20,634 Pendos Power. So it's a book that teaches 541 00:27:20,634 --> 00:27:23,018 children as young as four years old, all 542 00:27:23,018 --> 00:27:27,050 the way to twelve years old, about body 543 00:27:27,050 --> 00:27:30,966 safety. This is my body. These are my 544 00:27:30,966 --> 00:27:33,006 private parts. No one is supposed to touch 545 00:27:33,006 --> 00:27:35,594 my private part. If someone touches my 546 00:27:35,594 --> 00:27:37,760 private part, these are the people that I 547 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,894 tell consent. I have the right to say yes 548 00:27:40,894 --> 00:27:43,006 or no, whether it's an adult, whether it's 549 00:27:43,006 --> 00:27:46,942 a child, I have the right to say it and be 550 00:27:46,942 --> 00:27:49,694 firm in my decision, especially when it 551 00:27:49,694 --> 00:27:52,366 involves my body. So these are the 552 00:27:52,366 --> 00:27:56,646 concepts that I wanted to bring out in the 553 00:27:56,646 --> 00:27:59,480 book, especially because growing up as a 554 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,166 child, we were taught to always respect 555 00:28:02,166 --> 00:28:07,014 the elders. When the elder calls, you go, 556 00:28:07,014 --> 00:28:09,066 which is a good thing. But I feel like 557 00:28:09,066 --> 00:28:15,820 some perpetrators use this element to 558 00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:19,046 really get to kids because they're 559 00:28:19,046 --> 00:28:21,354 vulnerable, they're innocent, they cannot 560 00:28:21,354 --> 00:28:24,098 speak up for themselves. And so through 561 00:28:24,098 --> 00:28:26,366 Pendofa, I wanted children to know that 562 00:28:26,366 --> 00:28:29,742 their voice is powerful, that there are 563 00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,454 people out here who care about them, who 564 00:28:31,454 --> 00:28:34,434 care about their safety and are willing to 565 00:28:34,434 --> 00:28:39,486 do anything to protect them. And the book 566 00:28:39,486 --> 00:28:43,220 features a six year old girl from Kiber 567 00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:50,866 who well educated about these things. Like 568 00:28:50,866 --> 00:28:53,222 Pendo's mom and dad did a good job 569 00:28:53,222 --> 00:28:55,846 starting these conversations early because 570 00:28:55,846 --> 00:28:59,130 they were aware of the risks. And so 571 00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:02,650 because Pendo knows she is helping her 572 00:29:02,650 --> 00:29:07,558 friends Bahati and Know call out different 573 00:29:07,558 --> 00:29:09,820 kinds of abuse that they've been exposed 574 00:29:09,820 --> 00:29:12,926 to in the community. So that's pretty much 575 00:29:12,926 --> 00:29:15,680 what the book is about. We wanted it to be 576 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,762 very simple and fun, so we used a lot of 577 00:29:20,762 --> 00:29:24,082 colorful illustrations to just help 578 00:29:24,082 --> 00:29:27,140 children connect and resonate with the 579 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:31,794 content. So far, it's just been amazing to 580 00:29:31,794 --> 00:29:34,018 see the response. It's been amazing to 581 00:29:34,018 --> 00:29:36,466 hear that kids are reading it, kids are 582 00:29:36,466 --> 00:29:39,942 connecting to the characters. Kids are 583 00:29:39,942 --> 00:29:42,454 saying, My voice is my power. Kids are 584 00:29:42,454 --> 00:29:45,366 saying it's okay not to keep it's not okay 585 00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:47,866 to keep secrets, things like that. So I'm 586 00:29:47,866 --> 00:29:52,262 just super grateful that the book is 587 00:29:52,262 --> 00:29:55,014 serving the purpose, like why I solely 588 00:29:55,014 --> 00:29:58,620 created it. I am getting feedback that it 589 00:29:58,620 --> 00:30:02,726 is. That'S amazing. What you've done is 590 00:30:02,726 --> 00:30:05,434 such a gift, and it's going to be so 591 00:30:05,434 --> 00:30:08,222 impactful, I'm sure, in prevention as the 592 00:30:08,222 --> 00:30:09,726 children read it, but also as the parents 593 00:30:09,726 --> 00:30:12,714 read it alongside. Because I think the 594 00:30:12,714 --> 00:30:14,754 nature of being a child in most cultures 595 00:30:14,754 --> 00:30:16,642 around the world is that there is this 596 00:30:16,642 --> 00:30:18,914 power dynamic between adults and children. 597 00:30:18,914 --> 00:30:24,322 And children are often at the receiving 598 00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:27,240 end of abuse of power in so many different 599 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,426 ways, just their voice being believed or 600 00:30:31,426 --> 00:30:34,774 listened to. There's a lot of people that 601 00:30:34,774 --> 00:30:36,962 would just think, well, children are so 602 00:30:36,962 --> 00:30:39,480 imaginative. They made this up. This isn't 603 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,262 real. And why would you say that about 604 00:30:42,262 --> 00:30:44,346 Uncle So and So, especially if they're 605 00:30:44,346 --> 00:30:46,454 like a pastor? And so there's so many 606 00:30:46,454 --> 00:30:47,866 stories, you and I probably both know, 607 00:30:47,866 --> 00:30:50,830 with that kind of narrative. But to help 608 00:30:50,830 --> 00:30:52,670 children understand that they have this 609 00:30:52,670 --> 00:30:54,974 power, I could imagine how reading that 610 00:30:54,974 --> 00:30:59,422 book as a child would feel so right, 611 00:30:59,422 --> 00:31:03,102 because we sort of, as children, long for 612 00:31:03,102 --> 00:31:05,182 people to believe us when something 613 00:31:05,182 --> 00:31:06,846 traumatic happens, just like we do when 614 00:31:06,846 --> 00:31:09,086 we're adults. But because the power 615 00:31:09,086 --> 00:31:10,802 dynamic between adult and children is 616 00:31:10,802 --> 00:31:15,342 often abused, those children often are so 617 00:31:15,342 --> 00:31:19,894 silenced. And so, yeah, as you've seen 618 00:31:19,894 --> 00:31:21,958 children and parents maybe walking through 619 00:31:21,958 --> 00:31:23,334 it together or reading it together, are 620 00:31:23,334 --> 00:31:25,046 there any stories or things that you can 621 00:31:25,046 --> 00:31:27,586 think of that are impactful or anything 622 00:31:27,586 --> 00:31:31,242 around that? Yeah, I think one of the most 623 00:31:31,242 --> 00:31:34,614 mind blowing things about this book is how 624 00:31:34,614 --> 00:31:37,980 it's not only just impacting children, but 625 00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:42,586 even the adults. I feel like most of the 626 00:31:42,586 --> 00:31:44,634 parents and caregivers that I am 627 00:31:44,634 --> 00:31:47,466 interacting with are kind of healing their 628 00:31:47,466 --> 00:31:50,926 inner child. They're going back to moments 629 00:31:50,926 --> 00:31:54,014 when they were children and reflecting on 630 00:31:54,014 --> 00:31:56,754 moments when they were abused and speaking 631 00:31:56,754 --> 00:32:00,994 up for the first time. So I think that for 632 00:32:00,994 --> 00:32:03,186 me has been everything. Knowing that, oh 633 00:32:03,186 --> 00:32:05,886 my goodness, so many parents and 634 00:32:05,886 --> 00:32:08,146 caregivers were carrying childhood trauma 635 00:32:08,146 --> 00:32:10,582 that they'd never processed with anyone. 636 00:32:10,582 --> 00:32:15,910 And this book is serving as an outlet for 637 00:32:15,910 --> 00:32:18,966 them and giving them the courage to just 638 00:32:18,966 --> 00:32:21,320 say, you know what? This happened to me 639 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,594 too. I have never told anyone about it, 640 00:32:25,594 --> 00:32:29,034 and thank you for creating this because 641 00:32:29,034 --> 00:32:32,314 now I can start working on my own healing 642 00:32:32,314 --> 00:32:34,846 and I can be there for my child and I know 643 00:32:34,846 --> 00:32:38,414 how I can respond if my child tells me 644 00:32:38,414 --> 00:32:40,894 about it. So I think that for me has been 645 00:32:40,894 --> 00:32:43,090 oh my goodness, it has been everything. 646 00:32:43,090 --> 00:32:47,794 Seeing people allowing themselves to feel 647 00:32:47,794 --> 00:32:51,300 some emotions that they never process and 648 00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:55,380 just looking for support to walk through 649 00:32:55,380 --> 00:32:58,934 that, it has been amazing. And the other 650 00:32:58,934 --> 00:33:02,390 thing that I've been super blessed to see 651 00:33:02,390 --> 00:33:05,190 is all the opportunities that Pendas Power 652 00:33:05,190 --> 00:33:09,782 has opened up in terms of us reaching a 653 00:33:09,782 --> 00:33:13,242 wider demographic. So initially when I 654 00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:16,026 started writing it, the target audience I 655 00:33:16,026 --> 00:33:19,226 had in mind was the kids. And that's why 656 00:33:19,226 --> 00:33:21,834 the book is a children's book. But also 657 00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:24,250 while I was doing research for it, I 658 00:33:24,250 --> 00:33:25,806 realized many parents were like, we do not 659 00:33:25,806 --> 00:33:29,226 have the tools and resources to have this 660 00:33:29,226 --> 00:33:31,774 conversation. We want to, but how do I 661 00:33:31,774 --> 00:33:33,918 start telling my child about private 662 00:33:33,918 --> 00:33:37,700 parts? Especially when culturally they 663 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:40,258 themselves didn't get a chance to do that 664 00:33:40,258 --> 00:33:44,610 with their parents? It's taboo. It's 665 00:33:44,610 --> 00:33:47,238 inappropriate. And so even just listening 666 00:33:47,238 --> 00:33:51,234 to parents and the need got us to create a 667 00:33:51,234 --> 00:33:54,102 companion guide for the book. So the book 668 00:33:54,102 --> 00:33:57,506 comes with a companion guide. You scan a 669 00:33:57,506 --> 00:34:00,594 QR code at the back and it takes you to a 670 00:34:00,594 --> 00:34:03,606 companion guide that gives you teach on if 671 00:34:03,606 --> 00:34:05,226 you're talking about private parts, this 672 00:34:05,226 --> 00:34:07,354 is how you approach it. This is how you 673 00:34:07,354 --> 00:34:09,386 start from the familiar things. This is 674 00:34:09,386 --> 00:34:12,398 how you use teachable everyday moments in 675 00:34:12,398 --> 00:34:16,190 your family, in your interactions to model 676 00:34:16,190 --> 00:34:19,406 this conversation. So that in itself is a 677 00:34:19,406 --> 00:34:22,026 whole other resource that came from 678 00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,754 Pendant Power. And when we were launching 679 00:34:24,754 --> 00:34:28,210 the book, we also released a teacher's 680 00:34:28,210 --> 00:34:30,434 guide because teachers were like, we also 681 00:34:30,434 --> 00:34:34,030 want to be consistent in having these 682 00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:36,262 conversations at the school setting. We 683 00:34:36,262 --> 00:34:39,766 spend a lot of time with Know. So it would 684 00:34:39,766 --> 00:34:43,366 be. Good to also have that ingrained in 685 00:34:43,366 --> 00:34:47,266 the curriculum. So in partnership with 686 00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:49,690 Microsoft, we just created a teacher's 687 00:34:49,690 --> 00:34:53,686 guide that we'll be advertising. So that's 688 00:34:53,686 --> 00:34:55,594 creating an opportunity for us to scale 689 00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:59,274 and reach many more students, many, many 690 00:34:59,274 --> 00:35:01,706 more children and teachers from all over 691 00:35:01,706 --> 00:35:04,960 Kenya and beyond. So it's just been crazy 692 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:08,494 seeing all of these opportunities that are 693 00:35:08,494 --> 00:35:12,586 just coming up and it's like, oh wow. It 694 00:35:12,586 --> 00:35:14,786 was not just children. It was the parents, 695 00:35:14,786 --> 00:35:17,762 the caregivers, the teachers, institutions 696 00:35:17,762 --> 00:35:21,262 that work with kids. Anyone who is 697 00:35:21,262 --> 00:35:25,042 involved in matters child safety needed 698 00:35:25,042 --> 00:35:29,030 such a resource. So I'm just super 699 00:35:29,030 --> 00:35:33,014 grateful for all the survivors that have 700 00:35:33,014 --> 00:35:35,266 come up and told us, you know what? I am a 701 00:35:35,266 --> 00:35:37,766 survivor of child sexual abuse. I am so 702 00:35:37,766 --> 00:35:40,518 grateful for all the children who have 703 00:35:40,518 --> 00:35:43,046 shared their stories, who have parents 704 00:35:43,046 --> 00:35:47,146 sending us clips of children saying, it's 705 00:35:47,146 --> 00:35:49,910 not okay, Mommy, to keep a secret. Like 706 00:35:49,910 --> 00:35:53,246 children literally articulating some of 707 00:35:53,246 --> 00:35:55,950 the key concepts that we featured in the 708 00:35:55,950 --> 00:36:03,098 book. For me to just affirm the why, 709 00:36:03,098 --> 00:36:05,826 there's been a lot, a lot of feedback of 710 00:36:05,826 --> 00:36:08,142 the impact. And I think this is why many 711 00:36:08,142 --> 00:36:11,394 opportunities are coming up to just scale 712 00:36:11,394 --> 00:36:13,986 and take this information to as many 713 00:36:13,986 --> 00:36:19,558 people as possible. Yeah, it's incredible. 714 00:36:19,558 --> 00:36:21,842 I mean, when you just shared the part 715 00:36:21,842 --> 00:36:25,046 earlier about parents reading it with 716 00:36:25,046 --> 00:36:27,826 their children and realizing they're 717 00:36:27,826 --> 00:36:29,878 telling for the first time what happened 718 00:36:29,878 --> 00:36:31,498 to them and it just gave me chills. I got 719 00:36:31,498 --> 00:36:33,818 a little teary eyed. I mean, it's so 720 00:36:33,818 --> 00:36:35,674 beautiful because that is the impact you 721 00:36:35,674 --> 00:36:39,146 want to see. To give freedom to those who 722 00:36:39,146 --> 00:36:41,162 have been trapped for so long with their 723 00:36:41,162 --> 00:36:42,874 story and having been silenced for all 724 00:36:42,874 --> 00:36:45,854 those years from people who really did not 725 00:36:45,854 --> 00:36:47,726 even ask about what happened or wouldn't 726 00:36:47,726 --> 00:36:49,278 have even listened or believed them, maybe 727 00:36:49,278 --> 00:36:51,934 if they had told. And I do hear over and 728 00:36:51,934 --> 00:36:56,666 over again of moms who were sexually 729 00:36:56,666 --> 00:36:58,258 abused as a child. And then when they have 730 00:36:58,258 --> 00:37:00,530 a daughter that gets to that age, there is 731 00:37:00,530 --> 00:37:02,990 something that happens. Like you 732 00:37:02,990 --> 00:37:04,594 described, whether they were 15 when it 733 00:37:04,594 --> 00:37:05,922 happened, and their daughter gets to be 734 00:37:05,922 --> 00:37:08,854 15. And there's something that kind of 735 00:37:08,854 --> 00:37:12,002 gives them an opportunity to either start 736 00:37:12,002 --> 00:37:14,226 healing or take it to a new level of 737 00:37:14,226 --> 00:37:17,062 healing or even advocacy. I hear people 738 00:37:17,062 --> 00:37:19,258 talking about that at that stage to say, 739 00:37:19,258 --> 00:37:22,106 finally, like, wow, that was wrong. I was 740 00:37:22,106 --> 00:37:24,538 a child. And it was like whether that was 741 00:37:24,538 --> 00:37:28,698 a youth leader or a pastor, especially, 742 00:37:28,698 --> 00:37:32,110 really kind of a new level of advocacy 743 00:37:32,110 --> 00:37:33,918 within those faith communities to protect 744 00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,514 children, especially in the faith 745 00:37:35,514 --> 00:37:37,774 communities. Because I think over and over 746 00:37:37,774 --> 00:37:41,738 again what we see with either children or 747 00:37:41,738 --> 00:37:45,138 adults that are abused, it's often by 748 00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:47,758 people who are considered what we call do 749 00:37:47,758 --> 00:37:54,462 gooders. So pastors, policemen, teachers, 750 00:37:54,462 --> 00:37:58,978 resource people in the schools, doctors, 751 00:37:58,978 --> 00:38:01,126 so these people that no one would believe 752 00:38:01,126 --> 00:38:02,534 had done anything wrong with because they 753 00:38:02,534 --> 00:38:05,270 do so much good in the world. It is a 754 00:38:05,270 --> 00:38:07,846 place for them to hide and therefore it's 755 00:38:07,846 --> 00:38:10,134 so much harder to be believed. And so the 756 00:38:10,134 --> 00:38:13,066 healing can be so complicated for people. 757 00:38:13,066 --> 00:38:17,270 And so as you're doing this work to both 758 00:38:17,270 --> 00:38:20,060 prevent and respond to sexual violence 759 00:38:20,060 --> 00:38:23,886 within different parts of communities, 760 00:38:23,886 --> 00:38:26,174 what are some of the best practices you 761 00:38:26,174 --> 00:38:28,590 have seen? What are some of the tools that 762 00:38:28,590 --> 00:38:31,600 you're helping people understand and learn 763 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:40,720 from? So one of the key things that we 764 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,786 usually recommend, especially when a 765 00:38:43,786 --> 00:38:46,754 survivor comes to us and they tell us a 766 00:38:46,754 --> 00:38:51,606 survivor, I think the biggest one is being 767 00:38:51,606 --> 00:38:57,560 in a community with other survivors, 768 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,546 because healing happening in isolation is 769 00:39:01,546 --> 00:39:05,862 a lot, it can be overwhelming. You will 770 00:39:05,862 --> 00:39:08,854 constantly feel like you're not moving, 771 00:39:08,854 --> 00:39:12,942 nothing's happening. And so one of the 772 00:39:12,942 --> 00:39:15,520 most important things we try to do is help 773 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,750 this survivor, this person who has come to 774 00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:22,526 us to be part of a community. So here in 775 00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:25,726 the States, we do have a support group for 776 00:39:25,726 --> 00:39:28,546 survivors of sexual violence. And in Kenya 777 00:39:28,546 --> 00:39:31,090 as well, we are trying to create more of 778 00:39:31,090 --> 00:39:33,922 these communities of survivors where 779 00:39:33,922 --> 00:39:36,614 people just meet and share their stories 780 00:39:36,614 --> 00:39:41,506 in a dignified way and try to reclaim some 781 00:39:41,506 --> 00:39:45,650 parts of them that were lost with the 782 00:39:45,650 --> 00:39:49,430 trauma. So that has been very key. And of 783 00:39:49,430 --> 00:39:51,578 course, the other part is just helping 784 00:39:51,578 --> 00:39:54,874 them access support services because many 785 00:39:54,874 --> 00:39:57,626 people don't know, many people do not know 786 00:39:57,626 --> 00:40:01,534 that when this happens to you, you can go 787 00:40:01,534 --> 00:40:05,280 to this particular hospital to get free 788 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,882 services. There's this network of 789 00:40:07,882 --> 00:40:12,918 counselors that offers free pro bono 790 00:40:12,918 --> 00:40:15,022 counseling services. There are these 791 00:40:15,022 --> 00:40:19,874 lawyers that offer services for you. So I 792 00:40:19,874 --> 00:40:22,366 think what we are grateful for is that 793 00:40:22,366 --> 00:40:27,190 we've been able to become that resource 794 00:40:27,190 --> 00:40:30,134 that helps survivors be connected to 795 00:40:30,134 --> 00:40:33,350 people who are doing the work in the 796 00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:36,966 ground. That has meant growing our network 797 00:40:36,966 --> 00:40:39,934 of referral services, we have a whole 798 00:40:39,934 --> 00:40:42,854 database of these are the people that are 799 00:40:42,854 --> 00:40:45,546 offering counseling services. These are 800 00:40:45,546 --> 00:40:48,074 the hospitals that survivors can go to. 801 00:40:48,074 --> 00:40:50,910 These are the hotlines that survivors can 802 00:40:50,910 --> 00:40:54,030 call. So we've taken time to intentionally 803 00:40:54,030 --> 00:40:57,930 put this data together and to make it 804 00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:01,678 accessible to survivors any communities 805 00:41:01,678 --> 00:41:04,634 that we go to. So that's the other thing, 806 00:41:04,634 --> 00:41:06,898 making sure that they know that support 807 00:41:06,898 --> 00:41:08,914 services are available for them, that they 808 00:41:08,914 --> 00:41:11,362 can access them, and then the next thing, 809 00:41:11,362 --> 00:41:15,266 like helping them be a part of a community 810 00:41:15,266 --> 00:41:19,410 so that their healing can happen together. 811 00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,586 Hear the stories and you're encouraged, 812 00:41:21,586 --> 00:41:24,886 you're inspired to continue working in 813 00:41:24,886 --> 00:41:27,686 that journey because healing is not easy. 814 00:41:27,686 --> 00:41:30,586 There are days when you're doing so well, 815 00:41:30,586 --> 00:41:33,386 and then there are days where you go back 816 00:41:33,386 --> 00:41:36,054 to those dark places and you feel like you 817 00:41:36,054 --> 00:41:39,430 haven't made any strides. So we really 818 00:41:39,430 --> 00:41:43,934 encourage community and storytelling as a 819 00:41:43,934 --> 00:41:47,134 big part of helping you process the trauma 820 00:41:47,134 --> 00:41:53,018 that happened before. Yeah, storytelling 821 00:41:53,018 --> 00:41:56,178 is so powerful. Just any survivor needs 822 00:41:56,178 --> 00:41:58,274 someone to hear their story and believe 823 00:41:58,274 --> 00:42:01,220 them. And empathize. And every time that 824 00:42:01,220 --> 00:42:03,634 happens, it's a little bit more healing. 825 00:42:03,634 --> 00:42:06,434 And community that's Safe really does play 826 00:42:06,434 --> 00:42:09,174 that role. It's one of the many aspects 827 00:42:09,174 --> 00:42:11,398 that I've seen personally in my own life 828 00:42:11,398 --> 00:42:13,734 and then in the lives of others who are 829 00:42:13,734 --> 00:42:15,686 either trauma survivors or abuse survivors 830 00:42:15,686 --> 00:42:20,646 or both. It is hugely helpful. Yeah. Thank 831 00:42:20,646 --> 00:42:22,854 you so much for all that. You've shared so 832 00:42:22,854 --> 00:42:25,226 vulnerably today. I know it's really going 833 00:42:25,226 --> 00:42:27,260 to resonate with so many people that 834 00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,914 listen, both in Africa, we have a lot of 835 00:42:29,914 --> 00:42:32,026 people who listen in Africa, kenya, 836 00:42:32,026 --> 00:42:34,958 Nigeria, a bunch of different places and 837 00:42:34,958 --> 00:42:36,862 also all around the world. Because these 838 00:42:36,862 --> 00:42:39,738 things are not exclusive to one country, 839 00:42:39,738 --> 00:42:41,230 they're not exclusive to one faith 840 00:42:41,230 --> 00:42:43,214 community, they're not exclusive to one 841 00:42:43,214 --> 00:42:45,646 type of school system or government. This 842 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:49,106 is a global issue. And I'm so grateful 843 00:42:49,106 --> 00:42:50,546 that you have written this book and I do 844 00:42:50,546 --> 00:42:52,702 hope it gets into the hands of people 845 00:42:52,702 --> 00:42:55,442 everywhere that can help children to have 846 00:42:55,442 --> 00:42:57,218 these conversations with their caregivers 847 00:42:57,218 --> 00:42:59,206 and their parents. Because I know when I 848 00:42:59,206 --> 00:43:01,400 was raising my children when they were 849 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:04,534 little, we were given some tools and I do 850 00:43:04,534 --> 00:43:06,454 feel so privileged that we were. But 851 00:43:06,454 --> 00:43:07,926 having a book like yours to walk through 852 00:43:07,926 --> 00:43:08,966 with our children would have been that 853 00:43:08,966 --> 00:43:11,066 much better. We had little conversations 854 00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:12,346 like don't let somebody touch you where 855 00:43:12,346 --> 00:43:14,154 your bathing suit would cover. And don't 856 00:43:14,154 --> 00:43:16,586 keep secrets. We did have access to some 857 00:43:16,586 --> 00:43:20,234 of those resources. And you do worry 858 00:43:20,234 --> 00:43:21,722 because, you know, even though you've 859 00:43:21,722 --> 00:43:24,294 given your child tools, that there are 860 00:43:24,294 --> 00:43:27,386 people out there that can so easily take 861 00:43:27,386 --> 00:43:29,086 advantage of them. So this book is so 862 00:43:29,086 --> 00:43:30,974 beautiful and it's going to prevent so 863 00:43:30,974 --> 00:43:32,654 much and I'm so grateful that you wrote 864 00:43:32,654 --> 00:43:35,680 it. So thank you for your time today. Is 865 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,506 there any last thing you would. Like to 866 00:43:37,506 --> 00:43:39,426 say to our audience and. Also let people 867 00:43:39,426 --> 00:43:41,106 know where they can find you and more of 868 00:43:41,106 --> 00:43:45,286 your writing and speaking? Well, I think 869 00:43:45,286 --> 00:43:50,594 my call to action would be, do not let 870 00:43:50,594 --> 00:43:54,934 fear paralyze you. Because I think looking 871 00:43:54,934 --> 00:43:57,426 back at that moment when I had my 872 00:43:57,426 --> 00:44:00,602 daughter, I had so much fear. I had so 873 00:44:00,602 --> 00:44:04,346 much fear of like, oh, my goodness. But I 874 00:44:04,346 --> 00:44:07,658 had the choice of just letting that fear 875 00:44:07,658 --> 00:44:11,162 control me and stagnate me. And I had this 876 00:44:11,162 --> 00:44:14,206 other choice of doing something about it. 877 00:44:14,206 --> 00:44:17,680 And I know sometimes it may feel like a 878 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,850 lot because even for me, at that point, I 879 00:44:19,850 --> 00:44:22,494 didn't even know I could write a book. 880 00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:26,450 Even when I was telling our founder this 881 00:44:26,450 --> 00:44:29,634 idea, I thought someone else would do it. 882 00:44:29,634 --> 00:44:31,666 But then she was like, you are the one 883 00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:35,006 with the vision. You will figure it out. 884 00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:38,722 Figure it out. Start something. And so my 885 00:44:38,722 --> 00:44:41,990 encouragement for anyone who's listening, 886 00:44:41,990 --> 00:44:45,862 whatever it is that you're grappling with, 887 00:44:45,862 --> 00:44:48,922 just start somewhere. Start where you are 888 00:44:48,922 --> 00:44:52,986 at and do not let fear stop you. Because I 889 00:44:52,986 --> 00:44:56,246 feel like some of the most awesome 890 00:44:56,246 --> 00:44:58,374 innovations in this world. Some of the 891 00:44:58,374 --> 00:45:04,094 biggest change makers, they chose to act. 892 00:45:04,094 --> 00:45:10,266 For me, I feel like even in this quest of 893 00:45:10,266 --> 00:45:14,346 ending sexual violence, we cannot be 894 00:45:14,346 --> 00:45:16,786 passive. We cannot just hear, listen to 895 00:45:16,786 --> 00:45:19,122 all of the stories that are happening and 896 00:45:19,122 --> 00:45:20,766 watch the news and be like, oh my God, 897 00:45:20,766 --> 00:45:25,374 that's terrible. No. We have to actively 898 00:45:25,374 --> 00:45:27,270 participate in making sure that it's not 899 00:45:27,270 --> 00:45:30,018 happening in our houses, in our 900 00:45:30,018 --> 00:45:32,440 neighborhoods, in our community as a 901 00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:35,366 whole. You have to make the choice to call 902 00:45:35,366 --> 00:45:38,838 it out when you see it, to hold people 903 00:45:38,838 --> 00:45:42,874 accountable, to speak up whenever you hear 904 00:45:42,874 --> 00:45:46,650 a belief that perpetrates the culture of 905 00:45:46,650 --> 00:45:49,914 violence, all of that. You have to make 906 00:45:49,914 --> 00:45:52,062 the choice to speak up. You have to lean 907 00:45:52,062 --> 00:45:55,166 into courage, just like Pendo, and use 908 00:45:55,166 --> 00:45:58,814 your voice to call out any forms of abuse 909 00:45:58,814 --> 00:46:02,270 that you see. So that is my biggest 910 00:46:02,270 --> 00:46:05,474 encouragement. Pendostawa is now available 911 00:46:05,474 --> 00:46:08,786 in Kenya and the United States. In Kenya, 912 00:46:08,786 --> 00:46:13,346 you can find it in any textbook center. 913 00:46:13,346 --> 00:46:20,920 You can also order on our website, kenya 914 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,430 Pendospower.com. And then here in the 915 00:46:23,430 --> 00:46:27,010 United States. It will be available on 916 00:46:27,010 --> 00:46:30,714 Amazon in a month. But currently orders 917 00:46:30,714 --> 00:46:37,738 are being made on Buy Kindofower.com, buy 918 00:46:37,738 --> 00:46:40,054 Pendofower.com. You can also follow us on 919 00:46:40,054 --> 00:46:43,966 our socials to be updated on everything 920 00:46:43,966 --> 00:46:47,738 that we're doing and all our socials are 921 00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:50,590 Freely in Hope. Freely in hope on 922 00:46:50,590 --> 00:46:54,958 Instagram. Freely in hope on Facebook. 923 00:46:54,958 --> 00:46:57,842 Freely in hope on Twitter. So you can 924 00:46:57,842 --> 00:47:00,562 follow us and you can also check out our 925 00:47:00,562 --> 00:47:05,410 website, which is WW freelyinhope.org to 926 00:47:05,410 --> 00:47:08,774 just access all of these awesome resources 927 00:47:08,774 --> 00:47:11,442 that are featured there. Our website is a 928 00:47:11,442 --> 00:47:14,040 resource gallo. As you can tell. We love 929 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,850 to provide resources that educate 930 00:47:16,850 --> 00:47:18,626 communities about all of these things. 931 00:47:18,626 --> 00:47:21,366 Trauma informed parenting, trauma informed 932 00:47:21,366 --> 00:47:24,586 caregiving, how do you respond, all of 933 00:47:24,586 --> 00:47:26,954 that. Just check out our website and you 934 00:47:26,954 --> 00:47:29,386 get access to a lot of very good 935 00:47:29,386 --> 00:47:35,374 information that will help you take. Yeah, 936 00:47:35,374 --> 00:47:37,566 thank you. Lydia, it's been so wonderful 937 00:47:37,566 --> 00:47:39,806 to hear your story today. Thank you so 938 00:47:39,806 --> 00:47:41,694 much for vulnerably, sharing it, and for 939 00:47:41,694 --> 00:47:45,134 your courage to not only heal yourself, 940 00:47:45,134 --> 00:47:47,266 but also to warn and protect others and 941 00:47:47,266 --> 00:47:49,090 give people resources to protect 942 00:47:49,090 --> 00:47:51,970 themselves and their children from any 943 00:47:51,970 --> 00:47:53,810 future abuse. So thank you for being on 944 00:47:53,810 --> 00:47:55,966 today. Thank you for having me. This has 945 00:47:55,966 --> 00:48:00,200 been amazing, very reflective, going back 946 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,662 and looking at the journey. It has been 947 00:48:02,662 --> 00:48:04,600 awesome. So thank you so much for having 948 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:06,886 me. Looking forward to more interactions 949 00:48:06,886 --> 00:48:10,882 in the future. That conversation was so 950 00:48:10,882 --> 00:48:14,346 vulnerable and so special. Bye. And I hope 951 00:48:14,346 --> 00:48:16,538 that you're listening and recognizing what 952 00:48:16,538 --> 00:48:18,954 a treasure it is to have someone share 953 00:48:18,954 --> 00:48:23,294 their story so vulnerably so openly, as 954 00:48:23,294 --> 00:48:27,454 she mentioned. Many in fact, it seems as 955 00:48:27,454 --> 00:48:29,306 though the majority of people who've 956 00:48:29,306 --> 00:48:33,250 walked through abuse and trauma never, 957 00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:36,914 ever share. Especially in cases like what 958 00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:40,814 she mentioned, where cultures are 959 00:48:40,814 --> 00:48:43,026 silencing, especially little girls and 960 00:48:43,026 --> 00:48:45,826 women who've experienced sexual abuse and 961 00:48:45,826 --> 00:48:48,870 blaming them for what they wore, blaming 962 00:48:48,870 --> 00:48:52,306 them for doing something that would 963 00:48:52,306 --> 00:48:54,646 somehow entice their own abuse to happen 964 00:48:54,646 --> 00:48:58,166 to them, even as children, even as a five 965 00:48:58,166 --> 00:49:01,818 year old girl, those things happen. And so 966 00:49:01,818 --> 00:49:04,300 I don't know if you ever saw there was 967 00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:07,034 this exhibit that was going around a few 968 00:49:07,034 --> 00:49:09,194 years ago where it just showed the outfits 969 00:49:09,194 --> 00:49:11,118 little girls and women had been wearing at 970 00:49:11,118 --> 00:49:14,446 the time of their own sexual assault. And 971 00:49:14,446 --> 00:49:16,318 it was horrifying to look at because none 972 00:49:16,318 --> 00:49:18,954 of them were what any of us would consider 973 00:49:18,954 --> 00:49:24,466 overly sexualized. But also, one of them 974 00:49:24,466 --> 00:49:26,114 was so horrifying because it was like a 975 00:49:26,114 --> 00:49:29,614 little baby girl swimsuit that was just 976 00:49:29,614 --> 00:49:33,410 awful to see. Some of them were like 977 00:49:33,410 --> 00:49:37,160 sweatshirts. The point being, even if it 978 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,922 was a very sexy outfit that a woman was 979 00:49:39,922 --> 00:49:43,510 wearing, it does not invite her own sexual 980 00:49:43,510 --> 00:49:47,262 assault. And so we have a way of victim 981 00:49:47,262 --> 00:49:50,294 blaming abuse of every kind. Not just 982 00:49:50,294 --> 00:49:53,594 sexual abuse, but victim blaming people 983 00:49:53,594 --> 00:49:55,766 for emotional abuse, psychological abuse, 984 00:49:55,766 --> 00:49:57,754 spiritual abuse, financial abuse. Often 985 00:49:57,754 --> 00:50:00,358 things will be said, well, why did you 986 00:50:00,358 --> 00:50:02,586 blank? As if something they had done 987 00:50:02,586 --> 00:50:05,566 evoked that response from an abuser, 988 00:50:05,566 --> 00:50:08,666 especially when it's a woman victim and a 989 00:50:08,666 --> 00:50:11,886 male abuser. And also, even if it's not, 990 00:50:11,886 --> 00:50:14,602 when there's a power dynamic differential, 991 00:50:14,602 --> 00:50:16,526 often it's even more likely that the 992 00:50:16,526 --> 00:50:19,166 victim will be blamed. And so all of this 993 00:50:19,166 --> 00:50:22,580 helps us to be aware. And awareness is 994 00:50:22,580 --> 00:50:25,414 key. The more we spread the truth, the 995 00:50:25,414 --> 00:50:27,862 more we value transparency, the more we 996 00:50:27,862 --> 00:50:31,314 create psychological safety for victim 997 00:50:31,314 --> 00:50:34,054 survivors of abuse to share their story, 998 00:50:34,054 --> 00:50:36,566 to believe them, to empathize with them, 999 00:50:36,566 --> 00:50:38,906 and to advocate on their behalf. Because 1000 00:50:38,906 --> 00:50:42,522 this is not a role victims should be the 1001 00:50:42,522 --> 00:50:45,590 only ones playing. And that's one of 1002 00:50:45,590 --> 00:50:49,194 advocacy. Many advocates that I know are 1003 00:50:49,194 --> 00:50:52,070 themselves victim survivors, but not 1004 00:50:52,070 --> 00:50:53,994 exclusively are all advocates victim 1005 00:50:53,994 --> 00:50:57,742 survivors themselves. But it does seem so. 1006 00:50:57,742 --> 00:50:59,438 Often the brunt of this work is carried on 1007 00:50:59,438 --> 00:51:01,290 the backs of those who are the most 1008 00:51:01,290 --> 00:51:04,622 traumatized by what has happened then it's 1009 00:51:04,622 --> 00:51:07,154 being the victim survivors of abuse. So we 1010 00:51:07,154 --> 00:51:09,714 need more allies. We need more people who 1011 00:51:09,714 --> 00:51:11,762 help carry this load who are not actually 1012 00:51:11,762 --> 00:51:13,262 still walking through the trauma of 1013 00:51:13,262 --> 00:51:17,086 experiencing it. And so the bravery of a 1014 00:51:17,086 --> 00:51:19,542 woman like her coming on the show to not 1015 00:51:19,542 --> 00:51:21,734 only share her own experience but to speak 1016 00:51:21,734 --> 00:51:24,966 out and be an advocate, help people find 1017 00:51:24,966 --> 00:51:27,506 best practices to how to heal and then 1018 00:51:27,506 --> 00:51:30,182 writing a book to help prevent is just so 1019 00:51:30,182 --> 00:51:33,066 powerful and so amazing, so honored to 1020 00:51:33,066 --> 00:51:34,886 have her on the show today. And I'm really 1021 00:51:34,886 --> 00:51:36,314 wondering how you're resonating with what 1022 00:51:36,314 --> 00:51:40,154 she said. It certainly impacted me. Like I 1023 00:51:40,154 --> 00:51:42,454 said, I got chills and I got a little 1024 00:51:42,454 --> 00:51:44,026 teary eyed at one point when she was 1025 00:51:44,026 --> 00:51:46,398 sharing about a parent reading that book 1026 00:51:46,398 --> 00:51:48,286 and then understanding their own abuse 1027 00:51:48,286 --> 00:51:49,790 that they had not really ever spoken 1028 00:51:49,790 --> 00:51:51,994 about. And people listening to this 1029 00:51:51,994 --> 00:51:53,546 podcast, many of you may have carried 1030 00:51:53,546 --> 00:51:56,466 abuse for years and never told anyone. And 1031 00:51:56,466 --> 00:51:59,314 if that's you, I really do hope that you 1032 00:51:59,314 --> 00:52:02,226 find someone safe to speak to and reach 1033 00:52:02,226 --> 00:52:05,794 out to them, whether it's a therapist that 1034 00:52:05,794 --> 00:52:07,970 will keep that confidential and once 1035 00:52:07,970 --> 00:52:10,294 again, BetterHelp.com Difference can be a 1036 00:52:10,294 --> 00:52:12,566 place where you can get some help 10% off 1037 00:52:12,566 --> 00:52:14,614 your first month. But even if it's a 1038 00:52:14,614 --> 00:52:18,120 friend, even if it's somebody you meet 1039 00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,546 through social media that's experienced 1040 00:52:20,546 --> 00:52:22,106 abuse themselves and that you could share 1041 00:52:22,106 --> 00:52:25,738 that with yeah. It's so powerful to be 1042 00:52:25,738 --> 00:52:27,322 able to. Speak it out loud. And many 1043 00:52:27,322 --> 00:52:29,642 people find healing by being able to 1044 00:52:29,642 --> 00:52:32,106 finally share it with people who will 1045 00:52:32,106 --> 00:52:35,430 listen, believe you and empathize with 1046 00:52:35,430 --> 00:52:37,086 what you went through. It's so much a part 1047 00:52:37,086 --> 00:52:39,086 of healing. So I love the work that she's 1048 00:52:39,086 --> 00:52:40,666 doing in community and the narrative, 1049 00:52:40,666 --> 00:52:42,766 method and storytelling about all of this. 1050 00:52:42,766 --> 00:52:44,622 It really helps to have a support group of 1051 00:52:44,622 --> 00:52:46,498 people. If you can find that, not 1052 00:52:46,498 --> 00:52:50,914 everybody can. But for those of you who 1053 00:52:50,914 --> 00:52:53,154 have never told anyone, yeah, my heart 1054 00:52:53,154 --> 00:52:55,090 goes out to you today and I do hope you 1055 00:52:55,090 --> 00:52:57,106 find a space where you can feel free just 1056 00:52:57,106 --> 00:52:59,050 to open up a little bit and not have to 1057 00:52:59,050 --> 00:53:02,678 carry that burden by yourself. Also, we go 1058 00:53:02,678 --> 00:53:04,550 a little bit deeper with her in the 1059 00:53:04,550 --> 00:53:06,018 Difference Maker community. So if you 1060 00:53:06,018 --> 00:53:07,730 haven't joined us there, you can go to 1061 00:53:07,730 --> 00:53:12,346 Patreon Comaworldofdifference. For only $5 1062 00:53:12,346 --> 00:53:15,786 a month, you could join our group and 1063 00:53:15,786 --> 00:53:18,266 there are extra content that's exclusive 1064 00:53:18,266 --> 00:53:21,034 for this group. She stops in there and I 1065 00:53:21,034 --> 00:53:22,950 ask her a little more about some of the 1066 00:53:22,950 --> 00:53:25,642 practices that she has found helpful for 1067 00:53:25,642 --> 00:53:28,602 herself and her own healing. And a sneak 1068 00:53:28,602 --> 00:53:30,302 peek, we get a little bit into some of the 1069 00:53:30,302 --> 00:53:32,574 right brain stuff that's been helpful for 1070 00:53:32,574 --> 00:53:35,054 her and that's some of my new findings 1071 00:53:35,054 --> 00:53:36,990 personally is how much right brain 1072 00:53:36,990 --> 00:53:40,274 activities can be so key in our healing, 1073 00:53:40,274 --> 00:53:43,374 our bodies and our brains and nervous 1074 00:53:43,374 --> 00:53:45,698 systems that still kind of carry and keep 1075 00:53:45,698 --> 00:53:47,314 the score. And so she talks through a lot 1076 00:53:47,314 --> 00:53:51,174 of things that she's been doing and it's a 1077 00:53:51,174 --> 00:53:52,886 fun conversation at the same time. So I 1078 00:53:52,886 --> 00:53:55,782 hope you join us there. Once again, 1079 00:53:55,782 --> 00:53:57,238 Patreon.com Slash, a World of Difference 1080 00:53:57,238 --> 00:53:58,934 where you can come and join us, check us 1081 00:53:58,934 --> 00:54:00,278 out, check us out for a month and see what 1082 00:54:00,278 --> 00:54:02,106 you think. There's a lot of extra content 1083 00:54:02,106 --> 00:54:04,026 in there with all of our different guests 1084 00:54:04,026 --> 00:54:06,746 and we do a little fun things sometimes 1085 00:54:06,746 --> 00:54:08,586 where I put in some Lori's travel tips 1086 00:54:08,586 --> 00:54:11,274 from the different places I've been and 1087 00:54:11,274 --> 00:54:13,162 love for you to chime in on those too. So, 1088 00:54:13,162 --> 00:54:15,086 yeah, it's a little bit of deep, a little 1089 00:54:15,086 --> 00:54:17,022 bit of fun in our Difference Maker 1090 00:54:17,022 --> 00:54:19,198 community so I'd love to have you join us. 1091 00:54:19,198 --> 00:54:20,846 Anyway, I know a lot of you are carrying 1092 00:54:20,846 --> 00:54:23,614 some pretty heavy loads. If this has been 1093 00:54:23,614 --> 00:54:25,646 a podcast that's been helpful for you and 1094 00:54:25,646 --> 00:54:27,394 you feel like you know someone that really 1095 00:54:27,394 --> 00:54:29,106 could benefit from this conversation 1096 00:54:29,106 --> 00:54:31,794 today, please share it with them. That's 1097 00:54:31,794 --> 00:54:34,594 one way you can make a difference. Also 1098 00:54:34,594 --> 00:54:35,906 another way you can make a difference is 1099 00:54:35,906 --> 00:54:37,634 it really does, for whatever reason help 1100 00:54:37,634 --> 00:54:40,914 people find us when you give us a review. 1101 00:54:40,914 --> 00:54:42,086 So I don't know what happens with all 1102 00:54:42,086 --> 00:54:43,826 those algorithms, but when you go to 1103 00:54:43,826 --> 00:54:45,206 wherever you're listening your podcast and 1104 00:54:45,206 --> 00:54:46,694 just take a couple of seconds, it doesn't 1105 00:54:46,694 --> 00:54:48,262 take long, but it can make a huge 1106 00:54:48,262 --> 00:54:49,798 difference to just give us a review and 1107 00:54:49,798 --> 00:54:51,094 let us know what you think. And it helps 1108 00:54:51,094 --> 00:54:52,802 other people find us to have these 1109 00:54:52,802 --> 00:54:55,126 conversations with us. So yeah would love 1110 00:54:55,126 --> 00:54:58,246 that. Once again, it's a wild month for a 1111 00:54:58,246 --> 00:55:01,646 lot of people. Lots going on. So take care 1112 00:55:01,646 --> 00:55:03,470 of yourself and wherever you are in the