Lydia Matioli on Building a Community Response to Sexual Violence: From Silence to Support

100:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,458Welcome to the A World of Difference200:00:04,458 --> 00:00:06,766podcast. I'm Lori Adams Brown and this is.300:00:06,766 --> 00:00:08,606A podcast for those who are different. And400:00:08,606 --> 00:00:12,394want to make a difference. I am so500:00:12,394 --> 00:00:14,074excited. If you have not heard of my.600:00:14,074 --> 00:00:15,694Guest today, you are going to be. Blown700:00:15,694 --> 00:00:17,994away by this woman. She's just an800:00:17,994 --> 00:00:19,646outstanding human being and I'm thrilled900:00:19,646 --> 00:00:23,246to have Lydia Matioli on the show today.1000:00:23,246 --> 00:00:25,382She has a new book that's being released1100:00:25,382 --> 00:00:28,262and Lydia is just incredibly passionate1200:00:28,262 --> 00:00:31,042about building platforms for abuse1300:00:31,042 --> 00:00:33,654survivors and advocates to be leaders in1400:00:33,654 --> 00:00:36,914their own communities. She loves creating1500:00:36,914 --> 00:00:38,566sustainable solutions that prevent and1600:00:38,566 --> 00:00:41,626respond to sexual violence and within1700:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,702different communities. She was born and1800:00:43,702 --> 00:00:45,814raised in Kibera, which is Africa's1900:00:45,814 --> 00:00:49,302largest slum, and Lydia has herself2000:00:49,302 --> 00:00:50,854firsthand experienced the effects of2100:00:50,854 --> 00:00:53,374sexual violence. Also how the lack of2200:00:53,374 --> 00:00:55,534education and poverty plays into all of2300:00:55,534 --> 00:00:58,190this. She's experienced that firsthand and2400:00:58,190 --> 00:01:01,054so now she works with Freely and Hope as2500:01:01,054 --> 00:01:03,006the programs and Partnerships director and2600:01:03,006 --> 00:01:04,926so she gets to design and implement2700:01:04,926 --> 00:01:07,234programs that really exemplify some of the2800:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,614best practices for ending the cycle of2900:01:09,614 --> 00:01:12,994sexual violence that we often see. Lydia3000:01:12,994 --> 00:01:15,486is smart. She graduated with Bachelor of3100:01:15,486 --> 00:01:17,566Arts in Gender, Women and Development3200:01:17,566 --> 00:01:19,110Studies and has over eight years3300:01:19,110 --> 00:01:20,994experience in program design and community3400:01:20,994 --> 00:01:23,682outreach. So she has so much knowledge and3500:01:23,682 --> 00:01:26,086wisdom. But she's the author of a book3600:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,942that she just released called Pendo's3700:01:27,942 --> 00:01:30,454Power. It's a children's book that's3800:01:30,454 --> 00:01:31,894illustrated and it helps children3900:01:31,894 --> 00:01:36,106recognize and report sexual abuse. So this4000:01:36,106 --> 00:01:37,690book is really resonating with a lot of4100:01:37,690 --> 00:01:40,118people. She recently did a book release4200:01:40,118 --> 00:01:44,574here in the San Francisco Bay area. And4300:01:44,574 --> 00:01:48,474just her voice, her story, her ability to4400:01:48,474 --> 00:01:51,934communicate it, and her desire and work to4500:01:51,934 --> 00:01:53,906help children and parents and caregivers4600:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,494and teachers and people in faith4700:01:56,494 --> 00:01:58,466institutions and communities understand4800:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,066how to have conversations with children4900:02:00,066 --> 00:02:03,060and how to help them see their own power.5000:02:03,060 --> 00:02:05,734To understand consent, understand that5100:02:05,734 --> 00:02:10,614they can say no, understand their power to5200:02:10,614 --> 00:02:13,510not be in situations that make them feel5300:02:13,510 --> 00:02:16,854unsafe, and giving power to children again5400:02:16,854 --> 00:02:20,086to understand what boundaries are right.5500:02:20,086 --> 00:02:22,246So this was her book is all about when5600:02:22,246 --> 00:02:24,390she's not working. You can find her5700:02:24,390 --> 00:02:26,666dancing to Afrobeat with her three year5800:02:26,666 --> 00:02:29,482old daughter and trying out new recipes as5900:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,126well. And so I love that she's bringing6000:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,902all of herself into this conversation6100:02:33,902 --> 00:02:38,126today and we're going to go there. So this6200:02:38,126 --> 00:02:40,334is your trigger warning. If this is6300:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,798something that would be too much for you6400:02:42,798 --> 00:02:45,066today, it is okay to not listen. It is6500:02:45,066 --> 00:02:48,754okay to take it in chunks. It is okay to6600:02:48,754 --> 00:02:51,058just take long breaks and go for a walk6700:02:51,058 --> 00:02:53,330and get some sunshine or take deep6800:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,526breaths. If you have experienced abuse of6900:02:55,526 --> 00:02:59,110any kind and particular sexual abuse,7000:02:59,110 --> 00:03:02,038yeah, listener discretion is advised.7100:03:02,038 --> 00:03:04,722Also, the sponsor of this podcast is7200:03:04,722 --> 00:03:07,426BetterHelp. So if you are somebody who has7300:03:07,426 --> 00:03:10,566walked through abuse or walked through any7400:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,586trauma of any kind or just needs help from7500:03:12,586 --> 00:03:14,422a professional to talk through some7600:03:14,422 --> 00:03:17,290relational difficulties or stress or grief7700:03:17,290 --> 00:03:20,174loss. BetterHelp.com is the sponsor of7800:03:20,174 --> 00:03:26,362this podcast and if you go to. WW dot.7900:03:26,362 --> 00:03:28,702BetterHelp Difference today, you'll get8000:03:28,702 --> 00:03:31,94610% off your first month. I myself have8100:03:31,946 --> 00:03:35,146largely benefited from a therapist through8200:03:35,146 --> 00:03:36,306BetterHelp who's helped me work through a8300:03:36,306 --> 00:03:38,942lot of grounding techniques and somatic8400:03:38,942 --> 00:03:41,266therapy, understanding how to just shake8500:03:41,266 --> 00:03:43,682it off sometimes like we see the animals8600:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,666do. I've gone and sat near the lake near8700:03:45,666 --> 00:03:47,266my house and watched ducks just kind of8800:03:47,266 --> 00:03:49,766shake water off their back. All things8900:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,686that my therapist at BetterHelp has helped9000:03:51,686 --> 00:03:55,154me to do to help my own body process some9100:03:55,154 --> 00:03:57,202traumatic experiences in a workplace9200:03:57,202 --> 00:03:59,618environment where I walk through some9300:03:59,618 --> 00:04:02,910psychological and spiritual abuse and9400:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,906emotional and verbal abuse there. And so I9500:04:04,906 --> 00:04:06,742know that some of you listening to this9600:04:06,742 --> 00:04:08,282podcast have walked through that type of9700:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,842thing and if you're one of them, please9800:04:10,842 --> 00:04:14,606check out BetterHelp.com Difference Today9900:04:14,606 --> 00:04:17,566to get 10% off your first month. So happy10000:04:17,566 --> 00:04:19,486to bring to the show today and introduce10100:04:19,486 --> 00:04:22,350to you somebody who is making a huge10200:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,498difference in the world. So let's give a10300:04:24,498 --> 00:04:33,570very warm welcome today to Lydia Matioli.10400:04:33,570 --> 00:04:36,454Hello, Lydia. And a very warm welcome to10500:04:36,454 --> 00:04:39,010the World of Difference podcast today. And10600:04:39,010 --> 00:04:42,054congratulations on your book release.10700:04:42,054 --> 00:04:44,134Thank you. Thank you so much for having10800:04:44,134 --> 00:04:46,434me. Well, it's very exciting. And we were10900:04:46,434 --> 00:04:49,146connected by someone we both know. And I'm11000:04:49,146 --> 00:04:51,100really excited to have this conversation11100:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,214today because not only are you somebody11200:04:54,214 --> 00:04:58,294who's a survivor of some very difficult11300:04:58,294 --> 00:05:00,486experiences, but you've also allowed those11400:05:00,486 --> 00:05:02,446experiences to shape you into someone who11500:05:02,446 --> 00:05:06,014wants to make an impact and help others in11600:05:06,014 --> 00:05:10,046so many different ways. And our listeners11700:05:10,046 --> 00:05:12,510all around the world really are all about11800:05:12,510 --> 00:05:15,262that and so excited to sort of hear more11900:05:15,262 --> 00:05:16,926about your background, some of the things12000:05:16,926 --> 00:05:20,254you've walked through and why you ended up12100:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,162writing this book. But I guess my first12200:05:22,162 --> 00:05:24,114question for you is tell us a little bit12300:05:24,114 --> 00:05:27,466about your background. Who are you, Lydia12400:05:27,466 --> 00:05:30,754Mattioli? And what is it about your12500:05:30,754 --> 00:05:32,520background that makes you who you are12600:05:32,520 --> 00:05:36,742today? Awesome. Again, thank you for12700:05:36,742 --> 00:05:39,250having me. I'm super excited to have this12800:05:39,250 --> 00:05:44,234conversation with you. So Lydia Matioli is12900:05:44,234 --> 00:05:50,362a 29 year old. I am a mom to a beautiful13000:05:50,362 --> 00:05:55,638three year old girl, and I currently lead13100:05:55,638 --> 00:05:59,006programs at nonprofit called Freely Hope,13200:05:59,006 --> 00:06:02,186which exists to end the cycle of sexual13300:06:02,186 --> 00:06:06,226violence in Kenya and in Zambia. And just13400:06:06,226 --> 00:06:07,826to share a little bit about my background,13500:06:07,826 --> 00:06:12,046I was born and raised in Kibera, which is13600:06:12,046 --> 00:06:15,578East Africa's largest slum. I think after13700:06:15,578 --> 00:06:17,846soeto in South Africa, I think Kibera is13800:06:17,846 --> 00:06:22,840next. It inhabits around 1 million plus13900:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,438people. And so all my life I was inside14000:06:26,438 --> 00:06:29,178there, I was born in there with all these14100:06:29,178 --> 00:06:33,254people. There's a lot of scarcity. The14200:06:33,254 --> 00:06:35,946environment is not that friendly if you14300:06:35,946 --> 00:06:40,538look at the sewer system, the chaos, if14400:06:40,538 --> 00:06:43,710you look at the roads, the infrastructure,14500:06:43,710 --> 00:06:46,462generally, it's just a mess. It's a place14600:06:46,462 --> 00:06:50,394where there's not a lot of access to14700:06:50,394 --> 00:06:52,110resources, a lot of access to14800:06:52,110 --> 00:06:57,326opportunities. And the main thing that I14900:06:57,326 --> 00:07:03,554grew up seeing a lot was violence. So let15000:07:03,554 --> 00:07:06,514me just start by sharing my own story. So15100:07:06,514 --> 00:07:10,678when I was five, we lived at a place where15200:07:10,678 --> 00:07:12,646I don't know if you have an idea of Kibra,15300:07:12,646 --> 00:07:14,966but let me paint the picture for you. So,15400:07:14,966 --> 00:07:18,214like I said, there are so many houses and15500:07:18,214 --> 00:07:20,442so close to each other, it's just like15600:07:20,442 --> 00:07:23,866single rooms, very close to each other,15700:07:23,866 --> 00:07:25,754and we would call them close. So you'd15800:07:25,754 --> 00:07:32,346find like ten houses in 1 m² doors next to15900:07:32,346 --> 00:07:34,046each other and that kind of stuff. And I16000:07:34,046 --> 00:07:35,678feel like that is one of the reasons why16100:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,838we had a lot of violence happening.16200:07:37,838 --> 00:07:40,190Because you're so close to each other in16300:07:40,190 --> 00:07:43,434proximity, a lot of things are happening16400:07:43,434 --> 00:07:45,666behind the shadows. So when I was five,16500:07:45,666 --> 00:07:48,914there was this guy who was our neighbor.16600:07:48,914 --> 00:07:53,010He was actually man of God. He was a16700:07:53,010 --> 00:07:56,610pastor. This man kids used to love being16800:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,982around this guy a lot, a lot at that time,16900:07:58,982 --> 00:08:02,614looking back now that I remember, I'm like17000:08:02,614 --> 00:08:04,646so one time he called me into his shop and17100:08:04,646 --> 00:08:08,474he started touching me inappropriately all17200:08:08,474 --> 00:08:14,810over my body. And this almost escalated17300:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,302further, but then, thank goodness, my17400:08:17,302 --> 00:08:19,306sister was looking for me to have lunch.17500:08:19,306 --> 00:08:21,054And so my sister was calling out for my17600:08:21,054 --> 00:08:24,062name outside, like, Lydia, Lydia. And then17700:08:24,062 --> 00:08:28,026when the man had my sister, he stopped,17800:08:28,026 --> 00:08:31,200grabbed a lollipop, gave it to me, and was17900:08:31,200 --> 00:08:36,818like, I went out, met my sister. She18000:08:36,818 --> 00:08:40,722looked concerned, but she didn't know what18100:08:40,722 --> 00:08:42,514to ask or like, she didn't know what to18200:08:42,514 --> 00:08:44,434tell me. I think I remember the only thing18300:08:44,434 --> 00:08:46,562she asked me was like, what were you doing18400:08:46,562 --> 00:08:48,806then? I was like, oh, uncle called me to18500:08:48,806 --> 00:08:51,014give me a suite because I didn't even know18600:08:51,014 --> 00:08:54,870what abuse was. I could not comprehend it.18700:08:54,870 --> 00:08:56,962So, yeah, that was the end of that18800:08:56,962 --> 00:08:59,994conversation between me and my sister. So18900:08:59,994 --> 00:09:04,294pretty much growing up, I was exposed to19000:09:04,294 --> 00:09:09,366sexual abuse in that way. Yeah. So when my19100:09:09,366 --> 00:09:12,254sister found me, we didn't talk much about19200:09:12,254 --> 00:09:15,214the situation, and yeah, we just left it19300:09:15,214 --> 00:09:17,854at that. Moved on with life, like many19400:09:17,854 --> 00:09:20,846other cases happening in Kibra. And then19500:09:20,846 --> 00:09:23,666when I was 16 years old, my best friend19600:09:23,666 --> 00:09:26,850was gang raped. We were in high school,19700:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,326and she was gang raped at the very same19800:09:29,326 --> 00:09:33,314alley we used every day to go to school.19900:09:33,314 --> 00:09:37,638Three men grabbed her and pulled her in my20000:09:37,638 --> 00:09:40,306room and raped her. And because of the20100:09:40,306 --> 00:09:44,774culture of silence that existed in Kiba,20200:09:44,774 --> 00:09:48,342she didn't know whom to tell. And she20300:09:48,342 --> 00:09:50,890tried talking to the dad. Like, when that20400:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,514happened, that same day when she went back20500:09:53,514 --> 00:09:55,366home, she tried telling the dad, but the20600:09:55,366 --> 00:09:59,660dad was just, like, shaming her and being,20700:09:59,660 --> 00:10:02,298like, there with your boyfriend, and here20800:10:02,298 --> 00:10:04,030you're trying to say that you've been20900:10:04,030 --> 00:10:06,506raped. So she shut down. She completely21000:10:06,506 --> 00:10:10,666shut down until she started getting side21100:10:10,666 --> 00:10:13,570effects from the abuse. A couple of days21200:10:13,570 --> 00:10:18,430later, she started having infections. Her21300:10:18,430 --> 00:10:21,330skin started feeling itchy, like she got21400:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,602bad infections. And that's when she told21500:10:23,602 --> 00:10:25,474me. And I was in high school. I didn't21600:10:25,474 --> 00:10:28,646even know. What is this? Yes, we would21700:10:28,646 --> 00:10:32,166hear about rape on TV here and there. We21800:10:32,166 --> 00:10:35,926would hear stories. A girl was raped here.21900:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,726A girl was raped in this particular22000:10:37,726 --> 00:10:41,482village. But we didn't know. No one told22100:10:41,482 --> 00:10:44,906us how to respond or what to do. So when22200:10:44,906 --> 00:10:48,634my friend told me that I couldn't think of22300:10:48,634 --> 00:10:52,526I felt helpless, honestly. And so we told22400:10:52,526 --> 00:10:56,522a teacher who helped us, who told us which22500:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,346hospital to go to. She did not even22600:10:58,346 --> 00:11:00,334accompany us. She was just like, Go to22700:11:00,334 --> 00:11:03,602this hospital. They'll help you. So my22800:11:03,602 --> 00:11:05,650friend was treated, but that was it.22900:11:05,650 --> 00:11:09,202Nothing. No counseling, no conversation23000:11:09,202 --> 00:11:15,730after that. So that was a common trend23100:11:15,730 --> 00:11:19,074that existed. Living in Kiba. I was23200:11:19,074 --> 00:11:22,440surrounded by so much violence, and no one23300:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,894was holding anyone accountable. No one was23400:11:25,894 --> 00:11:30,250talking about it. No one was asking the23500:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,714survivors, what's happening with you? How23600:11:32,714 --> 00:11:37,050did you feel? And my friend was never the23700:11:37,050 --> 00:11:40,102same after that experience. She was never,23800:11:40,102 --> 00:11:44,442ever the same. And I think that is what23900:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,650inspired me to start having these24000:11:46,650 --> 00:11:47,966conversations while I was in school. In24100:11:47,966 --> 00:11:52,654high school, so started a girls club where24200:11:52,654 --> 00:11:55,118all the girls could come and meet every24300:11:55,118 --> 00:11:57,682Tuesday. And we would just vent. Like,24400:11:57,682 --> 00:11:59,426nothing would happen afterwards, but we24500:11:59,426 --> 00:12:02,100would just vent. This is happening to my24600:12:02,100 --> 00:12:06,066home, since this is happening with my mom.24700:12:06,066 --> 00:12:08,998She's being bitten every day. So we held24800:12:08,998 --> 00:12:13,270space for a lot of stories within my24900:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,606school community. And as much as we didn't25000:12:15,606 --> 00:12:19,626do anything about it, we felt relieved. I25100:12:19,626 --> 00:12:22,346think just talking about it helped release25200:12:22,346 --> 00:12:25,706some of the weight that came with holding25300:12:25,706 --> 00:12:30,326all of these. And I like to say that is25400:12:30,326 --> 00:12:36,414where my advocacy work began in high. So25500:12:36,414 --> 00:12:38,174right after I graduated high school, I25600:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,570knew I wanted to do something along those25700:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,526lines. But again, in Kiba, once you're25800:12:42,526 --> 00:12:46,222done with high school, that is it for your25900:12:46,222 --> 00:12:48,100parents. They're like, We've done our26000:12:48,100 --> 00:12:52,482best. So you figure out what you want to26100:12:52,482 --> 00:12:55,438do next with your life. Yes, I wanted to26200:12:55,438 --> 00:12:58,498go to college, but I didn't know how. I26300:12:58,498 --> 00:13:00,774didn't have the means. So I had to figure26400:13:00,774 --> 00:13:06,680out what to do at that time to be able to26500:13:06,680 --> 00:13:13,514just pursue my dreams and to get by. So,26600:13:13,514 --> 00:13:16,250yeah, I started looking for volunteer26700:13:16,250 --> 00:13:19,126opportunities in Kiba. I got a chance to26800:13:19,126 --> 00:13:21,770volunteer with a couple of local26900:13:21,770 --> 00:13:25,934organizations, and this was in 2013, 2014,27000:13:25,934 --> 00:13:29,402because I finished high school in 2012, so27100:13:29,402 --> 00:13:34,5462013, I was volunteering 2014, the same.27200:13:34,546 --> 00:13:37,310And the founder of the particular27300:13:37,310 --> 00:13:40,702organization that I was volunteering in in27400:13:40,702 --> 00:13:45,8142014 knew about my story. She knew about27500:13:45,814 --> 00:13:49,234how passionate I was in matters ending27600:13:49,234 --> 00:13:53,106sexual violence. And so he's the one who27700:13:53,106 --> 00:13:55,330connected me to Freelan Hope, the27800:13:55,330 --> 00:13:58,118organization that I serve with. Because at27900:13:58,118 --> 00:14:00,406that time, Freely in Hope was giving28000:14:00,406 --> 00:14:07,446academic scholarships to so, like. And you28100:14:07,446 --> 00:14:10,102growing up in Cabera and having all those28200:14:10,102 --> 00:14:12,862experiences, and now you're at Freely and28300:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,286Hope. Yeah. Tell us a little more about28400:14:14,286 --> 00:14:15,886the organization's mission and some of28500:14:15,886 --> 00:14:17,406these key initiatives you're involved in28600:14:17,406 --> 00:14:22,238to combat this sexual. Freely and Hope is28700:14:22,238 --> 00:14:24,734a nonprofit that works to end sexual28800:14:24,734 --> 00:14:27,794violence in Kenya and Zambia. And how we28900:14:27,794 --> 00:14:32,046do that is by providing academic29000:14:32,046 --> 00:14:34,130scholarships to survivors of sexual29100:14:34,130 --> 00:14:36,806violence. And these academic scholarships29200:14:36,806 --> 00:14:39,014are very holistic in the sense that it's29300:14:39,014 --> 00:14:43,122not just paying school fees. There's29400:14:43,122 --> 00:14:46,246counseling happening just to combat all29500:14:46,246 --> 00:14:50,838the mental health issues that come with29600:14:50,838 --> 00:14:54,134trauma. The safe housing involved, where29700:14:54,134 --> 00:14:56,646several occasions we've had to move the29800:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,886girls from the spaces where they live in,29900:14:58,886 --> 00:15:01,514girls who are being abused by their dads,30000:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,886by their uncles, by people who are taking30100:15:03,886 --> 00:15:07,034care of them. So we've had to move them to30200:15:07,034 --> 00:15:10,126safe spaces. Then there's the legal aspect30300:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,154of it, where some of the survivors that30400:15:13,154 --> 00:15:16,610come into the community have pending legal30500:15:16,610 --> 00:15:20,546cases. And so, yeah, we have to find all30600:15:20,546 --> 00:15:23,502the legal processes. Having the lawyers30700:15:23,502 --> 00:15:26,786involved, following up with court cases,30800:15:26,786 --> 00:15:32,390it's intense. And there's also mentorship30900:15:32,390 --> 00:15:36,962involved because we want these girls to31000:15:36,962 --> 00:15:38,582thrive in their calling because most of31100:15:38,582 --> 00:15:40,226them, when they come into the community,31200:15:40,226 --> 00:15:42,010they're like, I want to be a lawyer so31300:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,834that whatever happened to me cannot happen31400:15:43,834 --> 00:15:48,010to anyone else. I want to be a doctor to31500:15:48,010 --> 00:15:50,262support other survivors, all of that. And31600:15:50,262 --> 00:15:53,694so in wanting to just nurture this desire31700:15:53,694 --> 00:15:56,126and tap into these desires, there's a lot31800:15:56,126 --> 00:15:59,262of leadership development that goes into31900:15:59,262 --> 00:16:02,686this process. Just exposing them to spaces32000:16:02,686 --> 00:16:06,278that will help them grow that desire,32100:16:06,278 --> 00:16:08,930spaces that will give them an idea of what32200:16:08,930 --> 00:16:13,282it means to work in a law firm, what it32300:16:13,282 --> 00:16:16,566means to be an activist or an advocate in32400:16:16,566 --> 00:16:19,394the community, all of that. And most32500:16:19,394 --> 00:16:20,918importantly, I think, just having that32600:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,014community of belonging, interacting with32700:16:23,014 --> 00:16:27,586other survivors, hearing their stories,32800:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,474how they overcame trauma, how they're32900:16:30,474 --> 00:16:33,098doing in their healing journey, that plays33000:16:33,098 --> 00:16:38,954a big role in helping survivors just get33100:16:38,954 --> 00:16:41,274from that point of helplessness and33200:16:41,274 --> 00:16:43,326despair to this place where they're taking33300:16:43,326 --> 00:16:49,934their power back. Yeah, I know that there33400:16:49,934 --> 00:16:52,990are so many things culturally in every33500:16:52,990 --> 00:16:57,406culture around sexual violence that often33600:16:57,406 --> 00:17:00,558ends in silencing of the survivors and33700:17:00,558 --> 00:17:03,326centering, the one who the perpetrators,33800:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,254mostly because there's so many dynamics33900:17:05,254 --> 00:17:08,854right there's the patriarchy, which often34000:17:08,854 --> 00:17:11,014is in most cultures, we're dealing with34100:17:11,014 --> 00:17:14,834not all of them. And that layer of just34200:17:14,834 --> 00:17:18,362censoring a man and his voice and then34300:17:18,362 --> 00:17:21,126either silencing or just diminishing the34400:17:21,126 --> 00:17:23,642voice of a female survivor, especially a34500:17:23,642 --> 00:17:26,074young girl, and then the victim blaming.34600:17:26,074 --> 00:17:29,562So, yeah, explain maybe some of your own34700:17:29,562 --> 00:17:31,610personal experience of observing that with34800:17:31,610 --> 00:17:33,594yourself and your friends or how those34900:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,482dynamics are sort of tricky in the35000:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,360environment that people are trying to heal35100:17:37,360 --> 00:17:41,294from. Oh, yeah, we've definitely had to35200:17:41,294 --> 00:17:46,082deal with a lot of cultural mindsets that35300:17:46,082 --> 00:17:49,534really perpetrate this issue of sexual35400:17:49,534 --> 00:17:53,442abuse. And one of them said, Patrick, if35500:17:53,442 --> 00:17:57,602you go into my communities right now and35600:17:57,602 --> 00:17:59,758talk to the men, most of them feel like35700:17:59,758 --> 00:18:01,942it's married to have sex with a woman35800:18:01,942 --> 00:18:04,470because this is what they've grown up35900:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,806hearing. They do not understand the whole36000:18:08,806 --> 00:18:11,850concept of mutual respect, asking for36100:18:11,850 --> 00:18:15,974consent, mutual understanding before36200:18:15,974 --> 00:18:20,790engaging in any sexual act, because their36300:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,610forefathers did that. Their forefathers36400:18:22,610 --> 00:18:25,898believed they had right over women.36500:18:25,898 --> 00:18:28,190They've seen their dads doing that. And so36600:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,974they themselves are also stepping into36700:18:30,974 --> 00:18:34,946that generational trend. And so that is36800:18:34,946 --> 00:18:41,006one of the biggest factors as to why36900:18:41,006 --> 00:18:43,026sexual violence is happening. And the sad37000:18:43,026 --> 00:18:45,842thing is that even the women have been37100:18:45,842 --> 00:18:49,698conditioned to start believing in these37200:18:49,698 --> 00:18:52,742retrogressive beliefs. So you'll find even37300:18:52,742 --> 00:18:56,678women themselves feel, no, it's a man,37400:18:56,678 --> 00:19:01,962whatever man says, I'm supposed to. If a37500:19:01,962 --> 00:19:06,694man says that my dressing tempted them to37600:19:06,694 --> 00:19:11,742commit sexual abuse, then it's true. So37700:19:11,742 --> 00:19:15,726this cultural belief has been so deep to37800:19:15,726 --> 00:19:17,870the point where even women themselves37900:19:17,870 --> 00:19:22,670started believing it. And this really38000:19:22,670 --> 00:19:26,526escalated cases of abuse in my communities38100:19:26,526 --> 00:19:28,514personally, where I come from. And so even38200:19:28,514 --> 00:19:31,198with Freely and Hope going into these38300:19:31,198 --> 00:19:32,866communities through our outreach programs,38400:19:32,866 --> 00:19:35,826we had to do a lot of conversations with38500:19:35,826 --> 00:19:40,070the men, with the boys, to help shift this38600:19:40,070 --> 00:19:43,734mindset so that they start understanding38700:19:43,734 --> 00:19:45,414that, you know what? You do not have the38800:19:45,414 --> 00:19:48,422right to have sex with a woman. A woman is38900:19:48,422 --> 00:19:51,894a human being just like you, with the same39000:19:51,894 --> 00:19:54,186rights, just like you. And so there's a39100:19:54,186 --> 00:19:58,250lot of respect that needs to be there. You39200:19:58,250 --> 00:20:03,182need to be mindful of what they say. So,39300:20:03,182 --> 00:20:05,454yeah, that is part of the work that we've39400:20:05,454 --> 00:20:09,006been doing to really push for that shift39500:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,470in mindset because that's where the root39600:20:11,470 --> 00:20:15,346is. Honestly, that is the root cause of39700:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,410all of this violence that we're39800:20:17,410 --> 00:20:20,798experiencing in Kiba, in Nairobi, in39900:20:20,798 --> 00:20:25,170Kenya. Really? Yeah, it's so40000:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,846heartbreaking. And I think everywhere40100:20:27,846 --> 00:20:30,822there are so many stereotypes that people40200:20:30,822 --> 00:20:35,346fall into and some of those are very even40300:20:35,346 --> 00:20:37,480entrenched in certain faith communities.40400:20:37,480 --> 00:20:42,410So you mentioned earlier that your abuser40500:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,922was a part of a faith community. And so,40600:20:44,922 --> 00:20:47,994yeah, I would be interested to know, do40700:20:47,994 --> 00:20:49,770you still identify as part of a faith40800:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,662community? And if so, has that journey40900:20:51,662 --> 00:20:53,760been difficult for you in light of all of41000:20:53,760 --> 00:21:03,474this? That's a very good question. Well,41100:21:03,474 --> 00:21:07,810my experiences and I think working with41200:21:07,810 --> 00:21:11,810survivors, of course, has really affected41300:21:11,810 --> 00:21:14,562my interaction with the faith communities41400:21:14,562 --> 00:21:16,914because trust me, most of the cases that41500:21:16,914 --> 00:21:21,750I've had, a lot of perpetrators are faith41600:21:21,750 --> 00:21:26,840leaders. And that kind of just affected41700:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,834how I connect with God through that41800:21:29,834 --> 00:21:33,050community, honestly. So it's been so long41900:21:33,050 --> 00:21:39,146since I went to church because every time42000:21:39,146 --> 00:21:43,358I was in charge, I would battle with the42100:21:43,358 --> 00:21:46,586thought that this man up here could be a42200:21:46,586 --> 00:21:51,118hypocrite, this man up here could be one42300:21:51,118 --> 00:21:52,862of the perpetrators. And I know it's not42400:21:52,862 --> 00:21:55,586fair to have a blanket judgment and to42500:21:55,586 --> 00:21:59,166have that bias over faith leaders, but I42600:21:59,166 --> 00:22:01,218can't help it. It's part of the trauma42700:22:01,218 --> 00:22:03,746that I have from my experience and from42800:22:03,746 --> 00:22:05,894the experiences of people who are very42900:22:05,894 --> 00:22:09,574close to me. So, yeah, my relationship is43000:22:09,574 --> 00:22:14,246not the same. I struggle to be at church,43100:22:14,246 --> 00:22:18,550I struggle to be in community with faith43200:22:18,550 --> 00:22:21,402leaders. But I've also learned to find my43300:22:21,402 --> 00:22:25,914own ways of connecting with God that do43400:22:25,914 --> 00:22:30,294not necessarily involve me not being a43500:22:30,294 --> 00:22:33,262charge. And I know I'll get there someday,43600:22:33,262 --> 00:22:35,806but right now I am not at that point where43700:22:35,806 --> 00:22:40,906I can just comfortably be at charge and43800:22:40,906 --> 00:22:42,494commune with other believers the way I43900:22:42,494 --> 00:22:45,394used to. And I know that it's going to44000:22:45,394 --> 00:22:49,666take time and I'm just being patient with44100:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,626myself and with the entire process. But44200:22:52,626 --> 00:22:54,466yes, I do believe I'm glad. That you're44300:22:54,466 --> 00:22:56,838being patient with yourself. That's very44400:22:56,838 --> 00:22:59,766good. Yeah, I think that many listening in44500:22:59,766 --> 00:23:02,946this community, and it's not exclusively44600:23:02,946 --> 00:23:05,394Christians that I'm talking about. In all44700:23:05,394 --> 00:23:08,306faith communities, we see people who've44800:23:08,306 --> 00:23:11,018walked through abuse in their faith44900:23:11,018 --> 00:23:13,030community, whether it's in Islam or45000:23:13,030 --> 00:23:16,838Judaism or if they're Buddhist or Hindu or45100:23:16,838 --> 00:23:19,210Christian or even if they have no faith45200:23:19,210 --> 00:23:20,486community. But it's been a community45300:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,586that's been spiritual in some way. And45400:23:22,586 --> 00:23:26,138you've seen a leader be abusive and then45500:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,026you've seen it covered up by people in the45600:23:28,026 --> 00:23:30,894faith community, it doesn't feel safe.45700:23:30,894 --> 00:23:32,574Right? And there are reasons for that. And45800:23:32,574 --> 00:23:35,742as survivors or even people who might have45900:23:35,742 --> 00:23:37,666secondary trauma, who have friends who've46000:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,954been abused, it doesn't feel safe. Even46100:23:39,954 --> 00:23:41,762for those friends when they've watched a46200:23:41,762 --> 00:23:44,242cover up happen and watched a perpetrator46300:23:44,242 --> 00:23:47,380be centered and his story be the main46400:23:47,380 --> 00:23:51,206story, those are red flags for people. And46500:23:51,206 --> 00:23:53,122so I think part of caring well for46600:23:53,122 --> 00:23:55,014ourselves and our own well being is to46700:23:55,014 --> 00:23:57,622make decisions like you're making to find46800:23:57,622 --> 00:23:59,606ways to express your faith and experience46900:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,858your faith in ways that you're safe and47000:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,206you're caring for yourself and you're47100:24:03,206 --> 00:24:04,954protecting yourself. So there's a lot of47200:24:04,954 --> 00:24:06,426people in this community that understand47300:24:06,426 --> 00:24:08,266that and are walking through that. So47400:24:08,266 --> 00:24:10,554thank you for being vulnerable to share47500:24:10,554 --> 00:24:12,378that. But I know that you also really want47600:24:12,378 --> 00:24:13,962to make an impact, especially for47700:24:13,962 --> 00:24:15,982children, because your abuse happened as a47800:24:15,982 --> 00:24:17,966child at five years old. So tell us a47900:24:17,966 --> 00:24:19,758little bit about. Your book Pendo's Power.48000:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,754I know you're hoping to help children48100:24:21,754 --> 00:24:24,358recognize and report sexual abuse. So what48200:24:24,358 --> 00:24:25,874inspired you to even think about writing48300:24:25,874 --> 00:24:27,966this book? And how are you seeing it48400:24:27,966 --> 00:24:29,460received in the communities where you48500:24:29,460 --> 00:24:34,942work? So Bendosau was inspired by my past48600:24:34,942 --> 00:24:36,806experiences growing up as a child in Kiba.48700:24:36,806 --> 00:24:39,622And I've shared a little bit about that.48800:24:39,622 --> 00:24:43,382Also my current experiences as a mother. I48900:24:43,382 --> 00:24:46,454have a three year old daughter, and when I49000:24:46,454 --> 00:24:49,318had her, I was so scared. When I gave49100:24:49,318 --> 00:24:52,060birth to my daughter, being a first time49200:24:52,060 --> 00:24:57,020mom, being a single mom, I was so scared49300:24:57,020 --> 00:25:00,778of what she's going to be exposed to. And49400:25:00,778 --> 00:25:03,370I think when I had Amir, that's when the49500:25:03,370 --> 00:25:06,106realization of my own abuse started49600:25:06,106 --> 00:25:10,286dawning on me. I had not processed it. And49700:25:10,286 --> 00:25:12,794so when she came, it was just like, oh my49800:25:12,794 --> 00:25:15,360goodness, what have I done? What have I49900:25:15,360 --> 00:25:19,362done? And I had Amira around the same time50000:25:19,362 --> 00:25:21,906when COVID was happening because she came50100:25:21,906 --> 00:25:27,702in 2019. And then COVID happened 202050200:25:27,702 --> 00:25:30,486because she was born in December. So we50300:25:30,486 --> 00:25:32,326were at home, we were listening to all of50400:25:32,326 --> 00:25:34,642these things that were happening. Cases of50500:25:34,642 --> 00:25:37,706abuse escalating. Children being abused in50600:25:37,706 --> 00:25:40,026their homes, women being abused by people50700:25:40,026 --> 00:25:43,722they are living with. And oh my goodness,50800:25:43,722 --> 00:25:48,314I struggled sleeping. I battled with the50900:25:48,314 --> 00:25:53,162thought that Amir could be exposed to a51000:25:53,162 --> 00:25:56,830perpetrator anytime because it was not51100:25:56,830 --> 00:25:59,038like strange people. It was people that51200:25:59,038 --> 00:26:02,750were super close to her that are51300:26:02,750 --> 00:26:06,466potentially the abusers. And so I wanted51400:26:06,466 --> 00:26:08,994to do something about it. I wanted to51500:26:08,994 --> 00:26:11,346create a resource that would help children51600:26:11,346 --> 00:26:14,718like Amir, children living in different51700:26:14,718 --> 00:26:16,406parts of Kenya, children living in51800:26:16,406 --> 00:26:18,566different parts of the world, to be able51900:26:18,566 --> 00:26:22,806to learn about these key concepts early so52000:26:22,806 --> 00:26:25,414that they know when their body boundaries52100:26:25,414 --> 00:26:28,386are being crossed. Because for me, I52200:26:28,386 --> 00:26:31,450didn't know. No one told me about body52300:26:31,450 --> 00:26:34,474boundaries. And the many women, the many,52400:26:34,474 --> 00:26:37,274many girls that have spoken to me about52500:26:37,274 --> 00:26:38,906being survivors of child sexual abuse,52600:26:38,906 --> 00:26:41,674they didn't know. So I wanted to give my52700:26:41,674 --> 00:26:45,230own child and other children that gift of52800:26:45,230 --> 00:26:48,190knowing. And I know it's crazy because52900:26:48,190 --> 00:26:50,254children are supposed to live in a bubble53000:26:50,254 --> 00:26:51,818like they are kids, for heaven's sake.53100:26:51,818 --> 00:26:53,342They're not supposed to be thinking about53200:26:53,342 --> 00:26:57,266these things. But we also cannot be blind53300:26:57,266 --> 00:26:59,186to the fact that bad things are happening53400:26:59,186 --> 00:27:02,130in the world and the fact that we will not53500:27:02,130 --> 00:27:05,406always be with them. So it's better for53600:27:05,406 --> 00:27:09,270them to learn and know that they can53700:27:09,270 --> 00:27:12,662actually use their voice to express when53800:27:12,662 --> 00:27:14,246something is happening to them. And so53900:27:14,246 --> 00:27:16,834that is what inspired the creation of54000:27:16,834 --> 00:27:20,634Pendos Power. So it's a book that teaches54100:27:20,634 --> 00:27:23,018children as young as four years old, all54200:27:23,018 --> 00:27:27,050the way to twelve years old, about body54300:27:27,050 --> 00:27:30,966safety. This is my body. These are my54400:27:30,966 --> 00:27:33,006private parts. No one is supposed to touch54500:27:33,006 --> 00:27:35,594my private part. If someone touches my54600:27:35,594 --> 00:27:37,760private part, these are the people that I54700:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,894tell consent. I have the right to say yes54800:27:40,894 --> 00:27:43,006or no, whether it's an adult, whether it's54900:27:43,006 --> 00:27:46,942a child, I have the right to say it and be55000:27:46,942 --> 00:27:49,694firm in my decision, especially when it55100:27:49,694 --> 00:27:52,366involves my body. So these are the55200:27:52,366 --> 00:27:56,646concepts that I wanted to bring out in the55300:27:56,646 --> 00:27:59,480book, especially because growing up as a55400:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,166child, we were taught to always respect55500:28:02,166 --> 00:28:07,014the elders. When the elder calls, you go,55600:28:07,014 --> 00:28:09,066which is a good thing. But I feel like55700:28:09,066 --> 00:28:15,820some perpetrators use this element to55800:28:15,820 --> 00:28:19,046really get to kids because they're55900:28:19,046 --> 00:28:21,354vulnerable, they're innocent, they cannot56000:28:21,354 --> 00:28:24,098speak up for themselves. And so through56100:28:24,098 --> 00:28:26,366Pendofa, I wanted children to know that56200:28:26,366 --> 00:28:29,742their voice is powerful, that there are56300:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,454people out here who care about them, who56400:28:31,454 --> 00:28:34,434care about their safety and are willing to56500:28:34,434 --> 00:28:39,486do anything to protect them. And the book56600:28:39,486 --> 00:28:43,220features a six year old girl from Kiber56700:28:43,220 --> 00:28:50,866who well educated about these things. Like56800:28:50,866 --> 00:28:53,222Pendo's mom and dad did a good job56900:28:53,222 --> 00:28:55,846starting these conversations early because57000:28:55,846 --> 00:28:59,130they were aware of the risks. And so57100:28:59,130 --> 00:29:02,650because Pendo knows she is helping her57200:29:02,650 --> 00:29:07,558friends Bahati and Know call out different57300:29:07,558 --> 00:29:09,820kinds of abuse that they've been exposed57400:29:09,820 --> 00:29:12,926to in the community. So that's pretty much57500:29:12,926 --> 00:29:15,680what the book is about. We wanted it to be57600:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,762very simple and fun, so we used a lot of57700:29:20,762 --> 00:29:24,082colorful illustrations to just help57800:29:24,082 --> 00:29:27,140children connect and resonate with the57900:29:27,140 --> 00:29:31,794content. So far, it's just been amazing to58000:29:31,794 --> 00:29:34,018see the response. It's been amazing to58100:29:34,018 --> 00:29:36,466hear that kids are reading it, kids are58200:29:36,466 --> 00:29:39,942connecting to the characters. Kids are58300:29:39,942 --> 00:29:42,454saying, My voice is my power. Kids are58400:29:42,454 --> 00:29:45,366saying it's okay not to keep it's not okay58500:29:45,366 --> 00:29:47,866to keep secrets, things like that. So I'm58600:29:47,866 --> 00:29:52,262just super grateful that the book is58700:29:52,262 --> 00:29:55,014serving the purpose, like why I solely58800:29:55,014 --> 00:29:58,620created it. I am getting feedback that it58900:29:58,620 --> 00:30:02,726is. That'S amazing. What you've done is59000:30:02,726 --> 00:30:05,434such a gift, and it's going to be so59100:30:05,434 --> 00:30:08,222impactful, I'm sure, in prevention as the59200:30:08,222 --> 00:30:09,726children read it, but also as the parents59300:30:09,726 --> 00:30:12,714read it alongside. Because I think the59400:30:12,714 --> 00:30:14,754nature of being a child in most cultures59500:30:14,754 --> 00:30:16,642around the world is that there is this59600:30:16,642 --> 00:30:18,914power dynamic between adults and children.59700:30:18,914 --> 00:30:24,322And children are often at the receiving59800:30:24,322 --> 00:30:27,240end of abuse of power in so many different59900:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,426ways, just their voice being believed or60000:30:31,426 --> 00:30:34,774listened to. There's a lot of people that60100:30:34,774 --> 00:30:36,962would just think, well, children are so60200:30:36,962 --> 00:30:39,480imaginative. They made this up. This isn't60300:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,262real. And why would you say that about60400:30:42,262 --> 00:30:44,346Uncle So and So, especially if they're60500:30:44,346 --> 00:30:46,454like a pastor? And so there's so many60600:30:46,454 --> 00:30:47,866stories, you and I probably both know,60700:30:47,866 --> 00:30:50,830with that kind of narrative. But to help60800:30:50,830 --> 00:30:52,670children understand that they have this60900:30:52,670 --> 00:30:54,974power, I could imagine how reading that61000:30:54,974 --> 00:30:59,422book as a child would feel so right,61100:30:59,422 --> 00:31:03,102because we sort of, as children, long for61200:31:03,102 --> 00:31:05,182people to believe us when something61300:31:05,182 --> 00:31:06,846traumatic happens, just like we do when61400:31:06,846 --> 00:31:09,086we're adults. But because the power61500:31:09,086 --> 00:31:10,802dynamic between adult and children is61600:31:10,802 --> 00:31:15,342often abused, those children often are so61700:31:15,342 --> 00:31:19,894silenced. And so, yeah, as you've seen61800:31:19,894 --> 00:31:21,958children and parents maybe walking through61900:31:21,958 --> 00:31:23,334it together or reading it together, are62000:31:23,334 --> 00:31:25,046there any stories or things that you can62100:31:25,046 --> 00:31:27,586think of that are impactful or anything62200:31:27,586 --> 00:31:31,242around that? Yeah, I think one of the most62300:31:31,242 --> 00:31:34,614mind blowing things about this book is how62400:31:34,614 --> 00:31:37,980it's not only just impacting children, but62500:31:37,980 --> 00:31:42,586even the adults. I feel like most of the62600:31:42,586 --> 00:31:44,634parents and caregivers that I am62700:31:44,634 --> 00:31:47,466interacting with are kind of healing their62800:31:47,466 --> 00:31:50,926inner child. They're going back to moments62900:31:50,926 --> 00:31:54,014when they were children and reflecting on63000:31:54,014 --> 00:31:56,754moments when they were abused and speaking63100:31:56,754 --> 00:32:00,994up for the first time. So I think that for63200:32:00,994 --> 00:32:03,186me has been everything. Knowing that, oh63300:32:03,186 --> 00:32:05,886my goodness, so many parents and63400:32:05,886 --> 00:32:08,146caregivers were carrying childhood trauma63500:32:08,146 --> 00:32:10,582that they'd never processed with anyone.63600:32:10,582 --> 00:32:15,910And this book is serving as an outlet for63700:32:15,910 --> 00:32:18,966them and giving them the courage to just63800:32:18,966 --> 00:32:21,320say, you know what? This happened to me63900:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,594too. I have never told anyone about it,64000:32:25,594 --> 00:32:29,034and thank you for creating this because64100:32:29,034 --> 00:32:32,314now I can start working on my own healing64200:32:32,314 --> 00:32:34,846and I can be there for my child and I know64300:32:34,846 --> 00:32:38,414how I can respond if my child tells me64400:32:38,414 --> 00:32:40,894about it. So I think that for me has been64500:32:40,894 --> 00:32:43,090oh my goodness, it has been everything.64600:32:43,090 --> 00:32:47,794Seeing people allowing themselves to feel64700:32:47,794 --> 00:32:51,300some emotions that they never process and64800:32:51,300 --> 00:32:55,380just looking for support to walk through64900:32:55,380 --> 00:32:58,934that, it has been amazing. And the other65000:32:58,934 --> 00:33:02,390thing that I've been super blessed to see65100:33:02,390 --> 00:33:05,190is all the opportunities that Pendas Power65200:33:05,190 --> 00:33:09,782has opened up in terms of us reaching a65300:33:09,782 --> 00:33:13,242wider demographic. So initially when I65400:33:13,242 --> 00:33:16,026started writing it, the target audience I65500:33:16,026 --> 00:33:19,226had in mind was the kids. And that's why65600:33:19,226 --> 00:33:21,834the book is a children's book. But also65700:33:21,834 --> 00:33:24,250while I was doing research for it, I65800:33:24,250 --> 00:33:25,806realized many parents were like, we do not65900:33:25,806 --> 00:33:29,226have the tools and resources to have this66000:33:29,226 --> 00:33:31,774conversation. We want to, but how do I66100:33:31,774 --> 00:33:33,918start telling my child about private66200:33:33,918 --> 00:33:37,700parts? Especially when culturally they66300:33:37,700 --> 00:33:40,258themselves didn't get a chance to do that66400:33:40,258 --> 00:33:44,610with their parents? It's taboo. It's66500:33:44,610 --> 00:33:47,238inappropriate. And so even just listening66600:33:47,238 --> 00:33:51,234to parents and the need got us to create a66700:33:51,234 --> 00:33:54,102companion guide for the book. So the book66800:33:54,102 --> 00:33:57,506comes with a companion guide. You scan a66900:33:57,506 --> 00:34:00,594QR code at the back and it takes you to a67000:34:00,594 --> 00:34:03,606companion guide that gives you teach on if67100:34:03,606 --> 00:34:05,226you're talking about private parts, this67200:34:05,226 --> 00:34:07,354is how you approach it. This is how you67300:34:07,354 --> 00:34:09,386start from the familiar things. This is67400:34:09,386 --> 00:34:12,398how you use teachable everyday moments in67500:34:12,398 --> 00:34:16,190your family, in your interactions to model67600:34:16,190 --> 00:34:19,406this conversation. So that in itself is a67700:34:19,406 --> 00:34:22,026whole other resource that came from67800:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,754Pendant Power. And when we were launching67900:34:24,754 --> 00:34:28,210the book, we also released a teacher's68000:34:28,210 --> 00:34:30,434guide because teachers were like, we also68100:34:30,434 --> 00:34:34,030want to be consistent in having these68200:34:34,030 --> 00:34:36,262conversations at the school setting. We68300:34:36,262 --> 00:34:39,766spend a lot of time with Know. So it would68400:34:39,766 --> 00:34:43,366be. Good to also have that ingrained in68500:34:43,366 --> 00:34:47,266the curriculum. So in partnership with68600:34:47,266 --> 00:34:49,690Microsoft, we just created a teacher's68700:34:49,690 --> 00:34:53,686guide that we'll be advertising. So that's68800:34:53,686 --> 00:34:55,594creating an opportunity for us to scale68900:34:55,594 --> 00:34:59,274and reach many more students, many, many69000:34:59,274 --> 00:35:01,706more children and teachers from all over69100:35:01,706 --> 00:35:04,960Kenya and beyond. So it's just been crazy69200:35:04,960 --> 00:35:08,494seeing all of these opportunities that are69300:35:08,494 --> 00:35:12,586just coming up and it's like, oh wow. It69400:35:12,586 --> 00:35:14,786was not just children. It was the parents,69500:35:14,786 --> 00:35:17,762the caregivers, the teachers, institutions69600:35:17,762 --> 00:35:21,262that work with kids. Anyone who is69700:35:21,262 --> 00:35:25,042involved in matters child safety needed69800:35:25,042 --> 00:35:29,030such a resource. So I'm just super69900:35:29,030 --> 00:35:33,014grateful for all the survivors that have70000:35:33,014 --> 00:35:35,266come up and told us, you know what? I am a70100:35:35,266 --> 00:35:37,766survivor of child sexual abuse. I am so70200:35:37,766 --> 00:35:40,518grateful for all the children who have70300:35:40,518 --> 00:35:43,046shared their stories, who have parents70400:35:43,046 --> 00:35:47,146sending us clips of children saying, it's70500:35:47,146 --> 00:35:49,910not okay, Mommy, to keep a secret. Like70600:35:49,910 --> 00:35:53,246children literally articulating some of70700:35:53,246 --> 00:35:55,950the key concepts that we featured in the70800:35:55,950 --> 00:36:03,098book. For me to just affirm the why,70900:36:03,098 --> 00:36:05,826there's been a lot, a lot of feedback of71000:36:05,826 --> 00:36:08,142the impact. And I think this is why many71100:36:08,142 --> 00:36:11,394opportunities are coming up to just scale71200:36:11,394 --> 00:36:13,986and take this information to as many71300:36:13,986 --> 00:36:19,558people as possible. Yeah, it's incredible.71400:36:19,558 --> 00:36:21,842I mean, when you just shared the part71500:36:21,842 --> 00:36:25,046earlier about parents reading it with71600:36:25,046 --> 00:36:27,826their children and realizing they're71700:36:27,826 --> 00:36:29,878telling for the first time what happened71800:36:29,878 --> 00:36:31,498to them and it just gave me chills. I got71900:36:31,498 --> 00:36:33,818a little teary eyed. I mean, it's so72000:36:33,818 --> 00:36:35,674beautiful because that is the impact you72100:36:35,674 --> 00:36:39,146want to see. To give freedom to those who72200:36:39,146 --> 00:36:41,162have been trapped for so long with their72300:36:41,162 --> 00:36:42,874story and having been silenced for all72400:36:42,874 --> 00:36:45,854those years from people who really did not72500:36:45,854 --> 00:36:47,726even ask about what happened or wouldn't72600:36:47,726 --> 00:36:49,278have even listened or believed them, maybe72700:36:49,278 --> 00:36:51,934if they had told. And I do hear over and72800:36:51,934 --> 00:36:56,666over again of moms who were sexually72900:36:56,666 --> 00:36:58,258abused as a child. And then when they have73000:36:58,258 --> 00:37:00,530a daughter that gets to that age, there is73100:37:00,530 --> 00:37:02,990something that happens. Like you73200:37:02,990 --> 00:37:04,594described, whether they were 15 when it73300:37:04,594 --> 00:37:05,922happened, and their daughter gets to be73400:37:05,922 --> 00:37:08,85415. And there's something that kind of73500:37:08,854 --> 00:37:12,002gives them an opportunity to either start73600:37:12,002 --> 00:37:14,226healing or take it to a new level of73700:37:14,226 --> 00:37:17,062healing or even advocacy. I hear people73800:37:17,062 --> 00:37:19,258talking about that at that stage to say,73900:37:19,258 --> 00:37:22,106finally, like, wow, that was wrong. I was74000:37:22,106 --> 00:37:24,538a child. And it was like whether that was74100:37:24,538 --> 00:37:28,698a youth leader or a pastor, especially,74200:37:28,698 --> 00:37:32,110really kind of a new level of advocacy74300:37:32,110 --> 00:37:33,918within those faith communities to protect74400:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,514children, especially in the faith74500:37:35,514 --> 00:37:37,774communities. Because I think over and over74600:37:37,774 --> 00:37:41,738again what we see with either children or74700:37:41,738 --> 00:37:45,138adults that are abused, it's often by74800:37:45,138 --> 00:37:47,758people who are considered what we call do74900:37:47,758 --> 00:37:54,462gooders. So pastors, policemen, teachers,75000:37:54,462 --> 00:37:58,978resource people in the schools, doctors,75100:37:58,978 --> 00:38:01,126so these people that no one would believe75200:38:01,126 --> 00:38:02,534had done anything wrong with because they75300:38:02,534 --> 00:38:05,270do so much good in the world. It is a75400:38:05,270 --> 00:38:07,846place for them to hide and therefore it's75500:38:07,846 --> 00:38:10,134so much harder to be believed. And so the75600:38:10,134 --> 00:38:13,066healing can be so complicated for people.75700:38:13,066 --> 00:38:17,270And so as you're doing this work to both75800:38:17,270 --> 00:38:20,060prevent and respond to sexual violence75900:38:20,060 --> 00:38:23,886within different parts of communities,76000:38:23,886 --> 00:38:26,174what are some of the best practices you76100:38:26,174 --> 00:38:28,590have seen? What are some of the tools that76200:38:28,590 --> 00:38:31,600you're helping people understand and learn76300:38:31,600 --> 00:38:40,720from? So one of the key things that we76400:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,786usually recommend, especially when a76500:38:43,786 --> 00:38:46,754survivor comes to us and they tell us a76600:38:46,754 --> 00:38:51,606survivor, I think the biggest one is being76700:38:51,606 --> 00:38:57,560in a community with other survivors,76800:38:57,560 --> 00:39:01,546because healing happening in isolation is76900:39:01,546 --> 00:39:05,862a lot, it can be overwhelming. You will77000:39:05,862 --> 00:39:08,854constantly feel like you're not moving,77100:39:08,854 --> 00:39:12,942nothing's happening. And so one of the77200:39:12,942 --> 00:39:15,520most important things we try to do is help77300:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,750this survivor, this person who has come to77400:39:18,750 --> 00:39:22,526us to be part of a community. So here in77500:39:22,526 --> 00:39:25,726the States, we do have a support group for77600:39:25,726 --> 00:39:28,546survivors of sexual violence. And in Kenya77700:39:28,546 --> 00:39:31,090as well, we are trying to create more of77800:39:31,090 --> 00:39:33,922these communities of survivors where77900:39:33,922 --> 00:39:36,614people just meet and share their stories78000:39:36,614 --> 00:39:41,506in a dignified way and try to reclaim some78100:39:41,506 --> 00:39:45,650parts of them that were lost with the78200:39:45,650 --> 00:39:49,430trauma. So that has been very key. And of78300:39:49,430 --> 00:39:51,578course, the other part is just helping78400:39:51,578 --> 00:39:54,874them access support services because many78500:39:54,874 --> 00:39:57,626people don't know, many people do not know78600:39:57,626 --> 00:40:01,534that when this happens to you, you can go78700:40:01,534 --> 00:40:05,280to this particular hospital to get free78800:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,882services. There's this network of78900:40:07,882 --> 00:40:12,918counselors that offers free pro bono79000:40:12,918 --> 00:40:15,022counseling services. There are these79100:40:15,022 --> 00:40:19,874lawyers that offer services for you. So I79200:40:19,874 --> 00:40:22,366think what we are grateful for is that79300:40:22,366 --> 00:40:27,190we've been able to become that resource79400:40:27,190 --> 00:40:30,134that helps survivors be connected to79500:40:30,134 --> 00:40:33,350people who are doing the work in the79600:40:33,350 --> 00:40:36,966ground. That has meant growing our network79700:40:36,966 --> 00:40:39,934of referral services, we have a whole79800:40:39,934 --> 00:40:42,854database of these are the people that are79900:40:42,854 --> 00:40:45,546offering counseling services. These are80000:40:45,546 --> 00:40:48,074the hospitals that survivors can go to.80100:40:48,074 --> 00:40:50,910These are the hotlines that survivors can80200:40:50,910 --> 00:40:54,030call. So we've taken time to intentionally80300:40:54,030 --> 00:40:57,930put this data together and to make it80400:40:57,930 --> 00:41:01,678accessible to survivors any communities80500:41:01,678 --> 00:41:04,634that we go to. So that's the other thing,80600:41:04,634 --> 00:41:06,898making sure that they know that support80700:41:06,898 --> 00:41:08,914services are available for them, that they80800:41:08,914 --> 00:41:11,362can access them, and then the next thing,80900:41:11,362 --> 00:41:15,266like helping them be a part of a community81000:41:15,266 --> 00:41:19,410so that their healing can happen together.81100:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,586Hear the stories and you're encouraged,81200:41:21,586 --> 00:41:24,886you're inspired to continue working in81300:41:24,886 --> 00:41:27,686that journey because healing is not easy.81400:41:27,686 --> 00:41:30,586There are days when you're doing so well,81500:41:30,586 --> 00:41:33,386and then there are days where you go back81600:41:33,386 --> 00:41:36,054to those dark places and you feel like you81700:41:36,054 --> 00:41:39,430haven't made any strides. So we really81800:41:39,430 --> 00:41:43,934encourage community and storytelling as a81900:41:43,934 --> 00:41:47,134big part of helping you process the trauma82000:41:47,134 --> 00:41:53,018that happened before. Yeah, storytelling82100:41:53,018 --> 00:41:56,178is so powerful. Just any survivor needs82200:41:56,178 --> 00:41:58,274someone to hear their story and believe82300:41:58,274 --> 00:42:01,220them. And empathize. And every time that82400:42:01,220 --> 00:42:03,634happens, it's a little bit more healing.82500:42:03,634 --> 00:42:06,434And community that's Safe really does play82600:42:06,434 --> 00:42:09,174that role. It's one of the many aspects82700:42:09,174 --> 00:42:11,398that I've seen personally in my own life82800:42:11,398 --> 00:42:13,734and then in the lives of others who are82900:42:13,734 --> 00:42:15,686either trauma survivors or abuse survivors83000:42:15,686 --> 00:42:20,646or both. It is hugely helpful. Yeah. Thank83100:42:20,646 --> 00:42:22,854you so much for all that. You've shared so83200:42:22,854 --> 00:42:25,226vulnerably today. I know it's really going83300:42:25,226 --> 00:42:27,260to resonate with so many people that83400:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,914listen, both in Africa, we have a lot of83500:42:29,914 --> 00:42:32,026people who listen in Africa, kenya,83600:42:32,026 --> 00:42:34,958Nigeria, a bunch of different places and83700:42:34,958 --> 00:42:36,862also all around the world. Because these83800:42:36,862 --> 00:42:39,738things are not exclusive to one country,83900:42:39,738 --> 00:42:41,230they're not exclusive to one faith84000:42:41,230 --> 00:42:43,214community, they're not exclusive to one84100:42:43,214 --> 00:42:45,646type of school system or government. This84200:42:45,646 --> 00:42:49,106is a global issue. And I'm so grateful84300:42:49,106 --> 00:42:50,546that you have written this book and I do84400:42:50,546 --> 00:42:52,702hope it gets into the hands of people84500:42:52,702 --> 00:42:55,442everywhere that can help children to have84600:42:55,442 --> 00:42:57,218these conversations with their caregivers84700:42:57,218 --> 00:42:59,206and their parents. Because I know when I84800:42:59,206 --> 00:43:01,400was raising my children when they were84900:43:01,400 --> 00:43:04,534little, we were given some tools and I do85000:43:04,534 --> 00:43:06,454feel so privileged that we were. But85100:43:06,454 --> 00:43:07,926having a book like yours to walk through85200:43:07,926 --> 00:43:08,966with our children would have been that85300:43:08,966 --> 00:43:11,066much better. We had little conversations85400:43:11,066 --> 00:43:12,346like don't let somebody touch you where85500:43:12,346 --> 00:43:14,154your bathing suit would cover. And don't85600:43:14,154 --> 00:43:16,586keep secrets. We did have access to some85700:43:16,586 --> 00:43:20,234of those resources. And you do worry85800:43:20,234 --> 00:43:21,722because, you know, even though you've85900:43:21,722 --> 00:43:24,294given your child tools, that there are86000:43:24,294 --> 00:43:27,386people out there that can so easily take86100:43:27,386 --> 00:43:29,086advantage of them. So this book is so86200:43:29,086 --> 00:43:30,974beautiful and it's going to prevent so86300:43:30,974 --> 00:43:32,654much and I'm so grateful that you wrote86400:43:32,654 --> 00:43:35,680it. So thank you for your time today. Is86500:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,506there any last thing you would. Like to86600:43:37,506 --> 00:43:39,426say to our audience and. Also let people86700:43:39,426 --> 00:43:41,106know where they can find you and more of86800:43:41,106 --> 00:43:45,286your writing and speaking? Well, I think86900:43:45,286 --> 00:43:50,594my call to action would be, do not let87000:43:50,594 --> 00:43:54,934fear paralyze you. Because I think looking87100:43:54,934 --> 00:43:57,426back at that moment when I had my87200:43:57,426 --> 00:44:00,602daughter, I had so much fear. I had so87300:44:00,602 --> 00:44:04,346much fear of like, oh, my goodness. But I87400:44:04,346 --> 00:44:07,658had the choice of just letting that fear87500:44:07,658 --> 00:44:11,162control me and stagnate me. And I had this87600:44:11,162 --> 00:44:14,206other choice of doing something about it.87700:44:14,206 --> 00:44:17,680And I know sometimes it may feel like a87800:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,850lot because even for me, at that point, I87900:44:19,850 --> 00:44:22,494didn't even know I could write a book.88000:44:22,494 --> 00:44:26,450Even when I was telling our founder this88100:44:26,450 --> 00:44:29,634idea, I thought someone else would do it.88200:44:29,634 --> 00:44:31,666But then she was like, you are the one88300:44:31,666 --> 00:44:35,006with the vision. You will figure it out.88400:44:35,006 --> 00:44:38,722Figure it out. Start something. And so my88500:44:38,722 --> 00:44:41,990encouragement for anyone who's listening,88600:44:41,990 --> 00:44:45,862whatever it is that you're grappling with,88700:44:45,862 --> 00:44:48,922just start somewhere. Start where you are88800:44:48,922 --> 00:44:52,986at and do not let fear stop you. Because I88900:44:52,986 --> 00:44:56,246feel like some of the most awesome89000:44:56,246 --> 00:44:58,374innovations in this world. Some of the89100:44:58,374 --> 00:45:04,094biggest change makers, they chose to act.89200:45:04,094 --> 00:45:10,266For me, I feel like even in this quest of89300:45:10,266 --> 00:45:14,346ending sexual violence, we cannot be89400:45:14,346 --> 00:45:16,786passive. We cannot just hear, listen to89500:45:16,786 --> 00:45:19,122all of the stories that are happening and89600:45:19,122 --> 00:45:20,766watch the news and be like, oh my God,89700:45:20,766 --> 00:45:25,374that's terrible. No. We have to actively89800:45:25,374 --> 00:45:27,270participate in making sure that it's not89900:45:27,270 --> 00:45:30,018happening in our houses, in our90000:45:30,018 --> 00:45:32,440neighborhoods, in our community as a90100:45:32,440 --> 00:45:35,366whole. You have to make the choice to call90200:45:35,366 --> 00:45:38,838it out when you see it, to hold people90300:45:38,838 --> 00:45:42,874accountable, to speak up whenever you hear90400:45:42,874 --> 00:45:46,650a belief that perpetrates the culture of90500:45:46,650 --> 00:45:49,914violence, all of that. You have to make90600:45:49,914 --> 00:45:52,062the choice to speak up. You have to lean90700:45:52,062 --> 00:45:55,166into courage, just like Pendo, and use90800:45:55,166 --> 00:45:58,814your voice to call out any forms of abuse90900:45:58,814 --> 00:46:02,270that you see. So that is my biggest91000:46:02,270 --> 00:46:05,474encouragement. Pendostawa is now available91100:46:05,474 --> 00:46:08,786in Kenya and the United States. In Kenya,91200:46:08,786 --> 00:46:13,346you can find it in any textbook center.91300:46:13,346 --> 00:46:20,920You can also order on our website, kenya91400:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,430Pendospower.com. And then here in the91500:46:23,430 --> 00:46:27,010United States. It will be available on91600:46:27,010 --> 00:46:30,714Amazon in a month. But currently orders91700:46:30,714 --> 00:46:37,738are being made on Buy Kindofower.com, buy91800:46:37,738 --> 00:46:40,054Pendofower.com. You can also follow us on91900:46:40,054 --> 00:46:43,966our socials to be updated on everything92000:46:43,966 --> 00:46:47,738that we're doing and all our socials are92100:46:47,738 --> 00:46:50,590Freely in Hope. Freely in hope on92200:46:50,590 --> 00:46:54,958Instagram. Freely in hope on Facebook.92300:46:54,958 --> 00:46:57,842Freely in hope on Twitter. So you can92400:46:57,842 --> 00:47:00,562follow us and you can also check out our92500:47:00,562 --> 00:47:05,410website, which is WW freelyinhope.org to92600:47:05,410 --> 00:47:08,774just access all of these awesome resources92700:47:08,774 --> 00:47:11,442that are featured there. Our website is a92800:47:11,442 --> 00:47:14,040resource gallo. As you can tell. We love92900:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,850to provide resources that educate93000:47:16,850 --> 00:47:18,626communities about all of these things.93100:47:18,626 --> 00:47:21,366Trauma informed parenting, trauma informed93200:47:21,366 --> 00:47:24,586caregiving, how do you respond, all of93300:47:24,586 --> 00:47:26,954that. Just check out our website and you93400:47:26,954 --> 00:47:29,386get access to a lot of very good93500:47:29,386 --> 00:47:35,374information that will help you take. Yeah,93600:47:35,374 --> 00:47:37,566thank you. Lydia, it's been so wonderful93700:47:37,566 --> 00:47:39,806to hear your story today. Thank you so93800:47:39,806 --> 00:47:41,694much for vulnerably, sharing it, and for93900:47:41,694 --> 00:47:45,134your courage to not only heal yourself,94000:47:45,134 --> 00:47:47,266but also to warn and protect others and94100:47:47,266 --> 00:47:49,090give people resources to protect94200:47:49,090 --> 00:47:51,970themselves and their children from any94300:47:51,970 --> 00:47:53,810future abuse. So thank you for being on94400:47:53,810 --> 00:47:55,966today. Thank you for having me. This has94500:47:55,966 --> 00:48:00,200been amazing, very reflective, going back94600:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,662and looking at the journey. It has been94700:48:02,662 --> 00:48:04,600awesome. So thank you so much for having94800:48:04,600 --> 00:48:06,886me. Looking forward to more interactions94900:48:06,886 --> 00:48:10,882in the future. That conversation was so95000:48:10,882 --> 00:48:14,346vulnerable and so special. Bye. And I hope95100:48:14,346 --> 00:48:16,538that you're listening and recognizing what95200:48:16,538 --> 00:48:18,954a treasure it is to have someone share95300:48:18,954 --> 00:48:23,294their story so vulnerably so openly, as95400:48:23,294 --> 00:48:27,454she mentioned. Many in fact, it seems as95500:48:27,454 --> 00:48:29,306though the majority of people who've95600:48:29,306 --> 00:48:33,250walked through abuse and trauma never,95700:48:33,250 --> 00:48:36,914ever share. Especially in cases like what95800:48:36,914 --> 00:48:40,814she mentioned, where cultures are95900:48:40,814 --> 00:48:43,026silencing, especially little girls and96000:48:43,026 --> 00:48:45,826women who've experienced sexual abuse and96100:48:45,826 --> 00:48:48,870blaming them for what they wore, blaming96200:48:48,870 --> 00:48:52,306them for doing something that would96300:48:52,306 --> 00:48:54,646somehow entice their own abuse to happen96400:48:54,646 --> 00:48:58,166to them, even as children, even as a five96500:48:58,166 --> 00:49:01,818year old girl, those things happen. And so96600:49:01,818 --> 00:49:04,300I don't know if you ever saw there was96700:49:04,300 --> 00:49:07,034this exhibit that was going around a few96800:49:07,034 --> 00:49:09,194years ago where it just showed the outfits96900:49:09,194 --> 00:49:11,118little girls and women had been wearing at97000:49:11,118 --> 00:49:14,446the time of their own sexual assault. And97100:49:14,446 --> 00:49:16,318it was horrifying to look at because none97200:49:16,318 --> 00:49:18,954of them were what any of us would consider97300:49:18,954 --> 00:49:24,466overly sexualized. But also, one of them97400:49:24,466 --> 00:49:26,114was so horrifying because it was like a97500:49:26,114 --> 00:49:29,614little baby girl swimsuit that was just97600:49:29,614 --> 00:49:33,410awful to see. Some of them were like97700:49:33,410 --> 00:49:37,160sweatshirts. The point being, even if it97800:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,922was a very sexy outfit that a woman was97900:49:39,922 --> 00:49:43,510wearing, it does not invite her own sexual98000:49:43,510 --> 00:49:47,262assault. And so we have a way of victim98100:49:47,262 --> 00:49:50,294blaming abuse of every kind. Not just98200:49:50,294 --> 00:49:53,594sexual abuse, but victim blaming people98300:49:53,594 --> 00:49:55,766for emotional abuse, psychological abuse,98400:49:55,766 --> 00:49:57,754spiritual abuse, financial abuse. Often98500:49:57,754 --> 00:50:00,358things will be said, well, why did you98600:50:00,358 --> 00:50:02,586blank? As if something they had done98700:50:02,586 --> 00:50:05,566evoked that response from an abuser,98800:50:05,566 --> 00:50:08,666especially when it's a woman victim and a98900:50:08,666 --> 00:50:11,886male abuser. And also, even if it's not,99000:50:11,886 --> 00:50:14,602when there's a power dynamic differential,99100:50:14,602 --> 00:50:16,526often it's even more likely that the99200:50:16,526 --> 00:50:19,166victim will be blamed. And so all of this99300:50:19,166 --> 00:50:22,580helps us to be aware. And awareness is99400:50:22,580 --> 00:50:25,414key. The more we spread the truth, the99500:50:25,414 --> 00:50:27,862more we value transparency, the more we99600:50:27,862 --> 00:50:31,314create psychological safety for victim99700:50:31,314 --> 00:50:34,054survivors of abuse to share their story,99800:50:34,054 --> 00:50:36,566to believe them, to empathize with them,99900:50:36,566 --> 00:50:38,906and to advocate on their behalf. Because100000:50:38,906 --> 00:50:42,522this is not a role victims should be the100100:50:42,522 --> 00:50:45,590only ones playing. And that's one of100200:50:45,590 --> 00:50:49,194advocacy. Many advocates that I know are100300:50:49,194 --> 00:50:52,070themselves victim survivors, but not100400:50:52,070 --> 00:50:53,994exclusively are all advocates victim100500:50:53,994 --> 00:50:57,742survivors themselves. But it does seem so.100600:50:57,742 --> 00:50:59,438Often the brunt of this work is carried on100700:50:59,438 --> 00:51:01,290the backs of those who are the most100800:51:01,290 --> 00:51:04,622traumatized by what has happened then it's100900:51:04,622 --> 00:51:07,154being the victim survivors of abuse. So we101000:51:07,154 --> 00:51:09,714need more allies. We need more people who101100:51:09,714 --> 00:51:11,762help carry this load who are not actually101200:51:11,762 --> 00:51:13,262still walking through the trauma of101300:51:13,262 --> 00:51:17,086experiencing it. And so the bravery of a101400:51:17,086 --> 00:51:19,542woman like her coming on the show to not101500:51:19,542 --> 00:51:21,734only share her own experience but to speak101600:51:21,734 --> 00:51:24,966out and be an advocate, help people find101700:51:24,966 --> 00:51:27,506best practices to how to heal and then101800:51:27,506 --> 00:51:30,182writing a book to help prevent is just so101900:51:30,182 --> 00:51:33,066powerful and so amazing, so honored to102000:51:33,066 --> 00:51:34,886have her on the show today. And I'm really102100:51:34,886 --> 00:51:36,314wondering how you're resonating with what102200:51:36,314 --> 00:51:40,154she said. It certainly impacted me. Like I102300:51:40,154 --> 00:51:42,454said, I got chills and I got a little102400:51:42,454 --> 00:51:44,026teary eyed at one point when she was102500:51:44,026 --> 00:51:46,398sharing about a parent reading that book102600:51:46,398 --> 00:51:48,286and then understanding their own abuse102700:51:48,286 --> 00:51:49,790that they had not really ever spoken102800:51:49,790 --> 00:51:51,994about. And people listening to this102900:51:51,994 --> 00:51:53,546podcast, many of you may have carried103000:51:53,546 --> 00:51:56,466abuse for years and never told anyone. And103100:51:56,466 --> 00:51:59,314if that's you, I really do hope that you103200:51:59,314 --> 00:52:02,226find someone safe to speak to and reach103300:52:02,226 --> 00:52:05,794out to them, whether it's a therapist that103400:52:05,794 --> 00:52:07,970will keep that confidential and once103500:52:07,970 --> 00:52:10,294again, BetterHelp.com Difference can be a103600:52:10,294 --> 00:52:12,566place where you can get some help 10% off103700:52:12,566 --> 00:52:14,614your first month. But even if it's a103800:52:14,614 --> 00:52:18,120friend, even if it's somebody you meet103900:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,546through social media that's experienced104000:52:20,546 --> 00:52:22,106abuse themselves and that you could share104100:52:22,106 --> 00:52:25,738that with yeah. It's so powerful to be104200:52:25,738 --> 00:52:27,322able to. Speak it out loud. And many104300:52:27,322 --> 00:52:29,642people find healing by being able to104400:52:29,642 --> 00:52:32,106finally share it with people who will104500:52:32,106 --> 00:52:35,430listen, believe you and empathize with104600:52:35,430 --> 00:52:37,086what you went through. It's so much a part104700:52:37,086 --> 00:52:39,086of healing. So I love the work that she's104800:52:39,086 --> 00:52:40,666doing in community and the narrative,104900:52:40,666 --> 00:52:42,766method and storytelling about all of this.105000:52:42,766 --> 00:52:44,622It really helps to have a support group of105100:52:44,622 --> 00:52:46,498people. If you can find that, not105200:52:46,498 --> 00:52:50,914everybody can. But for those of you who105300:52:50,914 --> 00:52:53,154have never told anyone, yeah, my heart105400:52:53,154 --> 00:52:55,090goes out to you today and I do hope you105500:52:55,090 --> 00:52:57,106find a space where you can feel free just105600:52:57,106 --> 00:52:59,050to open up a little bit and not have to105700:52:59,050 --> 00:53:02,678carry that burden by yourself. Also, we go105800:53:02,678 --> 00:53:04,550a little bit deeper with her in the105900:53:04,550 --> 00:53:06,018Difference Maker community. So if you106000:53:06,018 --> 00:53:07,730haven't joined us there, you can go to106100:53:07,730 --> 00:53:12,346Patreon Comaworldofdifference. For only $5106200:53:12,346 --> 00:53:15,786a month, you could join our group and106300:53:15,786 --> 00:53:18,266there are extra content that's exclusive106400:53:18,266 --> 00:53:21,034for this group. She stops in there and I106500:53:21,034 --> 00:53:22,950ask her a little more about some of the106600:53:22,950 --> 00:53:25,642practices that she has found helpful for106700:53:25,642 --> 00:53:28,602herself and her own healing. And a sneak106800:53:28,602 --> 00:53:30,302peek, we get a little bit into some of the106900:53:30,302 --> 00:53:32,574right brain stuff that's been helpful for107000:53:32,574 --> 00:53:35,054her and that's some of my new findings107100:53:35,054 --> 00:53:36,990personally is how much right brain107200:53:36,990 --> 00:53:40,274activities can be so key in our healing,107300:53:40,274 --> 00:53:43,374our bodies and our brains and nervous107400:53:43,374 --> 00:53:45,698systems that still kind of carry and keep107500:53:45,698 --> 00:53:47,314the score. And so she talks through a lot107600:53:47,314 --> 00:53:51,174of things that she's been doing and it's a107700:53:51,174 --> 00:53:52,886fun conversation at the same time. So I107800:53:52,886 --> 00:53:55,782hope you join us there. Once again,107900:53:55,782 --> 00:53:57,238Patreon.com Slash, a World of Difference108000:53:57,238 --> 00:53:58,934where you can come and join us, check us108100:53:58,934 --> 00:54:00,278out, check us out for a month and see what108200:54:00,278 --> 00:54:02,106you think. There's a lot of extra content108300:54:02,106 --> 00:54:04,026in there with all of our different guests108400:54:04,026 --> 00:54:06,746and we do a little fun things sometimes108500:54:06,746 --> 00:54:08,586where I put in some Lori's travel tips108600:54:08,586 --> 00:54:11,274from the different places I've been and108700:54:11,274 --> 00:54:13,162love for you to chime in on those too. So,108800:54:13,162 --> 00:54:15,086yeah, it's a little bit of deep, a little108900:54:15,086 --> 00:54:17,022bit of fun in our Difference Maker109000:54:17,022 --> 00:54:19,198community so I'd love to have you join us.109100:54:19,198 --> 00:54:20,846Anyway, I know a lot of you are carrying109200:54:20,846 --> 00:54:23,614some pretty heavy loads. If this has been109300:54:23,614 --> 00:54:25,646a podcast that's been helpful for you and109400:54:25,646 --> 00:54:27,394you feel like you know someone that really109500:54:27,394 --> 00:54:29,106could benefit from this conversation109600:54:29,106 --> 00:54:31,794today, please share it with them. That's109700:54:31,794 --> 00:54:34,594one way you can make a difference. Also109800:54:34,594 --> 00:54:35,906another way you can make a difference is109900:54:35,906 --> 00:54:37,634it really does, for whatever reason help110000:54:37,634 --> 00:54:40,914people find us when you give us a review.110100:54:40,914 --> 00:54:42,086So I don't know what happens with all110200:54:42,086 --> 00:54:43,826those algorithms, but when you go to110300:54:43,826 --> 00:54:45,206wherever you're listening your podcast and110400:54:45,206 --> 00:54:46,694just take a couple of seconds, it doesn't110500:54:46,694 --> 00:54:48,262take long, but it can make a huge110600:54:48,262 --> 00:54:49,798difference to just give us a review and110700:54:49,798 --> 00:54:51,094let us know what you think. And it helps110800:54:51,094 --> 00:54:52,802other people find us to have these110900:54:52,802 --> 00:54:55,126conversations with us. So yeah would love111000:54:55,126 --> 00:54:58,246that. Once again, it's a wild month for a111100:54:58,246 --> 00:55:01,646lot of people. Lots going on. So take care111200:55:01,646 --> 00:55:03,470of yourself and wherever you are in the